What would you do when face with the ultimatum.

[Rachel B]

I think people ought to get a more open-minded view on things, rather than the "typical" seeing it only from one perspective (mainly the crossdressers )

Self-confidence, self-respect, in fact anything that begins with the word SELF refers to the individual, and does NOT include, nor will it ever involve, anyone else. So NO-ONE can take away your self-(fill in the missing blank) but YOU! Just as NO-ONE can give you your self-blah-de-blah but YOU!

An ultimatum is a gun to your head. So look at it another way, would you kill your dog if someone told you to? Would you jump off a building if someone told you to? Just because they dont approve of it! Well WOULD YA?

Another thing......If you can stop crossdressing the answer my friend is simple, YOU have a FETISH and are a FETISHIST! So enjoy your FETISHISM (sheesh, sound like I've had a bottle of J&B, hmmm, J&B ) and jump on a different bandwagon. For the rest of us, WE are CROSSDRESSERS, who dress because we have a compunction to do so. Science has discovered a gene which could be the control for this, a gene which non-CD's do not have. So the answer may be there, or it may lay somewhere else.

Pity they havent found a gene which gives some of us better dress sense, maybe a lot of the issues we have would disappear then? :

I have often thought about what I'd do if I were given an ultimatum, and you know what? I'd shoot the dog

Seriously, I'd throw an equally ridiculous ultimatum straight back.......Something like, "I'll stop when you lop off your right leg and allow me to call you Stumpy when we're having sex!"

My
Rach

[battybattybats]

Another thing......If you can stop crossdressing the answer my friend is simple, YOU have a FETISH and are a FETISHIST! So enjoy your FETISHISM (sheesh, sound like I've had a bottle of J&B, hmmm, J&B ) and jump on a different bandwagon.

Technically not so. A fetish isn't a kink. A kink is something sexual one enjoys occassionally that is different. A sexual fetish is something someone requires for sexual fullfillment, so a sexual fetish cannot easilly be given up. Remember the word fetish is not just sexual, its a religious term too as well as both a sexual and non-sexual psychological one, like a security blanket needed to get to sleep etc.

For the rest of us, WE are CROSSDRESSERS, who dress because we have a compunction to do so.

Fetishists also have compunctions. Also many repressed parts of the self come out via sex first. being gay isnt just about sex but about love romance and commitment, but it usually shows up in sexual desire first if its been repressed. So we should expect a significant number of sexual dressers will turn out to be mor than just sexual dressers once they gain more self acceptance.

Science has discovered a gene which could be the control for this, a gene which non-CD's do not have.

You are in serious error. The gene was found to be more common in transsexuals than non-transexuals. Not all transsexuals had the gene and plenty of non-transsexuals had the gene. But it is much more conmon amongst transsexuals meaning it is a factor which contributes. Just like the breast cancer gene. You can have that without getting breast cancer and you can get breast cancer without the gene but if you have the breast cancer gene you have about a 10% higher chance that you'll get breast cancer!

Now there are structural female brain architectures like the neuron count of the lymbic nucleus that are much more often found amongst MtF transsexuals and that does support a biological causation being the most common cause of being transsexual, but even that is based on small studies thus far.

These studies have not been done on crossdressers! So we cannot say that they do or do not apply to us too! Neurological variation is common, such as severe and mild autism, so there is a high chance that CDs are mild cases of TS but that is specualtion, an educated guess, a reasonable supposition but its about 10-20 years of science requiring thousands maybe even millions of dollers and many volunteer test subjects including the donating of corpses to science (some of those brain-architecture re****s were based upon autopsies!) away before we can state conclusively that CD is thusly caused!

Pity they havent found a gene which gives some of us better dress sense, maybe a lot of the issues we have would disappear then? :

There is some evidence that IQ is partly inherited, but breast feeding for longer raises the IQ higher than that variation. Learning philosophy is another help as is encouraging questioning learning rather than authoritarian wrote learning... I suggest to you that these are far more important than dress sense as the latter is culturally variable and even subculturally variable so is utterly subjective in its entirety and cannot be considered objective or universal in the slightest. Beyond that individual free expression is a fundamental human right and in fact the most overt use of and therefore projection of that set of rights making individual fashion freedom arguably the very front line of justice fairness and equality. And one cannot judge and criticise let alone restrict the use of that right by others without invalidating your own freedom to such rights and if that is invalidated the founfation principles of the whole system of liberty equality and rights is invalidated!

Meaning that if you dont defend the rights of Goths and Tokyo shopping district fashions and the Fetishists no matter that you don't personally wear that stuff or like it or get it at all, even if you dislike it, then you have no valid claim to any human civil or political rights as all of those depend on equality and liberty and mutual recognition of that state in others!

[LA CINDY LOVE]

TSSSS...
someone give me an oldtomato and I would tell like this -
Keep aggrivating me about it and I will get really stupid with it, like dressing as John Goodman in drag!

If someone really wanted to leave my life cause of my dressing, I would tell them I will personally hold the door for them.

I am me, and one has 2 choices -
take it, or
leave it.

It is so sad to see that many Cd's value there crossdressing more then there family...but what that tells me is they are single and do NOT have a family to value.

Married Cd's who are face with the ultimatum do NOT just turn and walk away from there family they fight back, they try very very hard to keep the family together and do try there very best to stop or cut down on there dressing and at the same time get some counseling....some times it all works out.....and some times it dose not.

But what that shows is they DO value there family more then there crossdressing.


LA CINDY LOVE

[sarahNZ]

In my case she didn't care if it would be easy or not, she just wanted to spare herself the potential embarisment if one of her friends found out.

[NicoleScott]

The topic seems to have morphed from "what to do when faced with an ultimatum" to "is it possible to stop?"
Regarding the ultimatum:
Sometimes people will issue an ultimatum because they want others to make a decision they themselves are unwilling to make.
If you issue an ultimatum and don't like the outcome, blame yourself. You gave a set of choices, and one was taken. Never give someone a choice you don't want them to take.
On the other hand, if you're given choices, take one. You can choose to feel trapped by the ultimatum, or liberated.
Regarding whether you can stop cd-ing:
How many of us have said "I tried, I purged, I got therapy, I made promises...but I'm back", and how many ex-cd's do you know of?

[Satrana]

Some people here seem to think that if an ultimatum is directed at a CD then the answer is to treat the crossdressing. Is it not obvious that the answer is to treat the reasons why a partner would feel the need to resort to an ultimatum?

We need to keep our heads straight. There is nothing wrong in crossdressing, the wrong is in the issuance of an ultimatum. The issue to be addressed is the partner's feelings through some form of counciling.

[battybattybats]

It is so sad to see that many Cd's value there crossdressing more then there family...but what that tells me is they are single and do NOT have a family to value.

I think your missunderstanding the views of others. They are not valueing the CDing more than the family. They are recognising the false dichotomy of the ultimatum. It is an unsolvable question. A load of hooey. It is like being told you must turn the moon into cheese by midnight or your family will be executed. It is a paradox. A devil and the deep.

If someone says: 'which of your loved ones do you want me to torture to death, your wife or your mother' the correct answer is not one or the other but 'None!'.

The very issuing of the ultimatum is itself a betrayal, an abandonment.

Married Cd's who are face with the ultimatum do NOT just turn and walk away from there family they fight back, they try very very hard to keep the family together and do try there very best to stop or cut down on there dressing and at the same time get some counseling....some times it all works out.....and some times it dose not.

We cant assume all married CDs are the same just as we can't assume all SO's are the same. As has been pointed out many disabled people are abandoned by their spouses.

But what that shows is they DO value there family more then there crossdressing.

By that reasoning the existence of the Ultimatum shows then that the SO does not value their family more than their issues with their husbands CDing!

In which case a CD who does walk away is at worst, at absolute worst in that case only as bad as the SO who issued the Ultimatum!!!

[gwen cd]

This is becoming a very interesting and heated debate!

I personly think it lies with the indiviual how they feel about it.
For some painted toe nails is enough to satisfy the inner woman.
for some they are not happy without going the whole way.
some dress once a month, some all day every day.:day dreaming:

I don't think that if your S.O. or any wanted to put a stop to it they would not be able to as the yearning lies beneath.
You could just hide it from them like many do.:

The most important person in your life is yourself....
So I say NO. I would not stop, maby cut down to a certain degree but not stop.........

[Omjessi]

In my honest opinion, if my SO (pretty much my wife) told me quit dressing up or I'll leave, I believe that I would continue behind her back. I really don't think I could ever find a woman like her ever again and she is the mother of my child, so her leaving would most likely detroy me completely, but her giving me an ultimatum is her saying that she's already come to terms with leaving. That's as much deception as cross-dressing behind her back, though I think a bit more emotionally damaging. If she can seperate from me to ask me that question, then we already need help.

[trisha59]

try there very best to stop or cut down on there dressing and at the same time get some counseling LA CINDY LOVE

How can you counsel someone when there is nothing wrong?

Some people here seem to think that if an ultimatum is directed at a CD then the answer is to treat the crossdressing. Is it not obvious that the answer is to treat the reasons why a partner would feel the need to resort to an ultimatum?

We need to keep our heads straight. There is nothing wrong in crossdressing, the wrong is in the issuance of an ultimatum. The issue to be addressed is the partner's feelings through some form of counciling.

Now in this instance there is something to counsel. Why someone in a committed relationship would issue a ultimatum