additional benefits in having a crossdressing husband

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

In another thread, I made this statement:

"If only your SO knew the additional benefits of having a crossdressing man in her life could bring her. It truly is the best of both worlds, and then some."

After reading a response asking "tell me what are they", I started to wonder if only I feel additional benefits. Maybe my wife does not feel the same, so I asked her.

I'm a little nervous talking about this because I fear resentment from some who do not have accepting SO's. Please understand that I mean well in my posts and statements. I'm NOT EVER saying "look at all that I have and you do not". I AM TRYING TO offer a little inspiration to those who may not see the light at the end of the cd tunnel.

Before I get in to it, I should explain that my wife is an attractive woman with a very feminine and girly sense of style and self presentation. She's no spring chicken and not a supermodel by any means, but she does regularly get hit on when she's out and about. The main point is my wife is very feminine and loves makeup, ultra feminine clothes, girly styles, etc. She is not in any way, shape or form into gg's (the thought of touching another gg sexually grosses her out), but she is fascinated with how a man can transform himself into the appearance of an attractive woman. The benefits in having a crossdressing husband will probably never be realized by women who are more in to macho men or a very manly-man, or are not very girly themselves. Of course, if they are not open-minded at all, none of it will matter until their mind has been opened a little.

Some of the additional benefits as explained by my wife:

After I asked her what they are, she started out by immediately coming over to me, putting her arms around me and telling me how she loves to see me in miniskirts and loves to be able to put her hands all over my body. She went on in great detail about this so I'll spare you. Obviously, benefit number one to her is how attractive she finds me when I'm all dressed up. This particular theme sets up the next.

As she continued talking about how she loves to see me dressed up, she continued getting into how much better our sex life has gotten since I came out to her. Our sex life was not lacking before (honest), but we both agree fully that sex while crossdressed is something neither one of us can adequately put into words. I've used the words "beautiful insanity" before, but I'm not sure how else to describe what the experience is really like.

I asked her if that was it - basically just that she loved how I looked when crossdressed and the amazing sex life we share. She said no - she really enjoys shopping a lot more now. She's always been into clothes shopping (as many women are), but now she enjoys looking for things for her girl Gabrielle as well. Rarely is she out shopping these days without finding things she specifically has in mind for me. That's a major benefit for me, yes, but she really enjoys that part a lot. It brings her great joy shopping for her husband's other side. She knows how happy it will make me and that she'll enjoy seeing me in the new pretty clothes she brings home.

Our conversation continued while she painted my toenails. She LOVES participating in my crossdressing. There's another benefit we both enjoy very much. Although she encourages me to learn how to paint my own toenails (which I often do), she does enjoy doing it for me as well. It's a fun activity for her. She's always painting her own nails (fingers and toes). She's really into doing nails and looking pretty. It makes perfect sense that she enjoys doing my nails for me. Today while doing my nails, she shared a story with me she has shared before. The man she was with before me was not a cd. One time while he was asleep, she painted his toenails. When he awoke, he was furious and said "Oh my God - you did my nails! That's for faggots!" Note the quotes - that is exactly how she recalled it. I asked her twice. Yes, the man is a big homophobe.

My wife does my makeup. She loves transforming her husband "Gabe" into her girlfriend "Gabrielle". She's even expressed that she doesn't want me to go get my makeup done professionally because she enjoys doing it herself so much. I think it is a fairly personal thing to her. She wants to be the one to help with my transformation. That's fine by me. I rather enjoy her doing my makeup. Odd as it may sound, when she's working on my face and/or nails, it is kind of a close, lovey-dovey thing we both enjoy.

At the risk of making this "benefits" posting too long, I'd wrap this up soon. For my wife, the benefits mostly centered around her enjoyment of shopping for, transforming, spending time with, and being close to Gabrielle, not to mention how much she loves sex with her man, who's also her tgirl. We both seem to prefer cd sex over non-cd sex (although we have our share of non-cd sex as well). Btw - she's usually dressed up very sexy during sex as well.

She loves my man-side. She loves to see me come home from work in my nice button-down shirts, or as she calls them "my handsome shirts". She loves to see me in a shirt and tie. She loves my somewhat muscular body (which actually limits how feminine I can look when dressed up). She loves her man to the core. But she equally loves my feminine side. She loves seeing me dressed up as a woman and all aspects of the transformation. She loves teaching me how to walk more feminine in heels. She loves that I can look like a woman, and still perform like a man. Perhaps most of all, she loves to see me light up the room when I'll all dressed up - she loves to see me happy.

There you have it. A few of the benefits as talked about by my own wife: a beautiful gg with a big heart and the love of my life. I hope sharing this offers more inspiration than frustration.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Fully understand and congrats....let her share in it and don't push to fast...make it a two person journey and enjoy it each and everyday.....

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

She sounds like a gem, love her and be all she needs and wants. I could only wish I had someone like her to share my life with...

[Prissy Linda]

I have known my wife since we were in 9th grade, she always knew she wanted to be a Beautician. So after graduating from high schools she went to Beauty College and worked part time in a salon cleaning up and restocking supplies at night. After we finished she would sit me down in a chair and go over what she had been learning at school, of course I loved every minute. She liked having a boyfriend she could experiment on, she would shape my eyebrows, polish my nails and do my makeup and style my long hair then we would go for a ride in the car and go to a drive up window and get something to drink just to see if anyone recognized me.

She has always been a girly girl so having a husband who shares the same interests works for both of us. If she is out of a beauty product or needs something different to wear she knows that there is a good possiblity that I might have something she will like. We both have similar taste and style although I do tend to dress a bit sexier than she does, she winks and says I am girlier than she is. We enjoy going to Denver Colorado for an entire weekend of Girl Time since where we live we have family and friends that would likely see us.

[Jacquilynne]

It is nice to have a loving wife that is accepting of your dressing and seems to almost encourage it. Very sweet! The relationship you both share is wonderful, honest and supportive. Enjoy it and nurture it everyday

My wife is also accepting and supportive of my dressing . . . we have talked and discussed my dressing desires at length and although I am just starting to try to find my balance she's figured me out even before I could. She has figured out that I'm wanting to explore my feminine side more than just occasional dressing and she is accepting of that as well. I am so blessed to have such an understanding soulmate. . . I love her!

Jacie

[KarenS]

Wow Gabrielle. You seem to have a simply wonderful situation. I don't take offense at all. I am inspired and stories like yours give me hope that little by little my wife will become more understanding and open. I have stated before that she knows I dress because I have climbed between the sheets wearing lingerie. I believe she see it as more of a fetish.

Thanks for the post. I want to hear more from the others too.

[justmetoo]

I don't see any offense in your post. Sometimes it seems like yours is a rare wonderful situation, with a wife who loves to participate in this stuff (not unheard of, though).
Treasure each other (it sounds like you do)!

[2b.Lauren]

Again, I agree with the others, it is very nice to read your story. I think it is wonderful that you and some of the others have that level of support. I am not sure if I will ever get to that level, but again one step at a time. I am just happy that I have revisited the issue with her and that she totally knows that I am dressing again. I guess in the long run that is the very first step to many other opportunities inthe future.

[loren]

Hi Gabrielle, im so pleased you put in that post,it's very much the same for my partner and i.And i think its so important for others to be reading positive posts like yours.
Like yourself i would worry a little that others are maybe thinking its just boasting if they are alone right now or feeling down for not having that kind of support and love,but like you said thats not the intention.
A positive post like yours is (a) showing SO's out there who are finding it difficult, that it can be a good thing,and lots of fun with it.And to get to the point, i would far rather my partner not lie and hide and be unhappy in himself for having to do so.
Before G opened up to me, i loved him terribly, but he realy wasnt happy in himself,and it realy did effect our relationship,amongst other things in his life.Now i couldnt want or ask for more in him.He's more honest, attentive,and loving.
Its been hard,and at times confusing,isnt any relationship! but for the most, its been fantastic.
And (b) i think a post like yours is showing other cd'ers out there that there are women out there accepting and non judgemental,they may be limited in a sense! but theyre out there.
Like any others in life nomatter what the background ,is either lucky enough to meet 'the one' just like that! and for others it takes longer.
So anyway, i just wanted to say, im so pleased you have put in a positive post,If even one SO reads it and sees it doesnt have to be 'the worst thing' because theyre partner crossdresses then its still a bonus i think.Best wishes to you and your partner.Loren x

[sissystephanie]

Until I lost her to cancer 4 years ago, I had a wife very similar to yours! She was fully supportive, starting before we were married. Yes, I told her then!

One difference is that she wanted me to shop with her. Two reasons, I guess. She thought I picked out better outfits and I always had good luck on the bargain racks! She didn't do my nails, since we both went to a salon. But she always did my makeup, and fixed my wig. I am not good at either of those, so now just go out as a guy in girly clothes! Lord, do I miss her!!

[suchacutie]

My wife is very much responsible for Tina. She's not just supportive, she's encouraging. (as I just posted in another thread, she told me tonight how much she loved my eye makeup! flirt! )

But...let me take this in another direction. With us, Tina is totally a platonic gf. There is nothing sexual about our relationship as CD and wife (man and wife is our thing!). There are so many other kinds of relationship advantages, and with a better relationship, everything is better!!!

1) Let's start simple: I now understand why she was always late. She just underestimated what it took to get ready. Now I do my own estimation and have my own expectation so she's never late anymore, and the stress level just melted away.

2) When she's upset about something, I now understand the difference between when she wants me to solve the problem, and when she wants me to be her gf and help her grouse about it! I never again will say, "I don't understand women!!" because guess what...I do understand them! Tina and she have had many discussion about how women think and organize themselves. It's fascinating stuff and has improved our communication immensely.

3) More obvious stuff: We can talk about her clothes just the way we've always talked about mine. It's not an equal world out there, and men just never learn about why 2 pairs of jeans the same size don't both fit! Which shoes go with which outfit. Body shape and clothes styles...all that stuff!

4) We have both been dieting and it looks like the end result will be a lot more ability to share clothes. I may be weird but that's just a real kick!

5) We can talk about makeup, and as we get older her fingers aren't working as they once did. I'm able to help her with her makeup, and since I don't have the mirror problems etc, I can do it faster. We're talking about going to a Mac counter to let her have a makeover while we tell them that I'll be helping her so that they can show me whatever tricks they may have! It's all relationship building in ways non-CDers don't stand a chance!

6) Lastly (for now) it is all about communication. We communicate is so many ways that we didn't before. She even will as both of us our opinions on things assuming that we will have different opinions when we are presenting different genders! Advantages! wow, I sure think so!

delightful!

tina

[Jacky Aikou]

Gabrielle, thank you for sharing such a personal side of your life with us. It sounds like you and your wife have a wonderful relationship, and the notion that CDing may even have enhanced it is truly inspiring to think about.

My wife is accepting, though not nearly as active as Mrs. Hermosa. She's often puzzled by the whole phenom and probably wishes it would just go away, but as a loving wife she wants me to be happy. She knows she can count on me to return her love and do what's best for us, but I think we both realize that suppressing my femme side is not going to work out in the long run. Coming out to her lifted a major psychic burden off of me - I could finally stop hiding or ignoring a major part of myself around her. Since then generally I've been more pleasant to be around, and we've grown closer than we were. No more resenting her girly TV shows, music, or shopping conquests I always denied myself in order to play the good boyfriend/son/whatever. Now we share some of her favorite activities and I think she enjoys that.

If most crossdressers are like me, we have a sensitive side and are willing to actually TALK and LISTEN to our partners. My wife has me to do housework, clean up the yard, work on the car, and all the typical male chores while also having a willing shopping buddy, someone to borrow clothes or purses or makeup from, and be an understanding ear for girl-talk. I'd call that a bonus! Some husbands won't even take out the garbage!

I had my wife read your post, and her first comment was to faux-apologize to me for not being the "perfect" wife for a CDer. I just hugged her and said I loved her and assured her that my intention for showing her this wasn't to get more acceptance from her, but just to let her know that there are other wives out there in similar situations, and that CDing doesn't necessarily have to be a dreaded burden. I don't want her to change, and I'm sure she loves me just the way I am, too. I wish everybody could be so lucky.

[beenherelongtime]

you are a lucky man, i can remember most of what you described very well. i had a loving gf.

[sarahNZ]

I am honestly happy for you Gabrielle

It sounds to me that you have found a place that you and your wife can both be your selves and it is drawing you closer together as you share these intimate times together.

I will not be jelous for you but instead I am happy that there is some hope for those of us who were not so lucky the first time.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I wasn't sure how many people might take the time to read my rather long thread-starting post or how many people might respond to it. I'm glad you took the time to read and respond.

I read all of the responses. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your own stories. I even read several of the posts out loud to my wife just a short while ago. Stephanie's story got us both a little choked up. I am so sorry for your loss, Stephanie.

I'm glad that my story did seem to offer some hope to those of you who do not yet have an accepting SO. I'm also very glad that those of you who do, took the time to share your own stories. It is very important that EVERYONE know this is not just some dream, but it is very possible to make it a part of your life too. That's the truth.

I feel it equally important to point out that a crossdresser + accepting wife = marital bliss is not exactly how it works. In fact, I will probably start another thread to point that fact out in more detail soon. My marriage is wonderful - even more so since coming out to my wife. It is not perfect though. We've got our differences and we're both human. Fights, arguments, and hurt feelings happen... I just happen to look really pretty when they do. Seriously, there's a lot more to a successful marriage than just having an accepting wife. Having an accepting wife is priceless though, and completely attainable.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Does your Spouse have a twin sister ?

JoAnne Wheeler

[KristinSkye]

Sounds like a keeper. You're only lucky guy.

I didn't see it in your earlier post, but how long did it take for you to tell your wife about your CDing? Was it a long process with subtle hints or just a "Hey honey, guess what?" :P

[Jo-Michelle]

Gabrielle
Thats a wonderful post. My wife and I share many of the same things as the two of you. When I came out to her last year I was affraid of possible loosing her. Just the opposite has happened. Our marriage is stronger and better then the previous 32 years. We have a lot of fun shopping and dressing and sharing, not to mention the bedroom.
Thank you for sharing

[Sheila]

She loves my man-side.
She loves to see me in a shirt and tie.
She loves my somewhat muscular body
She loves her man to the core.
But she equally loves my feminine side.
She loves seeing me dressed up as a woman and all aspects of the transformation.
She loves that I can look like a woman, and still perform like a man.
Perhaps most of all, she loves to see me light up the room when I'll all dressed up -
she loves to see me happy.

u could be speaking about me there

[sudha rani miss]

Hi! Gabrielle, your post is very interesting to me and i think you are a very lucky girl to have such an understanding wife. Infact My wife doesnt know my feminine side. May be you could give me some tips on how i can open up to my wife and get her to support my crossdressing - Sudha.

[Intertwined]

Congradulations Gabriella, my wife and I love each other dearly, she is at best, Tollerant of Marsha, and I understand why, I consider myself extremely lucky to have such a wonderful wife.

The only advantage of having a CD husband that my wife has mentioned is, if she sees me looking at another woman, she knows I am wondering if I can find her outfit, or shoes in my size.

Oh yea, and like tonight, we love watching the Oscar's together as a family and talking about the Red Carpet Fashion show.

[phyllis47]

I can see why your wife is hot on you, gabe or gabrielle. I have a litle of that same experience but mainly just shopping in magazines and in the stores.... I think she likes it when I go thru the racks looking for things that look good on her. I noticed lately that she thinks about things that Phyllis would look good in (if thats possible). We were at Penny's and I was looking at a sale rack for my sizes so she sat down (she had double knee replacement). So after 10 minutes she points to wall and says look at that. I follow her arm there is a very nice black pant suit with read and white splashes on the blouse... So I get it. perfect fit. Later that night we shopped on the web for shoes but did not find any. So she shows me a pair of red sandles she has and says that's the color I need. I take her shoe back to penny's and find two pair that are close and bring them home. We both mach them to the suit and pic one. Now thats fun.

[Rachaelb64]

You are a lucky person, keep hold of her she is a special gem