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Thread: Slight dilemma! Any thoughts?

  1. #1
    Pretty in Pink Amanda Shaft's Avatar
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    Slight dilemma! Any thoughts?

    I go to several cd clubs, the other week at one of these I see someone I know, he is dressed normally, as a bloke that is. It’s someone I know but haven’t seen for a few years but he would still know a lot of the people I know, I don’t think he recognised me and I just avoided any close quarter encounters with him that evening. I thought he might be there by chance or perhaps to meet someone: the bar staff or something.
    So next time I’m there he’s there again and once again just dressed normally except this time he definitely seems to be chatting to some of the ‘girls’. I managed to avoid bumping into him again but now I’m not sure what to do, do I say hi remember me? Risking the fact that it might out me completely if he tells our mutual acquaintances or if he’s there as an ‘admirer’ do I risk some other sort of outcome! Or do I just hope he doesn’t ever recognise me and just carry on regardless?
    Trouble is its sort of affecting my enjoyment of the evenings, and what happens if he starts turning up at some of the other clubs I frequent?
    My brazen self tells me to just get it out of the way and say hello, but I’m not sure.
    Anyone got any thoughts?
    Amanda
    So far in the closet, I've got one foot in Narnia!

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  2. #2
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    I don't think you have anything to worry about. As Katie said, he was there too. Imagine the story he would tell his friends.

    "Hey, mate."

    "Yeah?"

    "I was at this CD club/bar and..."

    "What were you doing in a CD club/bar?"

    "Um..."

    Like clutching to a lit firecracker.
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  3. #3
    Outdoor girl seeking..... Sam-antha's Avatar
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    So he was there. Do you really trust him with knowledge of "you" ? Sure, he knows the score about cding, but what does that mean in the end /
    Leave him be.
    ~Samm

  4. #4
    Senior Member Sammy777's Avatar
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    [Cue cool spy music]

    Seeing how he was there on more then one night leads us to believe it is no longer a case of "so who comes to this bar?" or "I only stopped in for a beer".

    So, you have 5 choices.
    1) Stop going there, & hope to not see him at other like bars.
    Phewwy! It's your bar, you like it, bad idea so lets move on.

    2) Ignore him & hope he goes away before seeing you.
    Again, bad idea, Your just not going to have fun there always wondering if he is just around the corner.

    3) Have a friend [do some recon] & chat him up.
    If you don't happen to know any of the people he has already been talking to, then have a friend play pointman & get some info as to the whys & hows of him being there.

    4) Don't like the 4th grade note passing idea above?
    Then just suck it up, walk up to him & be yourself.

    Remember - he is also repeatedly in a bar that caters to CD's & I'm guessing GLB as well?

    So it comes down to M.A.D. or Mutually Assured Destruction.

    He will most likely not out you [to mutual friends] for fear of being outed himself.

    Something to remember as well.........
    He could be a fellow closeted girl getting his feet wet & checking out the scene before coming out.


    Bet you though I forgot about #5 huh?

    5) If you know he is there on certain nights take a nite off sort of speak & go there in drab.
    It will make talking with him easier & lessen the shock value.
    And if he is there for reasons other then CD'ing he won't know about you upfront.
    Last edited by Sammy777; 02-19-2009 at 06:54 AM.
    Warning: This post may contain up to 63% post consumer recycled Sarcasm ... or Peanuts."
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  5. #5
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    If it's meant for him to meet you as Amanda, he will.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  6. #6
    Pretty in Pink Amanda Shaft's Avatar
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    Thanks Sam(s) I like five options so much more liberating than just the one. Trouble is I think he still has the deniability card as he could say “hey Amanda’s not all woman!” without saying how he found out.

    Brittany, mmmm Sea Kat: Weymouth to St Marlo, day trip maybe. Sounds fun Katie!

    Keep the suggestions coming? How much is a hit these days?
    So far in the closet, I've got one foot in Narnia!

    Never do anything that seemed a good idea at the time!

    Today I am the youngest I'm ever going to be!

    add me and message amanda.shaft@hotmail.co.uk

    http://amandashaft.hi5.com

  7. #7
    Tamara Ann Valla tamarav's Avatar
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    [SIZE=4]Who knows? He might turn out to be a great friend and supporter. After all, he is in "your" club.[/SIZE]
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    I am a licensed Cosmetologist (hair stylist, not cosmonaut), work as a hair and wig stylist, makeup artist and permanent makeup artist, dressed as you see in my avatar and albums.

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  8. #8
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    Good points Samantha, but, one, he may already be outed in which case, he may not respect one's privacy regarding others knowing.

    I like the idea of having someone checking him out on ones' behalf before any confrontations. Hey, gg's regularly have a friend call them on a cell phone during the first 15 minutes of a first date to either say the date is going ok, or, oh an emergency, I have to leave,, thanks for the date but sorry.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Sammy777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amanda Shaft View Post
    Trouble is I think he still has the deniability card as he could say “hey Amanda’s not all woman!” without saying how he found out.
    Ok, So does that mean that your mutual friends know you only as Amanda?

    You lost me on this one, lol.
    Warning: This post may contain up to 63% post consumer recycled Sarcasm ... or Peanuts."
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  10. #10
    Silver Member JoAnne Wheeler's Avatar
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    I agree with what Katie had to say

    JoAnne Wheeler

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by SamanthaM View Post
    [Cue cool spy music]

    Bet you though I forgot about #5 huh?

    5) If you know he is there on certain nights take a nite off sort of speak & go there in drab.
    It will make talking with him easier & lessen the shock value.
    And if he is there for reasons other then CD'ing he won't know about you upfront.
    Hey I like #5 best! I also agree that you have little to worry about him outing you as he will certainly out himself in the process.

  12. #12
    Outdoor girl seeking..... Sam-antha's Avatar
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    #5 I would go with, but otherwise treat him as a dangerous tourist (in spite of his scintilating conversation)
    ~Samm
    .
    'Kerriana "Samantha.....i feel like I'm hearing her through fractured glass.. She makes sense if you kinda squint"


  13. #13
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    HA! Come on, he was at a TG club and you are worried that he might out you?

    The only reason he would out you is if he has a big mouth about everything.
    If he is not into gossip or spreading everyone's business, he won't say anything.
    If he IS into gossip and such, then yeah you might want to keep low key.
    You know how people make others to keep a "secret" and before long, the whole world knows?

    ONe thing I have noticed about the TG life - I think all of us know about the unwritten confidentiality rule. Two reasons for this -

    1) We have all been in the closet at some point and understand.
    2) Since we are TG, it is no big deal to us how others dress. "John wears a dress to the club, yeah whatever... Hey did you hear about the DOW losing 6 points yesterday..."

    It is a VERY rare admirer or sister who would out someone just for the gossip value.

    I think your real concern should be, what if he wants to "be" with you cause he thinks you are hot.
    Last edited by Nicole Erin; 02-19-2009 at 12:42 PM. Reason: grammar problem.

  14. #14
    Pretty in Pink Amanda Shaft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MlleErin View Post
    I think your real concern should be, what if he wants to "be" with you cause he thinks you are hot.
    That would indeed show what poor taste he had and therefore I wouldn't want to 'be' with him. lol
    Amanda
    So far in the closet, I've got one foot in Narnia!

    Never do anything that seemed a good idea at the time!

    Today I am the youngest I'm ever going to be!

    add me and message amanda.shaft@hotmail.co.uk

    http://amandashaft.hi5.com

  15. #15
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    Say hi to him and strike up a conversation---there is a 100% chance he is there because he is either a CD or an admirer or probably both---guys don't hang around T-Girl clubs for the drinks or to watch football
    [SIZE="4"][/SIZE]

  16. #16
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    before you do anything get plenty of information. i agree you should send someone on a recon mission. because if you out yourself to him you can't take it back the the damage .... well you get the point
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  17. #17
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Amanda, it seems as if your aquaintance is a very open minded person to be frequenting the CD clubs, even though he may not be a dresser himself. If I was in your situation, I would probably try to get as close to him and the ones he's conversing with and try to eavesdrop on the conversation. Although I would also try to avoid being too conspicuous in doing so. If I determined that his intentions were those of acceptance, I would certainly out myself to him.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  18. #18
    Cant help smiling Mirani's Avatar
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  19. #19
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    Amanda, this is what I think you should do. The next time you see this individual in a cd club you should walk right up to him and introduce yourself. If he is not a cd himself then he most certainly is an admirer. I think there is no chance that he is going to out you because he would be outing himself by doing so. There is not much for you to worry about here. You just might develope a close friendship with him.

  20. #20
    Junior Member sharynPA's Avatar
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    Call me paranoid. But when one person knows a secret its a secret. When two know, it becomes news.

  21. #21
    Go Team Venture! Beth785's Avatar
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    I wouldn't do a thing, myself. I'd just continue going to the club and have fun. It is probably very doubtful that he would clock you dressed as Amanda if he hasn't seen you in a few years. Your completely off his radar.

    I had a close call myself about a week ago. I was at a Walgreens (pharmacy chain in the states) looking over the makeup ailse when I see a couple walk past behind me. I caught the guy out of the corner of my eye and it is someone I work around. I about freaked out inside, but made sure to not move an inch and focused on what I was looking at. He is a very macho type that always has his chest puffed out. If he had clocked me and blabbed to just one other coworker, everyone would have known about my secret in just minutes. I am most definitely not ready for that!
    The views expressed in this post are not necessarily the views expressed in this post.

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  22. #22
    anna anna kate's Avatar
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    Go to the club, have fun. If he happens to talk to you, don't let on unless he recognizes you. It's my bet he won't. You've got the "stones" to go out dressed, why let someone take that away. Also my bet, if he's not dressed, he's gay and doesn't want to be outed either.

  23. #23
    Silver Member trannie T's Avatar
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    Next time you see him, talk with him. He will either be happy to see a friend or incredibly embarrassed. It would be very unlikely for him to out you.
    It takes a real man to wear a dress.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by SamanthaM View Post
    [Cue cool spy music]
    5) If you know he is there on certain nights take a nite off sort of speak & go there in drab.
    Thats a good idea, I wonder what the difference in attention you would get going in both modes? I have only gone in drab a few times but wonder how the difference would be? I have gone so many times enfemme I think I would feel nervous going drab, kind of uncomfortable like the first time I ever went out enfemme. Would be interesting to see which way is better treatment, I am assuming enfemme you would get nicer service. Might be a neat little experiement to try. whenever I go anywhere enfemme, I get wonderful service, heck 2 clubs I goto I have earned VIP cards so I never pay a cover anymore or get ID'd and get the best house seats near the staff and stage for shows, dont think I would get that in drab.
    Last edited by Ashlyee Paige; 02-20-2009 at 01:14 AM.
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  25. #25
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I'm confused, too, Sam!

    Quote Originally Posted by Amanda Shaft View Post
    he could say “hey Amanda’s not all woman!” without saying how he found out.
    Quote Originally Posted by SamanthaM View Post
    Ok, So does that mean that your mutual friends know you only as Amanda?

    You lost me on this one, lol.
    I can't figure out if Amanda's worried about this guy finding out she dresses, or that she goes to CD clubs? And he already thinks of her as a woman?!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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