Soon to be EX-husband can't accept himself

[Tamara Croft]

Erm, get your facts straight AND LEARN TO READ AND DON'T YELL AT ME!!

On the night of Jan 26, while I was in class, my husband got a hold of my 15 year old son's laptop. I am not sure why he was snooping on it... but he found a picture of his daughter on my son's computer...it was taken under the bathroom door and she was naked.

Just tell me what part of that says he was caught taking the damn picture? Who said he took it, where's the evidence, just because it was on his laptop, doesn't mean he did it. How do you know the father didn't do it? to set all this in motion eh? You don't. And the next time you want to quote me, get your facts right and you read the OP post your damn self

As for the rest of your sarcastic, obnoxious post, why don't you pull your head out of the clouds, this isn't the stone age, where people were stoned for doing wrong, this is the 21st century, and if you didn't know this, there are laws preventing cruelty to children. I hope you do not have any, I feel sorry for them if you do, you're nothing but an iron maiden.

[kathrynjanos]

Erm, get your facts straight AND LEARN TO READ AND DON'T YELL AT ME!!

Boy, you do live up to your signature, don't you? And yes, I do have an iron fist. But at least when I put someone to death (usually) I do it in a quick and painless manner. That's me, putting the Dick in Dictator.

[Tamara Croft]

Boy, you do live up to your signature, don't you? And yes, I do have an iron fist. But at least when I put someone to death (usually) I do it in a quick and painless manner. That's me, putting the Dick in Dictator.

Slow and painful is much better

[Bethany38]

First let me say I am truely sorry for all the drama you are currently facing. Now that I have said that, I need to say that it is time for you to get some legal representation. I have a strong feeling that your' situation is going to get really messy, really fast. I say that because of all of the info you have shared is telling me this is going to turn into a total S--t storm. I truely wish you did not have to go through this. I also agree with many here when I say that him using his daughters clothes to dress is really frakin weird. I am a father of a son and a daughter and this is something that creeps me out, the fact that he would use those particular clothes. I wish I could help you more, but this is way out of my league.


Bethany

[stabile]

A lot of good advice and consolation has already been given, so I may not have anything original to add, but I do want to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that you and your family stay safe in the immediate future, and that you'll find a way to move on and heal in the long term.

[ashes]

Ok... Tamara and Kathryn you two should stop. Here's the way i see it. Tamara, you did overreact a little. ...HOWEVER... Kathryn I've learned the hard way to be careful with what you write as tone can be misinterpreted. Sarcasm and dramatization can be taken literally.
Moving on to the issue at hand. His hitting you was absolutely uncalled for. From what you said he shows some signs of bipolar disorder. You need to do a few things. First you should make sure your safe. File a police report. And get a restraining order. As for your son. At this age you need to have an open, honest relationship with him. Confront him. Talk to him.
If it was him there must be consequences. As for his ex. I don't know enough to make a judgement. I'm really sorry and hope this helps.

[Jess_cd32]

A poster made a very good point on page two, you should ask your son to come clean on what he's done so far, if anything else, regarding the 12 y/o daughter.
Hopefully like Marla and I said, this was just a stupid thing he did and only once. I could understand that stupidity and forgive it, but I would be very pissed off just the same. I'm just hopeing he didn't email it out to anyone now and you better ask, kids do dumb stuff all the time.

I said to not meet with him because I've seen the results on the news enough if it ever did go bad, better safe than sorry. I don't know your husband and why he snapped, but hitting you like that full force showed he's out of control, at least at that moment he was. You know him better than we do so trust your instincts.

It seems it was his ex wife that initiated and told you about his prior behaviour, I think that really upset him that you were aware of it when you told him. The reason I'm concerned for his daughters' well being is that he's using her items to cd, a 12 y/o girls, that crosses the line and sends a bad signal to all of us I'd dare say. Good luck, this is a tough situation for all involved.

[battybattybats]

Tamara has raised several important points!

Yes, breaching the husbands right to privacy was unethical. A clear wrong!

All cases of snooping were also wrong. And yes the boys taking images of the girl was criminal and unethical (the snooping on his computer that found the image may also have been criminal). It is also worth dealing with the fact that peoples brains involving the areas to do with responsible decision making do not finish developing untill into a persons 20's! Ideology is meaningless against scientific facts! Society is going to have to grow up itself and begin to maturely look at these sorts of problems.

Not only do most men look at porn but so do many women. The Australian study called The Porn Report amongst other myth-busting mentioned that 1/3rd of the consumers of pornography are women!

Also some reports find women are the perpetrators of domestic violence almost as much as men. However they much less often inflict serious injuries or cause deaths. Less often does not mean don't, the weakest men are far weaker than the strongest women even if on average men are stronger than women. And rates of women comitting murder rape and child abuse are on the rise, though in some cases this is because courts are more likely to convict women these days when in the past women would often not be charged or would be found not guilty or recieve lesser sentences becaus of sexist attitudes that women could not commit such crimes. Still women who have sex with underage boys and girls usually receive far lower sentences than men do i the same circumstances.

So folks, we need to get over some sexism here, women or men should not hit others except in self defence. The boy did wrong if he took the picture sure but that was being handled correctly by all accounts. The wife shouldn't have breached the husbands confidance if she brought it up or the ex-wife shouldn't if she was the one to bring the subject up as that was a clear wrong. The husband should not have assaulted the wife. The husband is clearly not in a state of full mental health and for his and his daughters sake needs to be directed to help ASAP. The wife and her son should protect themselves and ensure there is no direct contact without police/legal supervision and that only if neccessary.

And we all, every single one of us here, should do something to erase transphobia and ensure the next generation of CDs can be out and open as children so they dont end up filled with the self-hate that appears to drive this man to such irrational actions!

Cause everyone on this forum have the power to reduce the amount of self-hate in the next generation. CDs and GGs and GMs and TSs etc. We can all effect the future cases like this. If we act there ill be others and if we don't act there will eb less.

So we must be personally responsible for erasing transphobia and internalised transphobia! This horrible case is an object lesson for all here on this forum!

[dilane]

I'm so sorry to hear about your problems.

Your soon to be ex is a sick piece of work. Keep safe.

Sadly, yes, the lawyers will arrange to take as much money as possible. That's what they do for a living. When the money's gone, they'll walk away.

Unfortunately, no good deed goes unpunished, sometimes -- although it depends on the person.

You sound like you have a very mature outlook and grip on the situation, your kids are fortunate to have you.

Might you be able to use his assault on you to get a reasonable settlement in exchange for his avoiding prosecution, provided you lawyer can see fit to leave any left over for you?

Best,

Diane

[JulieK1980]

Tamara has raised several important points!

Yes, breaching the husbands right to privacy was unethical. A clear wrong!

All cases of snooping were also wrong. And yes the boys taking images of the girl was criminal and unethical (the snooping on his computer that found the image may also have been criminal). It is also worth dealing with the fact that peoples brains involving the areas to do with responsible decision making do not finish developing untill into a persons 20's! Ideology is meaningless against scientific facts! Society is going to have to grow up itself and begin to maturely look at these sorts of problems.

Not only do most men look at porn but so do many women. The Australian study called The Porn Report amongst other myth-busting mentioned that 1/3rd of the consumers of pornography are women!

Also some reports find women are the perpetrators of domestic violence almost as much as men. However they much less often inflict serious injuries or cause deaths. Less often does not mean don't, the weakest men are far weaker than the strongest women even if on average men are stronger than women. And rates of women comitting murder rape and child abuse are on the rise, though in some cases this is because courts are more likely to convict women these days when in the past women would often not be charged or would be found not guilty or recieve lesser sentences becaus of sexist attitudes that women could not commit such crimes. Still women who have sex with underage boys and girls usually receive far lower sentences than men do i the same circumstances.

So folks, we need to get over some sexism here, women or men should not hit others except in self defence. The boy did wrong if he took the picture sure but that was being handled correctly by all accounts. The wife shouldn't have breached the husbands confidance if she brought it up or the ex-wife shouldn't if she was the one to bring the subject up as that was a clear wrong. The husband should not have assaulted the wife. The husband is clearly not in a state of full mental health and for his and his daughters sake needs to be directed to help ASAP. The wife and her son should protect themselves and ensure there is no direct contact without police/legal supervision and that only if neccessary.

And we all, every single one of us here, should do something to erase transphobia and ensure the next generation of CDs can be out and open as children so they dont end up filled with the self-hate that appears to drive this man to such irrational actions!

Cause everyone on this forum have the power to reduce the amount of self-hate in the next generation. CDs and GGs and GMs and TSs etc. We can all effect the future cases like this. If we act there ill be others and if we don't act there will eb less.

So we must be personally responsible for erasing transphobia and internalised transphobia! This horrible case is an object lesson for all here on this forum!

Well worth quoting.

[Jacky Aikou]

Corrine, what a horrifying post. What could have been going through your future ex's mind when he abused you like that?? No decent person would ever act like that. Godspeed in putting him and all this pain far, far behind you.

[Lilia]

Corrine, please stay safe and take care of yourself. It does seem your soon-to-be ex does not have any self restraint and is fighting internal demons. The only solution is to step away or you will be pulled into the vortex.

[Corrine GG]

First of all, his daughter didn't know it happened.
I am not making excuses, just explaining that she was just an opportunity. As a local police officer said of the incident "no different than when I tried to peep in on my cousins changing when I was a boy"

Let me also add that I asked my husband NUMEROUS times to make her put clothes on, to talk to his ex-wife about the clothes she sent over. I even said “Please ask her to send suitable clothes, she needs to remember that she is coming into a house with 2 teen boys who are not related to her.” I hid shorts with a 1 inch inseam, and CUTE written across the butt. I BOUGHT her clothes to wear at our house that wear more appropriate.

Second of all, when I found a toddler’s bathing suit cut up and fashioned into a thong, I confronted him about it.
He laughed, "Oh that, it's just a joke, it belongs to my ex-wife."

I don't know about you guys, but I think that the excuse he gave me after 2.5 months of marriage opened the door for me to ASK HER ABOUT THE THONG. Especially since it was FOUND in the bag he takes to work every day.

No, it wasn't hers...she was reluctant to tell me what exactly it was. Along with the trinkets of jewelry, I first thought he was a serial killer
.
I didn't betray him by talking to his ex-wife about his crossdressing. He basically made me.

As far as his daughter goes...I think he's ****ed up. Not too long ago we made her go through her clothes and get rid of anything that didn't fit. I saw the big pile of clothes in the floor and I reminded her to go through her panties too (i knew they were too small). She said ok. Later on I went up there and the pile contained no panties. I opened the drawer, no panties there either.

I asked her father, "What the hell happened to all the panties?? He was like, "oh....well....uh....I don't know..." and changed the subject. He also doesn't have a problem showing strangers the naked picture of his daughter....The policeman who helped me get my clothes and toiletries for the night (i didn't report the abuse til later) This is also the man who said he would "Be so proud if she posed for Playboy"

Oh yeah...when she comes over, he makes her go get his brush and brush his hair...for like, half an hour. This always creeped me out.

[emmicd]

Dear Corrine,

I am very saddened to hear your story and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You seem like such a sweet and gentle caring soul and it's a shame your situation has taken such a violent and tragic turn. I believe you need to summon all your strength as a young woman and take care of yourself and your family and focus on you. You have been very sympathetic and accepting of your husband's situation and it's very unsettling what he has done through his anger. You do not deserve this. You are truly special and I hope you can find yourself in a better situation and that you stay strong and hold on to the love you hold. May God bess you and help you through these trying times!

emmi

[Elizabeth2-]

1. Get a physical exam of your injury including mri of the "impact zone"..

2. File an affidavit for spousal abuse and prosecute it.

3. Please post how we girls can help.

Lol,

Liz

[carolinoakland]

Run baby, run as fast as you can. Carol

[Jess_cd32]

Hi Corrine,
After your last post now my suspicions have turned to real fear for this 12 y/o girl. I'm getting the feeling that daddy knows his daughter better than we thought and not in a good way. This stuff does happen, not saying its a fact but it leads me to think it has now.
I've personally seen such a senario and a neighbor once told me the girl once said 'my dad tought me everything I know about sex' This particualr family was the most screwed up I've ever seen. I hope it wasn't really true because I find that behaviour beyond sick and repulsive.

I'm sure your angry beyond words, and I believe what you've said regardless. I don't and haven't blamed you for talking to his ex, I'm with you that you should have, this is a serious matter. Sounds like his ex isn't all that stable either if she allows her daughter to wear such clothing at that age, what the hell are these two thinking.
A 12 y/o wearing shorts with a 1" inseam with 'cute' on the rear end, all I can do is shake my head to that one. I hope these two don't mind that they'll be grandparents soon enough, its sad.

It's to bad that you won't be part of the 12 y/o's upbringing now, it seems you were the only one watching out for and trying to make the right decisions for her. As the others have said, run like hell. This was a blessing to have happen now for you rather than later, you'll survive and be all the better for it, my thoughts are with you.

This thread makes me want to change my signature to 'Run Corrine Run'!!!!

[Senban]

This whole thread is a minefield and a few people should stop boinging around on pogo-sticks I think

Regardless of all other issues here, the one that really does worry me is this man who wears his daughter's clothing in this way. There's something deeply disturbing about what I'm reading here and I think professionals need to be brought in as quickly as possible so they can investigate and ensure the safety of all concerned.

And Corinne, if I'd been in this kind of situation, I'd have asked his ex-wife about stuff too and damn the consequences of being called a snooper! Under normal circumstances sure, a person's past is private unless they choose to tell you but sometimes circumstances compell us to break the usual barriers, especially when there is suspicion of something like this. Been there, done it and would damn well do it again!

Oh, and what Kittypw said too!

EDIT - Also, anyone with some basic PC skills should be able to tell you what camera those photos were taken on, when and when they were put onto the PC. Possibly even by who (or at least who was logged in at the time). Maybe that will help you get some more facts together Corinne?

[MAJESTYK]

I have sat back and held my tongue on this for a while because I am very opinionated on such things, but here goes.....
I am glad you got away and hope that you manage to stay so.
Next, excuse the testosterone but I have ZERO tolerence for "men" that hit women. He is a perverted piece of **it and sickness or no, should meet someone who will prove that to him.

My apologies to anyone I may have offended with my statement, but i have a daughter and a wife who have both been abused and that kind of pain does not heal and should neither have to be incured nor should it ever be tolerated .

[Kitty Sue]

Sad story. Whatever you do, stay away from the SOB who is your "husband."

[annabear99]

Things happen for a reason. Sounds like you may be better off without this guy. Too bad the attorneys have to get rich on this though. Maybe he would agree to at least trying to work out the divorce details with some give and take for both sides. It would save you both money.

Also, it was nice to hear how understanding and accepting of his CDing you have been. Sure lots of us dreaming our SO would be that way.

Good luck to you

[Kerrie Sifton]

Very sad post Corrine, I wish you all the best in resolving this.
Unfortunately there are things your husband has not resolved in his own personal turmoil. For a partner of a crossdresser you certainly have made some accomodation to help him be somewhat of what he wants to be.
And now for him it has come to a boiling point.. please take care, and I will say some prayers for you..

Kerrie

[Kayla Shadows]

OMG...I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.This is just...I dont know what to say...just really really wrong.It made me mad to hear he hit you.The crossdressing part goes way beyond my thoughts on what I see as ok.I read a lot of things that I thought were very odd.Some people have a very hard time accepting themselves.Some will never.Ive had issues at times but Im very happily way past them.I wish you the best and hope for better things.You will get through this and be happy again.Please let us know how all this plays out.Thank you for letting us know what going on.

[Alice Torn]

I am very sorry, and troubled by this awful situation. It gives cd's a very bad name, too. I agree with all the others, about seeking help ASAP, to protect you, and the kids, and a police report. I feel for him, too, in that he is going through his own living hell, and desperately needs help, a support group, therapy. Many men, who live lives of isolation, feel no one would understand, or accept them, loathe themselves, can snap,become violent. But, he is dangerous. You got away, good.