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Thread: OMG my wife left me!

  1. #1
    formerly Jacie2b Jacquilynne's Avatar
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    OMG my wife left me!

    You read correctly. . .my formerly accepting wife took the kids and left me with no warning!

    I've been watching a quiet house since Wednesday when she left. . . and alerted me while at work by text message!! She told me a few weeks ago, a friend from out-of-town was coming to visit her on Wednesday as she had business to do in the area. She said her friend was going to take her to lunch as well. I said that was nice, have fun!

    Then, about 2 hours before I was to get off work, I received a text message saying: she wouldn't be home and please do not call, she would email.

    Uuh, I was shocked. . .no email. . . no call. I tried to call her several times and only voicemail. I finally received an email on Thursday saying she was up north and the kids were ok. The email also included an attached letter.

    The letter was filled with dramatic language such as:
    "Familiarity breeds complacency and you and I have been very complacent about what we want out of life while failing to realize we've been walking on two different paths completely diverging from one another. " And "I've lost you to another woman. Her name is your name and her face is your face".
    It turns out that she wasn't accepting but tolerating the new me. . . It has been a bit different since New Years Day when I told her everything . . .I've been trying to balance my dressing but I think May have rushed things a bit and drove my family away. Now, there are more sides to this story as she too has some faults that have helped to create this lack of communication and the slow decay of our marriage. . .I won't go into all that. Just know that we both have our "demons" that have led to this end.

    So here I am in a quiet 3 bedroom apt. having just lost my job on Friday. What a week!!

    It gets better, my mother who lives nearby decided to call my wife and wish her a "Happy Birthday" as it was her birthday on Friday as well, but she couldn't get a hold of her so she decided to drop by and bring her gift over That's where it gets interesting, since my wife had already split , my mother got concerned after she called me and I didn't return her calls ( I was at work in a busy Automotive plant) Finally, when I was able to call her, I had to tell her about my wife leaving. Now, the family knows that my wife left me and here came the questions of why!

    I told her I would talk more after work.

    What was I to do I needed to answer the why questions . . .so I outed myself to my mother and told her everything about my dressing. she already knew about my wifes faults in causing the slow decay of our marriage as they have been going on for many years. but she was unaware of my dressing and she has taken it HARD! She views it as a sickness and an addiction that I must change! Saying I am selfish and lack self-esteem and if I continue will have a hard time in life -- being ridiculed and such. . . she really is not accepting at all! and wants me to seek counseling immediately. . .

    I am beginning to regret even telling her but I felt it may come out eventually and was part of the reason she left. I hope this was the right thing to do.

    Now, here I am wondering what to do next, I am really not sure it is possible to work this out with her due to the facts that we both have things we need to change in order to make this marriage work and even if I can manage to suppress my urge to dress. I am not sure she will change her faults to meet me. This is my biggest worry. These next few weeks will be eye opening and telling that I am sure.

    I'll wrap this post up with this, we must remember sometimes it may seem our SO's are accepting but they may just be tolerating . . . hug you wife . . .love on her and please keep up the communication and make sure not to rush into dressing at a pace that goes beyond you SO's boundaries of comfort ( feel that I might have done this and that is the guilt I bear as my part of our mess). . . I'd hate to see this happen to anyone else here.

    BTW -- I have been dressing 24/7 (except at work ) since Wednesday. And I have been loving it although I do miss the chaos of the family.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    Banned Spammer
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    It really hurts when the just up and walk out, been there.
    Just go on being you thats about all you can do.
    My fist wife walked out too but I kept my kids I'm thankful that she had enough sense to know I was stable and a very good Dad.
    I still hate her guts just not as bad now.
    I was left twice for another man that really hurts.Sounds like that is what she did to you. When they say friend it means a man no matter what they say take it from me if she did that to you you are better off without her IMO.
    Be strong sis.

  3. #3
    Coda...
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    Unhappy

    Wow...that is some really terrible news......make sure and keep talking to us and your personal friends...try and take care of yourself now...

  4. #4
    Member wendy68's Avatar
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    Im and so sorry for what has happened to you Jacie, my wife is also only tolerant and refuses to see me dressed. Its been shakey since I told her a year ago .Im doing all the things you have outlined to assure her my feelings are the same as ever but its still difficult for her to get around it. I feel like is a double edged sword situation . I cant change who I am but at the same time cant get her to see that Im the same person inside that she feel in love with. I pray that with time she will be more accepting. I just wanted you to know that whats happened to you is a frequent fear of mine and that Traci is right in saying to be strong. I wish you all the best-sincerely--wendy

  5. #5
    Some Where In Time MssHyde's Avatar
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    Wife Left

    I'm so sorry to hear that. I have been down that road.

    I was so dis-trot I had a heart attack over it. lost a wife of 20 years.

    You take care of you! sometimes its hard to know how stress is effecting you, until its to late.

    let me know if you need a shoulder.
    Carpe Noctem

    Cheyenne Hyde

    "You may never exceed, your own expectations, of yourself"

    http://s46.photobucket.com/user/MsHyde2u/library/
    (the password is feminine)

  6. #6
    The One True Diva KandisTX's Avatar
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    Jacie,

    I am sorry this has happened to you. I have been there, only I didn't recieve a text message, I found out when I got home to a dark house 4 days before Christmas in 2000. It turned out she felt that Kandis was more important to me than her in her eyes. That was the furthest from the truth as one could possibly get. It hurt like hell, and I suffered pain as I went through the motions of trying to live a normal life. It took me almost 5 months to completely get over the pain and accept that she was gone, I tried to reconnect with her during that time and wore myself out practically begging her to come back to me. Eventually I asked her straight up if she wanted a divorce, her answer of yes brought a calmness to me and allowed me to finally let her go.

    Now, I'm not saying that you should do the same, I'm just telling you what happened to me and how I got over it. If you Love her, you should attempt to find out if there any chance of reconciliation at all. That may mean that Jacie has to go back into the closet, but it may be a way to get your family back together again.

    Please keep us posted on YOUR progress as well, please take care of yourself.

    Kandis
    Someone once told me "Put on Your big girl panties and deal with it". If they only knew, I WAS ALREADY WEARING THEM.

    I wear the bras and panties so my wife doesn't have to.

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  7. #7
    Ain't love grand :-) Jess_cd32's Avatar
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    Hey Jacie,
    Wow, so much happening at once, it gives credence once again to the old adage when it rains it pours. As I've also said recently regarding that phrase, they didn't warn us about the dumptruck of more BS to follow right after.
    I'm sorry all this is going on at once, thats alot to handle. Losing a job is bad enough let alone everything else going on at the same time.

    Sometimes when things like this happen it seems like the end of the world for you, but hang in there. Thankfully you at least have this forum for support right now, and you'll receive alot here

    I wouldn't be so hard on yourself regarding the cd'ing issues, they are part of us, we didn't ask to be cd's. Sounds though like you said there were alot of other issues in the marriage not working. Believe it or not, sometimes these things happen for the better in the long run from my personal experiences. Granted that advice doesn't help much at the moment though.

    With your Mom, your going to have to educate her later about cd'ing, she needs to realize your not doing this by choice, there is no "cure" and its not a perversion. Most of us are really good people, so we dress female, big deal in a nutshell. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

    With your wife you have to really soul search right now and see if getting back together is something you really want, chances are she won't be changing her habits, whatever they are and do you really want to stop cd'ing knowing its about impossible? Things can always be worked out with the kids to spend time with them. I'm wishing the best for you, there's alot on your plate to deal with right now.

    I can totally relate to what you've said about our SO's accepting vs tolerating, thats good advice and not to be taken for granted. You did do the right thing by comming out, so did I even though it was total hell here earlier on for both of us. Try to think some positive thoughts during this, you'll make it thru this and be a better person for it.

  8. #8
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jacie2b View Post
    BTW -- I have been dressing 24/7 (except at work ) since Wednesday. And I have been loving it although I do miss the chaos of the family.
    This last comment is what makes me think you are going to be ok. That's the difference between me and you. I just know that if anything even slightly less than perfect happens in my relationship the last thing I want to do is dress. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. "Every cloud as has a silver lining" ... and all that ..... good luck and be true to yourself.
    .
    The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!

  9. #9
    Trans Adventurer supreme RobertaM's Avatar
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    Wow, I offer my support.

    If I can offer any consolidaton; is that your story has hit a reality pill in my life.

    I have recently decided to accerate my x dressing out from the bedroom only mode before.

    My wife has been tolerate. But this thread lends a warning that we must find balance with our SO and not let the PINK FOG take over. My family is too important for that.

    Ciao roberta

  10. #10
    XpoisonXgirlX Kayla Shadows's Avatar
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    Im so sorry Jacie.You are right though,communication and giving your SO space to create their comfort zone with crossdressing is very important.Communication has to be there on both parts and feelings need to be expressed before it gets to this level.

    I dont know what the right thing to say is with stuff like this.No matter what,it still hurts.I could say be strong but..you'll find your strength when you see you have no choice but to be strong.Words dont really help me.Im at war with my heart every single day.Just know I care and your feelings are shared.You may be alone but your not.Talking does help to get your feelings out.We are all here for you.Those who have lost,as one dark flame we burn.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  11. #11
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    Wow, what a week is right!!!
    That is a lot to handle in just a week, and I really do feel for you, I wish you well and strength to get through these very tough times.

    I had a similar situation, except it happened over a course of 6 Mo, 1st lost the job, then I started my company, then my dog got hit by a drunk, lost a good friend to cancer, and then my wife of 25 years left for good, except she left a note on my pillow to tell me, but our two little girls stayed with me for 3 years while their mother found herself, now they stay with her and we are just friends again.
    But that's life sometimes, you just never know whats around the corner, but when you hang in there, you will come out of it stronger in the end.

    Just take care of yourself, and hang in there..


    Karen

  12. #12
    Meberette Hope's Avatar
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    Ugh.

    People can be so unfathomably $¿|77y to each other. It boggles the mind.

    She didn't even have the decency to tell you face to face? A text message? Is she in high school? Unless you were abusive (and I assume you were not) there is no excuse for that sort of behavior. That is the way children deal with relationship issues, not the way adults do. Ugh.

    I BTW am completely in agreement with Tracii on this one - she has shacked up with another guy. Which works to your benefit in the divorce proceedings... but it certainly doesn't feel any better I am sure.

    If you haven't done it already, you need to close your join bank account, you need to cancel any credit cards in her name, and you need to shop for divorce lawyers, you need to talk with ALL of the good ones - so that she can't hire them. And you need to do it yesterday. I realize that is not what you want to do, but if you are unemployed - you don't want to be without a savings account that she has emptied too. Seriously, protect your assets while they are still yours to protect. You might also want to hire someone to track her down and get proof of her shacking up... Don't play soft-ball with her, she is obviously not going to play soft-ball with you.

    She has obviously been planning this - you need to move quickly, if it is not already too late.
    "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe

  13. #13
    Diane Lee TV Wannabe's Avatar
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    So I think I would call the police because she kidnapped your children. Divorce her and show no mercy.
    A Member of the Revolution.

  14. #14
    composed yet compelled Emily01's Avatar
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    such a sad story but much that is useful to others is to be learned from it too.....i wish i could do something to make it better for you, if i could i would. please do take good care of yourself - be your best friend today.

  15. #15
    Chewies sister-moulted!
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    Its hard , the loss and shock of a partnership failing can really knock the wind outta youre sails . I think in light of whats happened and how everything is now in turmoil I,d try to do one thing if you can . Calm down .Do whatever you need to , cry , shout , go punch seven bells out of a punch bag Go see youre doctor if need be . But don,t even try to make sense of the issues right now . Just gather youre thoughts ,hold onto you and try youre hardest not to worry and let things settle .Wait a bit before you attempt any kind of contact with youre wife. She too ( faults and all ) will be worried , exhausted and very emotional . Sometimes it takes a real big argument and time apart before you can truely see the wood for the trees , so to speak .
    As for therapy , for goodness sake , it seems as tho thats the answear for everything . It isnt . You have no addiction , nor are you ill . Just be you , be calm in youre ways , dont be deterred , certainly dont feel guilty . One thing try to abstain from alcohol . And most of all try to eat . In times of great stress I found a good long walk very beneficial .
    Perhaps my advice is,nt really fitting into youre lifestyle or ways , but theres only one truth in this horrible situation . One way or another you,ve both got to be able to communicate at some point over youre children . And for that you,ve got to be a man with a steady and firm grip on the situation .They are the ones that matter . I suggest that if it can be agreed professional marriage guidance could at least open communication . It seems as tho you both seriously need to brigde that gap . Take good care , be strong . I,ll be thinking of you and I truely wish you all the very best .
    Last edited by Shelly67; 03-08-2009 at 02:53 AM.

  16. #16
    Junior Member Jennifer_Cross's Avatar
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    I'm with Tracii on this one... Got the tee shirt twice.

    But life DOES get much better

    Jen
    Loving life to the full.... At long last

  17. #17
    Silver Member Lisa Golightly's Avatar
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    Sad Communication is always the key... You've kind of doubled your problems and halved them... Tell her you told your mother, that she wants you to seek therapy and ask her to participate... To air her concerns and needs. It may help to build bridges.

    Lisa x
    Der Transsexuellaußenseiter

    The lovers have flown...

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  18. #18
    Silver Member DanaR's Avatar
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    Jacie,

    I’m sorry to hear about your bad news. I would suggest that you try to talk to a counselor, just to help you though all that is happening. He/she might help you with a different perspective on what you are or will be going through. If you decide to go this, you might check and see if they have any experience with transgendered patients before hand.

    Good luck and keep us informed on how you are doing.
    Dana Ryan

  19. #19
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    OK i started reading this one and thought how sad and how devastated you must be as when it happens unexpectically like that it comes as a big shock and can knock you for six for a very long time.
    But then i hear you say at the end , oh i have been dressing since wednesday 24/7 and loving it , well it is nice to see that you are happy but i must be missing something or maybe i am just built different to a lot as i would be totally screwed up.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  20. #20
    Live until you die! Carin's Avatar
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    Oh Jackie

    I am so sorry that you are going through this now. It is a life shattering, numbing, scary. The abruptness of it all is a double whammy. So you take it one day at a time. It IS ok to take refuge in your Self. There is a seed beneath the surface, and from that seed life will grow. Your life. This chaos will slowly move into the past. The sun will shine. When the good people on this forum said that to me this past year, I surrendered to their faith when I could not find it in myself. Day by day your strength will grow inside. Like a jigsaw first dumped from the box, one by one the important pieces will come together, and the picture will emerge.

    Take care of your self along the way. Nurture your self as best as you can. Seek council when appropriate. And when you need to lean on something we are here for you.

    Carin

    I have gone on a journey in search if myself. If you find me before I return, please hold on to me until I get back.
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  21. #21
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this news of her leaving and you job loss. I hope things look up for you hun. I know you'll makeit throw this hun.
    Angie

  22. #22
    Junior Member Monique_Lynn's Avatar
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    Day by day

    Jacie,
    Sorry to hear what your going through, take things day by day, from each ending there is a new beginning, went through similer circumstances my self 15 years ago. It is important you take care of your self, the rest will fall into place.
    Moni

  23. #23
    New Member Barbie1970's Avatar
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    Sorry to here that .....Hang in there, it will be a tough road but it only will make you stronger in the long run

  24. #24
    Must...Buy...Clothes... Katrina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel Morley View Post
    This last comment is what makes me think you are going to be ok. That's the difference between me and you. I just know that if anything even slightly less than perfect happens in my relationship the last thing I want to do is dress. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. "Every cloud as has a silver lining" ... and all that ..... good luck and be true to yourself.
    I couldn't agree more.
    -Katrina

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  25. #25
    formerly Jacie2b Jacquilynne's Avatar
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    Thank you all so much!

    WOW! What an outflow of support from all of you -- Its nice to know there is a place we can come to for support when we are hurting . . .AAAaaawww, I am so moved by all the wonderful comments and well wishes. Thanks so much.

    Here is a little more Insight from my end.

    I really do not think she has left for another man in that she took all 4 of our kids with her and one of them is a low functioning Autistic child. . . what man is going to want that burden. It still hrts that she left and I do miss them a great deal

    More reasons for my guilt on her leaving . . .Not only was I a bit more open about my dressing . .. I felt more freedom after telling her everything and I tried to maintain a healthy balance amidst the circling "Pink Fog". I feel guilty I may have pushed the boundaries over the edge for the final time.

    There always is more to the story and here adds to the disaster, MY wife has a hard time with putting her priorities in order. What I mean is that she is a fiction writer and since she started writing about 6 years ago, her characters have invaded her life to the extent that everyone else is almost second place. Sure. she gives us some time but her priorities are out- of-whack. She doesn't take care of herself that well, no makeup, no dresses, no skirts, no real feminine attitude for the most part. Also, she gets so wrapped up that often the house is left in a wreck and I have to be the one to fix the mess -- dishes in the sink, carpets a mess, laundry pled to a mountain heap, kids rooms a mess, and all -around chaos. I could go on but that is a taste of my life.

    So here comes the other part of my guilt . . . When I get home and see this mess I go crazy and keep it all inside as I have tried to tell her this is a problem and she listens only for a while -- then its back to the same ol' way. I am sorry to say there are times when I get mad to the extent that I am verbally abusive to her and sometimes the older children. . .I know this is wrong! I try hard to stop this behavior but the lack of help on her part is just too much to take sometimes. And to think she has had the nerve to say that I don't help with the children! Wow that hurts.

    I am guilty of pushing boundries and being verbally abusive at times . . .this is my role in the struggle I now face. . . but is this enough to leave me for. . .I have NEVER hurt the children or my wife physically and would never! Her lack of putting herself and the family in priority really drives me crazy. . .

    Hope this puts more light on the story. I am wrong and guilty for my part that I know . . . Dressing seems to fill the void of having a feminine presence in my life something my wife hasn't given me in many years. . .The stress of these faults being left unchecked has only made things worse and has ultimately led to my current situation -- occupying a quiet house filled with all the memories of our lie togather.

    Thanks for listening as I pour out my heart. I have realized in the last few days that I like being me . . .I like being Jacie. . .and she is a part of me that I don't think I can hide. . .but the problems that she has caused may lead to a different life for me apart from my wife and kids. For that part I am truly sad.
    Last edited by Jacquilynne; 03-08-2009 at 09:08 AM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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