I told my wife, the rest of the story

[JillHill]

Mine also said there is a lost in trust here as well, and about others finding out, thats a huge concern of hers. After all, now she's with a "weirdo", she didn't say that but she's thinking it for now. And going public which is also another of her concerns, I assured her I have no intention of doing that as you have. .

Maybe yours didn't use the word weirdo, but mine certanly did and sometimes still does, eventhough we were together at a day spa last week and both of us had our toenails painted.

That leaves open a guestion for another log. Jill

[celeste26]

Just another example of why it is important to clear the air before marriage not after 20, 30, 40 years.

[TGMarla]

It is just this kind of reaction that keeps guys in the closet. It's real easy for those with accepting spouses to tell everyone that keeping such a secret from a wife is the wrong thing to do, but we all live in different situations, and what is right for one is not right for everyone.

I revealed all to my wife with prompting from this forum about four years ago. She has chosen to not speak of it again. I have toyed with the idea of bringing it up to her again, but I have not done so. We have grown closer than we ever have in recent years, and I do not wish to change that in any way. So I let it ride.

I'm sorry that you are hurting like you are, and I am sorry that your wife feels the way she does. Time, they say, heals all wounds, and my wish for you is that in time, it will heal both of yours.

I hope this thread shows to all the ladies out there who absolutely expound the need for others to tell all to their spouses no matter what that we should not be brow-beating our sisters into telling their wives things that may well destroy their otherwise good relationships. There is no one rule of thumb that covers all situations. There are times that a lie of omission is a kindness to others.

[Lainie]

..."Everybody has to tell a secret once."

Meaning that your wife will need to get this off her chest. Seeing a therapist/counselor/psychologist is one reasonable way, since they keep client communication confidential..

After that maybe she will be able to put down some of the burden, and move toward peace of mind.

Couples therapy is a different issue, since maybe she doesn't want to save the relationship, at least right now. Sad to hear this.

[RWillow]

I think that there must be something in the air this time of the year, after reading JoAnne's post about spending time on this forum. My wife came into the room this morning while I was on this forum, the first thing I did was drop the site to the task bar, that is when she blew up. "You do that everytime I walk in here, you must not want me to see anything, you are on that site again. You spend more time with them than you do with me." Then she turned and walked out of the room. I followed her and told her that I was indeed on 'that site' again and I just thought she did not want to see it. That started an hour long discussion that ended only because I had a doctor appointment.

The discussion started hot and heavy but ended on a calm note. I lost my composure as I tried to explain my feelings toward her and how I feel about Renyta. I don't know if I made any headway but she was a bit calmer when I left for the doctor. By the time I got to the doctor I was a wreck, I wasn't looking forward to the appointment and the discussion before hand didn't help. This was my second appointment for minor surgery on my face to remove skin cancer. The doctor tells me that it is very common in blonde, blue eyed people and it was caught very early and it is not the serious type. That made me feel a little better but the discussion with my wife must have shown because the doctor asked me if I was alright.

I want to thank everyone for all the advice and words of encourgement, I can't begin to tell you how much everything you all have posted means to me.

In responce to one post, the advice was to seek help from a priest or minister, very sound advice I might add. The kicker is that I am a PK (preacher's kid), my father was a wonderful man, I just wish I could be half the person he was. I was always ashamed to confide in either my father or mother, I think the news that I was a cd would have killed my mother, she passed away at 55 years old from a heart attack.

I don't want to burden you with all this and I really do appreciate everything, it has been a real comfort and help during it all. Thank you again, so much.

Renyta

[leslie ann]

hi sorry to hear about your hardship f%$# no i wouldnt tell the kids or ANY BODY else, @ least not for a while and then I'd talk it over w/ your wife FIRST its HER life too your a represenitive of her and her of you does that make sense the only 2 others that i agree with are sheila and di hmmm anyways good luck TAKE YOUR TIME and noone is a burden here, its why were here to help and share with others !

[Melinda G]

Will you people never learn? I give up!

[SherriePall]

I thought I was bad telling my wife a couple of months before our 25th. It was a little rocky for a while, but she did calm down. She is, after 10 years, still not accepting. Yet, she is somewhat accomodating (does my laundry, borrows earrings and pantyhose). She has not seen me in person or picture. She still loves me and I, her.
From one PK to another, let me tell you that for a while after I told her I didn't care if I lived. But we know there is always Hope .
Just take it very slowly. Remind her that you love her. It will not be an easy road, but I pray it will lead to better and happier times for you and your wife.

[Gwendolyn]

I enjoy coming to this forum because I like to live a CD life vicariously through the stories told on it.

I have an accepting wife and can dress up as I like (even in front of her, although I wouldn't do so in front of my children) but I generally do not. The worry about being noticed and about my interests becoming common knowledge isn't something I want to have to deal with.

That being said, I also sometimes experience the down side of being a CD, sometimes with little empathy (when I think the poster is making poor choices) and sometimes with so much empathy it makes me want to cry (as in your case, where you did nothing wrong and are forced to pay an as-yet-unknown price).

I hope things turn out for the best for you and your family and that in the end things are better than they were before you decided to explain yourself.

Oh, and one bit of advice....NEVER EVER close down windows when people walk into the room. It smacks of keeping secrets, and thats a bad road to head down.