thanks to Tamara for bringing a bit of sanity to this. Sometimes I wonder if people actualy realise just how much time they're on here.Originally Posted by Tamara Croft
thanks to Tamara for bringing a bit of sanity to this. Sometimes I wonder if people actualy realise just how much time they're on here.
I dont have control issues .......if I'm in control - there is no issue.
My thoughts too. I am surprised when you haven't posted in a topic. The "pink fog" as it is referred to can be fed by coming here. I definitely noticed it for awhile. When the fog lifted, my post average started dropping. (currently it is rising again out of boredom with the other forum I frequent and long distance relationship, if anyone tracks crazy things like these).
Take a break. Limit your activity here for a while and pay attention to her.
Brina
What they said.
I spend quite a bit of time on various boards and I'd have to spend even MORE time than I do to match the kind of output you have. I have about what, a little less than 800 posts here over about 3 years. Around 2800 over almost 4 years on another.
Your wife should be the most important person you communicate with.
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If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.
One of those eternal questions: Is the glass half full or half empty.
I'm not sure of every part of your situation but I'm a wife who is working through this since SO told me right after Christmas 2008. I'm not always the best.. There are time when I feel like his CDing is more important than me..
Other times he is there for me more than I could ever imagine. I think the best thing is to talk to her about how you feel let her tell you how she feels and work out a compromise that you both can work with..you will have to give up a little just like she will. but in the long run it is the best thing.. It is working for us.. But then again I'm on here almost as much as he is...
I hope everything works out for you and her..
Tamara took my thunder...
I was also going to mention that in a little over 4 months youv'e had close to 2500 posts. I've had just over 860 posts in close to a year and half. 1/3 of what youv'e done in 4 + months. It seems that your wife has a legitimate issue. But to have you not participating at all would be wrong, you may want to consider cutting back the time on this forum and talk more with your wife.
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With Love,
Kimberly
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hold your head up and keep on dancin" MercyMe
Hmmmm. Such a strange, akward world we live in. And these damn "containers" that house our life-force can be very restrictive. I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. Crossdressing does not fair well in a "black-n-white" world. I don't know what to say except, give her time, space and keep the lines of communication open.
My wife thinks my friend is a bad influence(in a joking way), cause he finds arcade games in the garbage during trash day for me. Woo Hoo! one more game to restore, and add to my collection of 35! My wife thinks my arcade game hobby is an obsession. My collection of these classic arcade games tends to "upset" mostly females....of my family & friends for some reason. They always tell my wife....."you got to make him get rid of them. It's not normal. You don't have a normal house." ( I hope they are joking.) Heaven forbid they ever find out about my crossdressing. LOL!!!!!!
Like I said, give her time/space and communicate. Maybe you guys can meet half way on this. Let us know....if you can.
godspeed,
So I like dressing like girl. BIG DEAL!
I am a bad influence on everybody that's what my friends say about me.
.................................................. .......................ORCHID
The stats seem to suggest that you should go live withyour wife for a while. While she is in the same house as you believe you are in.
~Samm
.
'Kerriana "Samantha.....i feel like I'm hearing her through fractured glass.. She makes sense if you kinda squint"
JoAnne, don't worry, a therapist is not going to take away your crossdressing. They cannot take the desire away. What they can do is help you in your relationships. They can help you get through the obsession part.
I don't think you should give up the forum, but it wouldn't hurt to be able to regulate your time here and give some more time to your wife, especially since she asked you to talk about it to her.
Maybe I am projecting here, but I feel a close kinship with you because of my own obsessivness and the non-acceptance and hostility of my ex-wife. She joined a religious ex-TG group based near your location in Kentucky and I still have so much anger over how they told her to threaten me with ultimatums and the like.
You can find good Christian counselors (PHD's or experienced LCSW's that are well on their way to being PHD). They can help with self issues, obsessions and interpersonal relationships. I went to individual and group for many years. It was one of the best things I ever did.
Take care JoAnne,
Joni
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
So far I've read this far on replies and it says everything I would have, it wouldn't be the same without you here thats for sure. Not to mention you would be miserable.If she thinks we depress you I cannot wait to see what you will be like without this outlet. I have read many of your posts and I can tell that you need this forum and the forum would be worse without you. I hope she changes her mind Joanne
I'm starting to wonder today if its a full moon or what because this is the second thread today that hits home with my SO saying the same things.
"Your spending all your time talking like a young girl to other cd's" was another one I heard today.gif "Big Roll Eyes")
Maybe because I am a cd.... and wish I was still young
P.S. I just told my SO about what your wife said about you spending to much time on the forum, we're a bad influence etc..., she agrees with her, oh its gonna be a long day here
Last edited by Jess_cd32; 03-09-2009 at 05:42 PM.
Give her as much time as you have given this place!Balance it out.
Last edited by Di; 03-09-2009 at 05:52 PM.
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Thats a lot of posting in a very short time JoAnne.
Maybe you could come to an arrangement with your wife where you spend a certain amount of time on here and then spend the rest of the time with her.
I understand not being able to come here cold be detrimental to you, but not spending time with your wife is detrimental to both of you in the long run!
Maybe she's trying to catch up with Angie G
Good advice here JoAnne, something to think about that I missed last post.
I agree with what Tamara and Julia have stated. Maybe it's time time for you, to spend some constructive time with your wife and hear her side. And present your case as well. Can't hurt.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] [SIZE="2"]Huggs, Renee
JoAnne I also have to agree with the others. that much posting in such a short time is excessive. I think you need to limit yourself to a few visits a day and spend time with your wife. Posting a lot of posts in a day is a good way to keep a distance from your wife, almost like putting up a wall. Of course this is my opinion so take it for what is worth.
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Tamara
There are two very valid points being made here so far:
Tamara is correct....you are gracing us with your presence quite a bit. And whereas we all like you very much, the internet can indeed become an obsession. You may need to back away.
Lorileah is also correct....we all need people of like-mind around us. You seem to be well thought of here, and I think we'd miss you were you to leave. I don't think you should leave.
As in most situations, the answer lies right in the middle, rather than at the extremes.
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Sorry - I try my best NEVER to see a doctor, a dentist, and I am sorry if I
offend anyone, but I have absolutely ZERO faith in therapists, etc - and some
of my friends are therapists - but it is not for me
JoAnne Wheeler
"I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"
So, were our posts about you posting so much just ignored? and you just bothered to focus on one post about couseling? Was there any point in us even giving you any advice? *shakes head and walks away*
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Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
Hello JoAnne!
I can see where your wife (if she wants to control your dressing) would not like you on this forum. Here you can talk to others that know how you feel, act and react. In her eyes that must make you feel that dressing in woman's clothes is a completely "normal" experience....where she may think it is socially depraved. The people here support your dressing and encourage you. If your wife wants you to dress less, quit dressing or stop thinking about dressing, this is the last place she wants you to be writing! Good Luck! But keep talking to her. Someday she may just get it.
Charlie
TGs aren't depressed--except the ones who see shrinks
I read somewhere that cross dressers in general do not show up as mentally ill on standardized tests, although cross dressers who have seen therapists do seem to have suffered from depression. But let's not get cause and effect backwards.
The moral of the story is--if you're depressed, get help. Get help from your spouse most of all, us in your spare time, and it's no big deal to see a psychologist. I've done it a couple of times. Go with your wife, if she's willing, and do sessions alone sometimes too. It's nice to have another person who's on your side, but who won't be persuaded by all the rationalizations we all use to pull the wool over our own eyes.
Lainie
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!
Us, or your SO? That's the kind of question a therapist mite ask. And neither I nor they, care what your answer is! U need to decide the answer for yourself, and decide what u want to do about it!
I think you've ALREADY decided! By saying you've, "Drawn a line in the sand".
Now, it's just up to u to admit to EVERYONE, us, your SO, and yourself, u care MORE about JoAnne and us, than your SO!
Hey, I was married. I can understand that!
And if I'm wrong. And u disappear from this site. I'll miss u! But, at the same time, I'll know u did what u felt was the BEST thing for yourself and your SO!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
This is why a therapist will never work for you. You have already made up your mind. Doctors, dentists, therapists, all of us here are for your help and support. You can't just take only the sugar coated and ignore the rest. You must take the good and the bad. I kinda have to agree that you may have crossed the obsessed line. Your wife feels that she is loosing the one she loves. Continue down this path and you will lose her. It's your choice. We can only help you so much. You must talk to your wife. Seeing a therapist will help you see her point of view and help you see your wife's point of view. I suggest you take a few weeks off from visiting the site. Take your wife out to a movie, dinner, a play, a walk, rent a movie, etc. If you don't compromise, I'm sure you will find stricter terms imposed and you will like those less.
The views expressed in this post are not necessarily the views expressed in this post.
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Oh, now that's funny. How many members here share their fun stories? And what, 99% of your posts are about how bad your life sucks?
You're making us depressed.
And as some have suggested, your post count indicates that maybe you just don't have enough to do. The only thing that makes me depressed, personally, is not having enough work to do. Unemployment is what puts me in a funk.
Don't you have any hobbies? Retired? Go take a job as a Walmart greeter or something.
Well I feel the fact that she brought it up speaks for itself,you do value her opinion right?It wouldn't hurt to show her you care about her feelings by giving it a break for a while.If she needs you away from the computer and you neglect her it will make matters worse.
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