Now My Spouse Does Not Want Me on this Forum

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Girls - my Spouse told me last night that she does not want me to read or

look at or correspond or write posts to anyone on this FORUM. She says

that you all make me depressed and that it causes me to think about

Crossdressing 24/7. She says that if I need to talk to someone that I

should talk to her. She told me that I was completely obsessed with

crossdressing and that you girls only made me worse - I tried to tell her

that you all were the only ones that I could talk to because only you know

how we feel and only you can confort me and I in turn can comfort you.

So Girls, are you being a BAD influence on me ???

JoAnne Wheeler

[jenn25wnycd]

You should jump at the chance to talk to her about things. Especially if she is willing to listen. Remember, anything in excess is not good for anyone. Not pointing fingers here, and i'm sure i'll be stomped on for it... but do YOU think you're on this forum too much? How many posts do you have? whats the average posters number of posts? Oh well... bring it..

[SherylynJade]

I certainly hope we're not.
Hope you can get your wife to see that to you were a help to you. I'll be praying for ya.

[CharleneT]

Its impossible for us to know if her opinion is on target or not. But, it is very important to communicate with her. You need to respect her feelings. You might try suggesting a compromise? Maybe a therapist for you two as a couple ? I am not saying you are depressed, but she is and that means there must be some signs of it (accurate or not). But from the sounds of it, you will need to consider dropping off, possibly just for a while ? While I do not think we encourage each other to obsess on CD'ing, we surely do discuss minutia at length! It would be easy to see our conversations as obsession.

[Lorileah]

If she thinks we depress you I cannot wait to see what you will be like without this outlet. I have read many of your posts and I can tell that you need this forum and the forum would be worse without you. I hope she changes her mind Joanne

[Tracii G]

Jo if we can be of help just holler.
If you can't come on here get her to join maybe we can all help her to understand what its all about.
Too much of anything isn't good.By all means talk to her about how you feel don't shut her out.
If you need to leave for a while to calm her down we understand and will still be here when you need us.
Hope it gets better sis.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I agree - without this FORUM, I would really be depressed - this has been a

Godsend - I am not going to stop, period ! I need all of you too much - I

just wanted to let you know what the latest thing I'm going through.

And NO, I will never see a therapist or counselor !

JoAnne Wheeler

[Jamie M]

Well , i know this isn't what you want to hear right now but i can understand where you wife might be coming from. I cannot speak for your personal circumstances as i'm obviously not there and can't see what she sees but in my experience and with the benefit of hindsight i can say this ...

I have suffered many periods of depression in recent years and when they do strike , gender has been a core issue of that depression. Whilst this hasn't necessarily been caused by visiting this site , when i am in that frame of mind it can be very easy to dragged deeper down into obsession and depression by constant thoughts of what's happening to others and what i'm missing out on. Well that's my problem and maybe , just maybe it something similar to what your wife is trying to say to you , that i'm afraid is something that only you can assess the validity of but it is something to think about.

I hope you find yourself in a better place soon for you and for her , hugs

[DanaR]

JoAnne,

How do you feel about this? If your wife is using this as a means to control you, I hope that you and her will be able to discuss this and come to an agreeable solution.

[kristinacd55]

If she thinks we depress you I cannot wait to see what you will be like without this outlet. I have read many of your posts and I can tell that you need this forum and the forum would be worse without you. I hope she changes her mind Joanne

I can't agree more with Lorileah. She hit the nail on the head. I'd say this is a real lifeline for you Joanne. Good luck to you!

[Kate Simmons]

Well, I don't think it's a "bad influence" on anyone, unless, they, themselves, want it to be and maybe do unreasonable things as a result. However, the feelings of The Mrs. cannot be overlooked. Seems to me she wants you to decide what is more important to you. Only you know the answer to that my friend and only you have to live with your decision.

[RylieCD]

I for one think I may be on this forum too much as well, I may not post much when I am on, I do try to read the majority of the posts, But I try to be on when it is convient for me and would not interfere with time with my wife. Many times we are on together and paticipating together on the posts.

Actually it was my wife that found this place for us and it has been a great place for use to meet new people and learn about what we are going through, with that said, if this place ever came inbetween us I think we would each pick each other (sorry).

[jruiz]

JoAnne,

Thanks for asking, but you are clearly not paying attention or pleasing your wife's desires respect to participating in this forum

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I have to draw a line in the sand - I need you girls - I need your comfort and

your understanding - my spouse neither comforts or wants to understand why

I need to be part of this Forum.

JoAnne Wheeler (a crossdresser for 56 years and counting )

[CharleneT]

I agree - without this FORUM, I would really be depressed - this has been a

Godsend - I am not going to stop, period ! I need all of you too much - I

just wanted to let you know what the latest thing I'm going through.

And NO, I will never see a therapist or counselor !

JoAnne Wheeler

JoAnne, I'm not suggesting that there is anything wrong with you ( or your wife for that matter ), rather, that a therapist might help you two forge a compromise that helps - both. It could be that by discussing various issues, your wife learns more acceptance of your nature.

[JulieC]

And NO, I will never see a therapist or counselor !

I find it sad that in our society counseling is viewed so often in a negative light.

In reality, it's no different than seeing a specialist about anything else in the medical world. Joanne, with all warmth and affection, the above statement can be used in blanket form: "And NO, I will never see a _______" Insert dentist, oncologist, podiatrist, or any other medical 'ist'.

The brain is a part of your body, no different than your feet, your lungs, your heart, your teeth, your nose, your eyes, your skin, your bones.

Counselors have the tools to help keep your brain healthy. Very few people in the world have those tools. Society forces us to think something is fatally wrong with us if we don't magically have all the tools counselors have. Society's blatantly wrong.

[jackie_p]

JoAnne, I'm not suggesting that there is anything wrong with you ( or your wife for that matter ), rather, that a therapist might help you two forge a compromise that helps - both. It could be that by discussing various issues, your wife learns more acceptance of your nature.

I agree here. My wife and I have been seeing a couples therapist sine I told her about my CDing a little over a month ago. The therapy session is actually quite helpful in that we talk and listen as opposed to getting angry and yelling. He also won't let us force our opinion, but tries to get us both to express our sides of the issue without interruption. I definitely think it has helped us get past the initial shock and begin to rebuild trust. I wouldn't discount the idea out of hand. The hard part is finding a good one.

Jackie

[Senban]

JoAnne Wheeler said - "And NO, I will never see a therapist or counselor !"

JoAnne, I'm not going to try and advise you what's best for your relationship. But I used to say this exact same thing about counsellors and therapists. Until I actually went to see one! It was/is difficult going at times but it's been a very positive experience for me and I look forward to every visit now. Give it some thought, okay?

[Sheila]

JoAnne,
we can only be the influence on you that you wish us to be .............. if your wife is willing to talk to you why not give it a try ? ..... both of you are intelligent people ........... surely there is a way you can both sit and discuss this as rational adults.

JoAnne why the aversion to therapy ?

[linnea]

I'm hoping that you and your SO will discuss your mutual needs and concerns rather than draw lines in the sand or using other ultimate forms of discourse (i.e., ultimatums).
While I don't think that this forum is inherently a bad influence, your wife apparently feels that it is. It is her feelings that are troubled about this matter and it is her feelings that have to be addressed.
I would not want to give up this forum, but I would want to help my SO work out the feelings that lie under her demand in the hope that my time on the forum would not be completely stopped . . . or else (I'm not sure what the consequence[s] would be).
Keep the communication and dialogue about what she feels and why she feels it more than whether or not you will continue.
Good luck.

[Sharon B.]

JoAnne; Maybe you should have a time limit on how much time you spend at the forum.
There are days when I spend way too much time on the computer and I live alone. It's hard to get anything done around here the way it is. Maybe you need to spend some time with your loved one I would love to find somebody that could handle my crossdressing even if I had to stay inside. You all don't realize how lucky you really are to have a spouse who will allow some dressing.
I know the city where you live and it is growing every day. There are more things to worry about than being found out that you crossdress and I know some woman can't or won't handle it, they all think because we dress as woman then we must be gay and are looking for men. When in fact most would be consider lesbians.
Spring is in the year spend some time with your spouse and maybe she will see the light.
My nickel's worth.

[DonnaT]

My wife doesn't like me to participate on any forum either. She said I was cheating on her, among other things.

If she knew I was on four different forums, she'd be even more upset.

But having made online friends, and helping some with my posts, I can't be swayed to stay off the forums.

I don't ask her to stop emailing any of her friends. and I've asked her to join in.

She hasn't ever asked or told me to stop, but I know she wishes I would stop.

[Tamara Croft]

2,489 posts since Nov 2008, I'd say that was excessive... in 5 years, you'll have nearly 40,000 posts... Go talk to your wife, she's opened up that gate now, she must be feeling left out if she doesn't want you on here anymore, go pay her as much attention as you have paid this forum in the last 4 months...

[JeanneF]

You have nearly 2500 posts in five months on the board. That is a lot of activity in a short period of time.

Maybe your wife doesn't want you on the board because she feels that you're neglecting her in favor of your "Internet Friends"? This is a common occurrence when a spouse becomes involved in a MMORPG like World of Warcraft or Second Life.

When are you posting on the board? While at work or at home? If you're on here during time when you traditionally were with her, she might feel that you prefer our company over hers.

Telling her that you can't talk to her but that you can talk to us because we understand is going to do you no good. You need to be able to talk about this with your spouse...if you don't there will be no good end result.

[Jamie M]

2,489 posts since Nov 2008, I'd say that was excessive... in 5 years, you'll have nearly 40,000 posts... Go talk to your wife, she's opened up that gate now, she must be feeling left out if she doesn't want you on here anymore, go pay her as much attention as you have paid this forum in the last 4 months...

jeez , how'd i miss that ? thought you'd been here longer than that. Tam's got it spot on here i'm sorry to say, i know everyone's different but there comes a point when interest crosses into obssesion. Think it's time you took a step back just for a while , no-one's saying forever just take a breather and see how things go