can you be happy with being both?

[ChibiKaiju]

Of course we can have the best of both world; there's just never enough hours in a day :P

Actually this reminds me of a gf my friend had once, she claimed to be mentally male (physically female) insisting on being called by a guy name and treated as a guy... right up until he told her to be a man about some arguement then all of a sudden she's a girl too. My point? Whatever your choice (man, woman, both) you have to stick to it and take all the consequences that come along with your choice.

And when in doubt...there's always in the internet

[Kate Simmons]

Sure, why not? Most people are too one sided to understand the concept though.

[Cary]

A Big YES!

[joann07]

I enjoy having the best of both.
I like doing my guy things, such as, taking care of my cars, collecting comic books, target shooting, collecting guns and military history, checking out the girls, etc.
As for my girl side, I love doing girly things, such as, shopping, going out to the movies, dancing, dining out, etc.
I don't take hormones, never had any kind of feminization surgery, and don't have plans go through transition because I'm happy at where I am.

Hugs!

[SaraTV]

I'm mostly with you,

I don’t want to cut anything off (but I wish I could hide it on occasion).
I don’t want to dress completely full time, but I enjoy dressing-under much of the time.
I do want my wife to know and help, maybe even encourage,
I do want (someday) to go out dressed
I do want to help others that cd (helping others understand)
I want to understand my fem side more
I don't want people to see me as one or the other (male or female), just as myself.

[susie evans]

i love being gender gifted i enjoy both worlds and love life and all the new friends i meet along the way

susie

[beenherelongtime]

seems to be a concensus that you can have both, add me to this list, i would at times love to be a gg or at least look like one, but (nowadays you can do both of these) i always enjoyed my sports (male themed at the time) basketball, football, baseball, bowling, (did i say two) and golf. did i just reduce the male input to only sports, oh how shallow can we be.

[Desiree2bababe]

It's definately hard. I found myself in the same boat, liked my male self more than my female self. Never was happy trying to be both.

[Joanne f]

The easy answer to that is YES you can , but that does not mean that you will .
Its that scale of things again , for some it will simply just not be an issue as they are already what they want to be "a male that like`s to dress in female clothes, yet for others the female side is far more important to them .

[PaulaSF]

Don't be geting too far ahead of yourself...

There's a tendency to get really excited/wrapped up in hew things, and go whole hog, but let things develop at a pace that feels comfortable to you.

Seems you haven't even been out, dressed, yet! So how do you even know how much it means to ya???

Certainly dozens of times out, and possbily consider some gender therapy to help accept & understand how far you choose to go, and how to best integrate both sides would be useful advice.

I found, in my early-goings, that there was a lot of, for lack of a better term, "peer pressure" from within support groups, and the makeover salons/services, that "you're not a real tranny, unless, a TS planning on transitioning." And we tend to absorb, and react to that.

Frankly, of the dozens of full-timers I've met, down the decades, most of them are fairly lonely & unhappy, so its a tough road to follow. One post-op I know, that worked at the front desk of her SRS doc. for a coupla years, to help pay for her surgery, commented that she had met about 600 gals that underwent surgery, and that she felt no more than a third were doing it for the right reasons. She was a litle jealous, of my easily going back & forth between the two worlds.

Nowadays, jetting off to Thailand, without all the "gatekeeping" gals going far too quickly, to my mind!

Also, fulltime equates to a lot of effort & work, and often the makeup/getting dolled up, quickly falls to the wayside. And being stelth, totally blending in, more of an issue, what's your take on that? DOoyou want to dissapear?

If you're unhappy as a guy, its unlikely you'll magically become happy being fulltime (unless the near total root of unhappiness is gender-based), but you can always work your way up to integrating more femme time, have lots of experiences, and gradually decide how far you want to go- we don't have an "expiration date" stamped on us, as to how long we're viable for

cheers,
Paula

[michelle64]

personally i like both and my GG likes both....would i give up my guy side...hell no...would i give up my female side...hell no....only problem is according to my GG "michelle can be such a bitch sometimes" her words and why i love her...keeps me in check and on track....

[suchacutie]

You can have both, but it does take work, planning, and commitment! Up until 4 years ago there was only 'him'. After 4 years of exploring my fem self, I like Tina...a lot! It definitely takes planning and thought, but it comes down to the old line...."just do it!"

tina

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I agree with what you said, Erica

JoAnne Wheeler

[Mrs. X (gg)]

From my point of view:

I am a gg and I have my Thannia, she can dress, she owns dresses, we can play, she doesn't want to to cut anything off and she turns back into him.

My boo can have both....whats wrong with that!

The GG who talked to you didn't talk for the rest of us here hun.

[Di]

Most GG's would say they want both .As long as you are happy with yourself thats the important part because you would not be at odds with yourself all the time....and like I said most GG's appreciate the balance and you feeling happy being yourself is a big bonus.

[Deborah Jane]

Oh yes

I really love both sides of me, after all i'm still the same person no matter how i present myself.

I just tend tend to be a bit blonder and tartier in girly mode

[Sheila]

Oh yes

I really love both sides of me, after all i'm still the same person no matter how i present myself.

I just tend tend to be a bit blonder and tartier in girly mode

and I love both side of you as well hun

Yes it is possible sweetie to have both sides and be happy & it is possible to be balanced .... have fun

[Sarah...]

Yes. You can have both. If you know that's what you want then kudos to you

I don't want both. But that's just me. And that's what makes life such a hoot - we're all different.

I love that

Life would be so boring otherwise

Sarah...

[Empress Lainie]

I think this thread goes to show that there are many different degrees of transgender with includes anyone not "straight, completely male or female in brain and body."

I was different when I thought I was a man, and I guess different from a lot of transexuals. I'm a fulltime female and I couldn't even contemplate going back to male or being both.

Yet I know people who are content and happy to split their lives into two parts, the male persona and the female persona.
I never had any desire to crossdress, but when I first realized my status and why I was so different from all the boys and men I had known, I thought for a while (a very brief while) that maybe I was bi-gendered and could live both ways, splitting my time in the two modes.

But I soon discovered it is NOT ME. I am totally female and reject any association automatically with maleness. I would have SRS tomorrow even if it killed me. Remember: "Better red than dead?" For me its: "Better dead than male" would be cuter if it rhymed - Oh, "Better dead than Fred!" I know it sounds extreme to the CD's on here. How I missed the now obvious clues continually thrown at me by myself since I was 3 yrs old I don't know. Maybe just society in general's expectations and my ignorance of the transexual case.

I even tried for about a week living as a bald male, I simply could NOT STAND IT. But all the women I knew and met thought I was great. Previously I had worn wigs with long hair for 8 years, because I did not look right to myself without them.

The relationship part, distresses me a little but not a lot, I feel like I can't expect a gg to want me for herself, and until recently I wouldn't even think about men. So I have my tgirl girlfriend I live with and we love each other but the sex thing is not there between us, and hell I can't do much anymore anyway between diabetes, hormones and age. I think I would enjoy a loving sexual relationship with a female again, but have to face facts, gg's that like tg's at least the hardcore femme ones like me are hard to find.

So now that I know I am female person in a male body (thank goodness for the female characteristics it already had and that I grew) I am so much happier with myself than I had ever been for the 72 years previously. I love my looks, I love being my true self. I love the way guys treat me. I love the way us women treat each other. I love nice clothes and jewelry. And although sometimes a I have a yearning to meet and get to know a female I see, it isn't that bad, since I have Cynthia and my ex-gf whose best girlfriend I am now. The only "guy" thing I ever liked was baseball and working on my cars. I never hung out with guys because I didn't LIKE guys.

[Tina B.]

But I have both, and love it, I have dressed since a small child, now I am an old man some days, and an older woman other days. My wife seems to love both kinds of days. I have never seriously thought about giving up any of my parts, or adding any parts that are not original equipment, I guess I am stuck in a rut, I have never progressed beyond being "Just a cross dresser".
It's all up to you and what you want.
Tina

[JeanneF]

old joke:
He: "What's the difference between a CD & a TS?"
sHe: "Two years."

and yet many people report life-long cross-dressing. Maybe it's like drugs: marijuana really does lead to heroine, but not usually.

I often wonder how much of this is because the TG community is now so interconnected due to the Internet, events like Girl's Night Out in various cities, easier access to support groups/therapists/etc?

I know that when I first really came to terms with my TG-ness, and started going out in public, I found myself heading down the path to transition. Part of this is because I found myself becoming friends with girls who were in various stages of their journey. It's a lot easier to entertain transition when you have friends (either online or IRL) who are doing just that.

At the suggestion of my therapist, I took a substantial break from the TG online world...about a year. That gave me time to really reflect on what being TG meant to me, and where I wanted to end up. It also helped for me to see the reality of what transitioning would entail. That's not to say it wouldn't ever happen, but it's not in the cards at this point in my life.

So to answer the original question...yes, I think you can find a balance. I will say that a big plus to finding balance is with a having a supportive spouse. I'm very lucky in that regard, but I think that's because I told her long before we even moved in together...and she's an uber-liberal, feminist sociology professor, so if anyone is going to be open to someone who defies gender norms...

[Ruth]

Lots of good posts here. Many, many of us here believe that keeping both sides going is possible. I do too.
I love expressing my femme side, I love dresses and lingerie and watching soppy romantic films, and browsing the clothing stores, but I'm also a married man, a family man, with children and grandchildren. Both sides give me great happiness and satisfaction: I will always keep them both - the effort can be great but the rewards are greater.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I don't want to transition. I like my man parts intact. My wife likes them intact very, very much as well.

There are times when I enjoy being a guy, and of course it is a lot easier being a guy when out and about.

I love transforming in to Gabrielle and being girly, pretty, sexy, and feminine. I wish I could do it more often, but I have so little free personal time in my life. If I had it my way though, I'd probably be Gabrielle more often than Gabe, but don't want Gabe to go away or anything.

The only real girl-activity I'm in to is looking like a girl. I don't care for shopping in guy-mode or girl-mode. There are really no "feminine" activities that I enjoy... aside from the dressing part. At the same time, I'm really not in to many "guy" things either. I'm more in to nerdy and geeky things.

So there is no going full time for me. Certainly no SRS. I love being a crossdresser. I love being a man who can transform in to (look like) a beautiful woman when opportunity allows. I'll enjoy life on both sides of the gender spectrum and love having a choice.

[erica12b]

thank you all, every one says mostly the same yes ,so ill try im going to start a new tread on jobs where you can cd or not

[noeleena]

hi.... A point here seems to be over looked ...that is being androgynous. ill ask ... are there any people here who are ... on our forum . susans. we have a number who are . so we do a lot of posts ....the ?? s are. can we live as both male & female .....oh yes ...what then if we see our selfs as nether one or the other ...how do we dress do things . & are we accepted .. yes to all of those ....
For me i was trained as a builder & still do a bit . i am retired yea well . i like doing cabinat making .... yes as a women ...& accepted as one ....i do both male & female things roles ... its still me . i will not be bound by the thinking of 50 years of as pertaining to how i was brought up .... i am free to be me ...my thinking was both m & f ...now i can choose for my self .... now thats having a freedom i never had for 50 years .. i have had 11 so far ....so in answer to that ?? is YES.........
no second quessing...
...noeleena....