Originally Posted by
Persephone
What happens when two people share the same body?
O.K., I’m not suggesting that I have “Multiple Personality Disorder” (MPD), but, then again, who knows, maybe I do!
Here’s what went on this weekend . . .
Saturday morning – My spouse and I went to our “all women” exercise center for our morning workout. Naturally, I had to be completely en femme, wearing a long-sleeved green t-shirt with an abstract floral print and beige leggings. My current avitar was taken as we were leaving the house.
As soon as our workout was complete I had to get ready for my manicure appointment. My manicurist may know all about me, but “officially” I’ve never come out to her, so I removed my bra and forms and traded my leggings and gym shoes for a side-zip pair of dark brown pants and 3” heeled boots and lower-key lipstick, keeping my original eye makeup.
Since I usually show up at the salon with eye makeup and “femme androgenous” clothing there was nothing unusual and everyone greeted me normally. As a matter of fact, I made arrangements with several of the women to attend a Mary Kay party that I’m “hostessing.”
My manicurist and I engaged in our usual chit-chat as she filled and finished my acrylics. Then, while I was waiting for my nails to dry her next client arrived. Turned out it was someone I know from our religious congregation, so she pulled up a chair for me to stay in the conversation.
I complimented the lady on her earrings and, from there, we just sort of landed in “girl world.” We talked about the tops that my manicurist wears, almost always form fitting with a “U” shaped neckline because, as she said, “I’m kinda small on top and these work for me.”
She also said that she gets most of her clothes from New York & Co. and that they were having a great sale right now.
Here’s where it begins to get complicated! When I returned home my spouse and I had a quick salad lunch and I had to get ready for my next visit with one of my guy friends who is a “muggle” and doesn’t know I’m not “all guy.” He was coming over to do some work in my woodshop.
Quick change – off with the makeup, ponytail dropped to nape of neck, now wearing workpants and a guy t-shirt.
He and I worked together for a couple of hours and then he left since I needed to get ready for a dinner out with some other friends, again muggles.
So, into a polo shirt, dress pants, and a jacket and out for a very enjoyable dinner in which “us guys” talked about an issue I was having with how my lathe was mounted on its stand, how he was doing on a car repair he was working on, and, you know, “guy stuff.” Meanwhile, our spouses were presumably engaged in “girl talk.”
They are early diners, so after dinner my spouse and I decided to join some other friends at a club where an acquaintance of ours was performing.
Which caused the next “wrinkle.” That group only knows “Persephone” (but by my actual female name) so it was back to wardrobe for evening makeup, hair down, dressier top and skirt and stilettos.
We had a great time talking, listening to the music, and drinking white zinfandel.
Sunday morning – up early to attend a gun show with a muggle friend.
We spent a couple of hours at the show and I bought an old 20-gage single break-barrel. Perhaps a bit more feminine than a 12-gage. (And yes, I did fill out a bunch of forms, pay for my background check, and will have to drive 50-miles each way to pick it up after the “ten day waiting period”).
One interesting thing did happen during the show, making me wonder just how effective my “guy camo” really is. I stop to look at some books and the guy behind the table glanced up and said, “Can I help you, Ma’m?” Here I am, at a gun show, wearing faded men’s Dockers, a dark sweatshirt and a Smith & Wesson camo jacket, my hair in a nape-of-the-neck pony tail and I’m still “Ma’m!” Gotta love it!
We drive home and said our goodbyes. When I got in the house my spouse and I decided that we wanted to check out that New York & Co. sale, so . . . back to “girl world.”
Long-sleeved top, pants, and 3” heeled boots, makeup and hair back up in a high pony tail where it belongs.
The store is across town, right about where the Harbor Freight is, and I needed to check something out there. After a quick stop at Harbor Freight, we hit the mall and each of us scored a new pair of pants and she gots a new top. Then we wandered, shopping and trying on stuff as we went.
Afterwards, we had dinner at the local Red Lobster and then headed for home, just in time to watch Desperate Housewives.
Are you confused by now? I am!
new vocabulary
Warning: This post may contain up to 63% post consumer recycled Sarcasm ... or Peanuts." 
