Caught fully enfemme by girlfriend

[jruiz]

Ashlyee,

I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I'm very surprised, because you are one of the girls around here I admire and you transmit so much self confidence. I even remember you started a thread where you mentioned that she was suspicious about your dressing and I thought she would be accepting.

You can't blame you and you can't blame her. It's understandable that she is also going through hard times. But I don't understand why she talked with somebody else. She is not supposed to share this with anyone, and she is supposed to understand how sensitive this is for you, specially at work.

I don't know, but I truly hope that the shock is what is leading her "indiscretion" and not the deliberate intention to hurt you.

[Jess_cd32]

....... It's understandable that she is also going through hard times. But I don't understand why she talked with somebody else. She is not supposed to share this with anyone, and she is supposed to understand how sensitive this is for you, specially at work.........

Wow, sorry to hear this Ashley.
For her to say this to someone at your work is way out of bounds on her part! Since this could threaten your job possibly I wouldn't admit to it to anyone at work if your asked, deny it!, they have zero right to know your personal business anyway. Why should you lose your job over being a cd, and because she can't come to grips with it?

This was pretty low IMO of her to do that, regardless of her reasoning doing it. Show the same respect to her when it comes to keeping your job now if you know what I mean. If it was me, I'd end it with her ASAP, just my .02

[Laura Evans]

I am so happy for you Ashley. I am glad it worked out so well for both of you. Having an understanding SO is so critical and no more secrets is so relieving. Heed the advice from the other girls, go easy.

[Laura Evans]

Ok, Talk about turns for the worst. Well she has been upset the last several days and when she came home tonight, She demanded all the banking and financial information, and wanted to know the status of everything. she was mad she told me she needed to talk to someone at work since she was so upset and crying at work. Well she told this girl who does have a big mouth, she said she wouldn't say anything (sure not this girl) so in a few days everyone there will know. So it now seems ive been outed at work, and bieng in the position I am in probably career suidicide. Problem is we both work at the same place She keeps telling me I have a mental disease and I have mental problems and why can't I stop? I tried explaining things to her but it is like talking to a wall, she wont listen to anything I have to say and sees no difference in drag queens, TV, TS, CD ect. She does not understand that I am not interested in being gay, ect. I tried to tell her gender and preference isn't the same but like I said seems like im talking to a wall. She has an appt today at the therapist and left without sating a word (completely unlike her) before she left I noticed some boxes in the garage missing and asked her, she said she was putting some stuff away in the studio. after she left I noticed some of her clothes were missing and the boxes are not there either. She told me the other day I look like a woman and she isn't a lesbian and cant have sex with a woman, (we haven't had sex in more than 1 1/2 years anyway). I told her I would goto councelling with her, don't know how qualified the therapist is, but that I would help in in whatever way she wanted. don't know what is going on, if she is planning to leave without warning or what, simply don't know since the communication seems like it is being avoided. Sorry about my rant just wanted to post some updates.
On a positive not with all this stress I haven't been able to eat for a few days and only weighed in today at 140lbs, stress is great for weight loss.

Wow!! What a quick change in attitude from your SO. I wrote my first response before I saw this update. I am so sorry to hear how it has all changed. I hope the gossip does not jeopardize your job. Keep your head up and keep your kool.

[boardpuppy]

Ashlyee,
I can empithize with what you are going through but keep a cool head. You will need it to ride out the hard bump your SO has delivered to you. I can tell you love your her but be prepared for the worse. There was a previous thead about a couple breaking up, oh..2 or 3 weeks ago. Do your research and cover your bases. We are here if you need us. Hope things work well for you.

Hugs,
Alice

[MentalMercury]

She said she knew I liked to dress and from my appearance lately with the breast growth she knew something was happening.

Are you on hormone treatment? And you somehow hid that from a her? I'm sorry to hear about the rest. I know it's shitty to hear but if it has to happen like this, there is no other way. Like they say, power is being able to change things you have control over and accept things you can't control. Wish you luck in the future.

[GINA-CD]

Sorry to hear how the situation deteriorated so fast. Maybe it wasn't the best way for her to find out, I mean, she was shocked and didn't think too much at first but once things fell into place, she probably decided she didn't want to share this with you, and you have to respect that. I don't say what she's doing is correct, but you also have to understand if she decides you can no longer be together. This might sound rude, but she has the right to not wanting to share or accept your dressing.

That being said, I hope she doesn't hurt you, because one thing is not accepting but another very different is to seek revenge or just do things the wrong way. Nobody knows the outcome of this as things are now, just be prepared, stay calm and do the right thing for you. No matter what, you're the most important person for you, right?

My heart's with you Ash.

[MentalMercury]

well her therapist is totally anti-TG, She told me tonight that IF I loved her I would stop and throw everything out, How can you put a condition on love? she said she wanted to start over but I would have to give everything up? I cant give up myself, not going to purge either, I did that 10 years ago in a prev. relationship and forever regretted it. I can only be myself, I know who I am and am confortable with myself and love myself for who I am. If I give myself up there will be nothing but resentment. I dont know what will happen, (other than me not giving up me) but will take it one day at a time.

There is why there needs to be some major reform when it comes to approaching TG subjects in therapy. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong but I believe the DSM labels us as having an adverse mental condition, just like they used to label gay people before they changed it to say that being gay is part of normal human behavior. Some therapists realize this and they're great, but some still hold on to the previous (or maybe current?) way of looking at TG subjects, treating us as if we should be seeking a 'cure'.

There was no 'cure' for gay, there is no 'cure' for TG. It's not a mental illness.

-end rant from angry boy in a dress

[Lisa Golightly]

Sounds terminal to me Babes i'm sorry to say... But sometimes you need something like this so you can be free... My last girlfriend dumping me was part of the kick up the backside I needed to consider change for real...

I have to admit I was quite surprised that you were on hormones with a partner who had no knowledge... I really don't think you can expect her to to accept that...

Time to break free and live free...

[Roberta J]

Ashylee, Been there and done that 9years ago. Now I have my own cupboard . Just remember to give your friend time as the person she first met.

[Starling]

Ashlyee, dear, I'm sure the possibility of being outed at work is frightening to you, but isn't it also liberating? As for your SO, you hurt her, she hurt you back, and it looks like the relationship is over. You're young and pretty, you're in transition, so go for broke, girl!

And as we've seen in other threads, modern employers are willing, and indeed required, to respect your right to be who you are. With luck and pluck, you'll look back on this awful time as the birth of a brand new life.

Lallie

PS: I'm sorry my earlier posts were so flip, but everything looked so rosy.

[BeckiB]

(we haven't had sex in more than 1 1/2 years anyway).

Sounds like there is a lot more than crossdressing going on here that needs to be addressed. Sometimes we hang on to things just because it seems like the easiest thing to do.

[carolinewalker_2000]

Glad it happened so smoothly and with an accepting GF. You can only go forward now.

[jruiz]

Sounds like there is a lot more than crossdressing going on here that needs to be addressed. Sometimes we hang on to things just because it seems like the easiest thing to do.

Agree

[Kathi Lake]

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong but I believe the DSM labels us as having an adverse mental condition, just like they used to label gay people before they changed it to say that being gay is part of normal human behavior.

Universal answer - It Depends.

Since those on this site run the gamut from people that occasionally wear a skirt to those that are or have transitioned, it's kind of hard to pin down. The area in the current DSM you're referring to would probably be descriptive of those about the middle of our spectrum - transvestic fetishism - those that gain sexual pleasure from articles of clothing and/or dressing as a member of the opposite sex. There are definitely those here that fit that description. I don't as I don't gain sexual satisfaction from what I do - just satisfaction. Ashlyee doesn't seem to either, as her lack of sex over the past years (due to lack of desire or hormonal influences) can attest. Ashlyee, I don't mean to speak of you in the third person. I'm just responding to MentalMercury. Ashlyee, it seems to me that you are on your way to transitioning. Thinking of your earlier posts, that's how it seems to me, anyway.

Kathi

[Lisa Golightly]

I was simply biologically impaired

[mklinden2010]

On we go...

Well, live and learn. Glad you added that post about having purged before and not doing that again. No point in making that experiment again when you know (now) that it doesn't work.

Look, you, she, or, both of you, have probably changed over time. That you didn't change together could be a bump in the road, or, a fork in the road. Time will tell.

Sorry you both have all this rearranging to do, one way or another, but to get to "better" from here may take (and be worth) all the work that it requires.

Not sure what to make of the therapist offering such strong opinions, nor am I sure I can trust second-hand reports of a private session...

At any rate, it's your life, her life, your lives, in the spotlight here and I don't see how such an opinion really helps in any way. Except, maybe, your GF gets encouraged to return for ten more sessions to "find out why you chose this person."

Please...

"Well, doc, it seemed like a good idea at the time... Are we done now?"

And, as to the entire set of posts, take the high road and stay there. Regain calm, remain calm. She wants to freak out about the finances, move out this weekend and leave you stuck with the rent, etc.? Well, that's the cost of living sometimes.

Things change - usually, as it turns out, for the better.

Just try to be nice about it.

[Picklebob]

There is why there needs to be some major reform when it comes to approaching TG subjects in therapy. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong but I believe the DSM labels us as having an adverse mental condition, just like they used to label gay people before they changed it to say that being gay is part of normal human behavior. Some therapists realize this and they're great, but some still hold on to the previous (or maybe current?) way of looking at TG subjects, treating us as if we should be seeking a 'cure'.

Yes you're right about the DSM. The so-called "mental disorder" is gender dysphoria which is loosely defined as wanting to be the opposite biological sex. For a transsexual to get a sex change, he or she usually needs to be diagnosed with it.

Ultimately, the whole purpose of the definition is to further the black and white societal standard that male genitals equate a male gender and female genitals equate a female gender.

[Edit: useless stuff deleted]

End rant

Ashlyee, I hope that things start to go better for you and that your girlfriend, and that she can accept you for who you are

[kristinacd55]

I actually talked with her about moving out, she said she had thought about it. I told her if it was something she wanted to do not to just take off and move without letting me know, I told her I would help her financially get set up and move and I would help pack. I told her if that was her choice I would help in in any way possible and would not beg for her to stay or stalk her, ect.. If that was what she wanted to do this is her life as well and I would not fight her about anything. I could care less about fighting anymore for any items, when I left my last marriage, I left with 1 box of clothes, no car and had to rebuild. Best way to start over. But that was when she said she wasn't going to move right now and see how things go. The purging is just wasteful, and whats the point? They are only clothing, why throw them out? The main thing that people want you to purge is inside and my heart, my mind, my feelings, my soul can never be purged. It is what makes me who I am, and I know myself and accept myself and no one can ever change that. Clothing, hormones, make up, ect.. are just physical, maybe important maybe not, but does not make me me and no one can change that.

Purging isn't the answer for sure Ashlyee, this is SO a part of you. when I read ur initial post I thought something wasn't quite right. The whole story just seemed too good to be true if you know what I mean. I hope you can work everything out.

[erika_cain]

Purging isn't the answer for sure Ashlyee, this is SO a part of you. when I read ur initial post I thought something wasn't quite right. The whole story just seemed too good to be true if you know what I mean. I hope you can work everything out.

I agree wholeheartedly, and wish you the best at working out a solution you both can live with. Purging is so costly. You know you'll just have to replace everything somewhere down the road. Trust me, you will.
erika_cain

[Laura Evans]

Ashlyee, my heart goes out to you. You may try looking for a therapist who has experience counseling TG's and try to have your so attend some sessions for a different view point than the therapist she is seeing now. That therapist is not going to help your situation. You mentioned there have been other problems in the relationship now would be a good time to face them with a TG friendly therapist. Good luck.

[Rachel B]

Save your money on a therapist ashylee, YOU dont need one! Your SO might, but you definately dont.

I dont get the whole seek the advice from someone paid to listen to you then splat some garbage from a book.

If you know who you are, what you want, which it sounds to me you do, then why waste your time with all that?

I'd say you deserve a medal for putting up with the crap you've been dealt by your partner, not sure I would be so understanding.......My response would've been something like "You want me to do WHAT? Well, see that big wooden rectangular thing with the handle on it over there - Dont let it hit you on the way out!"

[Debbie801]

Ashlyee,

You have a very nice name.

I feel for you and your situation right now, I'm going through something only slightly similar. My current wife is not the person I thought she was and would be for me, you might take a bit of comfort that this is your girlfriend and not a wife...much easier legally and financially.

I really respect your resolve to not change yourself or to purge. I hope you can stick to your guns on this part of your situation, you know what you are.

Good luck...

Debbie

[Sally24]

She demanded all the banking and financial information, and wanted to know the status of everything.

I would be careful with this. If you are not married she doesn't have any real need to know what YOUR financial info is. I hope you have serparate banking accounts? If not you should get any savings you have into an account she does not have access to. There are too many stories of girlfriends who decided to leave and emptied all the accounts of common money.

I wish you luck but I wouldn't count on it with her current attitude. If her therapist is accredited then I would report her to the professional board. She has no professional grounds to be against CDing.

[Jess_cd32]

I think the thing that bothered my SO the most is when she realized just how deep this runs in us and there's really little to no hope of stopping it.
Rememeber this is alot for any women to find out and take in, give her space.
I hope this doesn't have any effect on your job either, who needs that right now.

Wishing the best outcome for you Ashley, just take it day by day, some are gonna be long ones to

Sounds like she couldn't have talked to more ignorant people to start with thats for sure, including that so called therapist