"...the sexuality that's expected of us ..."

[deja true]

Admirer Dennis (denns61) asked a simple but profound question rhetorically
in Biannes thread about gg's preference for 'real men'...

I wonder how many of us live the sexuality that's expected of us instead of what we'd want for ourselves.

And though the subject comes up over and over about what flavor of sexual orientation we ourselves own up to, Dennis's point made me think more deeply than ever about this issue.

We all change over time and depending upon the people and ideas that influence us ...

Two years ago I would have said (like so many here) "str8t hetero guy, me". But these days, thanks to getting to know so many of you ladies and women and guys and whatevers, your "bad" influence leads me to think:

Bi-curious, gay-curious, non-curious...and heck!...even hetero-curious...

I'm more confused than ever, but it's the good kind of curious that keeps the mind busy and churning.

At the very least, it's a good exercise to ward off Alzheimers (along with crossword puzzles...)!

[Jennifer_Cross]

No offence... But maybe "Latent" ?

[Lisa Golightly]

Oh I was a hetrosexual male... who became a hetrosexual cd... who became a hetrosexual TS... who after six months of hormones became a very confused TS... who after a year and a bit of hormones became a I want a boyfriend TS... Been an interesting life.

[Sheila]

AM I latent lesbian? after 51 years I can be pretty damn sure I am not
Heck 2 months ago I would answered straight hetrosexual GG, and today the answer is still the same, HOWEVER there is now a twist ....... should Debs ever and I mean ever, decide she wanted SRS, I would walk that way with her in a heartbeat ............ me, I guess my sexuality is for THIS person I love, regardless of his/her gentically assisigned or chosen gender

[StevieTV]

It does make you think. Years ago I used to have hetro-sex. It never seemed right as I never orgasmed. They felt bad, and I felt bad for them. After understanding that, I knew.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

This is a reoccurring theme, as was pointed out. I like the "evolution" spin on it. There has been an evolution to my own crossdressing, however my sexuality remains the same.

I've been a straight man all my life. Never been interested in the slightest about being with another man sexually. Since going onine as a cd, I've seen a lot of photos of down right beautiful, sexy looking crossdressers. Some cd's are not only completely passable, but absolutely gorgeous. I find them very attractive. This did cause me to think about my own sexuality.

I'm a very open-minded guy. I mean, how can I be a crossdresser and not be open-minded, right? I'm married and would not cheat on my wife, period (not with another woman or a man or goat or whatever). But what about my attraction to a beautiful cd? What's all that about?

Here's how my thought process went. If I were in a room with a beautiful cd - one who also found me very attractive, what would happen? Under the premise that I was available and not married, would I really want to engage in romantic contact with another cd? There are levels to this and I mentally explored them.

Kissing. I'm pretty sure the feminine exterior would fade away quickly if I ever engaged in a kiss with another cd. Something tells me it's just not like kissing a real woman. But let's say I did end up enjoying the kiss and did not feel as if I was with a man or turned off by it.

Beyond kissing. If a spark was felt and things became more passionate, well... more touching usually results. Following this path of thought brings me the very clear answer to my question. As soon as I reached second base and didn't feel the expected... uh... natural base, so to say, I'd be pretty grossed out to say the least. The illusion of feminine beauty would be quite shattered and replaced with reality. I'm just not in to guys. I know what I want, and a guy ain't it.

What if second base was there? What if we're talking about a cd who's had some surgical alterations? Again, following the logical route of events, more touching would likely take place. Once we get downstairs to the lower level... I'm not only very done, I'm physically disgusted.

No matter what someone looks like on the outside, at no time do I find the thought of touching the man-part (or it touching me) desirable in any way. I do in fact find it repulsive. Not my own, but having contact with someone else's. I'm honestly making my grossed-out face right now. lol

The conclusion is that when I find another cd physically attractive, it is only the feminine beauty I am attracted to and not the man. If I'm aware of the fact that I'm looking at a man, there are no sexual thoughts, feelings, or curiosities. I'll admire a crossdresser's beauty, often wishing I could look as good myself, but don't desire to do anything other than admire her (his) beauty.

I've been hit on a few times by other cd's, and non-cd's who want to be with a cd. It was a little weird at first, but I'm ok with it. I honestly expected it might happen before venturing online as Gabrielle. I take it as a compliment, and even enjoy the ego boost it offers. That's just an honest statement, btw - I think every girl (mtf cd) really enjoys when others find her beautiful. I don't mind engaging in conversation with guys who find me attractive so long as the conversation is not sexual in nature, or about what I've got on, or about what other kind of photos do I have, etc.

I truly believe that life is a constant evolution of one's character. We do not know today what or who we will be tomorrow. But I also believe that many elements of who we are now, will always be with us. I've always loved women... maybe a bit too much and perhaps that plays a big part in why I crossdress. I just can't see myself ever being romantically interested in another man. This feeling is not because of what society has dictated about that subject and reinforced in my mind over the years. This is just how I feel, period.

EDIT:
Forgot to mention that regardless of how I feel in my own sexuality, I am not put-off or bothered by the sexual preference of others. I respect people and their differences, and hope they respect where I'm at myself. I'm here to share my own thoughts and feelings and learn about everyone else's

[Alana65]

Two years ago I would have said (like so many here) "str8t hetero guy, me". But these days, thanks to getting to know so many of you ladies and women and guys and whatevers, your "bad" influence leads me to think:

Bi-curious, gay-curious, non-curious...and heck!...even hetero-curious...

I'm more confused than ever, but it's the good kind of curious that keeps the mind busy and churning.

I know how you feel, Deja.......over the years, I have developed (through my CDing and being on this forum) an appreciation for all the various lifestyles we all engage in, to the point that I am "curious" about them as well. Whether I could actually act on the curiosity and go beyond being "hetero", I can't say for sure if I ever will/would. The subject though, does get the mind working, doesn't it ?

[marla01]

I would like to go back to the original question, and why we might change. There was the possibility that we change due to social expectation.

It has long been apparent to me that sexual attraction is more than just biological physical attraction. There is a very strong social component to sexual attraction. This is obvious in my own self in that I am only attracted to men as a woman, i.e. my social/gender role effects my sexual attraction. In a like way, men who are attracted to me as a woman (even knowing my sex) would not be attracted to me if they met me as a man. Again, my social/gender role is effecting sexual attraction.

Now I'm not sure 'social expectation' is the right word to describe this effect, instead I would suggest 'social interaction' or 'social relationships' or even 'social constructs', but I think there something to the statement.

And since many of us go through strong evolutionary changes as we learn about and integrate our opposite gender selves, one should not be surprised to see our sexuality go through evolutionary changes as well.

Marla

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

My position is quite close to Gabrielle's. I don't look at anybody except my wife as a potential sexual partner, and that applies irrespective of gender. I will admire the appearance of someone who is beautifully feminine but it is their appearance that I'm admiring, not their potential to be a sexual partner.

To be brutally honest, sex to me is about 2 naked bodies becoming one, preferrably with a decent quantity of perspiration being involved. clothing, wig, prosthetics and makeup aren't really part of the equation because they would get in the way.

No, my sexual oriention doesn't change when I'm crossdressed. I always find males repulsive.

[Kate Simmons]

It's instinctual and intrinsic Deja. In short, it takes one to know one. In any case, I never do what is "expected". That would be just plain too boring.

[Jenniferpl]

It also has to do with a emotional contention. I have yet to find that type of contention with any man and I also find males repulsive. For me, it is my wife regardless of how I am dressed.

[Lisa Golightly]

It may be semantics, but I find it bemusing that so many people on this site need to say they find men 'repulsive'... I'm sure when they look at themselves in the mirror they smile and think 'looking good'... In my TS state I really did find looking at this man in the mirror truly repulsive...

I'm not inclined to think of women as sexually attractive any more, but I don't think them repulsive... Just not my thing...

Hmmmmm...

Lisa x

[DemonicDaughter]

[SIZE="3"]Deja my dear, you know my thoughts on this whole thing... sexuality is fluid. You can find something sexually appealing without having to have sex involving it or them. An act preformed by another person might be stimulating to watch but not participate in.

I think sexuality is based more on an emotional need than a biological reaction. Perfect example, I don't think of men as physically appealing. I'm physically attracted to someone who is feminine. This would, by definition, classify me as a gay woman. But I'm not. I date men as well because they might have something that out-weights their appearance that I find attractive. This by definition makes me bisexual.

Just because you don't find a set of characteristics appealing doesn't define your sexuality.

Example: You say you're a heterosexual man and find "men repulsive" but why? Because of their physical attributes? Does that mean you find masculine women unattractive? If so then it is not the gender that you find unattractive but the masculinity. So apparently you can find a woman repulsive as well...

Its all a matter of defining your personal lines of attraction, understanding they may change and learning to accept that within yourself. Proclaiming any particular sexuality doesn't make it an absolute.[/SIZE]

[kellycan27]

I have noticed that there are some that say well, I am hetro, but when I am dressed, i often think of what it would be like to be with a man sexually.
If when it drab it's totally out of the question.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just part and parcel with their crossdressing you know... kind of enhances the whole experience. More fantasy than fact.

[Mistybtm]

I have always been a BI CD but could not realy get into it untill my divorce 9 years ago (none related) and i have never looked back

[Leslie Foxx]

Believing your sexual orientation or gender identity are static conditions is quite possibly a delusion. I, too, have gone from considering myself to be a straight heterosexual male, to something other than that. I am now married to a pre-op TS, and have no qualms about it. Does it really matter if your genetalia is an inny or an outy, as long as you have love and respect for your significant other?

A rather fundamentalist friend whom I came out to about my transgendered being and marrying a CWD, told me I was gay. I asked him what I would be when she has her GRS, and he was dumbfounded by the question.

[kellycan27]

versatile? LOL

I was wayyy into this thing before sexuality was really an issue. I alway felt female so my natural instinct (if you will) gravitated towards men. i am not attracted to females, therefore a guy who dresses as a female holds no attraction for me. Even if he only crossdresses "part time" and has his drab time.... he still crossdresses .So here we go again. i have no attraction for females.. therefore

[Beth Wilde]

Always been gay myself, did try being straight when I was young but hated it....

[Leslie Foxx]

Good one! LOL!

[Kayla Shadows]

.... should Debs ever and I mean ever, decide she wanted SRS, I would walk that way with her in a heartbeat ............ me, I guess my sexuality is for THIS person I love, regardless of his/her gentically assisigned or chosen gender

I saw this and just wanted to give you for that.

I cant answer this thread at the moment though.I dont think I feel anything.

[windycissy]

I have noticed that there are some that say well, I am hetro, but when I am dressed, i often think of what it would be like to be with a man sexually.
If when it drab it's totally out of the question.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just part and parcel with their crossdressing you know... kind of enhances the whole experience. More fantasy than fact.

Very astute observation...being with a man is part of the fantasy, but when it starts to become a relationship, we face the same issues GG's face in dating: do I need to "put out" in order for him to keep asking me out? It's when you discover that you really enjoy pleasing him, and that it feels real good for you too, that you realize you've crossed that line.

[deja true]

Yeah, hunnies, it's the "I find men repulsive thing" that I don't get either. Does that leave you in a constant state of self-loathing when you're not dressed?

I'm not really attracted to men either, hyper or hypo masculine, macho or effeminate...but I don't find them all repulsive. The mind (centered in the brain) is the primary sexual organ, after all. And a beatiful mind even in an unattractive shell is still a beautiful thing, eh?

I like my boy bits...and I'm thinking...why couldn't I like the boy bits of another if it ever came right down to it. What if they were attached to someone that I might have totally fallen for? It hasn't happened yet...and may never...but that's not the point. At the least, I might now be willing to not rule out half of the world's population as a potential "one".

Hmmm!

*where's the totally confused smiley thing when you really need it?*

[Noxvictum]

From what I can see, I'd have to agree it's a changing thing. Especially for us 'youngins. What anyone looks for in an SO is largely dependant on thier needs and wants, right? Well, if our needs and wants are either changing or not what we thought they were, then what we're looking for is going to change as well. I suppose I'd fit into the bi-curious classification. Part of me really wants to go for it, and has for awhile. It's nice seeing others in the same boat, even if it is terribly confusing. I think the only reason I haven't explored that part of my sexuality is to date, women are more fun to talk to. That, and I really love boobs.

[alexmusic]

In my experience sexuality is an ever changing thing, I’ve experience it with men, women and CD’s and I have enjoyed every single experience but lately as I have made the strongest push in my life to be open about my femininity I feel almost compelled to be gay and I believe it has to do in part with my own desire of wanting to be a woman it just makes sense to me that as a woman I like men, at least for the time being.

Don’t get me wrong this is not the only reason for being gay as I do find men attractive but I can’t quite identify myself as gay I love women and my sexual experiences with them have been far more satisfying than those with men because of the emotional aspect of it.
But the physical aspect of being with men is also quite satisfying as I love pleasing a man.

For some reason I don’t feel I can call myself bi sexual even though right down to it I think that is what I am but at this particular period in my life I feel like being girlfriend to a man but if the right GG were to come along and I fall in love with her I would pursue that relationship.

Sexuality has become fairly confusing to me as I think human sexuality in general is a very beautiful thing but for some reason I feel a need to put a label to it in order to belong the problem being is I can’t and even if I could it seems it would only be temporary.

I still can’t make sense of it and it seems like a never ending journey

[kellycan27]

You know what they say.... *#&# happens! lol