Now I Know I can never tell my wife

[StephanieT]

A few weeks ago, My wife and I were in the parking lot of a local grocery store. A CD walked past our car and my wife about had a fit. This CD did not even try to pass which is ok with me. She was very obvious with no wig, long hair and balding head with no make-up except lipstick. My wife asked me where we were and said she would expect this in San Francisco but not in a small town. My wife then said she had a real problem with this CD. I guess I will be in the closet with my wife forever.

[Karren H]

Awww... I would have never told my wife either... But she found out anyway... ohh welll....

[Super Amanda]

Maybe you can, subtly, use that as a chance to feel her out more. I would try to find out exactly what bothers her so much. She is likely uninformed, as are many. It's a huge burden , keeping this special and large part of us a secret from those we love. Anyway, best of luck to you!

[Ashlyee Paige]

same here :> Was actually trying to break the ice before and was poking to see how she would react before she caught me :> probably would have been better to come clean before i guess. don't know still going thru the drama right now. But I am still here :> not going anywhere anytime soon :> unless my internet gets shut off lol :>

[Christina Horton]

Well do you not think the prob she had with th CDer was the fact she WAS NOT EVEN TRYING TO PASS. If she saw a cd that is trying to look gaad and pass and did not pass, Maybe she would not be so upset. I would never not tell a girl friend I cd. If i was in your high heals, I would tell her. I could not live with the lie.
She might be fine with your dressing BUT, she will hate the fact you did not share this with he years ago. If i were you i wouold tell her, but thats me. If she really love you she will understand, if not aprove. You could lose he rover it, even if you tell her you won't ever do it again. But that could kill your sprit. It's up to you hun, I hate it when this is the death of a relattionship.
Good luck hun. I have been out dressed 11 times now and each time I go out I like myself more and more. HUGGS and LUCK

[AKAMichelle]

They always act different when it is their husband dressed. Unfortunately, that different is not a whole lot better sometimes. Some wives will never accept. Its a shame. They will accept us having some medical condition that turns us into little boys again (mentally), but never CDing. They love us the same, but CDing crosses a boundary that they freak out about.

I think the biggest problem with non acceptance is the fact that we are never able to be us. We have to hide us from our SO. The one person who often is our best friend has locked us into the closet and thrown away the key.

[CD Susan]

Having to keep this kind of secret from a wife is such a hard thing to do. If you want to be out to her I would try to disscuss the subject with her. Just pick the right moment and go very slowly with it. If she really does love you she might try to understand this part of you. Good luck hun.

[leslie ann]

face it some women will NEVER EVER EVER acept it and it very well could ruin your life so just be carefull ( experience aint cheap)

[mannph]

i have the same problem. When a cross dresser was in the news (sports reporter who was caught), she told me that "those people are really sick."

No coming out for me.

[Sally2005]

You have to use those opportunities to say something like..."that person needs to make an appointment at the salon...even I could do better than that!". This results in your wife saying either..."oh ya, lets see it" or "don't even think it!".

[Erica A.]

I guess there are some things I just don't get. I really can't understand how some, and I'm beginning to think most, CD'ers can live a "closeted" life with their SO. I can certainly see why most wouldn't want to advertise to the general public as most people are uninformed and judgemental, but I just can't see living with the love of your life and having to hide such a huge part of who you are. Perhaps this isn't the right thread for this topic, but this is where it really hit home for me. Would you secretly hide other fetishes, desires or problems from them too? Don't get me wrong, I lived many year's with someone that I couldn't be completely open with, but thank god that's over. Am I just lucky that I completely trust, support and encourage my SO, and she me? I once discovered that a SO had a secret drug problem. When confronted, it wasn't that she did drugs that almost ruined us. That is understandable and fixable. It was that she did something that she felt she couldn't tell me. I was excluded from the activity and the solution. It wasn't the drug's, it was the lie's that were almost irreconcilable. I'm just happy and blessed to share every part of who I am with who I love. Am I ranting? Is this a rant? OMG! O.K., I'm going to take a femtab now and lay down... -Erica

[linnea]

You have to use those opportunities to say something like..."that person needs to make an appointment at the salon...even I could do better than that!". This results in your wife saying either..."oh ya, lets see it" or "don't even think it!".

Though I think that some people will never be accepting of CDs, I agree with taking the opportunity to say something like this.

[Ashlyee Paige]

I got some comments like that from my SO, Thats why I didnt come out to her sooner, well, I would have came out alot sooner to her if she came home early like she did this week before LOL :>

[GINA-CD]

I got some comments like that from my SO, Thats why I didnt come out to her sooner, well, I would have came out alot sooner to her if she came home early like she did this week before LOL :>

You crazy girl! I just have to smile when you make jokes out of such a complicated issue.

BTW, my wife would never understand, so I'm not coming out of the closet to her. Maybe when this is over ...

[Ashlyee Paige]

I figure what the hell, what's done is done and life has to go on :> Looking back it was VERY stressful but funny at the same time

[Lisa O]

I figure what the hell, what's done is done and life has to go on :> Looking back it was VERY stressful but funny at the same time

Agree, very stressful. But when my long-suffering wife laughs at what I wear, I gotta smile too! Also smile at what she must have thought at the beginning when I asked for pantyhose for Christmas! She delivered too! I have also found that if I take the whole thing lightly, so does she. It is still the "me" in there she loves.

[Sarah_GG]

StephanieT

A few weeks ago, My wife and I were in the parking lot of a local grocery store. A CD walked past our car and my wife about had a fit. This CD did not even try to pass which is ok with me. She was very obvious with no wig, long hair and balding head with no make-up except lipstick. My wife asked me where we were and said she would expect this in San Francisco but not in a small town. My wife then said she had a real problem with this CD. I guess I will be in the closet with my wife forever.

This sounds like the perfect opportunity to open a dialogue and discuss her ill-informed prejudices. If my SO made a comment that I thought was narrow-minded I would at least challenge it and talk about it.

If your SO had made a racist comment would you have let it go unchallenged? Would you not have questioned her and tried understand why she held such views?

[Joanne f]

Not necessarily so as it could have just been bad vibes that your wife was picking up from that person , so it might have happened even if that person was dressed differently , so do not give up on your wife ever excepting as you will never know if you never give her the chance

[Hope]

StephanieT

This sounds like the perfect opportunity to open a dialogue and discuss her ill-informed prejudices. If my SO made a comment that I thought was narrow-minded I would at least challenge it and talk about it.

If your SO had made a racist comment would you have let it go unchallenged? Would you not have questioned her and tried understand why she held such views?

Yeah - exactly - this is what educators refer to as a teachable moment. Your wife has said something incredibly bigoted and incredibly ignorant, this is an opportunity to challenge her beliefs in a safe manner... simply by asking her what is so wrong with what that person was doing.

Just because she believes something idiotic, doesn't mean she should continue to believe something idiotic, and it certainly does not mean that you have to support her idiocy - tacitly or otherwise... which is what the OP has done.

[Satrana]

Well it is not a big surprise is it? Many folks are prejudiced against TG, especially those TG who do not try to blend in - there is a clash of gender that unsettles people.

But the bright side is that there are accepting GGs today who a few years ago would have said exactly what your wife said. People can change if they want to.

What you have discovered is where your wife stands on the subject today, ignorant of the facts. It is not necessarily where she will be in 5 years time although this is not an auspicious beginning.

Still it is your choice as the person who knows your wife best to decide whether to sacrifice your feminine self to remaining in the closet or jeopardize your relationship by revealing your secret which you now know will trigger an unsympathetic prejudiced response.

Gauging the depths of her prejudice should really be your aim. The more entrenched her feelings are the less likely she will be able to overcome them. Try and find other opportunities to test her views then you will know if you stand a fighting chance.

[Senban]

StephanieT said - "My wife then said she had a real problem with this CD."

Just for clarification, are we talking specifically about this CD or about CD in general?

StephanieT said -"I guess I will be in the closet with my wife forever."

Get a different wife. I'm serious. A marriage where you have to live a lie rather than be accepted for who you are isn't a marriage. Start by trying to gradually educate your wife s-l-o-w-l-y. But be prepared for the fact that sooner or later she'll turn round and ask if there's something you're trying to tell her because all the clues will be adding up in her mind. But sooner or later you have to live life for yourself as well as others (dual-life balance).

[tricia_uktv]

Play carefully, as a lot of the girls have said here, they were eventually outed, but its better to out yourself if you can as you are in control of the repurcussions. Reember also that it is likely your feeling will get stronger as time goes on.

[Senban]

Katie B said - "Stephanie, I'm not at all surprised that your wife had a bad reaction to a CD "with no wig, long hair and balding head with no make-up except lipstick." I'd agree that that combination would look wierd, and I too would wonder if they needed psychiatric help."

/me counts to ten and thinks happy thoughts

This may just be the most ignorant comment I've read in a very long time. Are you judging crossdressers on whether they just like to express a little femininity as opposed to trying to pass?

[JoannaCaroline]

StephanieT

This sounds like the perfect opportunity to open a dialogue and discuss her ill-informed prejudices. If my SO made a comment that I thought was narrow-minded I would at least challenge it and talk about it.

If your SO had made a racist comment would you have let it go unchallenged? Would you not have questioned her and tried understand why she held such views?

I absolutely agree and that seems to be becoming a trend with you Sarah.

My wife will do this with anyone, anywhere whether it be gay, TG, or race related. The first time it happened was with one of my coworkers, when he made the absurdly stupid comment that being gay was sinful. I just refilled my wine glass with a large pour and sat back to watch the fireworks.

[TSchapes]

[SIZE="2"]I would have asked, "what is it about him that bothers you so much?" Because honestly, when someone makes that kind of comment, I don't know if it's because they feel threatened or insulted by what the other person is wearing.

Or another question would be, "what kind of comment on society do you think this person is trying to say through the use of clothing?"

I find a lot of the attitudes funny, because we were always told that it's what's inside a person that counts. But the second a guy wears one piece of women's clothing, it is assumed the inside is all messed up!

And society won't stay this way forever, it is changing, albeit slowly. I was talking to my 16 year old niece (who knows about Tracy) and said she thought it would be cool to have a boyfriend that cross-dressed. And no, she was not saying that just because I CD. She has no problem telling me what's on her mind!

-Tracy[/SIZE]