Guilty as Charged!

[charlie]

Hello All!
As I said before in previous threads, I'm a happily married CD. My wife knows, but goes strongly by "do not ask and certainly do not tell". That said, I love to dress and go out and about when I'm away on business. I love to dress and be the best looking woman that I can be. My clothes style has evolved from the super short mini skirts to above the knee skirtsuits, gowns and dresses. Although I consider myself straight (with a few bends) I went out on a date with a man that I met and have known awhile from a local bar. He knows that I am not into men per se, but we get along and he wanted to take me out to dinner as his "female date". The guilty part is that I went. He picked me up at my house, opened all my doors, we walked arm in arm, held hands,he even helped me from his high truck (a bit difficult in 5" heels I must admit ladies). He was the perfect gentleman! For those of you that are interested, I wore a new Jones of New York silk dress (black), black bra, black corset, black panties and black suspender nylons (garter built in the nylons) , white multi stranded pearls, and black 5" slingbacks. I thought I looked quite good, he thought I was beautiful and passable...and he treated me like a lady all night. We went to a great Italian dinner place, cocktails at a nice nightclub afterwords and he then took me back to my house where we had some brandy. I did kiss him goodnight and he kissed me back and did rub my ass and a bit of hugging. It was not unpleasant. I loved feeling like a real woman for a night! I guess I'm just an "attention junkie" when I'm all dressed up! The guilty part is that although nothing really happened, I have cheated on my wife..albeit as a woman.

[jruiz]

Hello All!
As I said before in previous threads, I'm a happily married CD. My wife knows, but goes strongly by "do not ask and certainly do not tell". That said, I love to dress and go out and about when I'm away on business. I love to dress and be the best looking woman that I can be. My clothes style has evolved from the super short mini skirts to above the knee skirtsuits, gowns and dresses. Although I consider myself straight (with a few bends) I went out on a date with a man that I met and have known awhile from a local bar. He knows that I am not into men per se, but we get along and he wanted to take me out to dinner as his "female date". The guilty part is that I went. He picked me up at my house, opened all my doors, we walked arm in arm, held hands,he even helped me from his high truck (a bit difficult in 5" heels I must admit ladies). He was the perfect gentleman! For those of you that are interested, I wore a new Jones of New York silk dress (black), black bra, black corset, black panties and black suspender nylons (garter built in the nylons) , white multi stranded pearls, and black 5" slingbacks. I thought I looked quite good, he thought I was beautiful and passable...and he treated me like a lady all night. We went to a great Italian dinner place, cocktails at a nice nightclub afterwords and he then took me back to my house where we had some brandy. I did kiss him goodnight and he kissed me back and did rub my ass and a bit of hugging. It was not unpleasant. I loved feeling like a real woman for a night! I guess I'm just an "attention junkie" when I'm all dressed up! The guilty part is that although nothing really happened, I have cheated on my wife..albeit as a woman.

What would you think if your wife goes on a date with another guy who kisses her goodnight, hugs her and rubs her ass? Would you be OK as long as you "don't ask don't tell"?

You are "happily" married and playing with fire. Don't complain when you get burned

You met a guy in a bar. I hope his expectations are well handled and he doesn't get obsessed in the future. Did he pick you up at you home? Are you risking your home and your family safety letting strangers pick you up at you actual home address?

[beenherelongtime]

i agree that you probably cheated. and would you consider your wife cheating if she kissed another woman in the same context. but you need to explain (with some bending) are you feeling some same gender feelings. if so, this could lead to danger, local bar (gay bar?), known for some time(how) intimate. you really must examine your feelings.

[sissystephanie]

You say you are "happily married" and you do things like that? What kind of respect are you showing your wife? As others have asked, what would you do if the tables were turned?

I was happily married for over 49 years to a very loving and supportive wife. Only reason I am not still married is that cancer took her 4 years ago. When I first told her about being a CD, before we were married, she said that she could and would accept that if I always remembered that I was HER MAN!! Although I really love to dress (I am right now!), never did it occur to me to go on a date with another man! I went out with my wife, as her girlfriend, many times. We had a lot of fun doing that.

But going out with another man is cheating on your wife, no matter how you slice that cake!! If I were you, I would think long and hard before pulling a stunt like that again! That is, if you really value your marriage!

[Lorileah]

Ouch Charlie. You are getting it with both barrels here. You know how you feel and I suspect you know how your wife would feel.

From another attention "Junkie" ( I use a stronger word for me )

That aside, it sounds like you had a fairytale evening. Will it change you forever? Well it will make you think differently. But I suspect you will survive and with a strong marriage so will the two of you. Should you feel guilty? Yes, that is what people do. But, I am sure there are other secrets that you and your wife have from each other and you function well that way. Maybe instead of happily married you are "Comfortably" married.

I am glad you had a good time though.

[donnaking]

Ouch Charlie. You are getting it with both barrels here. You know how you feel and I suspect you know how your wife would feel.

He deserves to get it from both barrels and then some. This kind of stuff is BS in my book...pure lowlife BS.

[Karren H]

Well I wouldn't be hapily married for long if I did that and my wife found out and I wouldn't even be happy with myself... Cheating is cheating no mater how your dressed..

[trisha59]

Hello All!
The guilty part is that although nothing really happened, I have cheated on my wife..albeit as a woman.

Yes You Did!

[MsJanessa]

Ouch Charlie. You are getting it with both barrels here. You know how you feel and I suspect you know how your wife would feel.

From another attention "Junkie" ( I use a stronger word for me )

That aside, it sounds like you had a fairytale evening. Will it change you forever? Well it will make you think differently. But I suspect you will survive and with a strong marriage so will the two of you. Should you feel guilty? Yes, that is what people do. But, I am sure there are other secrets that you and your wife have from each other and you function well that way. Maybe instead of happily married you are "Comfortably" married.

I am glad you had a good time though.

I'm glad you had a good time too Charlie---but the time now might be to ask yourself what direction you want to move in---you obviously enjoyed the evening to the point of telling all about it here and as I'm sure you can see there are plenty of people on this site to judge you--I agree that maybe you are comfortably married rather then happily and if you and your spouse are content to lead seperate lives, all the more power to you---if you think what you are doing would be a problem for her(and I can't tell from your post) and also for you now might be the time to decide the future of your marraige.

[Lorileah]

He deserves to get it from both barrels and then some. This kind of stuff is BS in my book...pure lowlife BS.

Somewhere in the FAQ's that are so often invoked here we are not supposed to "dis" anyone but is seems that some people are more fair game than others. Bringing one's personal morality to this forum seems to be hypocritical. So Charlie, I will support you in the best way I can

[Lorileah]

Let's not start throwing proverbs and verses out here. You won't win. The fact here is where do we as crossdressers get to throw the first stone? (see you won't win). Was the line crossed when Charlie dressed when mama was out? Was it crossed when the date was set? Do you just object to the kiss? We cannot place our own morality on others here. Some couples are perfectly happy with an open arrangement.

Charlie needs care and support, not condemnation. What Charlie decides to tell her wife (and Charlie is a her as long as she is on this forum) is up to her. I see the OP as her way of venting some. I may not agree with what Charlie did. But I will not make her feel any lower than what she makes herself feel. She knows what she did, she is having angst for what she did. She needs constructive help here not condemnation. Charlie is human and humans do things that they may regret. But a life without exploration is a life wasted. Maybe Charlie will now find out who she truly is and I wish her luck in her journey.

[JulieC]

This is the kind of thing that would yield a press clipping like this; "Wife assaults cheating transvestite husband"

Does being a crossdresser have much to do with the fact that the OP cheated on his wife? No, but it certainly gives crossdressing a black eye. No crossdressers are compelled to uphold some code of ethics, but it does sadden me to see this sort of thing happen.

There's a book at there called "Alice in Genderland". I haven't read it, but from what I understand the author is married, and has his wife's permission to go out crossdressed and has his wife's permission to have a boyfriend. To that I say more power to them if it works for them.

In this case, there's no grounds to do so. The wife in this case is being completely disrespected and is being treated miserably. If there are young kids at home, well....*sigh*

[donnaking]

Charlie needs care and support, not condemnation.

I disagree 100%.

[JulieC]

Some couples are perfectly happy with an open arrangement.

Yes, some couples are. That's not the case here, so I see no reason to treat this from that viewpoint. This was cheating, pure and simple. No equivocation.

If Charlie had gone out on this date with the support and approval of her wife, I would be gloriously happy for Charlie. It sounds like it was a lot of fun! But, that's not the case here.

Charlie needs care and support, not condemnation.

Sometimes the best advice is the advice telling you how badly you screwed up. Care and support does not automatically equal approval.

She needs constructive help here not condemnation. Charlie is human and humans do things that they may regret. But a life without exploration is a life wasted. Maybe Charlie will now find out who she truly is

Exploring life is not a lofty goal when it involves trampling on others.

I wish her luck in her journey.

I wish her luck too.

[Mirani]

I try not to be judgemental BUT. . I am sad on two counts. The deception on your spouse (how would you like it if she behaved like that?) and your ease at sharing your deception with the world.

No wonder our partners fear what we "might" do ...

[carolinoakland]

Yep honey, as hard as it to accept, you cheated. Why is the big question you need to ask before you sit down and adress this with you wife. Carol

[Kate Simmons]

Ouch! This is why I keep talking about taking ownership of ourselves and responsibility for our own actions. We are, after all, the one who has to live with the results, good, bad or indifferent.

[boardpuppy]

Hi Charlie,
I was going to add my 2 cents but your getting shot and patched up pretty well in all the above.
Having been there (both SO and I) It brings nothing but pain and trouble but will say my marriage is stronger only because SO is stubborn, pig headed and fights dirty (terffic women she is). Concerning this incident, get your head out of the Pink Fog and off Cloud 9, screw it on straight and never say another word about it to anyone again, especially your SO.
Oh, and don't even consider a repeat. This coal raking is nothing compared to what is in store for you if....

Hugs,
Alice

[charlie]

Hello All!
Thanks for both barrels! I deserve all that and more! Yes, I know what I did was a violation of trust, yes I feel (looking back on the night) that I violated my own feelings of respect, and no, there will be no repeat performance. That said, I am balancing how I feel about life and my new self. I am pushing the envelope and what exists out there is still me relating to others. My wife I'm sure knows that I dress when I go out of town and knows that I go out and about. I'm sure that she trusts that I will be faithful however, as I suspect that she is. There lies the guilt. Because I felt guilty is why I shared this with all of you. Often I have read various people asking what it would be like to go off on a date and be treated like a woman. I guess one could say it is like taking drugs; great at first...then you think about it alter. What Boardpuppy (Alice) stated is how I intend to handle this. Cloud 9 and the Pink Fog have been blown away. I had a date thinking that the girl who had it was someone else, just because she wore different clothes and was gender bending. She wasn't. Just me.

[MissConstrued]

This is why it's better to be swingers. There's no cheating when having other playmates is mutually agreed upon.

[Mirani]

OK ...
Warm wishes for the future.
You have assuaged your conscience by your honesty and acceptance that it was wrong, wrong, wrong! and of course your decision to never repeat this ... congrats on your self awareness.
Sorry for being hard on you after your first post.

Now the hard bit for you ... forgive yourself and move on. You have learnt a salutory lesson.

All the best.

[sissystephanie]

This is why it's better to be swingers. There's no cheating when having other playmates is mutually agreed upon.

But not in a real marriage! Not if you have any respect for each other!!

[Kelli Michelle]

I am not going to shoot you. But,you have some issues here. Let's adress them logically.

I suspect the date occurred because you are feeling things that you want to explore. Exploration is fine, but once you cross the mariage vow (and intentions for that matter) threshold it should alert you to the fact that this (exploration, cding, whatever) is too significant to just let things continue on as is. I suspect your wife would not feel "happily married" if she knew about this. So, you need to either explain to the wife about your need to explore, and see how she is with it, or you need to stop that kind of exploration (if you can). You both can can figure it out, or make some other agreement.

If you are intent on further exploration and she is not agreeable to that, it's decision time. I don't know the rest of your history, but obviously there are many things to consider if applicable (your love for each other, children, family, etc).

I do think it is a good idea to put yourself in her shoes, and say to yourself, "would I be ok with it if she did (fill in the blank)...".

If your love for her isn't enough to stop your "dating" than I would say there is not enough commiitment there to warrant keeping the relationship going. That's just my worth.

I know the attraction to do the kind of exploration you have taken part in. But, seriously, this is truly a case of "you can't have your cake and eat it too..." If you were feeling guilty there was a reason.

I hope you can figure out the right thing to do for you.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

You went way to far - what would your "former spouse" say if she found out ?

JoAnne Wheeler

[sue ellan]

He deserves to get it from both barrels and then some. This kind of stuff is BS in my book...pure lowlife BS.

what would do if your wife went out and did the same thing? a person cant get much lower than what you are doing. it will be a miracel if you dont get caught.

sue ellan

life is like a roll of tp. the closer to the end the faster it goes.