Blackmail

[Teri Jean]

I have to agree with Lori, get the lawyer and don't worry about the family. They find out what she is trying to do they may side with you.

Sorry to hear this, Keli

[AllieSF]

Thalia,

You can see what everyone thinks in the posts above and I agree with them. Your wife is setting you up for a divorce after you sign everything over to her. Get a lawyer, get whatever papers you have signed so far annulled, cancelled, etc. The attorney will know how to do that. Be very honest with the attorney, he will be your only true frined during this ordeal, until others can come to grips with who you are. Prepare to be outed and prepare for a tough economic fight with your ex. If she loved you, she would not even consider any of the actions she wants you to take. She has her family, kids and grandkids and she plans to make your after divorce life very difficult with whatever personal friends and family that you have. She wants to punish you. She will watch every move you make. It can only get worse if you follow her requirements. This scenario has "SET UP" written all over it. Get help fast and good luck.

[Holly]

DON"T SIGN ANYTHING!!! Take a deep breath and get some help. Emotionally, you are in no position to be making decisions of this magnitude without counsel. In addition to legal counsel, I recommend that you seek relation counseling (with or without her). Yes, you messed u by hiding something important from her for all those years. You tried in good faith to correct the situation. She, on the other hand, is taking deliberate and purposeful steps to HURT YOU. No one in a loving relationship would intentionally do that to their partner. Please let us know how things progress.

[TGMarla]

This is not how a loving couple behaves. 15 years in and this is what you get? For what? For crossdressing? Gimme a break. Even if she were to back off and apologize, how could you ever get over the fact that she took things this far? And how was she able to wrest the title to your joint properties without your written consent?

I say to hell with her, and this marriage is obviously over. Draw your battle lines. Here we go.

[Cary]

Don't sign anything!

Get a(good) lawyer!

Get out!

Realize she may have been planning this for a while and may have help.

Plan for the worst....it's comming!

Goodluck and god bless!

[Mary Morgan]

Good luck, but I'm not buying it. I'm not sure that I could remain in love let alone in the same house with someone who, in your words, is blackmailing me. If I were you, I'd call her bluff. it is a win win. I cannot imagine having so little self respect as to tolerate this kind of treatment. Think about it.

[ReineD]

Unfortunately, she got her hands on a cd with pictures (very incriminating) which was taken following a transformation) and she has all my clothes. To make things worse, before I could erase e-mails, she got to my computer and printed all of them.. She now has these in a safe deposit box and I am certain she will use all this if I fail in any way to comply with her wishes.

Well then .. obviously your wife has no right to out you in public and it is your right to protect yourself as best you can. You could explain your pictures as being in costume for a masquerade party even if they are suggestive, unless you are not the only one in them? As to the emails, unless they would lead your wife (or a Judge) to believe you were committing adultery, what harm can they do? I agree with a previous poster's idea of preemptively showing one or two of the less compromising pictures to your friends before she does and also explain why you are doing this. As to your clients, why should they care how you conduct your personal life?

However, she does want to stay married and said that if I feel the absolute need, I can wear some of my underwear to bed (and only in our home). She said absolutely no more out of the house.

The reason she wants the property in her name is as added incentive to 'live by the new rules". What do you all think of all of this?

You've heard the line, "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned". Is there more to this than simply wearing women's clothing? If not, then your wife cannot cause real harm in Court or with your acquaintances. CDing is not viewed the same way now as it was 20 years ago.

But, if she has evidence that you've been unfaithful, although I do not condone her attempt to blackmail, I do understand the strength of her emotions.

After consulting with an attorney, you might consider marital counseling?

[Angie G]

I think the new rules suck Thalia. But that's where it's at now hun.
Angie

[Robynts]

I know a guy named Guido.....big and hairy......works in the plumbing business, most does lead pipe work.

Her behavior is way out of line. Not that I am advocating hiring Guido, but certainly stand your ground.......remember if she makes it so you cannot earn a living she will suffer too. She has put herself in a Mexican standoff. I bet she can afford to shoot first.

[LeslieSD]

Too much to say, let me go directly to the points:

1. Betrayal. Wearing women's clothing is not betrayal. She may not like it, but crossdress is not forbidden by marriage oath. Crossdressing is definitely not a crime.

2. Privacy. Everyone deserve to have some privacy. Not telling her every single bit of your thought is all natural. Think how many men think about having sex with the sexy actress (fill names here), but few of them tells their wives about that.

So you should get over your guilt first. From there:

3. Fear. People don't do business with you because you wear a tie or suit. People do business for your products or services. Think about it in another way, those CEOs or mayors who are women or gays does not make them any bit less of a successful leader. So fear not.

So get out, you are in a jail YOU set for yourself. The walls of the jail is your own guilt and fear.

Once you are out of the jail of yourself, you for sure know what to do with that threat, being a successful person as you are.

[trannie T]

If she were to go ahead and out you, there is probably little that would happen to you. Most of us prefer not to be out but little has happened to most who have been outed. It could be embarrassing, it could be humiliating, it would not be the happiest time in your life but you will survive.
I can see your wife's viewpoint too. She has been married to a person for fifteen before she learns her beloved man loves prancing around in women's clothing, she has a right to be upset.
Hopefully you will be able to resolve your problems without legal action, you may want to give serious consideration to marriage counseling.

[AKAMichelle]

I had to think about this one for awhile. You are definitely in a bad spot.

So here is my advice, notice that I don't play fair.
1) Find out the laws in your state about tape recording conversations and phone calls. Then get her on tape saying that she intends to tell your clients and family if you don't sign over the 2 properties to her.
2) After you get her on tape, then verify that the tape contains enough information to prosecute. Asking for the 2 properties in exchange for her silence is extortion.
3) Then you need to have a heart to heart and get things under control. No more blackmail. Lots of Talking. Even if you don't take my advice on #1 & #2, you should have a long talk with her and tell her no on the properties.
4) Once you begin paying someone who is blackmailing you, you need to understand that you have never paid enough. The price will continue to go up since they found a way to control you. Is the next price that you sign over all of the assets into her name? Or maybe that you quit crossdressing completely and if she catches you then its a divorce.

What are you going to do when she decides to leave and she leaves you without a pot to pee in? You need to be equal with her. Therefore, you need to find a better way to deal with everything.

Lastly, you have to stand up to her and say if wants to tell everybody then go ahead. She will have to understand that any harm done to you and your clients will result in less money for her.

I own my own company and your post struck a nerve. I would never let my wife get a way with this. I wouldn't cheat her, but she isn't going to cheat me either.

[AmandaM]

What she's doing "is criminal". And she'll out you after you sign it all over. Call the cops.

[kathtx]

Others have said it already, but I'll add one more voice to the chorus: under no circumstances put your joint property in her name.

Worst case is she shows the pictures around and reveals you as a CD, simultaneously revealing herself as vindictive and untrustworthy. The best advice I can give you is to start getting comfortable with the idea of being out. You'll find it's better than being blackmailed.

Best of luck

Kath

[AmandaM]

I just showed this to my wife. She said your wife will out you anyway.

[jillleanne]

I think you should, and quickly, get a lawyer. Ok, so you kept your secret from her but did come out to her in good faith. Ok, you love her, and all the kids. You can still love her and all the kids after she blackmails you. And what's to stop her from releasing all the information on you anyway after she decides she wants out? Do you really think she will relinquish all that info. to you in good faith? Forget it!!! She'll keep a copy of it for as long as she lives, just in case.
The idea of councelling would be great if she would participate, but if she is ready to get out, councelling won't do any good.
I'm afraid you are caught between a rock and a hard place; you love her and she wants out, not a good scenario. You can replace all the clothes, etc. so don't worry about all that. Concentrate on keeping a clear head, and how best to do damage control.
Oh btw, SIGN NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

[celtic.blue.eyes]

What this woman is clearly demonstrating is Greed, control and a total lack of character. It's the latter I'd be most worried about.

First, is seems quite apparent that she is setting the stage for divorce, and wants all the $$$ and complete control.

But with that lack of character, what's to prevent her from outing you to everyone after she gets the divorce and all the assets? You're getting set up to get shafted from both ends. I think you need to fight back, and fight hard. No matter what happens, you're going to have to swallow a little pride. If you stand up to her, you will gain some of that self respect back. If you wimp out, you will lose both self respect and $$$.

The question is, when its all over, do you want to be depressed and destitute, or proud and comfortable?

[Thalia]

Lorileah: No, I don't like being held hostage; however, I have too much to lose if my cross dressing became public knowledge. I am a white collar professional with a very large practice. Being revealed as a cross dresser would have a definite impact on my practice. It would also have an impact on the relationships I have with so many of my friends with whom I share tickets to baseball, football, hockey and basketball. I don't think any one of these guys would want to attend a game with a guy in a dress. I don't want to lose these friendships. And, probably most importantly, I have two sons who are now grown. They have no idea I'm a cross dresser and I'm sure if they did at the very least, they would be uncomfortable around me; in fact, one of them would probably write me off. I'm very close to my step children - love them dearly - and adore the grandkids. What my wife wants is a husband who does not cross dress. If I don't, she will not upset the applecart. If I do cross dress, and particularly take it out of the house again, then I don't doubt she will reveal my secret. She probably will e mail the pictures to my clients and friends and share the picture and e mails with my sons. In my heart I don't think she will do this....I think it's just leverage to get me to not cross dress again. She will be set financially whether I'm revealed or not. I know I should have told her before I married her.

[Ujean1998]

Oh this kind just burns me up so bad. I am getting pissed just reading what your wife is doing. At times like these I am so happy I have testosterone pumping through my veins. Thalia I understand you love your wife and want to do whatever you can to keep her with you, but JESUS don't sell your soul and everything you have worked so hard to build in your life just to appease her in this manner.

Plane and simple "Blackmail" is NOT Love. She is just using your insecurity and not wanting to be found out as leverage to get what she can from you and I am sad to say, but I feel once she has gotten you to sign off on all this she will drop you all together. Then you will be without her AND with nothing to fall back on.

Also if you are feeling too timid go get some beer watch some wrestling! Go get some Hard music and blare that $hit. Do what you have to do to feel empowered in this situation, but find away to get that courage!

Pure and simple this is all Bull$hit! Crossdressing is not worth losing everything you have worked for and if she truly loves you she should know this and not try to hold it over your head. Stickup for yourself and do the RIGHT thing.

[Berinthia]

Whew! It's COLD in here!

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

the opinion so far is that she will leave you after you sign over your property to her and she will also out you to family, friends and clients. But ultimately it is you who will decide what you do.

Just because you are ashamed of your crossdressing you might find that your business clients and family may not dump you, as you so easily assume. People are more accepting than you think..it is our own fear that we put on others that prevent us from being out.

[kathtx]

Lorileah: No, I don't like being held hostage; however, I have too much to lose if my cross dressing became public knowledge. I am a white collar professional with a very large practice. Being revealed as a cross dresser would have a definite impact on my practice.

Are you sure? If you have a large practice, I presume it's because you're damn good at your job. Would your clients rather work with the best guy in town who happens to be a CD off the clock, or would they settle for the 2nd best firm in town? If you're talented you can afford to be regarded as eccentric.

It would also have an impact on the relationships I have with so many of my friends with whom I share tickets to baseball, football, hockey and basketball. I don't think any one of these guys would want to attend a game with a guy in a dress. I don't want to lose these friendships.

Facetious response: you don't *have* to wear a dress to the games, you know. Serious response: a friend who would stop hanging with you just because you CD is not a friend. You may lose some "friends," but you know what, you'll probably find a few whose strength and kindness you underestimated.

And, probably most importantly, I have two sons who are now grown. They have no idea I'm a cross dresser and I'm sure if they did at the very least, they would be uncomfortable around me; in fact, one of them would probably write me off.

This is a more serious problem, and probably the one you should focus on. If your wife spills the beans, your relationship with your children may change, but in the long run, the change may not be for the worse.

Speaking for myself, I'd have more sympathy for a crossdressing father than for a mother who resorted to blackmail. If you raised your sons with a sense of integrity, they will likely see it the same way.

I know I should have told her before I married her.

Probably, but that's water under the bridge now.

[Jennifer_Cross]

Uk law may be very different from US law.... BUT one thing is universal.... DUMP HER TODAY!!

If she is of the mind-set that can do this to you then she is not worth wasting you time on!!

Jen

[Celeste]

I think she's showing you right where she's coming from,she'll put up with the thoughts of your cding until totally fed up with it,then she's out the door with everything material she needs.When you sign she will probably be gone,that is unless she's not concocting another elaborate scheme to squeeze more out of you.

[Diane Elizabeth]

Your best bet is to seek out legal counsel. Blackmail is a crime and she obviously plans to take you to the cleaners. She probabaly will expose you anyway to your family and clients. You might try getting her on tape with her demands as proof. Then you can tell her she will be doing some time in jail.