Since I had my tenth shot things have been moving along quite normally I guess. I have decided that I am going to keep my life here, well my private life quite separate from my family in Liverpool. I have discussed this with Helen at length and she is quite ok with this and fully understands my reasons for this decision. This decision hasn't been taken lightly but in view of many things and the death of my father in January this year I feel it's for the best. I need to get through my transition without all the control in the back ground of my family well the inner circle of my family that is. When you have been controlled for what seems like all ya life then there comes a point when you have to take control and live for yourself instead of living for everybody else. This may seem selfish but sometimes one has to be selfish in order to move forward and do what has to be done. It is quite sad that one has to go to these lengths but for many this is how we have to deal with things.

Other stuff I'm totally exhausted at the moment, this is due to a greater extent to my hormonal transition but I think its all the other stuff too, like family, like juggling too many things, stress from everything that's going on and has been going on. Blahhhh and double blahhhhh!!!!! I'm having that buzzing thing really bad it was so bad last night that I couldn't do anything but sleep because it was so intense it exhausted me. I was asleep just after 8pm and slept virtually straight through until 6.15 this morning. Trouble is I still feel zapped to say the least. I'm not looking forward to going back to my full time job at all as I will no longer be with the BESD children and although this is only until the end of this term, well if I can believe that, I still dread going back.

I must prefer right now to be working with Helen as her Aid voluntary though it is. I am appreciated and valued for the skills I have. I thoroughly enjoy going out and helping her deliver work shops and what ever and helping with any jobs she needs doing.

Anyways I'm taking it how it comes .......

Felix xx