Going to quit... wish me luck

**jruiz** · 04-17-2009, 02:38 PM

I decided to quit crossdressing.

I know that many of you think that it's not possible, and of course this is not the most popular comment in a crossdressing forum. But I will try.

I will try to number my reasons:

- I had a hard family situation that made me realize that my family is the most important thing in my entire world, and that anything, including crossdressing, will top my family in priority and that my family deserves more of my time and energy.
- I made a promise to God that if this situation was solved, I was going to try to quit crossdressing.
- I'm also not willing to destroy my marriage or the image my kids have about me in case I make a mistake and get caught. And something I've learned from this forum is that getting caught is just a matter of time. Actually, this forum has helped me to take the decision. Too many stories of struggled marriages and distress.
- I'm too stressed about keeping my things hidden. I've already purged, including one particular item that was very important to me (Veronica II).
- The pink fog has been fading lately. I think that I was able to see myself and not just through my "pink eyeglasses", and understand that I will ever look as a guy. Actually, pictures of some girls here (even the best looking ones), made me realize that looking feminine is just an illusion and an act of self-confidence.
- I'm kind of appreciating more my male side. I'm feeling more confident and adequate as a male, and sometimes I feel phony or silly when I dresses

I know it's not going to be easy. I'm asking you to please wish me good luck, and to pray for me if you believe in God.

Maybe I will fail, but I'd really like to try it very hard this time. But I will try not to fail.

Thanks, and good luck!!!

**GaleWarning** · 04-17-2009, 02:41 PM

Well, it's good luck from me, jruiz, with every aspect of your life.
Blessings from God be upon you, too.

**Holly** · 04-17-2009, 03:02 PM

You have my sincerest best wishes. You have chosen a very difficult path.

**Greymancd** · 04-17-2009, 03:04 PM

Good luck with your choice and I truly hope you are successful! Always remember the reasons you are doing this when the going gets tough!

**Marilynn** · 04-17-2009, 03:11 PM

Family is everything. Take it from someone who just lost his last close family member. Good luck, and look forward with confidence.

**tricia_uktv** · 04-17-2009, 03:26 PM

All the best, but... I suspect it will never go away. Good luck

**Sarah...** · 04-17-2009, 03:30 PM

Okay, good luck

Hey! How about staying here on the forum and telling us how it goes? Keep in touch and carry on being a friend.

Sarah xxx

**JulieC** · 04-17-2009, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by jruiz

- I had a hard family situation that made me realize that my family is the most important thing in my entire world, and that anything, including crossdressing, will top my family in priority and that my family deserves more of my time and energy.

Life is always a balance. You can't spend 100% of your time, even 100% of your available time, on your family. It's impossible. Happiness isn't found in trying to spend every last second with your family. It can be found in identifying where you are needed, how you are needed, and doing your best to fulfill those needs.

Originally Posted by jruiz

- I made a promise to God that if this situation was solved, I was going to try to quit crossdressing.

So did I. Trust me, you have just about zero chance of being as devoted <I think I need to censor>. I made this very same promise a long, long time ago. I held to it for years. I failed.

When I finally broke the promise, the feelings that rushed out of me were quite literally overwhelming. I think I was getting a message that was very opposite of what I would have ever expected.

Originally Posted by jruiz

- I'm also not willing to destroy my marriage or the image my kids have about me in case I make a mistake and get caught. And something I've learned from this forum is that getting caught is just a matter of time. Actually, this forum has helped me to take the decision. Too many stories of struggled marriages and distress.

Yes, it could destroy your marriage. So could cancer. So could a drunk driver. So could a tornado. So could any number of other things that are _beyond your control_.

There's an illusion frequently held by crossdressers that it is something we can control, remove, excise from our lives and be done with it. Oh if only it were so. I'm not a clinical psychologist, and there's little real research in this area. But, every shred of evidence I or any other crossdresser I've spoken with at length about it has said points strongly to crossdressing being something that is part of you as much as your eye color, your blood type, etc. You can no more get rid of it than you can change how you sweat.

Understand; there can be very serious ramifications to trying to suppress this within you. This forum has been witness to many people who have regaled us with stories about how suppressing crossdressing had very serious negative effects on their lives. You may find yourself more quick to anger, in need of drug therapies, counseling for seemingly unrelated issues, and more.

Originally Posted by jruiz

- I'm too stressed about keeping my things hidden. I've already purged, including one particular item that was very important to me (Veronica II).

I can understand the urge to purge. I used to do it too. It seems a good choice when you're trying to stop; it removes temptation. In your case, it removes chances of being discovered. Sounds like a win-win.

It isn't.

Originally Posted by jruiz

- The pink fog has been fading lately. I think that I was able to see myself and not just through my "pink eyeglasses", and understand that I will ever look as a guy. Actually, pictures of some girls here (even the best looking ones), made me realize that looking feminine is just an illusion and an act of self-confidence.

It's a flawed notion to think that the reason we crossdress is to BE a woman. Being able to pass can and is a goal for many, but for many it is so that we can go out in society and be treated as normal individuals.

As a recent thread here noted, it's not about trying to be a woman. It's about trying to be ourselves.

I don't dress up in a dress, hose, heels, etc. because I think I make a good looking woman. I don't dress up because I think I can pass (I can't). I dress up because this is me. I don't it for the benefit of others, I do it for me. I will always look like a guy in a dress. I don't care. If I didn't dress up, I'd have some very real problems in my life.

Originally Posted by jruiz

- I'm kind of appreciating more my male side. I'm feeling more confident and adequate as a male, and sometimes I feel phony or silly when I dresses

Your self confidence as a male is good, but it bears little relation to your other less-typically-male aspects.

You're trying to be something you aren't. You're going to try to be something you think of as 'ideal', but your idea of ideal is not you. Welcome to self loathing.

Originally Posted by jruiz

I know it's not going to be easy. I'm asking you to please wish me good luck, and to pray for me if you believe in God.

Maybe I will fail, but I'd really like to try it very hard this time. But I will try not to fail.

Thanks, and good luck!!!

I don't wish you good luck, because I believe what you are doing is going to hurt you. I can't wish you luck to do that. I can, and will, pray for you.

I would ask just one favor from you; come back in six months time, a year's time, a few years time and let us know how it has worked out.

**shykrista** · 04-17-2009, 03:38 PM

i definitely want to wish you the best of luck... coming from similiar circumstances i can understand the sacrifice you're making, and you can take comfort in knowing you're doing it for the best of reasons... of course, never say never, the "pink fog" will return... it never really goes away! of course, looking good as a female is great, but it's more about expressing who we are and how we feel... having said that, tho, i definitely respect your decision and hope everything works out for the best with you!

**Joanne f** · 04-17-2009, 03:38 PM

I wish you good luck because you feel that you are doing it for the right reasons , but have you ever thought that those right reasons might want to to the same for you .

**jruiz** · 04-17-2009, 03:55 PM