Last night my wife and I had a long conversation regarding my tendency to cross-dress. She has known this for many years; in fact, she has seen me dressed many years ago (a couple of times); however, it wasn't until last summer that she found lots of pictures and small videos of me in femm. Although it was not a shock for her, I felt that she was not 100% comfortable with it. Months have passed and all this time she has been taking it lightly, she is even joking with me by calling me “girlfriend”. Sometimes she calls me on the phone to say hi during the day as usual and she is now talking to me like if I was a girl, joking about if I am wearing my high heels or if I am wearing my lingerie waiting for my boyfriend. We joke for a minute or two and then we get back to our normal conversations.
We have been discussing / talking about cross-dressing. We have discussed the fact that it is something I have always liked. She now even knows the term cross-dresser (because of me) and she seems to understand that it is something that I have inside and that I like it. During the last 2 months or so, she has even mentioned that I can wear her dresses, in fact, she bought a beautiful mini dress that she wore at our New Year’s we had at home and she told me that I can wear it if I want it. All this seems wonderful, it is like a dream come true for a cross-dresser; however, she has told me very clear that she does not share this cross-dressing with me; she has told me not to expect her to join me while I am dressed. She says it should be my intimacy and that I should keep it private.
Last night, we have a little discussion (not related to my cross-dressing) and I got upset and she approached me and asked me not to be upset. I told her that I was a little bit angry about it and she said give me a smile, she was tickling me to smile, and then said I can make you smile, and then I said no you can’t, and then she said, even if I give you something you like?.. I said what do you mean something I like? and then she said, something cute, soft and sexy like the dress I wore in New Years’ … then I smiled…… we started talking again, we spoke about my cross-dressing experiences and she said that she understands, that she knows, and that I should not feel guilty about it. She says she is nobody to ask me to stop doing something that it is in me. She said, the facts are the facts, even if I would ask you to stop doing it, I know the feeling and urge is still there, and she would feel very bad to ask me to stop and she is sure that sooner or later I will dress again.
We talked over an hour, I told her that my family was priority number one and that I was concerned about what she might feel to know that sometimes I am going to cross-dress. I asked her if my cross-dressing would interfere with her love for me. I asked her if that would an obstacle to love me more every day . She said, no it won’t. She said she loves me, but she does not love me as she used 10 years ago, but she loves me because I am a good man, a good father and a good friend.
She also told me that the fact that you cross-dress does not mean that you are different. She said I have known you for so long that to me this is normal now. She said, maybe I am crazy, but nothing surprise me anymore. She said this world is full of worse things and that I don’t harm anyone by cross-dressing.
Again, she told me / reinforced her point view about keeping it private and not to share it with her or try her to get her involved... She also told me I can wear her clothes that I won’t have to worry about trying to leave the clothes the way there were in the closet so she won’t notice. She said, just be careful. She even showed me where she kept the dress she wore in New Year’s and another one, she just asked me to put them back nicely. She said, no more worries.. I know now…
I did not want to tell her that I already have few dresses, lingerie, wigs and shoes, so I told her that I will need to get me some shoes, nice wigs etc so I can fully dress, she said go ahead and do it…she even told me order them online.
As you can see, it seems that my wife is giving me green light to go ahead and be me. However, I have a mix of feelings, I feel happy, nervous and worried and I don’t understand why?
I guess I feel happy because she says is ok and that it should not interfere with our love unless I try to make her part my cross-dressing.
I don’t know why I feel nervous, could be because of any insecurity about what she said. Could she fake her acceptance/approval?
I feel worried because I don’t want to lose her, I don’t want to lose my family. I love her very much. She is a beautiful person, I have been her only man in her life. One boy friend, one husband.. the same man. I met her when she was 14. We have been married for about 15 years and we have two wonderful children together. She is simply the love of my life.
It is very difficult to accept what happened, her approval makes me feel confused. Please send me your opinions, advise or suggestions on how should I proceed. Did anyone experience the same?
Thank you for your time and understanding.