Originally Posted by
JulieC
I think there's several aspects of this.
One, people who make derogatory comments behind your back have the character of a headless chicken running around. My very own brother has made some very negative comments regarding CDers that he's come across. Ironically, I know for a fact that he's worn pantyhose before (part of his equestrian gear). Yet, he makes the comments anyways. Which leads into...
Two, dignity. If you play the freak, you will be thought of as a freak. If you comport yourself with dignity, you may still be thought of as a freak, but your dignity slowly erodes the culture of hate towards TG people. This applies whether your en femme or not. If I hear negative comments from people I try to slowly erode their prejudice, plant seeds, and maybe help move them forward to a better understanding. I might make a response such as "Well, there's no law against it. He's not hurting anyone." If I was feeling a bit more strongly about it, I might say "Interestingly enough, I'm sure his blood is red, just like african americans, jews, native americans, and any other group we've had a history of discriminating against"
I will not allow myself to be dragged down to the same level as those who hate TGs. If I did, I would be guilty of having the same problems as they have.
Three, humans do a 'wonderful' job of hating things that are different. Women were scorned too for wearing pants. They pressed on anyways. You can't change society by taking heed of the haters of the world, and trying to appease them. You can change it by proceeding on with your life despite their hate. This can take a lot of courage and not small amount of risk. I personally do not take this risk when there's a reasonable chance of it negatively affecting me because I have several people in my life that depend on me.
Four, a tree falls in a forest but nobody is there to hear it. Does it make a sound? If someone makes nasty comments about you after they left, are they nasty comments? The knee jerk answer is of course "yes", but that's absolutist. In reality, the nasty comments are inconsequential because the true target of them does not hear them. The philosophical measure is whether or not you are treated appropriately when you are interacting with them and can hear them. If they treat you professionally and with courtesy, their personal opinions and nasty comments spoken after you leave are of no consequence to you. There are millions of people around the world that hate Americans. We only rarely hear the nasty insults these people speak of Americans. Do these insults stop us from being American? No, they don't of course.
Fifth, though it hasn't happened to me recently, if a salesperson does discriminate against me in some way for being TG, I will have that person's head on a platter. I'm a righteous SOB when motivated, and do not take discrimination of any kind in stride. I will not descend to their level (though it's tempting to bait them with comments of them being a neanderthal, what fun they must have discriminating against everything that doesn't have their hair, eye, skin color, etc). But, I will take action with respect to their personal attitudes interfering with the conduct of business of the company they work for. They may quickly find themselves out of a job. I don't have to be respected by employees of a company, liked, or thought well of. I do have a right to be treated like any other customer and will fight for that right.
