celebrating my life is NOT about lying to myself

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

This one is going to be long, but PLEASE, if you have time, give it a read. It is a response to a post in this thread but would be a bit off topic to respond there.

I've chosen to remove the name of person's post I'm responding to because it is not important who posted this as much as it is the the questions/comments posted. Anyone could have these same questions and I'd like to address them. I'm not picking on anyone, though I may display some obvious passion in my response. Please do not mistake the difference. I am very serious about my life and gaining acceptance in society, so please bear with me and allow me this, if I am not always as proper or polite as I probably should be.

The post has been broken up in to direct response form:

There's a few things I'm confused about on the original posting.

I thought at least most of us, or myself, we want to dress up and pass as a woman. I don't want to go out and look like a crossdresser, I want people to think I am a GG. So no, in this sense I do not love being a CD, I love being a woman at least in the view of others.

Maybe I'm just too judgmental or critical but I think I'll never be good enough to pass fully, unless I do extremes like surgery and HRT etc. There's a few on here that are naturally feminine... I won't bother to name them but, they are both Asian and young, I wish I had such a feminine face... If I go out compared to those two, I feel like I'm a joke and I hate it. I don't want to look like a CD or a man in a dress.

Yes, so do I. I don't want to be seen as a guy in makeup and a dress, I want to be seen as a female if I'm out and about. My goal in cding is to present myself as close to believable female as possible. It's the female appearance that I love, and I want to own that appearance myself.

I think the Asian cd's often look the best too. Of course, I'm also very attracted to Asian gg's. Somehow, many Asian cd's can pull of the look a lot better. I wish I was Asian too - seriously!

The other thing is... I don't understand what are you preaching about celebration and the like? What are you celebrating, why do you have to celebrate it? What do you mean by that? I enjoy this side of me to some degree but I don't understand to celebrate it? Am I suppose to party all day everyday? I don't understand the meaning. It just seems alot of your posts tend to go this route and mood, and I just don't get it.

CELEBRATE LIFE, BABY! I spent WAY too many years hating myself. I never believed in a million years that I'd ever learn how to truly love myself. It just seemed so unattainable. In time, I stopped lying to myself about who and what I am and decided to work with it. I'm a girly man. I've worked VERY hard my whole life to hide that fact from the world. I created (or society forced me to create) some fake person called "Gabe". I did it to survive in this unforgiving world. But I'm into girly fashion and appearances - THAT is the real me. THAT is what I chose to embrace. In time, I realized I didn't have a problem, it was society that had a problem with who I am. Too bad though. I'm me. When I decided to accept who I am, an amazing thing happened... I started feeling something new... HAPPY! From a life time of depression and self-loathing, I found myself happy and content and realized I loved who I am... once I allowed myself to BE who I am. I'm a crossdresser. I love being a crossdresser. I love being who I am. I love my life. I celebrate my life. And no, that does not mean I walk around cheering and partying and blowing noise-makers. You take my words too literally, I think. I live my life now - NOT hide from it. I embrace my life now, not hate it. I explore my gift now, not try to repress it. I'll never pass as a real girl - not likely in person, anyway, but I STILL love who I am. I'll still celebrate who I am... how about just accept and enjoy life as I am. Does that work better for you than "celebrate"? If you want to believe I walk around cheering all the time like some kind of drunk spring-break college student on TV, that's your right, I guess. It's not an accurate picture of who I am though.

I don't know... I don't really have an issue but it just confuses me to a certain point and I bet it does for some of the people who read it. Maybe I'm thinking feeling the fact that some stuff you say is kind of lying to yourself.

I lied to myself for MANY years. I stopped lying to myself when I embraced my life as myself (as a cd). There's nothing easy about being a cd in a world that seems hell-bent on perpetuating the lies about us, but this is me. I'm not changing who I am for anyone because there is NOTHING wrong with who I am. If someone has a problem with me, too bad for them. This is me and I make no apologies for who or what I am. I don't lie to myself about anything... not cd-related, anyway. You don't know how badly I'd like to talk one on one with you. There is WAAAAAAY too much to cover on this. Maybe you can shed some light on things for me though - what do you think I might be lying to myself about? Please tell me. I'll offer you an honest answer, or won't answer at all, but I won't lie about it.

Or what others write, it just bothers me. Like some wrote to me in PM, alot of people block out things that are true for many of us, like the sexual aspect which hardly anyone talks about and this other aspect of being a woman which a lot of "CD" denies.

What? Masturbation? Is that what bothers you? The fact that cd's **gasp** masturbate?

EVERYONE masturbates (with very few exceptions). Does it sit better with you to imagine some guy in front of a computer screen watching porn? That's pretty damn disgusting to me... although somehow much more accepted in society. What the hell does it matter how one masturbates? Do non-cd's often discuss how they love hugging their horn in other forums? Why on earth would people engage in that kind of discussion OUTSIDE a porn site?

Also keep in mind that most cd's get over the masturbation thing after a period of time. If (by chance) you're still getting a sexual charge out of it, does it bother you? If so, why? Is it because people might make fun of such things? What's so great about what THEY get a sexual charge out of? Please tell me... actually don't. I don't care to know.

I'm talking about those who say to themselves that they still LOVE being a male but yet they want to grow their hair long and shave and all of that. I don't believe that, if you wanted to do all of that, you want to look feminine, if you loved being a male you would do what the FTM CD do, and grow body hair and cut a shorter haircut.

Men are a one-size fits all thing? You know that you're different than many men, right?. What makes you think that only your differences are the only that exist? I got no plans on loosing my man-parts and I still LOVE cding and want to look as close to a real girl as possible. I shave my body hair and go through great lengths to remain fit and trim, some for medical reasons, but I really want a nice, thin, girly waist. I'm a man who loves to explore and (here comes that words again) celebrate my feminine side.

Sorry for the rant but I just can't stand people lying to themselves... as for myself, I know I like being feminine more than masculine. I'm GOOD with being a guy most of the time but I prefer feminine aspects which means I don't like body hair or short hair as much as the opposite.

I can't stand people lying to themselves either. Even more so, I can't stand when someone believes they know me better than I know myself. How I wish you only knew what I've been through in my time on planet earth. What does it matter though? Everyone believes their life has been lived with more struggles than the next. So be it.

If by chance you wouldn't mind indulging me, please take some time to read about my dark years. It's a long read, but you might get something out of it. From a self-loathing man who lied to himself every day and almost self-destructed, to a man who embraces and celebrates life without apology. I'm going to continue celebrating. If you have doubts about yourself and feel confused - that's your right. I don't say that as a put-down. That is EXACTLY how I spent most of my life, too. How I wish I could have those years back. How differently I would have lived my life if I only could accepted myself yeas ago. But that time is gone. All I can do now is move forward and celebrate life - my CD life.

I'm very happy now. Perhaps in time you will be too. I don't think that time will come until you're ready to embrace it, but all things in their own time, right? No one could have helped me with my own problems until I was ready to make progress. I believe that to be true with many other people as well.

Thank you for reading and please don't hesitate to call me on anything you (anyone) feel I lie to myself about. I'll either answer your questions honestly, or not at all, but I've got no reason to lie to anyone here about who I am or how I feel. If you're going to love me or hate me - let it be for the TRUTH.

Long posts stink, but I just spend two hours of my life trying to address what I believed to be important. I hope my time was not wasted.

[curse within]

Great Thread Gabby, Interesting to see the many levels us CDers go through in our journeys and how so many others can help and guide us through if opened to CDing.

[Patricia1]

Very passionate, very sincere, very compelling. I celebrate with you. This life is too short not to.

[MissConstrued]

I spent WAY too many years hating myself. I never believed in a million years that I'd ever learn how to truly love myself. It just seemed so unattainable. In time, I stopped lying to myself about who and what I am and decided to work with it. I'm a girly man. I've worked VERY hard my whole life to hide that fact from the world. I created (or society forced me to create) some fake person called "Gabe". I did it to survive in this unforgiving world. But I'm into girly fashion and appearances - THAT is the real me. THAT is what I chose to embrace. In time, I realized I didn't have a problem, it was society that had a problem with who I am. Too bad though. I'm me. When I decided to accept who I am, an amazing thing happened... I started feeling something new... HAPPY!

Could not have said it better. Bravo!

[Fab Karen]

Aretha said it: "Find a deeper love, a deeper love inside"

[crusadergirl]

Gabby i like your attitude its good to see a someone with a positive look on life.

[KateC]

I'm a girly man. I've worked VERY hard my whole life to hide that fact from the world. I created (or society forced me to create) some fake person called "Gabe". I did it to survive in this unforgiving world. But I'm into girly fashion and appearances - THAT is the real me. THAT is what I chose to embrace. In time, I realized I didn't have a problem, it was society that had a problem with who I am. Too bad though. I'm me. When I decided to accept who I am, an amazing thing happened... I started feeling something new... HAPPY!

OK, I understand more of what you mean by celebrate now, so it's really just accepting who you are being who you are. Note what you said though above, about wanting girlie fashions and appearances, and about being a girly man. I'll explain below.

I lied to myself for MANY years. I stopped lying to myself when I embraced my life as myself (as a cd). There's nothing easy about being a cd in a world that seems hell-bent on perpetuating the lies about us, but this is me. I'm not changing who I am for anyone because there is NOTHING wrong with who I am. If someone has a problem with me, too bad for them. This is me and I make no apologies for who or what I am. I don't lie to myself about anything... not cd-related, anyway. You don't know how badly I'd like to talk one on one with you. There is WAAAAAAY too much to cover on this. Maybe you can shed some light on things for me though - what do you think I might be lying to myself about? Please tell me. I'll offer you an honest answer, or won't answer at all, but I won't lie about it.

What I'm saying you're lying to yourself or at least maybe I think you're not being clear is the whole girly thing. Ok maybe I'm old fashion or different but I see 2 different views of CDing arena. The first one is guys WANTING feminine fashion but still presenting themselves more or less as a guy in society. Like if I liked skirts (which I do) and I wore them in public or women's tops like blouse. BUT I would wear them as a guy, not using wigs or makeup. Hence this is the "liking girly fashions" I guess this is what most people stereotype homosexual men to be?

The other part of CD is basically most of us, presenting themselves like a girl, wig, makeup, trying to pass. Wearing the woman's jeans only when presented as a woman. Wearing forms and bras. Especially this point, as a "guy liking girly stuff" there is absolutely NO reason you need to wear a bra or forms. A bra is for breasts to support, that's like saying you want to wear a seatbelt when you're walking around... There is no purpose to that. If you want to pretend you're in a car all day long, yeah fine go wear a seatbelt to Wal-Mart, that's essentially same as being a woman and wearing forms and presenting as a girl in public.

This is what I am seeing in my opinion as lying or the difference and not being clear. I won't use labels because I don't care about labels, but at least I describe the behavior of these 2 differences.

What? Masturbation? Is that what bothers you? The fact that cd's **gasp** masturbate?

EVERYONE masturbates (with very few exceptions). Does it sit better with you to imagine some guy in front of a computer screen watching porn? That's pretty damn disgusting to me... although somehow much more accepted in society. What the hell does it matter how one masturbates? Do non-cd's often discuss how they love hugging their horn in other forums? Why on earth would people engage in that kind of discussion OUTSIDE a porn site?

Also keep in mind that most cd's get over the masturbation thing after a period of time. If (by chance) you're still getting a sexual charge out of it, does it bother you? If so, why? Is it because people might make fun of such things? What's so great about what THEY get a sexual charge out of? Please tell me... actually don't. I don't care to know.

First, I don't feel bothered about my sexual component in CDing, I love it, it actually drives a huge part of it. One of the god given rights of a GG is the sexual portion of being female and the role of it, so why would I dismiss it? I'm envious of it.

Sex is a fundamental part of every human on this planet, I just don't like the fact people dismiss sex as a nonCD aspect. I don't care who you are but sex DOES play a role, weather implicitly or explicitly. If we were genderless , then this forum wouldn't exist, it is because of sex that we have gender. Though don't take what I write as fact, I'm not a specialist in this area.. I'm merely an engineer.

Men are a one-size fits all thing? You know that you're different than many men, right?. What makes you think that only your differences are the only that exist? I got no plans on loosing my man-parts and I still LOVE cding and want to look as close to a real girl as possible. I shave my body hair and go through great lengths to remain fit and trim, some for medical reasons, but I really want a nice, thin, girly waist. I'm a man who loves to explore and (here comes that words again) celebrate my feminine side.

I can't stand people lying to themselves either. Even more so, I can't stand when someone believes they know me better than I know myself. How I wish you only knew what I've been through in my time on planet earth. What does it matter though? Everyone believes their life has been lived with more struggles than the next. So be it.

Again, it maybe wording and words, but I'm not really saying you're lying but just presenting a different reason which doesn't make it easier to understand.

I'm alot like you, I like my male self a lot still, I still enjoy doing a lot of things in the stereotypical male role, including in the bedroom. But I also want a cute waist and shaped eyebrows and I want to shave my legs. I don't think shaving legs is such a huge issue with guys anyways, a lot don't have hair on their legs and it not really a secondary sex characteristic.

But I would never say I want to be "girly" as a guy. I guess that's my view of myself. If I'm presenting myself as my male self, going out, I wouldn't wear a woman's blouse, I would wear a nice fitted shirt, with a tie if opportunity presents itself, looking like a cool hot guy that girls would love. I love girly jeans, but I wouldn't wear them in guy mode, it just doesn't look good, that's NOT the CD type I am. So I wouldn't really call myself being a guy into feminine fashion, I call myself being a woman at times and at other times a guy. I don't know if this makes any sense at all?

[Juliet Simone]

Thanks Ladies, that really helps to hear this so well articulated. I agree Gabrielle, thanks for the post, you made me more happy with myself. I love this!
Juliet

[too scared to be me!]

[QUOTE=Gabrielle Hermosa;1707982]This one is going to be long, but PLEASE, if you have time, give it a read. It is a response to a post in this thread but would be a bit off topic to respond there.



CELEBRATE LIFE, BABY! I spent WAY too many years hating myself. I never believed in a million years that I'd ever learn how to truly love myself. It just seemed so unattainable. In time, I stopped lying to myself about who and what I am and decided to work with it. I'm a girly man. I've worked VERY hard my whole life to hide that fact from the world. I created (or society forced me to create) some fake person called "Gabe". I did it to survive in this unforgiving world. But I'm into girly fashion and appearances - THAT is the real me. THAT is what I chose to embrace. In time, I realized I didn't have a problem, it was society that had a problem with who I am. Too bad though. I'm me. When I decided to accept who I am, an amazing thing happened... I started feeling something new... HAPPY! From a life time of depression and self-loathing, I found myself happy and content and realized I loved who I am... once I allowed myself to BE who I am. I'm a crossdresser. I love being a crossdresser. I love being who I am. I love my life. I celebrate my life. And no, that does not mean I walk around cheering and partying and blowing noise-makers. You take my words too literally, I think. I live my life now - NOT hide from it. I embrace my life now, not hate it. I explore my gift now, not try to repress it. I'll never pass as a real girl - not likely in person, anyway, but I STILL love who I am. I'll still celebrate who I am... how about just accept and enjoy life as I am. Does that work better for you than "celebrate"? If you want to believe I walk around cheering all the time like some kind of drunk spring-break college student on TV, that's your right, I guess. It's not an accurate picture of who I am though.



I TOTALY FEEL THE WORDS YOU SAID, I COULD IMAGINE MYSELF IN THIS STATE, I WILL GET THERE (I PROMISE YOU INNER ME)

[Nicki B]

Ok maybe I'm old fashion or different but I see 2 different views of CDing arena.

I think you're stuck in a binary definition, which you will find is too narrow.

There are lots of ways of identifying, including as a trans-woman. It's perhaps only if you identify as TS, or are racked with fear (of which there's a lot about ), that you need to be seen as born as female?

Sex is a fundamental part of every human on this planet, I just don't like the fact people dismiss sex as a nonCD aspect. I don't care who you are but sex DOES play a role, weather implicitly or explicitly. If we were genderless , then this forum wouldn't exist, it is because of sex that we have gender.

Sexuality is important to most people, certainly - but it doesn't define you as trans. I know two transwomen who would describe themselves as asexual (i.e. never had, never been interested). I would describe myself as celibate - I certainly don't dress just for the sex.

Perhaps just because you don't understand something, you shouldn't assume it's not true for the person speaking?



Edit - incidentally, Asian people have more of a problem reading Caucasian transpeople..

[KateC]

I don't understand your first paragraph... I don't know even how to answer... what do you mean I need to be seen born as female? What?

Secondly, I said sex is the basis of everything. If we were asexual beings, there would be no gender, if there is no gender there wouldn't be an issue being female/male because there would be no female/male. This is what I mean, weather you incorporate "sex" in your life or not, it drives the purpose of humanity... We aren't first gender THEN sex, it is because of sexual reproduction that we have genders...

Good example in life is the peacock. The male has those beautiful feathers is because to attract the female, and end result is sexual reproduction. If there was no sexual reproduction involve, there would be no beautiful peacock but just 1 asexual type of peacock.

I think you're stuck in a binary definition, which you will find is too narrow.

There are lots of ways of identifying, including as a trans-woman. It's perhaps only if you identify as TS, or are racked with fear (of which there's a lot about ), that you need to be seen as born as female?



Sexuality is important to most people, certainly - but it doesn't define you as trans. I know two transwomen who would describe themselves as asexual (i.e. never had, never been interested). I would describe myself as celibate - I certainly don't dress just for the sex.

Perhaps just because you don't understand something, you shouldn't assume it's not true for the person speaking?



Edit - incidentally, Asian people have more of a problem reading Caucasian transpeople..

[KateC]

Just to make it clearer.. I know some of you don't dress because of sex, but I'm just pointing out that the reason we dress differently comes from the basis of sexual reproduction. Without that, everyone wouldn't dress in terms of "female" or "male" because there wouldn't be a gender difference...

So when you dress regardless, the way women look IS because of mating/sexual on the very raw level.

Like I said about the seatbelt example (I love analogies, don't you?). You CAN wear a seatbelt when you're walking around in the park and look like a dork, but because the car was invented, the seatbelt was then invented. IF there was no car, there would be no seatbelt, and if you happen to invent one anyway, it would be useless as it serves no purpose wearing it when you're walking around.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

What I'm saying you're lying to yourself or at least maybe I think you're not being clear is the whole girly thing.

Being a girly man into girly fashion (for me) means that I like to dress up and appear fully girly, as in a female appearance and a girly-girl. When I'm in guy-mode, I'm in guy-mode. There is nothing girly about me - all man-clothes. I often call it my "man-suit". I don't underdress. I'm either in girl-mode or guy-mode - I don't mix it up.

I don't care who you are but sex DOES play a role, weather implicitly or explicitly.

Are you using the words "sex" and "gender" interchangeably? As in one's sex is female just like one's gender is female? If that is the case, then yes, crossdressing is all about sex (as in gender), or more accurately, feminine gender presentation. At least that is what it is about to me. It is different for different people.

I honestly felt as if you were annoyed with me in your original post (the one that I based this thread around). You seemed annoyed with my "celebrating" being who I am. Perhaps you were more annoyed with the misconception that it meant I walked around cheering all the time (as in drunk party-mode) or something, but I believe you're clear on that now.

I'm not sure if you're still annoyed with me or if you ever really were, but your post did seem like a bit of a rant about my enthusiasm of being who I am. You did, in fact, use the word "rant" in your initial post and that is what I base the possibility of you being annoyed with me around. And if you are bothered or annoyed with anything I say or share, that's your right. I won't hate you for it or anything... although I'm not trying to upset or annoy anyone.

I simply love who I am, even though I can't fully explore it because of how society treats people like me. But that is a big part of why I share the things I do, both here and on myCDlife.com. I'll share this part of my life with the world and live as a positive example of who crossdressers/transgendered people are. I'm happy with myself, and so I'll share that with people. I love that I'm a cd. I used to hate myself for it, but it brings me so much joy now. Like I said - society has the problem, NOT me.

I can't change the world, but I can open a few minds and hearts before my time is through. I can show people what a beautiful gift I have and that I'm not some perverted freak. I can educate people as to what being a cd really is and (hopefully) put to rest those idiotic negative cliches people have about us. And for other crossdressers who are confused like I once was, I can show them that their confusion is unfounded - it is ALL based in the lies society has filled everyone's heads with - including our own. Remove the social stigma from crossdressing, and I doubt people would feel much confusion or self-hatred. If one's self-hatred is due to rejection of a loved one, that's an entirely different situation and people can make someone feel badly about any aspect of their life. It's a lot more potent when a social stigma is attached to it, but I think you get my point.

I'm not sure exactly where you're at, Kate. I can't read your mind, but I believe that you second guess yourself a lot and have a sense of guilt at times because of your cding. I can't help but wonder if that is at the heart of why you find my joy of being a cd irritating to you - perhaps because I am comfortable with and love this part of myself that you are still struggling with to some extent. Or perhaps I'm off my rocker and don't know what I'm talking about. Again - I can't read your mind. I'm just thinking back to some of your previous posts that clearly display uncertainty and guilt about your cding and how it affects people in your life.

It seems that we do have somewhat of a communication problem. Semantics come in to play to some extent, and the intent of my words seem to fall short of the correct meaning in your mind. I believe you understand me a little bit more now... or so I hope you do.

I also think we have some obvious differences in opinion. There's nothing wrong with that. It's ok to disagree. I'd rather have someone disagree with me honestly, than agree with me and be lying about it. I can disagree with what someone says and still respect them - so long as they're being truthful.

I'm going to keep celebrating my life, Kate. I think in time, you will too (without guilt), when you're ready. I think you're still growing as a person and discovering who you are. Life is a constant growth process, but I think you understand what I'm saying.

I'm going to keep encouraging others to celebrate their lives, and enjoy their gift, too. I'm going to keep sharing my life with the world... for as long as I can feasibly do so. I'm going to encourage others to do so as well. If we all put forth a positive example of who we are and allow others to know us, society will begin to accept us more. If we keep expressing shame and guilt about who we are, society will keep classifying crossdressers confused people with a mental illness.

I'm not confused, nor do I have a mental illness. I know exactly who and what I am. I'm going to live my life without shame about who I am. I'm going to embrace and enjoy my gift - even if not everyone else is happy to be a cd. I am happy, and that is all that matters in my life.

I will gain respect and acceptance from people. I'll get it because I'll earn it. I love and respect myself, and that has a lot to do with it.

Ok, that's enough. I just reiterating points I often make anyway... but that's what I do. I hope my time is well spent and I bring at least a little inspiration and hope to others.

I pray I can bring a little inspiration into your life, Kate. I'd rather make you smile and see you be happy with yourself than have you be annoyed with me. Not everyone will accept who you are, but that is true in all walks of life and not unique to crossdressers. Have the courage to be true to yourself. Celebrate your life. It goes by way too quickly.

[paulaN]

Gabrielle, You know that you do not have to explain yourself or your words to anyone here.
That being said. I happen to like what you have said. I like you and I like where you're at in life. I wish I was as far along as you in your self acceptance. No! that's wrong. I have the self acceptance. It is other peoples reactions and acceptance that I have a hard time dealing with. I lost a 31 year marraige because of non acceptance. She said it was because of my cd'ing. I think it was,is much more.
Any way I am here to cheer you on. To tell ya to keep on gurlen and to celebrate life as much as you want and as best you can. Whoo Hooo!!!!! I would love to have a little Celebration with ya. In real time. Someday maybe.... PaulaN

[KateC]

Are you using the words "sex" and "gender" interchangeably? As in one's sex is female just like one's gender is female? If that is the case, then yes, crossdressing is all about sex (as in gender), or more accurately, feminine gender presentation. At least that is what it is about to me. It is different for different people.

It is for different people but that doesn't make what I say false. First, I'm not using sex/gender as only one meaning. Like all my examples, because of sex there is gender. If there was such things as humans who are asexual, then there wouldn't be differences, there isn't male or female, only human. I don't know if you or anyone else is dreaming up some other theories of WHY we are different, we are different to attract the opposite gender to procreate. That is the reason for all of this CD/TG/TS whatever.

Ok maybe I'm talking too deep? Think of a lightbulb, it creates light for people to see, BUT regardless of why you like a lightbulb or use it to see or use it to do homework or cooking or just like how it looks so round and cute... WITHOUT ELECTRICITY there would be no light bulb. It is because of invention of electricity that we can have a light bulb. Sure you can have a torch but a torch is like apples and oranges to a light bulb.

So I just think it isn't "right" or kind of dismissing the core nature of CD/TS/TG which is sexual when people ignore that fact. Like kind of ignoring the mother of gender, which is sex. That offends me to some extent... trying to take credit of something when you don't acknowledge what gave it birth.

I hope I've gotten through...

I honestly felt as if you were annoyed with me in your original post (the one that I based this thread around). You seemed annoyed with my "celebrating" being who I am. Perhaps you were more annoyed with the misconception that it meant I walked around cheering all the time (as in drunk party-mode) or something, but I believe you're clear on that now.

I'm not sure if you're still annoyed with me or if you ever really were, but your post did seem like a bit of a rant about my enthusiasm of being who I am. You did, in fact, use the word "rant" in your initial post and that is what I base the possibility of you being annoyed with me around. And if you are bothered or annoyed with anything I say or share, that's your right. I won't hate you for it or anything... although I'm not trying to upset or annoy anyone.

I just don't understand what you meant by celebrating and it just seemed like you didn't care about anyone else or what other people think and did what you want.

I'm not sure exactly where you're at, Kate. I can't read your mind, but I believe that you second guess yourself a lot and have a sense of guilt at times because of your cding. I can't help but wonder if that is at the heart of why you find my joy of being a cd irritating to you - perhaps because I am comfortable with and love this part of myself that you are still struggling with to some extent. Or perhaps I'm off my rocker and don't know what I'm talking about. Again - I can't read your mind. I'm just thinking back to some of your previous posts that clearly display uncertainty and guilt about your cding and how it affects people in your life.

I'll get to the part of you thinking I'm irritated by your joy in the next paragraph. I'm not guilty, I'm confused though. For myself I just feel that this is no different than a normal GG or normal GM/GB wanting to be something/someone or act out something in life. Look, I accept life as it is with all the realities of it. I won't be able to fly to the moon, I won't be rich with trillions of dollars, I won't have 100 wives, etc etc. Yes those are some of my fantasies I wish I could get, stupid or illogical or not, they are what I WANT. I don't see being a CD any different. I'm not going to dress up as a stripper and go to work or the mall, even if I were to 24/7 CD I wouldn't do that. I guess you're saying that's OK because that's what you want to do? I just don't believe that, I believe in power of many, of caring and trying to work with others. Meaning I don't think its appropriate to just do whatever you want whenever you want.

Again, CD is no different to me than playing my online computer entertainment games. I sexually pleasure myself often but I'm not going to do in front of family members or friends. Most won't. But the impression you give me is that if that's what you want and that's who you are, you should do it? So pedophiles are ok too then? Anyway.

I'm going to keep encouraging others to celebrate their lives, and enjoy their gift, too. I'm going to keep sharing my life with the world... for as long as I can feasibly do so. I'm going to encourage others to do so as well. If we all put forth a positive example of who we are and allow others to know us, society will begin to accept us more. If we keep expressing shame and guilt about who we are, society will keep classifying crossdressers confused people with a mental illness.

Also this, if anything. Think of those Jehovah witness people coming to your door preaching and telling you to believe what they believe or the religion fanatics or extremeists. I'm not saying you are like that but what you say is related to being like that. Just do whatever, forget what others think or how they feel, as long as you feel good, do it. I just don't find that great advice to give to people. Why not care about people you love? Just because you need to dress in a skirt so there's no alternative, have to do it because you have to. So what if I'm like Dexter© ? (For those who don't watch the show, he's a serial killer who needs to kill but channels it in killing criminals) So it's ok to murder people because that's me, regardless if they are criminals?

I just feel sometimes you give people not so great advice when saying this and seems very selfish and immature. I've learned when I was growing up to care about others more than myself and to always be a host even at a guest's house. I guess I am the only one here, so I must be wrong.

[silkandsatincd]

Kate,

I can appreciate most of what you have to say, but I think you are getting stuck on your way of seeing the world and it's starting to sound like your standing in judgement of others because they don't see things the same way you do. Your comparisons of some CD's to a pedophiles or a serial killers seem way off point and misguided at best. We are all working on self acceptance, no matter where we are on our journey. Gabe is trying very hard to share her truth, and I think she is doing so wonderfully.

Thanks Gabe, I just wanted you to know that what you are saying is not falling on deaf ears! I really appreciate your honesty and sincerity in all your posts. So keep, Celebrating Your Journey and how far you have come as a person!

[TSchapes]

Think of those Jehovah witness people coming to your door preaching and telling you to believe what they believe or the religion fanatics or extremeists. I'm not saying you are like that but what you say is related to being like that.

Yes you are saying she is like that. The JW example is off base because JW are intrusive in that they trespass on your property, telling you, you're wrong in the way you believe and there will be future consequences of those beliefs. Extremeists,[sic] will tell you you're wrong and threaten you on the spot. Instead. people come to this board voluntarily and read Gabrielle at their will. They can choose to believe her views or not. I can't picture Gabrielle knocking on anyone's door, or threatening anyone.

Just do whatever, forget what others think or how they feel, as long as you feel good, do it. I just don't find that great advice to give to people. Why not care about people you love? Just because you need to dress in a skirt so there's no alternative, have to do it because you have to.

I don't get a sense of this from what Gabrielle is saying. Let's flip this around. If no one in the world cared whether we wore men's clothes or women's clothes or cared whether we present ourselves as men or women, would what Gabrielle is advocating be so provocative and reckless? Is it because of other people's transphobia that we have to be so careful?

So what if I'm like Dexter© ? (For those who don't watch the show, he's a serial killer who needs to kill but channels it in killing criminals) So it's ok to murder people because that's me, regardless if they are criminals?

Gee, I wish you could find a more extreme example...

I just feel sometimes you give people not so great advice when saying this and seems very selfish and immature. I've learned when I was growing up to care about others more than myself and to always be a host even at a guest's house. I guess I am the only one here, so I must be wrong.

Again, I don't get a sense that Gabrielle is being selfish and immature. I would venture to say it is very hard to care about others more than yourself, because you only can control yourself and your own actions. You cannot be with someone else all the time, only yourself. I believe what Gabrielle is saying is love yourself, love who you are, be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place.

With all due respects, Tracy

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I got pretty busy tonight and don't have the time necessary to devote to additional meaningful input. Need more hours in the day!

Not dropping out on the discussion - just a little delay for now.

[battybattybats]

Why not care about people you love? Just because you need to dress in a skirt so there's no alternative, have to do it because you have to. So what if I'm like Dexter© ? (For those who don't watch the show, he's a serial killer who needs to kill but channels it in killing criminals) So it's ok to murder people because that's me, regardless if they are criminals?

I just feel sometimes you give people not so great advice when saying this and seems very selfish and immature. I've learned when I was growing up to care about others more than myself and to always be a host even at a guest's house. I guess I am the only one here, so I must be wrong.

Ethics: Crossdressing is free ethical expression no matter how much people may be upset or feel hurt that it is done. While preventing or interfering with that free expression even with emotional coercion is UNethical.

While a persons right to touch anothers body requires their consent. A murderer cannot ethically murder anyone with their consent. Even if they found someone who genuinely consented while free of any mental illness or coercion of any sort then it would be assisted suicide and not murder.

Theres a clear right and wrong here. CDing is right. Murder is wrong. Ethics draws the line.

And the hurt people feel that a CDer CDs...? That is a real hurt but an unjust one. Just as the hurt people had about mixed race dating, women in the workplace, Gays not being locked up and all the rest have been real hurt, but unjust hurt.

When feellings are real, but wrong and unethical, it's those feellings which must adjust and give way and not that right ethical thing they react to. When slave-owners had to treat black people as their equals, when Hitler had to see a Black man beat White men at the Berlin olympics, when men had to start obeying women bosses in the workplace it was emotionally hurtful for them. But it was right.

[Satrana]

The other part of CD is basically most of us, presenting themselves like a girl, wig, makeup, trying to pass. Wearing the woman's jeans only when presented as a woman. Wearing forms and bras. Especially this point, as a "guy liking girly stuff" there is absolutely NO reason you need to wear a bra or forms. A bra is for breasts to support, that's like saying you want to wear a seatbelt when you're walking around... There is no purpose to that. If you want to pretend you're in a car all day long, yeah fine go wear a seatbelt to Wal-Mart, that's essentially same as being a woman and wearing forms and presenting as a girl in public.

Let me take a crack at this point. I agree at first sight, there is no reason for a CD to wear a bra if the CD is not trying to be a woman. However there is more to it than just practicality after all we choose the clothes we wear as a means primarily of self expression, practicality is secondary.

Bras are very symbollic feminine wear, wearing one makes you feel feminine, so from a CDing point of view wearing a bra fulfils the need to feel feminine. Just like women's business suits always have padded shoulders because this increases the feeling of dominance and self assertiveness from this masculine body form. Women's suits do not need padded shoulders but women look more assertive with them and that is an asset in a business environment.

Secondly the overall feminine appearance that we like so much is not just based on clothes but also on a feminine body shape. The two are intrinsically linked together to form the feminine look. Put a muscular man into a dress, and no matter how stunning the dress is, he will still look masculine. The bra is therefore an important item to produce the feminine look.

Yes, so do I. I don't want to be seen as a guy in makeup and a dress, I want to be seen as a female if I'm out and about. My goal in cding is to present myself as close to believable female as possible. It's the female appearance that I love, and I want to own that appearance myself

Did you ever wonder why you need to pass as a female? Why does being seen as a man in a dress disappoint you so? To me this is remnant of transphobia, you have now embraced your femininity and celebrate expressing this side of you but only as a woman. You see to me the need to think of ourselves as women is a neat trick to sidestep our transphobia - if we are a woman then none of the issues about expressing our femininity arise.

By all means perfect the feminine image because that is what you love to look like, but does that really mean you cannot do that without you and others recognizing your manhood. IMHO that is the missing link towards full acceptance - acknowledging a man can look like a glamorous sexy woman without the need to abandon the truth that he is a he and there is nothing wrong in that. Which means celebrating not just your crossdressing behavior but celebrating that you can do that as a man without feeling embarrassed.

[deja true]

"What we got here is a failure to communicate..."

Gabrielle never implied that she does what she likes and "to hell with others' feelings!" What she did say was that she'll do what pleases her now without a feeling of personal guilt. And that kind of self acceptance is what she is calling on us to work at acquiring, not a self-absorbed, totally self pleasuring lifestyle.

Kate impugnes her and all of us by even thinking of comparing any aspect of what we do to a character like Dexter! At no time would Gabrielle or anyone here even consider condoning an amoral mindset like that. In fact, in showing us that her self acceptance has made her a happier and more agreeable person in all modes, she does just the opposite. CDing is not the symptom of a pathology, as Kate seems to be implying. It is a revelation that there is more to the human soul than just the narrow imprinting of our socially mandated roles. Society's rules are something that we are free to break if we do that in order to make it a more just and caring one for all.

[Dressing Jill]

Hi Gabriella

I just love you. So confident in your life. It is wonderful... Like most of the rest we have all been though the ruff times also. It is amazing how we have similar stories.

I admire you inner self. You are like a breath of fresh air. You tell it like you see it with such commitment..

I am also confident in who I am. Both male and female aspects of my personality. It took many years and a lot of work. With no help from the general public. Even in those times no one new that I had doubts about my self. Part of being a double Leo it is hard to see through the shell......

I am so glad that you have the support to live your life.

Hugs

Jill




There is always room for more friends in my heart

[Carly D.]

this is a good entry.. I skimmed and the part about masturbation grabbed my eyes.. let's see.. in the beginning I was hard pressed not to "enjoy" let's say this part of cross dressing.. actually in the beginning I would get that way by wearing pantyhose and usually it was for the quick hit that I got from wearing them.. in other words I would wear and do the deed then be done with the hose and everything went back down to normal.. then as I started to dress up more I started to think "there's got to be more to this than doing that", and started to wear for longer periods of time.. until one day I wore but didn't go "there" even when I was about to change out of the clothes.. cross dressing to me was very much about my own pleasure and remains that way in different ways.. now it seems to be more mental than physical.. I like to wear the clothes for the "that" feeling now which is the same feeling that I got way back in the beginning but without the "happy ending" aspect, as it were... and every cross dresser has his own set of what it means to them type of guidelines so to speak.. it's like listening to music.. there are those who love rock but you press them on it and it is only a very few bands some are into.. I like a lot of bands it rock and translated to my cross dressing, I wear some clothes and like it and wear other clothes and like it.. I can get by most off days by wearing shoes (my main love).. sometimes pantyhose, a skirt or shorts and shoes.. and when I dress to "pass" those days are special..

[jasmine57]

Gabrielle-
I agree with you whole heartedly. I love your confidence in who and what you are whether in male or female mode. I agree that i want want to be the best I can be in either mode. I also spent most of my life denying who and what I actually am and only in the past few years have come to love myself completely. I don't understand why people have to be judgemental about who we are. They are not in my shoes and could never understand the things I've been through to get to this point in my life. I too love being girly when in femme mode and wouldn't have it any other way. But in guy mode I'm all guy. But side of me are happy with who I am. I will admit that I seem to be a little more at ease in femme mode but that what I am and I don't want to try and analyze it to death to come up with a reason for it. I just know that I am and I go with the flow. Thanks for starting this thread and thanks for giving a reason to voice my opinion.

[MissConstrued]

IMHO that is the missing link towards full acceptance - acknowledging a man can look like a glamorous sexy woman without the need to abandon the truth that he is a he and there is nothing wrong in that.

In other words, how is society going to get used to us if we are invisible? If I were invisible, I may as well be in the closet, ja?

That doesn't mean run out and wave your fake tits in everyone's faces shouting "Look at meeee! I'm a transvestite!" of course. The more people who see a guy in a dress out having fun, and not being a creep, the better it will be.