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Thread: celebrating my life is NOT about lying to myself

  1. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satrana View Post

    You see to me the need to think of ourselves as women is a neat trick to sidestep our transphobia - if we are a woman then none of the issues about expressing our femininity arise...........

    ...................IMHO that is the missing link towards full acceptance - acknowledging a man can look like a glamorous sexy woman without the need to abandon the truth that he is a he and there is nothing wrong in that. Which means celebrating not just your crossdressing behavior but celebrating that you can do that as a man without feeling embarrassed.
    For me realizing this was the last piece of the puzzle... the answer I was seeking that led to being "whole" as I put it so often. Once I understood this key point, reviewing half a lifetime of confusion, I knew my "need" to understand the reasons why were over. The result was peace of mind.

    Gabrielle's "story" is one of the most joyful expressions of "coming to terms" and "living life" I have ever read, and it is a splendid example for others, that whatever one's goals are, despite formidible barriers, it is possible.

    And Kate, I doubt that your understanding is so deep and profound that it eludes understanding here. I do beleve there is a "loss in translation" that I can not easily work with, so I will avoid further comment for now, as my way of expressing myself in words is at times abstruse.<smile>I will follow your progress.

    dd
    Last edited by Deedee Dupree; 05-06-2009 at 12:17 PM.

  2. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deedee Dupree View Post
    For me realizing this was the last piece of the puzzle... the answer I was seeking that led to being "whole" as I put it so often. Once I understood this key point, reviewing half a lifetime of confusion, I knew my "need" to understand the reasons why were over. The result was peace of mind.

    Gabrielle's "story" is one of the most joyful expressions of "coming to terms" and "living life" I have ever read, and it is a splendid example for others, that whatever one's goals are, despite formidible barriers, it is possible.

    And Kate, I doubt that your understanding is so deep and profound that it eludes understanding here. I do beleve there is a "loss in translation" that I can not easily work with, so I will avoid further comment for now, as my way of expressing myself in words is at times abstruse.<smile>I will follow your progress.

    dd
    Are you suppose to put the quotes above or below... anyways.. About what Satrana said.. I don't really get that and about transphobia. I don't want to be looked upon or seen as a guy being beautiful in a dress, I want to be looked as a woman being beautiful. I really don't get this.. If the person crossdressing looks like a guy, I honestly think it doesn't look good. I don't like how I look like in the mirror dressed because of the masculine features. So what then?

    I don't know, I find it not appealing looking like a guy in a dress, I don't know what phobia is that. If I am to look like a guy I would wear stuff that looks good, for a guy. This is transphobia?

    Anyways, there's so much derailing in this thread, people just saying comments out of the blue that doesn't really have anything to do with the main points of this thread. Either that or they can't put any personal opinion of this because it's too complicated or boring to them. Just dress dress dress dress and nothing else matters.

    There maybe mis-communication some where but it is always like this as this is life. When is it that we have 100% clear communication? Of course it doesn't help when people suddenly go off on a tangent talking about other stuff. If people want to debate and figure out what is what, then do so and don't just say random things.

    Self-acceptance... so you think I don't have that because I care or you *THINK* I feel guilty for dressing because of what others think?

    I said it before, I do accept who I am, just as I accept I enjoy being an engineer and not a professional cook. I don't want to cook for a living, I rather work on code. Just like this part of me, CD is that, to me it isn't something miraculously special or has some special circumstances. I don't understand why everyone here think it's *THAT* much different?

    Hence this is the problem we have about self-acceptance. I never said I was feeling GUILTY in anyway about my CD. I said that I merely take in considerations of what my actions do to others. THAT IS NOT FEELING GUILTY OR NOT ACCEPTING MYSELF. It's called "not being a jerk to others". It's called caring about others, it's called not being self-centered and selfish.

    If someone thinks that means I'm not self-accepting then they are wrong. CD to me isn't TS, it is not even close. CD is like my love for engineering work. So if my engineering work would make me go off for months away or long hours that I'd be away from my family/friends/home, I would reconsider because IT AFFECTS OTHER PEOPLE. It's not always about what I want, so what if I love engineering work, I'm not going to continue if I'm deployed overseas for 5 years and not able to see my family. EVEN if I enjoy that, I wouldn't do that. THIS IS NOT NON SELF ACCEPTANCE.

    Please discuss/debate if you think anything I've said is wrong and really, please I bet you, STOP derailing this topic and posting things that don't really matter, there are other threads or posts you can do that in.

  3. #28
    Big Sister Nicki B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KateC View Post
    Secondly, I said sex is the basis of everything. If we were asexual beings, there would be no gender, if there is no gender there wouldn't be an issue being female/male because there would be no female/male.
    What do you mean, 'if'??

    Some people very definitely are - and get very fed up that much of the rest of the world keeps telling them they can't exist.. Sound familiar?

    Ok maybe I'm talking too deep?
    Honestly? I don't think you're really listening to what other people say, when it disagrees with your experience..
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  4. #29
    I hate pants Gabrielle Hermosa's Avatar
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    I originally did a point by point discussion with your previous direct response to me, Kate. I spent a lot of time on it, but I think it was in vain because I really don't think it would have made any difference in how you view me or my message to people. I'll include just this final portion in the interest of getting to the point.

    Quote Originally Posted by KateC View Post
    I just feel sometimes you give people not so great advice when saying this and seems very selfish and immature.
    Understood. You think my advice is "not so great". You believe I'm "very selfish and immature".

    I've learned when I was growing up to care about others more than myself and to always be a host even at a guest's house. I guess I am the only one here, so I must be wrong.
    Kate, your words are filled with anger and hate. You've attempted to argue that I think murder and child molestation are ok. What a terrible thing to imply.

    It's your right to think whatever you want about me. I don't know where all this is coming from... I can't help but wonder if there is any outside input from others to fuel the fire. Regardless, this is how you feel. So be it.

    You brought me to tears with your terrible sentiments about me. I really believe you wanted to hurt me... and you did. Congratulations. I'm not ashamed to cry though. If I can wear heels, lipstick and eyeliner, I can cry too. I heal quickly though. I've got life to celebrate.

    I understand you are thoroughly disgusted by me and my attempt to empower others to truly live their lives. You may want to add me to your ignore list. Do so and you won't see my avatar, signature, or post-content any more (except for when people quote me).

    I know you're young and still working through things in you life. For what it's worth, I think you'll do ok... once you're a little more sure of yourself and ready to work it all out.

    One more quick point:

    Quote Originally Posted by KateC View Post
    Self-acceptance... so you think I don't have that because I care or you *THINK* I feel guilty for dressing because of what others think?
    Perhaps she thinks you feel guilty because of what you clearly spelled out here:

    Quote Originally Posted by KateC View Post
    I think alot of this is coming from what I think SO will say... it's like without her approval I think anything I do is wrong. I feel really guilty and bad when I dress up and do stuff like go out to wal-mart.
    Of course, my "not so great" advice to you in that thread was to not feel guilty... which several other members echoed as well. If I spent more time, I'm pretty sure I'd find more instances of you clearly stating that you feel "guilty" and "confused" in regard to your cding... but I doubt it would matter. You think very terribly of me and my words only seem to fuel your hatred.

    I'm done arguing points with you - the wheels are spinning but the car just isn't moving. Believe what you want - it's your right. Fire back all you want. I'm letting this go.

    My continued presence on this forum should no longer irritate you after adding me to your ignore list. I'm so sorry you found me to be so disturbing. Love me or hate me, I hope you'll celebrate your life too.







    Quote Originally Posted by paulaN View Post
    Gabrielle, You know that you do not have to explain yourself or your words to anyone here.
    That being said. I happen to like what you have said... Any way I am here to cheer you on. To tell ya to keep on gurlen and to celebrate life as much as you want and as best you can. Whoo Hooo!!!!! I would love to have a little Celebration with ya. In real time. Someday maybe.... PaulaN
    Thank you, Paula. I know I don't need to explain myself to anyone, but I wanted to try and clear up any misunderstandings if possible. It was worth a shot, anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by silkandsatincd View Post
    Thanks Gabe, I just wanted you to know that what you are saying is not falling on deaf ears! I really appreciate your honesty and sincerity in all your posts. So keep, Celebrating Your Journey and how far you have come as a person!
    Shhhhh! "Gabe" is my man-side. Call me Gabi.

    Thank you though - it means a lot to me to know that my message is understood and appreciated. I will always celebrate my life, and I hope you will as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by TSchapes View Post
    I believe what Gabrielle is saying is love yourself, love who you are, be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place.
    I believe you are correct! That is exactly what I'm saying... or trying to anyway. Not sure where I went wrong, but you can't win 'em all, right? Got to give it a shot though.

    Quote Originally Posted by battybattybats View Post
    ...When feellings are real, but wrong and unethical, it's those feellings which must adjust and give way and not that right ethical thing they react to. When slave-owners had to treat black people as their equals, when Hitler had to see a Black man beat White men at the Berlin olympics, when men had to start obeying women bosses in the workplace it was emotionally hurtful for them. But it was right.
    Thanks for chiming in, Batty. You make excellent points, as always.

    Quote Originally Posted by Satrana View Post
    Did you ever wonder why you need to pass as a female? Why does being seen as a man in a dress disappoint you so?
    It's not something I wonder about - I know exactly why I want to pass as female. It's simply my personal goal in feminine appearance. When I do myself all up, I want to see a female appearance in the mirror, not a man in a dress. I think it is safe to say that every crossdresser has slightly different reasons and goals in their dressing. My personal preference is to look as female as I can possibly look. It's just my goal - the thing I shoot for. It's the strike in bowling. It's the home run in baseball. It's the touchdown in football. I think you get my point. Regardless, I doubt I'll be able to pass because of my physical attributes, but I'll do my best anyway. I want that home run!

    Quote Originally Posted by deja true View Post
    Gabrielle never implied that she does what she likes and "to hell with others' feelings!" What she did say was that she'll do what pleases her now without a feeling of personal guilt. And that kind of self acceptance is what she is calling on us to work at acquiring, not a self-absorbed, totally self pleasuring lifestyle...
    Thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! You get me. Many people get me. Sadly, some people don't... or perhaps they just don't want to or whatever. To each her own, but thank you so much for understanding me and saying that. It really means a lot to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dressing Jill View Post
    Hi Gabriella

    I just love you. So confident in your life. It is wonderful... Like most of the rest we have all been though the ruff times also. It is amazing how we have similar stories.

    I admire you inner self. You are like a breath of fresh air. You tell it like you see it with such commitment..
    Thank you, Jill. Yes, I am confident in my life. I have to be - it's the only life I have. It took me a long time to get here, but I thank God I made it. Sounds like you're doing very well in your life as well. Celebrate always! Stand tall and proud to be who you are. Respect yourself and others will respect you as well. Thanks for sharing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carly D. View Post
    ... and every cross dresser has his own set of what it means to them type of guidelines so to speak.. it's like listening to music.. there are those who love rock but you press them on it and it is only a very few bands some are into.. I like a lot of bands it rock and translated to my cross dressing...
    An interesting analogy, Carly. Everyone has their thing, and so long as it brings them joy, what else matters? All of a sudden, I have the Donnie and Marie song in my head "I'm a little bit Country, I'm a little bit rock and roll." It's true though - we're all individuals with our own personal preferences and styles. Nothing wrong with that at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine57 View Post
    ...I also spent most of my life denying who and what I actually am and only in the past few years have come to love myself completely. I don't understand why people have to be judgemental about who we are...
    I'm so glad you found your way, Jasmine. You made it over the dark hump and learned to love yourself. What a precious thing! Be a positive example of who we are and let the world know we're not freaks. If we all stick together on dispelling the negative cliches, maybe we can bring about positive change sooner rather than later.



    Thank you everyone, for taking the time to read the long posts in this thread. There is a lot of positive energy here and that's good for ALL of us.
    Last edited by Gabrielle Hermosa; 05-06-2009 at 05:18 PM. Reason: type-o
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  5. #30
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    Kate

    IMO, you have read a great deal into my
    statements that were not implied nor directed to you, and I don't respond to anyone's threads because I need to hear myself talk, or solidify my point of view. My intent in every case is to be of service, unless I am blowing off some steam elsewhere, my motivations are honorable. And, It is not possible for you to provoke or offend me.

    What I did say that you didn't get is, you have recieved many informative replies articulated in a way that is better than I can do at the moment, and I prefer to observe from the side lines for now until I see something I can articulate in a way that may make sense to you.

    For now, I prefer not to reply to you, and that does not mean I am not interested in debate, or providing any insights I can share. OTOH, It is obvious to me that you would have tremendous difficulty understanding the method I have used to "come to terms" so I will not complicate
    matters by going into it.

    Finally, think what you will. I am done responding to YOUR problem on this thread.

    dd
    Last edited by Deedee Dupree; 05-07-2009 at 02:31 AM.

  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by KateC View Post
    And why doesn't anyone read my posts or respond to them if I reply, makes me feel what's the point of responding sometimes...

    Anyway, hope that got someone's attention...
    You posted this on another thread.
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  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gabrielle Hermosa View Post
    You brought me to tears with your terrible sentiments about me. I really believe you wanted to hurt me... and you did. Congratulations. I'm not ashamed to cry though. If I can wear heels, lipstick and eyeliner, I can cry too.

    Hope your mascara didn't run.

    I learned a long time ago not to get too worked up about what some joker on Teh Interweb says. It's just not worth it. It's just opinion, and opinions, they say, are like assholes -- everybody is one.

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