If we GG's could say anything/ The good and the Bad

[Di]

I was thinking about how when giving advice we always tell either party to talk to your partner. Well some things are just hard to say or ask. So I thought I would ask our GG's if there would be anything they would want to say or ask if it was done
anonymously. What would they like to say to their partner ( in hopes they would read it and see it in themselves) or the group
without fear of being slapped down.
This is an experiment on opening communication lines. Please in your responding posts refer to the poster as Fab/ GG anonymous and the number. Some of the ladies have questions and some just need an outlet in hopes their partner might read and open an discussion with them. Some of these are their feelings so please if it rings a bell with you fine if not this is way to get their feelings out in hopes the partner will see it.
I WOULD LIKE ANOTHER THREAD FOR ALL OF THE TG/CD LADIES TO GIVE THEIR FEELINGS ANONYMOUSLY
( within forum rules) You can pm Shelly Preston , az_azeel or Di and it will be in total confidence.And we will post your feelings and questions as well in hopes of more understanding.

Note these are some of the Fab ladies, feelings, experiences in hope their partner will read and see themselves. This is up for discussion BUT NOT ARGUMENT Feel free to answer any of the questions or discuss the thread.For clarity state Fab/ GG anonymous #

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 1.

I am trying to be supportive and you ask why now I get so nervous when you want to dress. I am afraid to tell you
from something that happened after I first found out.
You were getting ready and it has been several hours and I had to use the restroom. I knocked on the door to ask if I may use the bathroom and you went crazy screamed, ranted then took a shower and it was all my fault I ruined it.
So now after you tell me you are getting dressed, I do not eat or drink anything, and one time I am ashamed to say I went to the bathroom outside. I get sick to my stomach
from fear when you want to dress because of this reason
NOT because I am not accepting. It seems like when you dress you are not accepting of me.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 2

You lied to me when you asked me to marry you.

You told me you just 'liked to wear skirts.'

I asked you straight out, with sustained eye contact, if you wanted to become female.

You said, very clearly, 'no.'

Now, you admit that you didn't tell me the truth because you feared I wouldn't marry you. WELL DUH. I probably wouldn't have.

But...I might have. Because I loved you then. I love you now.

But honesty would have been the better course and much more respectful, considerate and loving towards me because now...our lives, our families, our hearts, and our finances are entangled.

Making a decision to stay or go based on the current 'full disclosure' is very difficult.

I feel betrayed. I feel angry. I feel tricked. And I highly resent that you have put me, quite deliberately and with intent to deceive, in this very awkward painful position.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 3

My biggest fear has always been that you are with me because I am accepting and only that reason.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 4

I've known very early on in my relationship that my boyfriend fantasied about forced feminization and female domination. As someone who is completely submissive in the bedroom I feel that I have robbed him of something he enjoys.

He has told me that he used to think he was submissive, and assures me that he now enjoys taking a more dominate role with me whether he is in girl mode or boy mode.

We have an amazing sex life, but its a great fear of mine that I won't always satisfy him. I notice a great deal more Submissive Cders than Dominate ones. I feel like I am going against the grain of the Cder norm. I adore him and desperately want to please him.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 5

Why are you whinging your wife doesn't accept you, and yet I see you here for HOURS and HOURS? Do you even know where she is? Where your kids are? Get of the damned computer and go spend time with your family out in the real world
Or is it better in here where someone will agree with your twisted version of reality?

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 6

I enjoy it when you are enfemme and prefer it.Do you act all macho to cover up something you fear is wrong? It is not wrong!
I would much rather have the real you and not the macho jerk anyday.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 7

I love the two of us dressing up and going to our monthly get togethers. What I do not like is you getting ready taking up the bathroom for about 3 hrs and if I take 5 min in the bathroom getting ready you blow up because your beard will be coming through.Be more fun for me if we BOTH could feel pretty.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 8

Most cders go through the pink fog stage, for some it is more intense than others. For those who have SOs, who try and slow this down, why don’t you listen? Instead you just carry on and buy stuff most of which will probably never be worn, want to dress at every opportunity. Then you complain that your SO doesn’t understand when she gets angry for all the stuff that going on and wants to try to get a grip on things.

Then there’s the boundaries breaking, you’ve both come to an agreement with boundaries, but you want to go further. Instead of talking about it nope you just go ahead and move the goal posts, then again wonder why you’re SOs angry.


Life can be good with a transgendered person but you've got to be willing to listen to your SO and her worries, and try to help her overcome these things, and not just go off and do your own thing.

A lot here seem to think that once an SO knows then life can just carry on as before, well sorry to say for most it doesn't happen like this, ok in a few years, yes I said years not weeks, months, it may well all come together, but a lot of talking and understanding has to be done.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 9

Pet peeve....once we know..why continue to lie about things...its only going to make things harder for them. If I asked a question I want the truth not a lie .

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 10

Would you want/like constructive criticism on your pics from us GGs about makeup, clothing or wigs ect?

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 11

Just because I love YOU, does not mean I can accept that you CD .We are talking apples and oranges here....one does not equal the other. I might love you but I might not like the cding.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 12


I love the way you value my opinion, on the clothes you wear and how you let me help to put your outfits together.

I love how you appreciate my femininity and always tell me how lovely you think I look.

I love the way you smiled when I brushed your wigs for you and showed you how to plait them.

I love that when we go shopping we play the what can I spot for you game. I try and find things you'd like, and you do the same for me.

I love the way that you respect my views on none animal tested make up and go out of your way to use stuff that isn't.

I love the fact you laughed at me when you caught me jumping up and down on your bed in your frilliest petticoat.

I love the fact that when I accidentally stumbled over your cross dressing magazines you let me flick through them and explained everything to me.

I also love the fact that when in the same day and place I found the porn you used to use before you met me, you didn't dismiss and hide it. You handed me all pieces to flick through while reassured me it ment nothing and then promptly threw them away without me even asking you to.

I love the fact that when I need to ask you a serious question you sit down and turn off all distractions to face me, and that you answer honestly.

I love the fact you never forget that I am a women, and that I have desires too.

I love the fact that you respect me.

I love the fact that on days when I struggle with insecurities you never get angry about having to reassure me, and that when I cry you hold me.

Its because you make such an amazing man that I'm happy for you to be a lady too. With you I always feel center of the world.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 13


For a community that craves acceptance, some of you really are not very tollerant of others. Remember it's a feminine trait to be empathetic.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 14


I feel bad for the people come looking for advice and are really trying hard to get to grips with it. Yet they are made to be the baddie because "It's not like he's hitting you or anything" while I appreciate the fact it isn't anything like domestic abuse, I hate how they make dressing seem like its nothing. When really it can be.

I think these women should be allowed to walk away with their heads held up high. If that can't accept the dressing, its not a crime. They shouldn't be punished for it. Relationships are a partnership and should be on equal footing, they are also a choice.
It seems to me that if partners can't accept their SO's cross dressing then many of the Cders are out with their pitch forks and ready for a witch burning.

Incidentally, just because one women accepts one mans dressings, it doesn't mean she would accept all CDers as a partner. Crossing dressing is quite hard to deal with, but because my partner is open and honest about it, and goes out of his way to make me feel good about myself and where I stand as "His woman" its fine. I'd never consider dating another Cross Dresser if all I got was drama. Many seem like they are extremely high maintenance.
To me its the man inside that counts. I'm sure if I was partnered with any of the other Cders on the site I would struggle.

Finally, I cannot bear all this lying. I hear a lot of Cross Dressers say : "If I tell her she'll leave me! So I'll just keep hiding and lying because that better than being alone."
I believe very much in the saying - If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.
By set free, I mean by the truth. After my partner told me, I didn't flee and here we are now very very happy together.

However if your wife/girlfriend/partner cannot handle it and she does leave eventually all your doing is prolonging the inevitable. If she leaves then it was never ment to be. I would feel very resentful if I was with a partner who lied to me for so long only to come clean late in life. In my opinion thats robbing your partner of a chance of finding true happiness. (Not that we can't find true happiness with a cross dresser, on the contrary. Many of us have but like Cross Dressers, women vary.)

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 15

The good: I love your sensitivity and compassion.

I love the diversity in the bedroom.

I love having a girlfriend to see chick flicks with.

I love being able to rely on your taste and knowledge about female fashion.

It's cool to have the option of borrowing your stuff if I need to.

The bad: I feel awkward about your long nails in guy mode, even though I know that your appearance has no bearing on me.

It hurts me sometimes when I feel you would rather have something pretty for you than for me. This is the part of a traditional relationship I am working on letting go, but it is hard.

I feel threatened by your fascination with other women. It makes me feel as if something is lacking in me. I am not as fascinated by other men.

The good and the bad together: Sometimes I need a take charge kinda guy in my life when I feel overwhelmed and I just want to feel protected. But I also know it is good for me to rely on myself.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 16


I like the fact that I can talk to you in either mode and know that I am speaking to the same person.

I love the fact that when we are having us (male/female) time, that your fem while there, does not dominate.

I love to walk with you in either mode and being able to hold your hand or walk with arms wrapped round each other.

I love the fact that you trust me enough, to trust my judgement.

I appreciate that I am not always the easiest person to live with and that you are sensative to my moods.

I appreciate that you allow me to share this part of you with me & that you do not make it all about you, that you remember that I am a half of our relationship

I love knowing that I know and love the complete person and am loved back by the complete you

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 17

Is there really sex in a transgender relationship ? I was told by my partner no sex was part of being married to a transgender partner.Why? And is this true? And why is this true?

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 18

The biggest hurdle is not that you want to wear a skirt, but that you didn't trust me enough to let me into part of your life, and by not letting me in you didn't give me the choice of being with the real you. I'm still here. Look at all that time you wasted.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 19

I hate the way you pay more attention to yourself than you do me, like when my nails look nice, you brush it off, but when yours looks nice, you expect me to compliment you until the cows come home.

I hate the way you still wear girl things when we're having sex, I've told you, but you don't listen, I feel like my feelings don't count. One day, you will listen, maybe if I start wearing male attire to bed, you will get the message, but it isn't fair that you don't listen to me, when I support you 100% in everything you do, why can't you give a little back?

I love that you love me unconditionally.
I love the way you snuggle up to me at night and hold me till I fall to sleep.
Every night for the last xx amount of years, you've told me you love before I sleep, I love that.
I love the way you make me coffee in the morning.... but you could make me breakfast too
I love our family outings, you put them first, it's taken you a long time.
I love everything about you, you are my soul mate, we've had our problems, but we've come through them

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 20

When I first discovered you were a CD, X amount of time into our relationship, YES I was hurt angry and bewildered that you did not tell me, what hurt more was that while I was willing to learn about this new you, and what it meant to us, you lied and lied some more.

You wouldn't listen to me, and how I was feeling, that hurt, I wanted to learn not just from others, but from you, what this meant for us and our relationship, but instead you kept rejecting my attempts to talk and learn .................. you took and accepting SO and turned her into an unaccepting one, not for CDs, but for you .............. to late you attempted to repair the damage, to many lies, to many goalposts moved ............ you lost not just a partner, but an accepting SO .. how sad is that ..... if I could go back to the beginning of finding out, knowing what I know now I would not have wasted the extra years trying to learn, trying to make it work.

Some CD's do not deserve an accepting SO because of what they do to them ............. you were/are such a one!!!!!

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 21

Cds that brag about things they do behind their SO's back, they seem to think that they are doing something good, then they wonder when the SO finds out why she's like she is.

Be honest with your SO and work things out instead of sitting moaning all the time.


I love you for being my soul mate,
for being here for me when I've needed you
but most of all I love you for being YOU

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 22

I hate the lies I have to tell on your/our behalf to family and friends about what we did last night/at the weekend. I hate the knowing grins from those same people when I say owwwww we are having an us night in at home, and having to farm the kids out because you need time to dress, the comments hurt when I hear them say "you are so lucky that XYZ still loves you enough after all this time to still want to spend time alone with you" ........... If only they knew the woman in your life at those times is not me"

I hate that family gathering see you sit in the corner sulking, that is if you even bother to turn up at all ............. I hate lying again to your family and friends about you being a touch off colour or that it has been yet another stress filled week at work, or there are rumours that you may lose your job in a company re-shuffle, I hate it, do you hear.

I miss the man I fell in Love with ........ I need him sometimes ..... but she needs you more than I do apparently

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 23

I do not understand something. I read on the forum how some appreciate or really like woman to dress up. But if I do it upsets you and I end up feeling ugly and undesirable.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 24

Why all the worrying,second guessing, anxiety,stress, questioning everything from how to label yourself, to your sexual orientation and to how others see you?Be happy, live your life, enjoy your loved ones, stop beating yourself up.
You should firstly accept yourself as you are and then be grateful for who you are.