If we GG's could say anything/ The good and the Bad

[Diane_2902]

me and my wie talk about every thing

[trishboy]

My apologies, I come late to this thread, but I encounter too many people on line hiding from their wives. My wife knows and appreciates I'm a sissy, and wholly embraces me in all my facets, as I do her. Sex is not gender. Men tend to need sensitivity training even when their orientation is alternative, as much of their attention seems to center around their dicks and not about the feelings of their spouse. Yes, I am generalizing. I have had the "hidden relationship" and now I have the one where you share. Life is short, as we all know or learn, yet I'd rather divorce a person who doesn't approve than live with same said person. Fortunately I don't have too, instead I have a wife I can talk about panties and makeup, gardening, cars and any other topic under the sun. I'm a lucky so-and-so.

[DinaMature]

I missed this thread altogether until just today. Way to go Di, and all those that contributed and responded. This was probably one of the best threads I've ever seen here.
Thank you!!

In the scope of things, I'm a new comer here... and can honestly attest that I didn't fully know all about myself until some months ago... much of the spirit of this thread I've all ready garnered from reading the general posts.

Having said all that, I think this thread should somehow be required reading and that the CD community should embrace what the GG's have said here.

Deception and selfishness are traps for this lifestyle ... that's been apparent. I know others have been sharply ostracized for throwing that ''selfish" accusation around but I have to agree.

My own GG/SO loves me in part for how I've worshipped the ground she walks on, how gratefull I've always been that she is in my life. I'd hate to think my own interests have ever interfered in the mutual feeling we've shared heretofore.

I've just come out to her and she was immediately supportive and accepting. With the lessons in this thread taken to heart, I hope I carry forward with prudence... not taking my freedom as a free pass to rush headlong to disaster.

[JOJO44]

Fab/ GG anonymous 14


I feel bad for the people come looking for advice and are really trying hard to get to grips with it. Yet they are made to be the baddie because "It's not like he's hitting you or anything" while I appreciate the fact it isn't anything like domestic abuse, I hate how they make dressing seem like its nothing. When really it can be.

I think these women should be allowed to walk away with their heads held up high. If that can't accept the dressing, its not a crime. They shouldn't be punished for it. Relationships are a partnership and should be on equal footing, they are also a choice.
It seems to me that if partners can't accept their SO's cross dressing then many of the Cders are out with their pitch forks and ready for a witch burning.

Incidentally, just because one women accepts one mans dressings, it doesn't mean she would accept all CDers as a partner. Crossing dressing is quite hard to deal with, but because my partner is open and honest about it, and goes out of his way to make me feel good about myself and where I stand as "His woman" its fine. I'd never consider dating another Cross Dresser if all I got was drama. Many seem like they are extremely high maintenance.
To me its the man inside that counts. I'm sure if I was partnered with any of the other Cders on the site I would struggle.

Finally, I cannot bear all this lying. I hear a lot of Cross Dressers say : "If I tell her she'll leave me! So I'll just keep hiding and lying because that better than being alone."
I believe very much in the saying - If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.
By set free, I mean by the truth. After my partner told me, I didn't flee and here we are now very very happy together.

However if your wife/girlfriend/partner cannot handle it and she does leave eventually all your doing is prolonging the inevitable. If she leaves then it was never ment to be. I would feel very resentful if I was with a partner who lied to me for so long only to come clean late in life. In my opinion thats robbing your partner of a chance of finding true happiness. (Not that we can't find true happiness with a cross dresser, on the contrary. Many of us have but like Cross Dressers, women vary.)

OUCH!



This one rang my bell hard. I don't think my wife is on this board, but it sure seems like it.
All of you GG's deserve credit for saying what needed to be said, and all of us need to "listen" to what you all said. Unfortuneately, some of us will pooh pooh what you said away. I am going to do my level best "T" to make certain that I will take to heart what has been said here.
And I agree with the thought in the last post that this should be strongly recommended reading to everyone on this site.
Sorry about wasting so much space here, but thanks to all you GG's for wake up call.
Love & hugs to all,
&

Jo

[morgan51]

Thankyou for this thread I would say to my wife what can I do to make it easier for you I Love You so much and want your happiness to be in the fore
front too. I am so sorry I deceived you to start with and am willing to set things right what ever it takes I Love you above any of my tg issues Morgan

[nicky22]

Thank you so much for this thread. As a GG new to all of this and trying to figure it out, it's a comfort to know how many awesome people there are out there working thru the same emotions in a similar situation. It helps soooooo much. Thank you!

[Sandra]

GG anonymous 42

I Love You But ........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sometimes struggle with the constant need for re-assurance your fem side needs, I can and do tell you how beautiful you look when you are dressed and mean it, but the constant need to be told several times a night sometimes drives me nuts

I sometimes help you choose what to wear that evening, will comment on your several outfit changes on the nights you choose to do a mix and match try out evening. I help buy things, or will arrive home with something for your fem side (far far more than your guy side by the way ).

You don't need the reassurance in guy mode that I adore you, nor should you need it in fem mode, because I do and you know I do, but sometimes if I am busy doing something, and don't respond immediately you take it that I don't want her there and that hurts, she is so intrinsically a part of you that I would never want you to not be her, and I mean never ever.

I wish that somehow I could give you a magic pill that would allow you to accept the whole of you as I do. I love you and every part of you so completely, I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found this wonderful person, my soul mate

[Di]

GG anonymous 43

WOULD YOU PUT UP WITH THIS FROM YOUR WIFE?

Flirting , speaking and acting in a way that suggests greater intimacy WITH MEN Double entendres, and suggestive,COMMENTS both online and out.

Sending sexy pics of yourself to strangers.And interacting with these strangers.In a flirting manner.Being online doing all this and ignoring your wife.

The stock answer you give me as it is for "Validation"of my girlside.
WHAT OF MY GIRLSIDE? I am lonely and feel unloved as there is no intimacy what so ever we can't even hold hands as you do not want to be seen but only as two platonic girlfriends.
You refuse to see my pain and hurt but yet I am expected to turn my life upside down to accommodate your needs. My needs you say are silly.
Well I feel like the BEARD ( camouflage ) for your secret life.
I only wish I did not love you but that love from the lack of love and care being returned has diminished my love for you.The waves have worn these rocks with deterioration of my self love and I am weary, fatigued, exhausted and very sad.

[KayC]

I am really sorry to hear you go through this...I hope you've expressed it to your SO. Sometimes people don't see things from the other's perspective and need to be made to look at it.

GG anonymous 43

WOULD YOU PUT UP WITH THIS FROM YOUR WIFE?

Flirting , speaking and acting in a way that suggests greater intimacy WITH MEN Double entendres, and suggestive,COMMENTS both online and out.

Sending sexy pics of yourself to strangers.And interacting with these strangers.In a flirting manner.Being online doing all this and ignoring your wife.

The stock answer you give me as it is for "Validation"of my girlside.
WHAT OF MY GIRLSIDE? I am lonely and feel unloved as there is no intimacy what so ever we can't even hold hands as you do not want to be seen but only as two platonic girlfriends.
You refuse to see my pain and hurt but yet I am expected to turn my life upside down to accommodate your needs. My needs you say are silly.
Well I feel like the BEARD ( camouflage ) for your secret life.
I only wish I did not love you but that love from the lack of love and care being returned has diminished my love for you.The waves have worn these rocks with deterioration of my self love and I am weary, fatigued, exhausted and very sad.

I think it's great that both CDs and GGs are able to post on this forum and see each other's responses because it helps us understand each other more fully. It really isn't all about the CD, it's about BOTH of us if we are a couple, and it's good to remember that. It's not all about our accepting as bystanders, it's about us both participating fully in our coupledom in such a way as we both have our needs met and are happy in life. We both need to voice ourselves and feel heard by the other.

[QueenofHearts]

wow. It's hard to read some of these postings because I can sadly relate! When I was dating a crossdresser I never really had an outlet to talk about it with other women and yet these women express some of the same things I felt and went through! I so wish I had come across this forum years ago as a form of support....

QoH

[AKASadieGG]

Wow is right! I see so many bits and pieces of myself in these posts. I can't wait to get in my 10 posts so that I can post to a place where my fears and doubts and questions can be addressed by other GG's. The male brain and the female brain just do not process information the same way and no amount of clothes or makeup will change that. I'm sure that this statement will anger some but for me this is just truth.

[jweanie1]

So true in what you say.....just because we now know its like the flood gates open and he feels it all ok now and I can do it anytime, anywhere...yippeeee. Uh..NO, not the case. Now we know but take it easy on us for God sakes!!!!!

You speak the truth but I must say that sometimes it is very helpful to get suggestions and help from BOTH sides cuz there is always two sides to every situation.

I hate all the buying too. I finally had to say "look....until you have worn everything that you have in your little "pandoras box" no more buying already!!!!!!!

everyones feelings should count....50/50 no matter what we are wearing. CDing should be fair to both people in the relationship.

Would it be acceptable if you flirted with the same or opposite sex by him? Probably not. Have you posed that question?

[carolmello]

Wow is all I can say right now. After reading these I am very grateful that my SO has been open with the cding since before we were married. I knew who I was marrying and I don't regret one day that we've spent together no matter what. It was hard at first to accept it and there are times when I find myself wondering "why?" but I fully understand just how hard it was to tell me and I commend him for doing that.

Carol

[Leigh58]

Even if I am finally able to accept you as a CDer, I still need you to be a man when you come to bed with me. To expect me to set aside my feelings during intimacy so you can wear your frilly little things is beyond selfish.

I think I can get used to the idea of sharing some "girl" stuff with you, just not in our bedroom.

I love you.

The last few days have been good (despite me being under the weather). I love that FINALLY we are able to talk to each other about this part of you. Why did it take us SO LONG?

I do love you!

[DaphneGrey]

Fab/ GG anonymous 10

Would you want/like constructive criticism on your pics from us GGs about makeup, clothing or wigs ect?

I would welcome it and I would listen. I want to learn from real women whenever possible. I realize I fall painfully short of the mark. I am sorry if my attempts at being Feminine are some times cartoonish. I truly do want to learn.

[Anna the Dub]

Fab/ GG anonymous 10

Would you want/like constructive criticism on your pics from us GGs about makeup, clothing or wigs ect?

God, yeah! I, like a lot of others, am always open to any suggestions on how to improve my appearance or on things I need to avoid doing. Would hugely appreciate it.

[MyLoveMillie]

I love everything about you

You make me so happy and so complete...

You never forget about my feelings and my desires...

When you get shoes I get shoes, when you get clothes I get clothes... I love this it means you think about me even when you are doing the most exciting things...

I love how at night you hold me really tightly so I feel safe..

I hated how you told me you didn't want me to think you were less of a man because of this... You will never be less of anything to me you will always be more..

I cant thank you enough for letting me in to met this amazing person the person I knew was hiding from me... I do wish it had have been in the beginning....

I love the change I have seen in you, the smile I see so much more...

I love everything about you and because you told me I now have so much more to love....

I love you

Hannah xx

[mariea]

Just wanted to say what a great thread this is. Really interesting to see other GG's views.

[lilmmissmuffet]

It is good that the voices of us partners are being heard.
If I could speak? mmmmm

I hate that you looked into my eyes, smiled and lied through your teeth to me.

I hate that you turned your back on our sex life the day we married, preffering masturbating dressed, your fetish.

I hate that you watched me driven to despair and depression trying to save our relationship, wondering if it was my fault for not being attractive, not being sexy for three years, before I found out that you were advertising to be used sexually by men online, your sexual prefference. You destroyed my self esteem and my ability to feel desirable.

I hate only being the second woman in your life, I feel like a substitute mother, here to give you unconditional love in a sexless marriage.

[Jane Douglas]

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but there is a flip side to this discussion.

So a word of caution to any 'girls' reading this thread and getting warm and fuzzy thoughts about coming out to their wives. There is a risk that you could be setting yourself up for a punitive divorce settlement. I have two friends who found themselves in a settlement discussions where their 'dressing' was used as an issue of leverage against them by their wives lawyers. Threatened to expose it/them in court.

I think before opening any dialogue on the subject with your SO - you should evaluate your marriage and be sure it is on solid ground in every other respect.

As for me - my lips are sealed!

[Di]

GG anonymous 44

What you need from me is unconditional love and support and that is exactly what I do my utmost to give .

Answer me WHY is it only one sided? Why do I not deserve the same in return?

[RobynBella]

I told my girlfriend about 6 months into our relationship. I wasn't hiding it from her, the only reason I didn't tell her was because I wasn't doing it. After I kind of lost a bet with her and one of her friends and they dressed me up, I told her. I was scared to, and so worried that I would lose her, but I wanted our relationship to be based on honesty and openess. I tell her everything about me, even something I'm even more ashamed of than the crossdressing... Not that I'm ashamed of crossdressing anymore, finding somebody who accepts it and loves me no matter what has made me think it's silly how I used to worry what others thought. Of course I'm still shy about it, but no shame at all. This girl is so wonderful and I'm afraid of what I'd be if I never had her in my life. She has made me smile daily for so long now, and I live my life to make her smile right back. I am so grateful to have her in my life and I will never take her, or her acceptance of me for granted

[Roxie__]

How beautiful! I love all these things about my darling SO, Kelly, too. Although I haven't found any magazines yet!
Roxie__

Fab/ GG anonymous 12


I love the way you value my opinion, on the clothes you wear and how you let me help to put your outfits together.

I love how you appreciate my femininity and always tell me how lovely you think I look. [...]

I love the fact that when I need to ask you a serious question you sit down and turn off all distractions to face me, and that you answer honestly.

I love the fact you never forget that I am a women, and that I have desires too.

I love the fact that you respect me.

I love the fact that on days when I struggle with insecurities you never get angry about having to reassure me, and that when I cry you hold me.

Its because you make such an amazing man that I'm happy for you to be a lady too. With you I always feel center of the world.

Thank you FAB GG Anonymous 12 for putting it all so beautifully. I too love my darling SO for so many things,

Roxie__

Fab/ GG anonymous 16


I like the fact that I can talk to you in either mode and know that I am speaking to the same person.

I love the fact that when we are having us (male/female) time, that your fem while there, does not dominate.

I love to walk with you in either mode and being able to hold your hand or walk with arms wrapped round each other.

I love the fact that you trust me enough, to trust my judgement.

I appreciate that I am not always the easiest person to live with and that you are sensative to my moods.

I appreciate that you allow me to share this part of you with me & that you do not make it all about you, that you remember that I am a half of our relationship

I love knowing that I know and love the complete person and am loved back by the complete you

This is also how I feel about being with Kelly/my GBF (is that the right term?!). Reading this sort of thing is reassuring as I realise that a great relationship is a great relationship, if it's with a CDer or not.

But still, CDing must add an extra 'something' to even the best relationship... Is that 'something' great, wonderful and good? Or does it get hard as time goes on? I'd like to ask GGs if they used to feel like this but now don't, or if they used to accept CD and even love it, but came to resent it.

If the answers are yes, why? If they're no, tell me more about it please?!!!

Thank you!
Roxie__

[Bev06 GG]

Thats easy. I'd say quit blaming your faults and shortfalls on your dressing and your sexuality. We all have faults, we wouldn't be human if we didn't.

Quit feeling guilty for how you feel about dressing, weve all got something in the closet that were not too keen on shouting from the roof tops.

And quit being miserable about things you can't change and enjoy the things that you can.
take care
Bev

[angpai30]

I was reading some of the comments here and realised that I may be doing exactly what some of you have posted. It is easy to loose track of what you are doing when you come into full contact with yourself and how you may or may not feel at the time.
This thread has helped me to realize how I may be neglecting those certian points within my own relatioship which are the foundation OF our relationship. I have been blinded by my own faucet to act, walk, talk and see myself as a woman and I am on here an awful lot reading posts from other cders. Thank you for all you're posts and I want you to know that you are appreciated for all your remarks and in helping the crossdressing community to know how you really feel about the situation at hand.
I for one am constantly thinking of new ways to improve my relationship with my SO, but did not realize that it was the simple things that would improve our relationship. To some extent I have been selfish in my indulgance in crossdressing especially in trying to build a feminine wardrobe, which seems to be growing more and more, but then again so has my so, which, in all courtesy to her seems to think we need to spend every waking moment together when we both are not working.
I have interests that I would like to indulge in some of my other interests that I have besides crossdressing that I really don't have a chance to indulge in becuase my wife is at her parents house almost every day. Even more now because her grandma moved in with her parents and she needs extra care now which I am ok with, but when her mother always asks her to look after her while she is gone doing her errands I am left at home with no transportation. So to fill my time alone I crossdress and buy things online to accomadate my needs as a man and a woman.
There are times when I overstep the boundaries set, but I do my best to go back and change things before they get out of hand. This thread has made me think about our situation harder than I have ever thought about it because my wife doesn't express her concerns because she doesn't like to talk about my crossdressing. I have on many occassions wondered about how she may feel about it and why she was upset with me on occassion even though I try to make her feel like she is the woman in the relationship and I will do everything to respect that as I try to genuinely make her feel pretty and compliment her on her makeup and so forth when she wears it.
Thank you to all of you wonderful ladies that posted and gave you're heartfelt annalysis of you're relationship.

Amee Marie~~