If we TG's CD's could say anything

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous thread

After the GG thread was such a hit I thought maybe our tg/cd ladies would like to have an anonymous thread as well so we can talk and understand each other. The FEW that contributed thank you.
I must say I was disappointed not many cared to join in as we were hoping you all could poor out your hearts and feelings like the ladies did
so the partners can see things from your eyes as well.
If anyone still wants to contribute pm Shelly Preston az_azeel Di

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 1

I did not tell you in the beginning because it went away for a while when we met. When it came back I was afraid I would lose you.Years and kids happened and I was afraid of losing everything I ever loved.I still am afraid.

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 2

Honey, even though you don't come to this site, if you did, I'd like to tell you first of all, that I love you. My crossdressing does not, and never has, been because of any deficiency or inadequacy in you and our relationship. This goes way back to my early adolescence, and I was only starting to even think about girls at that time. It isn't something that gets "cured" by a healthy relationship with someone. It's just something that I do, and I have a hard time explaining why I do it,even to myself.

I hurt you by keeping this from you. You were shocked and upset when you found out, and you felt confused and betrayed. But the only reason that I ever kept this from you is fear. I was afraid of losing you, and I just couldn't bear the thought of that. I did not want you to think less of me, and did not want our marriage to fail. It was fear, and fear alone. It is the only thing I've ever kept from you. You mean too much to me for there to be anything else.

I'm not going to have a sex-change, and you dont' need to worry about that. I'm not gay, and I don't dress up in order to attract men to me. I have no desire to be with men, only you. I don't want or need to dress up in front of you if you don't want me to. I don't need you to participate in this with me, and I would never impose anything like that on you. All I really want is your acceptance. All I need is for you to be all right with it, and not think less of me because I crossdress. I'd like to be able to hang my stuff in the closet without worrying that it will push you away from me. I'd like to shave my legs without you thinking I was effeminate.

Most of all, I don't want this to damage our relationship. I don't want to lose you. I love you and I want us to live the rest of our lives together with a lot of love between us. I want you to understand that this is just a part of me, and it does not pose a threat to you. I hope someday, my love, that we can come to such an understanding

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 3

My promise to myself is to tell my next girl friend and not go through my cycle of denial, hiding and shame. I have been married three times and made a mess of my life and theirs with my lies. Only one found out but with the other two I strained the relationship with taking trips and excluding them from my life in order to dress.I cheated them and myself.WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS.

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 4

10 reasons why I'd hesitate telling my SO about my CDing:

1. You might be worried I wanted to have sex with someone else.
2. You might be worried that I wasn't satified with sex with u.
3. You might worry I was interested in having sex with my female counterpart.
4. You might worry sex with her, was better for me, than sex with u.
5. You might worry that my CDing has NOTHING to do with sex.
6.7.8.9.10.You might be RIGHT about ANY or ALL of the above!

I don't know how many CDs will admit how related their dressing is with sex. Many with SOs many not even admit it to themselves! Being single, I live with the guilt, and excitement of sex and CDing, every day!

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 5

Ever since childhood there has always been this feeling that something was DIFFERENT. It was not simple fascination with girls clothing. I just knew I was different and that I identified with being female.
Grade school and jr high total hell. Then HIGH SCHOOL
I started having to dress HAD TO. I felt alone and different covering it up being loud and the life of the party.
In my twentys a miracle happened I met someone I was not alone anymore. I shoved my dressing underground and I thought I had beat it. We married, had children and I was going to be the best dad and husband ever.
Then it happened THE NEED, THE LONGING all over again.
I hid it and YES I LIED to not only you but myself.
If you can find it in your heart to switch places for just a one minute and see the world through my eyes. My darling I know you will understand and forgive me.

[Shelly Preston]

CD/TG anonymous 6

I think this may be the hardest thing I've ever written. I've always felt like I wanted to be a girl. A pretty girl. Yes, it's what I've always felt, but it's only because of what happened to me when I was a child. I didn't ask for this, no one would.
But of course I can never tell, it's something so very unacceptable by everyone I've ever known. It destroyed my marriage. It's destroyed my self esteem. It's destroyed any faith I ever had. I'm stuck with this feeling, something never to be, it can't be.

Put some make up on, some pretty feminine clothing, make me feel pretty, make me feel desired, make me feel loved, whether I actually am or not. Is that really so different from what all of you 'genuine' women want? Why is it such a very horrible, terrible, completely unacceptable, thing to think that I might want that too? Why does that one thing have to completely destroy any attraction you have for me?

I've never hurt anyone in my life. I've tried only to be kind, and it's bitten me in the butt at what seems ever turn. I've only loved, cared, and tried to make others happy, no matter whether they wanted me or not; and there were plenty who had no romantic interest in me at all, and I still did everything I could to be as good to them as I possibly could, even at the expense of my own feelings.

So please forgive me, for not being strong enough to overcome the desire to crossdress. I really thought I could, and never do it again. I was wrong. Forgive me. I'm truly sorry.

[Charlena]

I have always felt like I never completly fit in with a group. Men in my 35 year construction career, although when I was young I would wear the macho mask not knowing why it felt wrong. I always liked being around women when I was little I would gravitate towards my aunts and girl cousins but always felt like i was intruding. Honey I love going shopping with you and your sister but it always makes me feel a bit melancholy. When we first dated 31 years ago I loved to buy you a new outfit every payday and yes you were so pretty in them. And yes you look lovely in the top I bought you for Mothers day, And yes I know your tastes better than I did three decades ago. I can usually tell what you like to wear instead of what I would like to wear. Laura you have taught me much about releasing the inner person that I really am. You know I have always been faithful and would find myself in a very lonely place without you. I did not tell you because I would not admit it to my self. I was raised that a man could not cry let alone be girly or have feminine attributes. But you have told me that I am a wonderful caring compassionate person, sometimes to a fault in that I do not leave time for myself. You have told me I am pretty when I dress, makeup, helping me with my hair, you have helped me around each turn in the road as I have helped you in this long hard wonderful life. I cannot imagine life without you Thank you for being my wife, best friend, lover and somebody to come home too. I love you!

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 7

My love for you is because of the person you are and the family we are when we are together.
I still love it when I am the man for you.
The other day you are so sick and you hug me for support, I felt loved too, because i am still your man.
I thank you for not asking me why i am who i am, because I do not know why too.
Sure, even if I analyse myself and even if i finally understand the real reason why i started to dress, the reason to continue dressing may and most likely change over time.
I am so relieved that you do not pursue the following question "why do you wear your sister's clothes when you are young?"... knowing how much you hate my sister.

I thank you for not wondering how can this man like sports so much and yet like to dress?
I suspect the reason that I started to dress is because i like women so much, but too shy and able to go around and be with different women on bed all the time.

I thank you for accepting me when you found out that I am a CD accidentally.
It was an extremely stressful time for me as well but I am glad that 7 years ago, I told the truth when discovered.
Seriously, as per today, the most stressful period I ever experienced in our relationship after that moment?... is when you accused me of liking another girl or that girl likes me.
I love you for still being jealous, but i dun like it a bit.

I am very comforted that when you do not want me dressed, you let me know. because despite dressing, I am still a guy who cannot read a girl's intention well.
I dun like it when you twist my nipples to tell me you dun want me to be dressed.
I dun like it when you poke my chest.

I cannot help shifting goal posts. I am shocked by myself.
You wonder "How can i feel the need to dress, use my brains to plot and plan my dressing time, and yet not use my brains to stop myself from dressing?"
The answer is really, "I dun know".



I thank you for not telling my family about it or even threatening to tell my family about it.
Thanks for believing that I can be trusted with kids, because CDing is Worlds apart from abusing kids.

Thanks for being my true best friend.
Thanks for making me feel that it is still great to be a man... so that i will not crave to dress all the time.
The best thing to do to bring me back to senses is not to scream at me and purge my stuff. Its to highlight to me the moments I love being a man.

Truly, I still love hugging you...dressed or not dressed.

[Sheila]

to all of you for giving us GG's insight into how you feel about us, and your dressing, it has been an informative and interesting read so far.


CD/TG anonymous 1 .. Ihope that soon you lose your fear hun and can relax and be you

CD/TG anonymous 2 ... what a beautiful post, your love for your partner and her feelings shines through . I cried reading your post

CD/TG anonymous 3 ... WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS........ not me hun .. this old biatch is learning new tricks all the time

CD/TG anonymous 4 .... you may be worrying over nothing hun .......... it may be way more exciting having an active partner in your dressing

Charlena 5 ..... sending you wishes hun, that you can forgive yourself .... you have nothing to feel guilty about & I am sure you made good on your promise to be the best husband and father you could be

CD/TG anonymous 6 .... such anguish in you post hun, somewhere out there there is somebody for you ............ I kissed a hellava lot of toads in my 50 years before I met my Prince/ess charming .......... was he/she worth the pain and waiting .. yeah ... perhaps without going through the rough, we (some of us) cannot truely appreciate when we find our gold at the end of the rainbow

CDCharlena ...... to both you and & Laura for appreciating each other and the strength you have together

CD/TG anonymous 7 .. I feel great love & the abilty to communicate between you two & an appreciation of what you have ......... and the honesty you share

To all of you once again my thanks ............. your posts have helped ime n so many ways, some of them I can put my finger on, others are there teasingly just out of reach, but they will surface

Sheila

[mklinden2010]

It takes a while to realize that you do lots of things as you go about your life, and some of those things you wind up choosing again and again. Those things that you repeat, are who you really are. And, if you don't do what you want to do, to be who you know you are, you wind up being very unhappy.

I've learned to pay attention to myself, who I am, and how I feel. I've learned to cater to my needs and moods, as time and opportunity allow. I've learned to pay less and less attention to what, "they," want and more and more attention to what I want.

Among those things that I want in my life is you. If you feel the same way, knowing me as you do and as I tell you and show you about myself, then great. Life will go on. If we split up, it's because at least one of us needed to go another way. That's great too: loving is loving the best for everyone - including me, you, and them.

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 8

Babe, I love you and your acceptance has meant everything to me. It has opened things up for me and made it easier to be myself completely.

You have come up with some boundaries for me and I accept these completely. Given all that you are comfortable with me doing, I feel I can give you the courtesy of some boundaries that keep you that comfortable.

But I do ask for one thing in this and that is consistency. If you tell me something is okay and then the next time I do it I get a "Tsk" and a sigh, then it sends mixed messages. And it isn't just the words but the body language contributes to the inconsistencies. So if something is going to bother you, then be upfront about it. I am trying hard to be upfront with everything going on inside of me and I need that from you also.

Thank you for going down this road with me. I do love you deeply, so I want you to be happy.

[Presh GG]

To anonymous #2

You area Kind , careing Partner. I hope writeing this will be you giant leap to understanding.

To anonymous #3

Our imagineation can be so much worse than the truth. To be excluded from our loved ones life is the worse thing in the world. We can only assume there is someone else. What a relief it is only cd ing.

To anonomous # 5

I think we all wish we could trade places for that one magic moment to understand each other . IS'NT THAT WHAT THIS THREAD IS FOR ?
You don't need to be forgiven for being you.

To anonmous # 6

You are no differant from anyone else . We all want to be pretty in someones eyes, to be cherished and special.
Keep looking , Don't give up , Maybe geographicly you are to far from friendly people. Some parts of the world are just closed to change. Stay you and above all , SMILE, you will attract the right kind of friends. Blessings ..S

Charlena , All the best to you and Laura. You have built a wonderful life together.

To anomous # 7

Jelousy can be a compliment. She loves you !

To anomous # 8

Life is NOT black and white, There are so many shades of grey. Are YOU ok with everything All of the time ???

Thank you all for your insight. We are all here to learn.

Springtime gg

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 9
I could say anything from a CD

Thank you for:

After 4 weeks of dating and you found out you still wanted to be with me.

Accepting my hand in marriage

Willing to work on our relationship on all levels

After 19 years of being together you saw all the pain I was in and made the effort to be tolerant

The nice things you have bought me.

Going to the store to help me buy makeup in the beginning and giving me comfort when I was so nervous

Accepting a whole new lifestyle for me and accepting my new friends

For all the years we have spent in therapy to set boundaries & expectations

For accepting me as me and telling me that is was ok.

Trusting me & giving me a chance to work things out on my own and at my own pace

Being just you and believing in me

I love you sweetie

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 10

To my ex:

I am so sorry we were not able to work things out. It breaks my heart knowing that my cd'ing played a major role in our separation and divorce. I know you will never read this, but I want to say my love for you was never an issue. I always remained faithful and will always be thankful that you are the mother of our children. Thank you for the peaceful way you handled our divorce. I know both of our hearts were broken, but it never became ugly. That I am so thankful for and I know our children are too.

It was not fair to you, to expect you to accept this side of me, I just wished we could have found some way possible to have worked something out with this and our other primary issue. I hope that as our children grow and have children of their own, that we can work together as grandparents and give them the love they need.

Ladies, if you have a good man that has a feminine side, please try to find some way in your heart to be "OK" with him. You don't have to accept the cd'ing per-se, just be OK knowing that he has this feminine side. A good man will go to the upteenth degree to work it out with you. If he isn't willing, or is unable, he may have issues far deeper and the relationship may not work out anyway.

I know it's not fair to you and you didn't sign up for this, but people grow and change in time and sometimes what has been supressed for so long eventually makes it's way to the surface. You ladies are so blessed to be so in touch with your feminine side. We guys have had such a struggle in life to just know it's OK to show emotions, to admit we like some feminine things. You can't imagine the enormous pressure on us to always be "manly". Please be paitent with us and, yes, sometimes we go into a deep pink fog when we finally find some acceptance of our femme side by someone we love, but you can bring us back to earth by saying, yes, you accept us as we are, but you want us to abide by whatever agreements we have worked out. In time, we certainly want to experience more, but we also want to have you go with us at your pace as well. Your love and acceptance means the world to us.

I know I don't speak for all cd'ers, every situation is different, but I believe there are a lot of good mates for you, even if they like to wear some of the same type cloths you wear.

Thank you ladies for sharing your feelings in your thread. That is what we need to hear.
__________________

[Shelly Preston]

CD/TG anonymous 11

So much to say -- not enough time and words.

I have to address 2 people, my mother and my wife, for they represent two opposite poles of acceptance. I do so in hoping that some other mother that is having trouble accepting her son's crossdressing may find some insight. And as far my words to my wife, I offer them as a testament to love, love that I wish for all crossdressers.

To my mum:

A mother is supposed to be love. But you abused me. You hurt me. You took away my innocence. All because you were unwilling to understand my crossdressing. Did you ever once think to ask my why I was crossdressing. I was just a kid. I knew nothing about sex. I was just dressing up in girls clothes. Yet you accused me of every manner of sexual perversion. You accused me of things that are disgusting. I tried to fight you. I stayed true to myself, even though the abuse eventually lead to failing grades in school, dropping out of college and alcoholism.You caused all this because you refused to accept that I liked to dress in girls clothes. You were too worried about what would happen if someone found out. Why? Oh, I know why -- because you were more concerned about your social standing than defending your own kid. Big friggin' deal.

Yet I ask you -- compare me with my peers. You still have a son who is religious. You have a son who is a devoted husband and family man. You have a son who works for one of the largest companies in the USA. And you know what --- I did this all on my own -- because you could not kill the girl within. Yet even today, you find ways to hurt me with words like 'Just think where you'd be if you cut that hair'.

Thank God I have another woman in my life -- my wife -- who loves all of me.

---------------

To wife:

My sweet love ... I thank you for understanding and accepting me from the moment I told you about my crossdressing. I love you so much that I want to give all of myself to you, and so I had to tell you.

I am sorry that when we made love the first time I was so scared, that I couldn't. Old hurts got in the way. I guess I couldn't believe that I was with someone who totally accepted me. I was so afraid that I would do something that would suddenly cause you not to accept me. But, you gently guided me and held me and comforted me.

I am thankful to you for realising that being a CDer is both a non-sexual thing as well as a sexual one.

On teh non-sexual angle -- I love the way we can talk about clothes and makeup together. I love those cold winter nights when we snuggle in or nighties an do each others toenails. I love the way we spend Super Bowl night watching a chick-flick together.

Sexually - I promised you that it would be fun, and from the sweet look on your face in the afterglow, I can tell that it is. May we never lose that playful fun or those fantasies.

And to that end, I thank you for indulging me by playing along. You are the even better than girl in my stories -- those fictional fantasies that wrote as I cast my dreams to the heavens. The fact that you are willing to wear guys undies for me when I'm wearing panties in our most sensuous moments is more than I could have ever asked for. May it never get dull or repetitive.

Most important on top of that is that I know that you realise and recognise that our fun and fantasies do not mean that I am gay or like guys. I am yours in every way. This special part of me is reserved for you and you alone.

As I promised I would never embarrass you with my crossdressing or cause you shame or humiliation. I will never ask you to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable.

I thank you for joining in the pink fog, but for having the clarity to see that it not envelope me. You guide me and reel me in if I get to far gone. I rely on your better and clearer judgment.

I will always be your man -- and your girl.I will always be your husband - ready to defend you -- ready to stand by your side.

[az_azeel]

Recieved this in a PM from Sheila name given with permission

my thanks to all who have posted, such words of Love, pain, heartbreak and great joy.

each and every post has touched me deeply, some on several levels. From each post I have learned a little more

[Bridged]

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and feelings. I appreciate how difficult it can be to talk about these things...but we are learning more everyday thanks to threads like this one. Thanks and

Bridged

[ReineD]

Thank you all for sharing what is in your hearts. You are remarkable! So loving, so compassionate, and all you ask is to be accepted for who you are.

You have a lot of courage for giving yourselves permission to express your feminity. I can't wait for the rest of the world to catch up and appreciate you as much as I do.

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 12

"To you, whom I have been dating only a short while. You have done so much for me, made me feel like a beautiful woman, comforted me when I've had nervous breakdowns in the middle of the night, you have accepted every part of who I am.

One part that scares me. I know you are sexually attracted to women, and the fact that you are so accepting and push for me to be out of the closet makes me worried that you don't love the man in me. I know you prefer women, but I am a man as much as I am a woman. When I grow a beard, it is there to give myself a break from the female self that I am.

I love that you accept me for who and what I am, and I couldn't ask for a better partner than you. Thank you, I love you."

[Sandra]

Some really heartfelt posts here, thankyou all for posting

[Di]

CD/TG anonymous 13

To my wife,

I love you so much honey! Your heart and our connection made it so easy to share with you the fact that I am a crossdresser, while we were dating and even though it did scare you at first, you were willing to accept me, work on boundries and even go to Tri-ess meetings with me. You gave me my first wig, took my first picture, took me out on my first outing, planned time for other dressed outings and were just OK with me just as I am. I could not ask for anything more. You have given me far more than I could ever have asked.

I so hope you feel the love I have for you, just for being you. You shared some very personal things with me, as well and I am so thankful for your trust in me. As in our marriage vow, I said I would support you in your dreams and aspirations as you do mine and that I will help you raise your children as you help me raise mine. Together we have come a long way and with God's help we will finish raising the children and it will be our time, just you and me.

Thank you so much Honey. I LOVE YOU with all my heart!!!

[Diane_2902]

my wife sed some times i cen be more of a gg then her

[Mya Summers]

Babe I wish you could be more understanding of the reason why I CD.
If you were more understanding I would feel more comfortable dressing in front of you, and not feel guilty about doing it. I love you and would Love it if you loved all of me even my girly side.
Just because I CD does not mean that I want to be w/a man or some one else. I want you and you only. But untill you become more understanding and acceptable w/what i do I will respect you and your wishes and not push you to the point of never wanting to understand. When you become more understanding we will have so much fun going shopping w/each other since we both love clothes. Love your Hubby

[msjen007]

As a GG having a hard time with understanding the reasons and other stuff behind Cd-ing reading this has really helped me. I am so very lucky to have the husband that I do and I am trying my best to understand. Anonymous #2 actually sounds a lot like something he would write, wonder if he did???? Thanks for sharing.