I can't believe I missed this thread.
Thank you all for posting such heartfelt and moving words.
I consider it a true privilege to have a partner who is a crossdresser and to be involved with the CDing community. I have met some wonderful people, many of them only virtually, and I've had a lot of fun along the way.
Thank you. Thank you.
Honey,
I know you feel betrayed. But I did not know what was going on inside of me to tell you and the fear of what you may say or think was also a conflict to tell you.
I needed to realize what was going on. There was no one to talk to, no one to seek support. I felt like I was the only one in this world. Then with the help of some friends I was able to seek support and ask questions.
My journey has been long and finding out about myself and who I am has been a constant challenge.
My male side loves you and seeks that male to female relationship.
My female side loves to be held and caressed and loves to feel wanted by society and men.
If I was 16 again I would change my 2 genders into one female gender. But I will live my life as it is.
As for us, I can be many things to you. I can be your husband, your best friend, and your sister, just to name a few. I can help you with female things such as make up, clothing etc., just as you can help me. I am unique in who I am to where I can be many things to you that a so-called regular man can never be.
I have been accepted in society to where I have been out shopping, to the zoo, to the park and even got a girl job at Big Boy Restaurant and KMart. These have been struggles for my "girl" side that have been accomplishments of what I can do when put my mind to it.
The Transgender world takes many avenues as I have talked to them. All the way from simple Crossdressing to SRS. And one can never judge one TG thinking that thats the way it is for we are all different with different ideas. Each giving their own identity to their female self.
If I was to clasify myself to fit into society's way of thinking I guess you could say I am double-gendered and possibly post-SRS. Though I have no intention of Hormones or SRS if we were not together I know there is a possibilty I would get a Breast Augmentation, and live more female than male. But I have started this life with you and have no intention of being the girl full time, but yet I would like you to know and try to understand that my girl-side needs to come out and vent. I have tried to suppress her and have thrown things away just to end up buying them again later. She is very much a part of me.
Where did she come from? I understand that she was born as I was being made in the womb. Though she did not make herself known till later in life she was always "Jabbing" me in side, making me aware of her presence. I did not understand then, who she was. But now that I have been in support groups, I found out who she is, what she is, and where she came from.
Its a constant struggle living 2 genders. Each seeking acceptability in their own way.
Though what I have said is short it took me 50+ years to see what I see now. My girl side has not had much of a chance to live. She has missed her childhood years, her teen years, and her years to be young. She tries to make up for lost time by being who she can be for the short time that she has. Maybe thats dressing more often, or dressing younger than she is for instance. Or maybe just hangin out with other TG's.
Being TG also takes a toll on family life. With parents and children.
I wish people(including family), would investigate what a TG is before they judge who we are.
We are starting to get recognized in the work place and society, that was never heard of before. I follow Human Rights Campaigns, and keep an eye on any legislator being inacted into laws both locally and nationally.
Why did God give me 2 genders I will never know. I just hope he makes it more simple and gives me just "one" next time.
Hugs to all and much luck in your journey.
Tamera
Please read this regarding personal information http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=main_rules#faq_personal_information
[SIZE="2"]"GENDER" is not whats between the "THIGHS", but whats between the "EARS".....[/SIZE]
Di hi: I've been there twice and twice divorced. My first wife found out later but my second knew up front. Both marriages ended due to my dressing. This doesn't need to be annonimus I can take anything someone dishes out to me. I'm too old to let the little things bother me
When I told you that night that I was a Cross Dresser, it was partly because I could not endure 36 more years of being in the closet, but mostly that I had to challenge the feelings I had for you.
You did not bat an eyelash.
Now we are almost a year together, and 10 months with Cindy, I can say for certain that you are my Besheret, and we were meant to be.
Thanks for all of your understanding, for your makeup tips, for trying clothes on for me...
For all of your support now that we are coming out to friends and family, you should know that you are an amazing person that models compassion and true love.
I love you dearly, and hope that this never ends!
I love you, my dear, dear girl! We both do...
[SIZE="3"]"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson
__
❦Cindy[/SIZE]
All I want and need is an accepting gg thats wants someone like me in there life and not say awsome at first then later despise me for who I am. I'm just me and don't try to flaunt it and I am a conservative crossdresser that wears what the everyday gg in my age group "44 yrs old" wears. I get soo lonely because of constant rejection.Originally Posted by Di
Dear very significant others:
For so many years I felt I was a very strange person, someone with secrets and wrong behavior, in spite of also recognizing my capacity of giving.
Now I know that my best atributes as a person probably come from my inner feminity being. I do know that my explorations as Aurora make me more understanding about others: my couple, as a parent, with my sisters, my mother who is not with us any longer.
Now I know the harm I made to myself when ever I denied the existance of Aurora, as I punished her for long periods of time.
Now I know that even though I was born with a male sex, my gender is of a woman.
During the last 4 years I have come to realize that most tg girls I have come accross are bright, sensible and intelligent beings with lots of respect for other human beings, for life.
I thank life for what I am, and hope to meet others like me or GG who can share knowledge and friendship.
Aurora
Dear Tamera: You put the words in such a clear way I identify a lot with your feelings. Its a content that helps me in my communication with my significant other.
Thank you and wish you the best of life.
Aurora
Last edited by Shelly Preston; 09-05-2009 at 01:44 PM. Reason: corrected name
anonymous 7:
I shed many tears. You said it all.
I have two sides. One is "me" and one is "part of me".
To my SO, I love you and I love that you "get" me. (love seems too weak a word, perhaps adore X1000)
Kiss kiss.
Thank you for this, it kind of helps, but it also scares me. I don't want my BF to want anyone but me, I'm kind of scared what if he wants to dress and be wanted by some man? He says not, but I don't think he's comfortable telling me all his feelings either. It would be really hard to be TG and not feel like you could talk to anyone about it. I'm kind of wondering, is there a normal life "after"? I have a feeling this is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.
Hi KayC.
You are not alone. There is the FAB (GG) thread here (though I'm new so I don't know what it's like) and there is also the (en)Gender boards at myhusbandbetty dot com. There are other places for partners of trans people to go and discuss, get support. Hopefully there's support in this thread. My own partner (wife) has made the offer of support in the past too, so if you need someone to talk with...
It is hard for both TG and non-tg. Perhaps to digress for a moment to the subject of this thread, it's definitely hard being 'differently gendered' and not meeting society's expectations of 'Normal.' I have some sad tales of how I have been treated (spit upon, yelled at, laughed at), but also wonderful tales (greeted warmly, complimented on my look, accepted for who I am). The good and bad both come with transgressing social norms. However, sometimes societal norms are repressive, they don't help people live full and true lives. My philosophy is that as long as you're not hurting others, what does it matter what you do? I realize there's a lot of 'grey zone' in that philosophy, and I honestly wish more people adopted its intent.
So, to say it another way, who wants to be 'Normal'? How about above normal? Beyond normal? I may try to pass (most times) as a woman, and yet I do it more to be safe than to fit in... though there's a bit of art and theater to it. I do digress though...
Dealing with a trans partner might indeed be one of the hardest things you've had to deal with, and yet it might also be one of the most rewarding.While trans women can get wrapped up in trans things and be selfish (at least I can be ;-), we can also be more in touch with emotions, more communicative, more caring than the average guy.
I can't speak to whether your BF will want to be with guys or not; that is probably somewhat independent of gender anyway; sexuality, gender, and biology are separate, albeit intermixed and interdependent. I can certainly hope that he will be honest with you, and he has to trust that you will listen patiently and think carefully before reacting. After all, that's what people who love each other do.
Kimberley
p.s.: We're in Oregon too.
There are 2 songs that are dear to my heart that I sing to my wife every now and then, and when I'm alone to myself. They always raise my self esteem.
"Only you" (and You alone) by the Platters (1)
"All of Me" by Billie Holiday from "Lady Sings the Blues" (2)
(1) From "Only You"
Only you can make this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone can thrill me like you do
and fill my heart with love for only you
Only you can make a change in me
For its true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand I understand the magic that you do
Your my dreams come true
My one and only You.
(2) from "All of Me"
All of me, why not take all of me
Can't you see I'm no good without you
Take my lips I want to lose them
Take my arms I'll never use them
Your goodbyes left me with eyes that cried
How can I go on without you
You took a part that once was my heart
So why not take all of me
Yeah take all of me.
This is how I feel about my wife, my very SO. I just wish she would understand but, oh well.
A Rose by any other name.....[SIZE="2"][/SIZE]
Love Rebecca Jayne
Hi KayC,
noone can answer whether or not she will want to be with a man or not other than her.
just remember we are all different. each looking for their own acceptability.
what one tg is looking for may not be the same as another.
you need to ask her that question. and if its hard for her to talk about it suggest she puts her feelings in a letter like we have done.
feel free to ask questions.
hugs,
Tamera
Please read this regarding personal information http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=main_rules#faq_personal_information
[SIZE="2"]"GENDER" is not whats between the "THIGHS", but whats between the "EARS".....[/SIZE]
I did and she doesn't.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change...
Tamera,
Your put into words what I have felt for so many years.....Thank you...
Tamera you expressed yourself beautifully and I appreciate all you've gone through. It is difficult to deal with a gendered duality for both the TG and SO.
But I wanted to give you a head's up on how your wife might take this statement. If she does support you and if she holds and caresses you as Tamera, then reading this might make her feel she is not enough for you no matter what she does. This would make me feel very, very sad.
If you've recently told her about being TG and she doesn't yet support you intimately as you feel you need, although very honest, your statement might make her wish to reconsider being in a relationship with you. I would not want to be with someone who wanted to be with others, whether my partner was TG or not. If you take the gender out of it for a moment and consider that a wife for example might be bi. She is in a committed relationship with her husband, but after some years she tells he husband that she aches to be held and cherished by another woman. If I were the husband I would ask myself how committed my wife was to our relationship, especially if this was a topic that had came up repeatedly in the last few years. I would would again feel extremely sad.
Maybe it is time to examine closely what you really want, then come to terms with it and be honest with your wife? She deserves the honesty.
Sorry to the OP if this is taking it off topic, but I noticed many people commenting on Tamera's post and I felt compelled to add my
Reine
I so appreciate hearing the CDs side of things. Some of your posts made me cry with the honesty you have shared; and perhaps especially, the love you have for your SOs. Some of the posts sounded like my husband could have written them... maybe he did.
Anyway, Thank you! We're all on a journey, and no one ever said life was going to be simple!
TG CD anonymous14
I can certainly appreciate the surprise, distress, anger and bewilderment that my ex felt when after being together for 15 years she found out that I am a cross dresser. I can
understand the need that anyone would have to ease their way into the revelation, let the concept setin and take time to work through the feelings of hurt and betrayal. What I
canot understand is how someone who professed to love you so much could reject you so completely after learning this about you. What I cannot understand is why someone who
expressed such strong overtures of love throughout the relationship could so completely distance themsleves from you, not even try.
My ex spent the last 10 years of our relationship rejecting that part of me, not trying to understand, not trying to learn, not willing to allow me to just be me. Up to the end
she professed that she loved me but did not want a man who was less than a man in her life. I do understand her hurt, but she never understood mine. I loved her, I adored her, I
would have done anything for her, I wanted to be with her forever and she so totally destroyed me through the last 10 years of our 25 years together. She did not hit me or yell
at me or do anything so overt rather she distanced herself, she rejected me, she closed herself down to open and honest dialog, she made it inevitable that the relationship would
erode so completely that it could, would not survive and through the whole process continually made me feel that I was to blame for all of it.
Now I do accept my blame in what happened and I was no angel, however, I tried to find ways to make it work for 10 years, 10 painful years. Eventually I realized that the only
way that I could ever make her happy was to give up being me completely and instead become whatever facade that she wanted me to be. In the end I realized that the price was way
too high and that I could not believe that a person really authentically loved me if they could not try and understand all of who I was. I did not become a different person, I
just became a more authentic person. Sadly in spite of her pleas of love, she did not really love me at all, she loved who she thought I was, not who I actually was.
I accept the responsibility for the part that I played in this long drawn out and sad tragedy that should have ended long before it did. It was a wake up call to me about the
value of being totally authentic and not allowing anyone else to tell you to be otherwise. It has toughened me up so that I now insist that I must be me and that if I am asked to
change, as my current girlfriend clearly knows, as much as I love her I will walk away from the relationship at the drop of a hat if ever she treid to tell me who I should be,
how I should behave, how I should dress or express myself or who I should associate with. I will never again give anyone that power, I willnever compromise away my self or my
soul. No one should ever be expected to do that.
It always raises alarm bells in me when I see posts where the suggestion is to compromise on your wants and needs. I feel that that is bad advice. I think that you must be honest
about who you are and what it takes to make you happy in life, You should hear the other person out and decide if what they ask of you is acceptable to you in a way that allows
you to be happy and still in the relationship, but you should never concede anything that in the pit of your soul just feels wrong, no love is worth that. If they cannot love you
for exactly who you are then they do not truly love you. Period, end of story, full stop.
It takes lots of courage to take this kind of a stand in your life. You have to be prepared to take all of the consequences of such a decision, but that is just what you have to
do to be true to who you are and that is what each and every one of us must be.
Last edited by Di; 12-07-2009 at 05:55 PM.
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F.A.B. Forum Access
Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
Administrator
Hi..
This is to Jos . from the noel ... who you married .
Then to noeleena...
.
This for me is not about dressing & even being a transsexual . this is about being a androgynuous person . one who is wired both male & female . & from birth . at 10 i knew that being different was not some thing you told others . so you live with your thoughts & mouth shut .
at 62 . i am able to live with my self as a woman . after being a so called male .
The school . work .. married . chlldren . 3 of. & grand kids 7 of.with one on the way . so i did get one thing riight . was able to give Jos what i thought she needed yet never quite getting it right . trying to be a male because that s how we were brought up . yet was that really me .... no .... i was a women with out the full package some . just not all . at 50 i told you that i was / am a woman . not totally yet still a woman .
we told our kids & over the last 11 years after going through hell . & just getting out the other side in tack we are still to geather only as two woman .. not married . that was annuld allmost 3 years coming up . we live together . as friends .in our own home ,. yet really two women may be in some ways better now yet haveing been to gether for allmost 37 years all up .
The loss for me is . not knowing if you ll go & in many ways i dont blame you as you need a real man ./ male husband. lover & all those things i could not. be . or really give to you . as i was never really any of those. i tryed . yet i failed . im a woman . & you know . you do not undersand . how can you . you tryed to . & i could not show you in the way that you could see . what makes me tick .
Its not that i m a woman that hurts its . in your eyes changed from what you saw in me a male . yet ...........not a part of our vows on that day . 37 years ago .
We had our up s & downs . & very close to seperating many time s yet allways staying with in each others hand hold . why . i have no idear yet we are still with each other . different . yes .
so i changed how you thought of your self . you fell . & i gave you my hand , yet i could not hold you or even help you . because i had lost my strength . so failed you . i wonted to hold you . & tell you it will be all right . i saw your pain . your angish. & how you suffered . yet i was not there for you . i was so close yet far away .
I knew you would be hurt . just not as much as i thought . this was just so much more & bigger than we should have had to go through .
Yet we did . oh yes there are still things there that hurt . well we have had 8 years of that hell . & over the last 3 you have backed me up . & we go out we have friends . who have remained friends . i never asked for this . or wonted to go through this let alone you . or our childern .
My love for you remains the same if not then its stronger because you had the guts to stay with me . this was not about me or should it be this & what has happened & will happen is about you & me .
This is about you .....JOS.....some one who is very special . some one who cares . & accepted my changes . a very hard ask yet you have done that .
this is one neat woman ....... FOR.......JOS......
-----------------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note . & we have to .
I told Jos this .
Okay ..... If you find a real man . not like me .
He has to be rich ......very .....
he needs to own a very large house
& have a ocean going ship .
because i am coming as the. maid ...............
As it stands , because Jos has some on going issues psychical & mental i will look after Jos as a care giver . that. is my commitment to her .
...noeleena...
To TG Annonymous #41. I cannot respond to you privately so I am doing it here.
First I am so sorry your ex could not come to terms with the CDing and I applaud your (mutual?) decision to end the marriage. I understand your unwillingness to refuse to compromise who you fundamentally are. But I am concerned that in new relationships, your views now will become just as one-sided and as uncompromising as your wife's were, changing the black for the white so to speak, with a lack of understanding or fluidity for the gray areas in between. Of course if you are TS then my observations are moot.
We can PM about this if you wish, if not, this is OK too.
Reine
Before we met I was engaged to someone else. We were so close I thought I could tell her anything and so one day I confessed my feminine feelings. I told her how I felt when I dressed in these clothes and that I had been doing it forever, long before we met. I cried and cried and exposed myself like never before believing we had something so special it could weather any storm.
My reward for my openness and honesty was the return of my ring and the verbal slap, "I want a MAN, not some Thing that wears my clothes".
When we became close and then engaged I wanted so much to tell you. I just could not risk losing you because of this. I could not risk destroying the life we have made because of this. Therefore I put my need on the back burner and remained in the closet hoping I could manage my secret and balance it with our life.
As you know, I couldn't do that. You eventually uncovered my secret. After that I vowed to change, but that is not possible. Years later it became too much and we again were confronted with this. Happily the outcome was different this time. You were able to allow me to show you this part of me and were willing to explore it with me.
Now we are not only best friends, lovers and life partners, but best girl friends as well. I never thought it could be this way and I love you all the more because of your love for me.
Please understand my reluctance years ago to tell you. It was not for lack of trust. It was not to keep some greater secret or shut you out. It was for self-protection and for being unable to let go of you...I hope you now feel it was worth it. I love you so!
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
CD/TG anonymous thread 15
My mom said that she always wanted girls, but got 2 boys instead. During my teen years when I admitted to her my crossdressing, she said that I must be gay or should get a sex change operation, etc.
A couple of years later I dated a woman who used to go to a crossdressing bar, fair enough, but she couldn't get passed the fact that I liked to Crossdress. I had no clothes of my own, so I would wear hers. One thing that I have found is women really do not like this at all.
In the 90's started delving into buying pantyhose, but only to throw them away. I admitted my secret to a few women who were generally supportive.
In the 2000's, things took a switch and I started buying stuff on Ebay. In the past few years I have egged women on in different forums just to see what they would do.
Bottom line, I would like to share this with a woman, but most women just find it unmanly and do not want to date someone with this issue at all.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
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Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
Administrator
Hi to all
I'm new to this site but not new to getting dressed up.
I think the best thing is to be honist at the start. I told my girlfriend before we were an item, that was 12 years ago and we are still together. I suppose I am lucky in that she accepts me for who and what I am.
I have been through the 'purging' cycle, all that happens is that I get misserable and stop caring about myself.
I've tried to turn these feelings off but I can't. You can run but you can't hide from your emotions. If you are starting a relationship be honist from the start. One issues wives / girlfriends have is that they see this as you deceiving them if you hide it for a long time which is often worse for them than you dressing.
Although I dress, and I love to wear makeup at home (still not enough cajones for out of the house), and I underdress everyday; I am STILL A MAN with MALE NEEDS. I am not gay, I am not interested in other women; I only crave, yearn, lust for you, even after 37 years together. I LOVE the way the panties, stockings, and satin nighties feel; not from always an erotic sensation (although that does happen), but primarily from the wonderful way I feel within. I feel complete, whole, secure, and very self confident. Thank you soo much for understanding, and accepting. Also, the fact you gave me nighties, jammies, and make-up says it all
[SIZE="2"][/SIZE]
Desiree
I would have gladly died for you! Laid down my life for you~ so sorry I let you down!.
There is really nothing to forgive.
We are who we are. We become what we must.
Like us or not we are here to stay.
Yay!!
I try to understand where you are coming from about only letting me dress twice a week. You can do whatever you want, whenever you and, and how you want, but when it comes to my dressing shouldn't I be allowed to do the same as you. I know that your home all day and only see me at night after I get home from work. Since I let you shouldn't you let me? Under the womens clothes I am still a man. I have to live my life too.
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