Separation of the Ways

[diannecourtney]

This AM, the wife suddenly shuts off the TV and says "we've got to talk. to make a long story short she announces we are visiting a lawyer and you can go your way in your finery and I 'll go mine. We now have two houses and Dianne can have her way and I'll have AZ. There are added circumstances like neither of us can discuss current politics, racial tensions and the general social atmosphere. Money is not the problems.... However, I have thought about it for several hours now and I am loooking forward to a make-over whereever I can find it and making up at my leisure. I even went so far as to show her my lovely breastforms (8's in a VS C38 bra) and ask her to feel them. Girls, I am so giddy, where can I get voice lessons?

[Patricia1]

Good for you if this is what you want. Be careful in pushing your cross dressing into your wife's face. She may use this against you somehow. This has got to be tough on you so go slowly & protect yourself.

[Ruth]

I agree with Patricia: be careful. Not wishing to put down your wife at all but she is evidently not sympathetic to your CDing and will not feel any particular need to be protective or loyal to you after you have gone your separate ways - in fact she may just use your CDing to her advantage.
Not saying she's a bad person, just not on your side any more.

[O2B Barbara]

I agree with Patricia: be careful. Not wishing to put down your wife at all but she is evidently not sympathetic to your CDing and will not feel any particular need to be protective or loyal to you after you have gone your separate ways - in fact she may just use your CDing to her advantage.
Not saying she's a bad person, just not on your side any more.

Sounds like good advice, divorce seems to bring out the worst in some people. As for your state of mind, being giddy, I know that feeling as well. Once I had made the decision and announced it to my ex a lot of weight was lifted. I doubt if anyone here has all the facts, or even enough of the facts to judge your marriage or divorce situation. I will wish only the best for you, and your wife. There are many here if you need a shoulder to cry on, either tears of joy or sorrow.

Hugs,

[Lauren Richards]

I agree with Patti. Take it easy right now. Sounds like this has been a long time coming, and the crossdressing is just the easiest target for the seperation. You will be having months of legal and emotional challenges ahead of you (been there, done that, without the added issue of crossdressing) and like any roller coaster, there are moments of terror as well as joy. Until it is final, you never know what she is going to hit you with. Be kind, but be careful.

[deja true]

Gee, you sound absolutely heart-broken!

Don't let the Pink Fog envelop you until all the details are ironed out and the papers are signed, hunny.

[Sheila]

Wow am overjoyed that you have taken the break-up of your marriage so well

[Daintre]

I am a bit lost here, to me there must have been a lengthy time when you and your soon to be ex were together. Are there no kids / grand kids around or is this just a clean break no strings attached? Well there already are strings though, can't talk about certain subjects and so on. I guess I don't see the bright side here, just another failed marriage and I find that sad.

[Mrs. X (gg)]

there added circumstances like neither of us can discuss current politics, racial tensions and the general social atmosphere. Money is not the problems....

Are you actually talking about your wife...sounds more like biz partner, an accoutant, attorney or an associate...all of the above, more than the woman you're married too.

[Sammy777]

I even went so far as to show her my lovely breastforms (8's in a VS C38 bra) and ask her to feel them. Girls, I am so giddy, where can I get voice lessons?

Oh you need something alright, but it's not voice lessons.

The fog is strong with this one.

By the way, the sound you hear is not cheering, its the sound of the waves crashing on the rocky shore dead ahead. You better find your heading and a lighthouse through all that fog your sailing through right now before you end up washed ashore.

[Samantha Kelsey]

HI I'm glad you feel like you do. It's pointless for both of you living an unhappy existence. But beware the pink fog may have a short life. My ex threatened to (& did) expose me. She was too late however as I had already come out to everyone of my friends and family knowing that she would use it against me. Our split wasn't really over CDing, I'd told her I couldn't live with her anymore but afterwards she twisted the facts towards my CDing.

The good news is her nasty gossip didn't have any effect whatso ever on me, quite the opposite.

[vivianann]

I am shocked by the way you are dealing with your marriage coming to an end. No matter how she may or may not have behaved in the marriage is not an excuse to be so uncareing and selfish about it. I have been through a divorce, it broke my heart even though there was not the feelings of love between us anymore, it took me 7 yrs before I could bring myself to try on any feminine clothing. And even though 7 yrs had passed after the divorce, I still worried I might be doing it too soon, crossdressing did not have anything to do with the breakup of my marriage because I put it away at her request. It was her inability to conrol her spending habit and trying to hide it from me that killed our marriage.
I believe you are in for some real heartache because you cannot see past your selfish desire to be femme.

[mklinden2010]

Gotta say, again, that I'm all for both of you finding happiness apart... If that's what it takes.

I'm been divorced and it was hard. It took ten years to get over all that and by then I'd been remarried for about four of those ten years. But, that's me. I regretted the dumb things she did to break up the marriage, and to hurt both of us, but that's just the way it was and I HAD to get used to it. Still, I was giddy for a while just to be free of the problems... No doubt about it. Yay!

However, had I not said, "OK. Enough is enough" and agreed to end the marriage neither one of us would have ever been happy in that life. Things could have only gotten worse had we stayed together. As it was, I had a great second marriage ('til death did us part) and am close to being remarried - even more happily now. (Practice, practice, practice!)

Odds are good, of course, that you and she will go see and attorney, realize you can live with the way things are - for family or financial reasons - and you'll try a "reset" of things at home to see if you can't just get along better with a new plan.

But, to find out, go see what the legal realities are, give it some thought, and then decide how to proceed.

Good luck.

[Di]

Very happy for your wife
A huge self centered and selfish weight off her shoulders!!

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Wait until the decree is final before you do back flips....anything before that may be harmful to your well being...not to mention your bank account..especially when some attorney gets invovled...

[diannecourtney]

Good morning ladies: I want to thank several of you who had very kind remarks and wonder what guilt was created for others and their remarks. Yes the lawyering went well and we shall continue a relationship. I am enjoying the opportuniy to dress more freely than before and am looking to that make-over morethan ever. Incidentally, Karen hutton, the first question out of my ex when she discovered the desires was when do you go all the way? She was somewhat floored when Iasked what she met as I was still quite innocent of all mthe implicatios of CDing. Anyway thank you all and love.

[mklinden2010]

DC,

Good for you both in working things out together. So far, so good.

I really do not understand some of the harsh comments you have received. Your wife took a stand on how things were going and did not sneak off and hire an attorney to sue you for divorce. She more or less said, "Hey, we're BOTH being stupid to dance around our differences; let's do something about working out a new and better arrangement."

Sounds like a good marriage to me. And, believe me, you can love each other - married or not - and live happy lives, married or not.

The purpose of marriage is not to see how much you can hurt another person, but to see how much you can help each other. You give so that they can live better; they give so that you can live better. Being tied up in a marriage contract is not necessarily helpful to two people being happy. It can be helpful, but in and of itself it's just a form to work within. If the fit is not good, it's a hard chore for two people to live in such a space.

If nothing else the defined roles and "general expectations" make it hard to work out a life when everyone keeps butting into your private arrangements. It seems strange to me to read of "society's disapproval" for CDing on this forum, for example, and, at the same time by these same people, not be allowed to work out your own private arrangements.

Some members of my family gave me several rounds of grief over "my" problem and how unfair I was being to my wife. They kept protesting that we did not have a good marriage, that it had to be some kind of sham. I was surprised to hear this from two of them in particular, because between them they'd been divorced five or six times. I should worry what they thought "I" should do?

Plus, as I pointed out to them, my wife had her own job, her own savings, her own friends, her own family, etc. AND could probably fight me to at least a draw in boxing, wrestling, and/or crossword puzzles. The wife had her things she liked about being married, and I had mine. What some members of my family thought of our personal arrangements was, frankly, none of their business. Neither one of them was married to either one of us...

Good luck going forward. I take it from your "giddiness" with your breast forms and showing them to your wife that both of you are willing to just, "Call a cat a cat" and do some work to redefine your relationship. You've been dying to get this off (on?) your chest and she's been unwilling to talk about it so long as you "had" to be (the) husband and she "had" to be (the) wife. That wasn't working so you both willingly tried a new approach. Fine. See where it goes. You both need a break.

My guess and my hope is that all this will turn out to be a good thing for both of you. If things couldn't go on like they were, better things should change - creating new opportunity for happiness.

Who knows where you will be a year from now. But, if next year was like last year, who'd want to do that over again anyway?

Good for both of you for trying for something better.

Good luck.

[TxKimberly]

I have to admit that I chose to stay away from this thread for fear that all i could say would be dripping with anger and sarcasm. The very thought that someone would be pleased over the breakup of their marriage just because it will offer them the freedom to dress more often . . . it just stuns me. My next thought was of the wives that read this and what conclusions they are going to draw from it. For over 21 years my wife has had that niggling fear that I might go back on my word and try and go full time, so I'd imagine that there are a lot of other wives here that worry about the same. Reading your thread is going to heighten that fear in their hearts, that fear that the dressing can mean more than their love. . .
My last thought how ever, is that maybe this is your way of coping, or trying to put a brave face on it. Maybe your really not that shallow, your just hurt and trying to put a positive spin things. I dunno . . .

[Momarie]

"......the first question out of my ex when she discovered the desires was when do you go all the way? She was somewhat floored when Iasked what she met as I was still quite innocent of all mthe implicatios of CDing. Anyway thank you all and love".

INNOCENT MY ASS!

[MsJanessa]

youre very lucky that money is not a problem and it seems emotionally that both of you have been way apart for a long time---It's good that you can leave each other without the financial and emotional fallout that often comes with a divorce---I wish you all the best ---one word of advice however let yourself get settled in your new single life before making the next major decision like whether or not to have SRS--good luck honey

[suchacutie]

What an incredible thread! I've read the two paragraphs from the starter of this thread, and if this is not a total goof on all of us, then it's clear this has been a very unusual marriage. However, it seems that there is a general trend of looking at this marriage through our own prisms, and in that light it's not comming off very well. There seem to be two extreme opinions:

1) egocentricity is ruling the process and heaven help them both.

2) they understand that they really don't get along and need to separate as amicably as possible, and that they are moving in this direction.

I can't tell which it is, but I'm sure glad I'm not there as it can't be an easy thing! My questions would revolve around wondering how it got to this point and how long it took. That must be a remarkable story!

tina

[LisaM]

Like a few others I have stayed away from this thread because I didn't want to write anything that I would regret but I've reconsidered after seeing what has been posted.

I do not think it is a 'real' post; the writing is unusual and the wording poor. I think it was written to cause the reaction which has transpired. It pushes too many buttons and lacks the normal empathy that occurs between 2 people in a marriage. That is just my opinion and I think it should be closed.

[Linda Mattson]

Not to beat a dead horse but....your reactions are either an indication that you actually wanted the divorce in which case you have lost all negotiating power by her going first and calling the shots or are so excited at the prospect of freedom that the pink fog is making you stupid.

Either way take a deep breath...be your own best friend and remember you got the rest of your life to review the decisions you are making today. Take your time...get a good lawyer and visit a counsellor to sort things out.

Remember experience is a great teacher but the tuition is awful high!

[diannecourtney]

Dear ladies: Many thanks for kind words from a few of you. Others sounded like I raised some guilt and I am truly sorry. Anyway we did the lawyer thing and it went well as we have built a strong relarionship in matters other thanCDing and politics. One note from the many comments, Karren Hutton brought up transforming; the first thing the wife asked when finding out the CDing was if I was going to do that. Well anyway at 6 ft and 210 one doesn'even think the possibility. Oh yes, I am sorry this went this far but appreciate haing the forum

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I dunno...

My response is not meant to be mean...

The devil-may-care attitude of the OP makes me somehow think this isn't a serious post. I could be wrong.

If my assumption isn't wrong, than I feel bad for the both of you. Money is definitely the issue here because its stripped you of your humanity when it comes to things of a loving nature.

Your S/O will be able to find someone who has what she needs in that department. You can go on living in the pink fog that has clearly made you into something undesireable.

Zarabeth