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Thread: I'm Ashamed To Call Myself A Crossdresser

  1. #1
    LisaMichaels LisaMichaels's Avatar
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    Nov 2008

    I'm Ashamed To Call Myself A Crossdresser

    I have always had the urge in me to crossdress. Even when I was a little boy before any kind of sexual development. I just wanted to be pretty and get to wear the pretty dresses that the girls got to wear. After puberty I classed myself as maybe a closet gay man, but never had the desire or attraction to the same sex. Back then I guess you either fit into straight or gay. Now I know what I am and it helps me to know that I'm not alone. I told my wife all about it and she is very understanding and suportive. I want the world to know that I now know what I am. I want everybody on earth to realize that we can be a straight crossdresser and it's not a perverted sexual thing. I want to be able to go out in a dress and know that people will say " hey that guy is crossdressing" and I want them to say back " Yeah I know him, he is a great guy, he just has always been a crossdresser and that's cool"
    After reading some of the other crossdressers adventures on here and how they braved the cruel world, I have to say. "I'm ashamed to call myself a crossdresser" because unlike myself I don't have the courage to accomplish what they have done. In tears and from my heart, LisaMichaels.

  2. #2
    Just finding my way.... StaceyJane's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    Harker Heights
    Don't worry about what others have done. You have to make your own way.

    I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Aug 2005
    South Western PA
    Who cares what other people think anyway?? You shouldn't be ashamed of being a crossdresser just because your not out to the public!! Hell 99% of use aren't out to the public let alone friends and neighbors and relatives!! There no shame in that!! I'd take pride in being a good human being and forget the labels!! That's what I do!! I'm proud of who I am and what I do... Not what I can't do!!
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  4. #4
    Senior Member charlie's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    Hello Lisa!
    Before getting down on yourself, think what you have done. You have just figured out who and what you really are. This after wondering for all those years. Going out and about is no big deal. For myself, I just used to buy outfits, dress the best I could and get my makeup just right.....then I used to wash it all off and get undressed. I was not about to do that again and again. If I was dressed to the nines (best girl I could be) then I was going out. Courage has little to do with it. I guess I'm just an attention ***** at heart. I still do not know why I dress or where it all should fit in my life. I do go out every time I dress, but I haven't solved the big questions yet.

  5. #5
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    Jan 2005
    In between states.
    Lisa, don't measure yourself by what others do (or don't do). If you are satisfied with who you are and what you do, then fine. If you want to do more, then plan to do what will make you happy. The stories shared here are supposed to serve as a source of encouragement to those wanting to advance their TG lives, not a standard by which you are to measure your own success or failure.
    Fulltime girl on the inside.


  6. #6
    Gold Member Miranda09's Avatar
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    Apr 2009
    Chicago area
    Lisa, I'm a cross dresser and have never been out in least not yet!!! Just be yourself and enjoy. Putting expectations on yourself is no fun!!!

  7. #7
    Member anonymousinmaryland's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    I kinda know what you're feeling. There's LOTS of days I wonder and think about what others think. Then there are days when the bra straps show, and I say, "Screw it. It's THEIR problem." You have to work things through. There are always up and down days, no matter what we do.

    Just yesterday I missed a day where I could've worn a bra, and didn't, and I was disappointed and I was on an emotional roller coaster. But today's another day. And tomorrow . . . And I've said many times, "gee, wish I could just wear that, show and go, and what the . . ." Each day get better. There's nothing to be ashamed about. It's what we do. And we enjoy it. Anonymous in Maryland

  8. #8
    New Member LauraL's Avatar
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    May 2009

    Angry Lisa

    To quote a great American:
    "I yam what I yam cause that's all that I yam." - Popeye

  9. #9
    Big Sister Nicki B's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
    N.Wilts, UK
    Don't measure yourself just by what you do - but by who you are and could be.

    Depression is a trans disease, sadly. But it is can be overcome.. Look forward and give yourself a better future?


  10. #10
    Silver Member linnea's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    I think that you're being too hard on yourself. In any case, I think that you should enjoy what you do and be less concerned about what you don't do. We all have different levels of expression and varying opportunities and inclinations to express our femininity. Celebrate what you can do!
    warmly, Linnea

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Jaclyn NM's Avatar
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    Aug 2008
    I am a good caring person, who has been happily married for 36 years, and have raised three very successful children. I love my wife, and wouldn't change anything. I happen to enjoy wearing female attire. So what! There atre a lot worse things in this world. Maybe that's the problem. Everybody gets so caught up in all of the things that aren't important. Trying to make us all fit into their idea of what we all should be. I don't have time for it. I am what I am, A loving husband, father, and crossdresser!

  12. #12
    Queen of the Faery Realms Bethany_Anne_Fae's Avatar
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    Feb 2007
    yep, what others have said here is TRUE! Be yourself, set your own expectations and not follow those of others. You'll find when you no longer mind what others think... their opinions no longer matter


    (Formerly known everywhere as Lady Zarabeth

  13. #13
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    way out there!
    Hey Lisa, it's not a contest or competition to see who can do what and how to keep upping the ante.

    It may seem like there's some kind of pressure to improve your makeup, go out and about and get whistled at or get lots of "Oooh, yummy!"s in picture theads, or ...heck...even submit picture threads at all.

    Not necessary... in fact, we don't really care what you look like. We care that you can be happy with yourself, understand yourself, and have fun with your dressing rather than feel guilty.

    Those who go out and continuously up the ante (from a midnite walk to a drive to the gas station to walkin' the mall to going out to dinner) do it for themselves, not to get over on anybody else. We do it because we're driven inside. Some, many, may never be. That's okay, too.

    No tears now, hunny! If ya wanna go out, you'll do it when your ready. Don't feel you have to do it to keep up with those Jones girls. Do what you wanna! Do not do what you don't wanna!


  14. #14
    Tracy Schapes TSchapes's Avatar
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    Nov 2007

    Lisa! Take a Deep Breath!

    There doesn't that feel better? Listen Lisa, you are way ahead of the curve in my book, 1) you know who you are and have accepted your feminine side, 2) your SO know about your cross-dressing. The fact that she is accepting is truly a blessing!

    Now, if you wish to go out and don't know how to go about doing it, why not find a local support group where you live? It is better to go out in numbers than solo, especially for your first time.

    Or, if you have the time and money, go to one of the Major T-Girl Conferences that are taking place this year. I'd love to see you at SCC this Fall!

    Love, Tracy
    Everybody's normal until you get to know them. - Tracy Schapes

    An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
    - Jef Mallett

    Blog: Tracy's Happy Place

  15. #15
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
    Central Canada
    If I happen to be one of the people you feel "ashamed" compared to, then there are a few things you should know:

    - It took about 30 years to get it through my thick head that I might be a cross-dresser. In the years leading up to my break-through, I had all kinds of rationalizations I literally didn't know what I was doing, and I had myself convinced of bogus reasons as to why I was doing it. I didn't "struggle" with it, because I was clued out, the left brain not knowing what the right brain was doing. To have known and lived with the knowledge from the time one was young... that must have been much harder by far than what I went through

    - Once I realized I was a cross-dresser (and it was a very sudden crash of thought), going out in public involved no courage on my part. For reasons I might maybe some-day be able to figure out with my therapists, I was a social reject from at least grade 1 (if not earlier), and I continued to be a social reject until I became a cross-dresser (only about 4 years ago). e.g., people yelling insults at me from passing cars, when I was minding my own business, had short neat hair and was wearing completely drab clothes (stereotypically drab even.) I was so far out of society that only one friend bothered to call me on the phone, and that only about twice a year (and no, I am not anti-social.) So putting on a skirt in "guy mode" and walking down Main Street the first time took no courage at all: there wasn't any further to fall, socially.

    Joining a social group: Hee. I didn't sit around and dither and worry about whether they would accept me: I found them within two months of starting to dress, and when they didn't respond, I invited myself to their meeting. By that time, I'd already been out walking through major shopping malls in obviously femme items: it was more a question of whether they could handle me than if I could handle them. (Now learning to trust some of the members as true personal friends... that took courage.)

    I don't mean to imply that there have no been incidents of personal courage along my path. Walking into a strip club fully made up... Taking a city bus as "a guy wearing a skirt". Wearing an obvious dress as a guy. Wearing forms at work. Getting my ears pierced... Each of these took me time, and there was fear to overcome. Some of them I forced myself to do specifically to overcome my fears. Courage is not in doing what comes naturally, nor in the doing when one has nothing to lose: courage is being afraid and yet still going on and doing what has to be done anyways.

    If you have stepped outside dressed up visibly, that first step probably took far more courage than most or all of the things I've done.

  16. #16
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    You have taken a step in the right direction. I started a thread recently in an attempt to get some people to start thinking about just that.

    You don't have to be at the head of the line. You just have to BE something. Your desire to support an imaginary "sister" when someone says something about them is a step but you don't have to wait for that moment. You don't have to out yourself either. But even our closeted sisters can be part of our getting the respect and understanding we deserve (yes I said deserve). There is a famous poem that ends "then they came for me and there was no one left to speak up for me". You have realized that now. And you have taken the first step. You are willing to stand up if needed.

    So don't be ashamed. Be proud.

    P.S. your wife is an angel who knows how good you are
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  17. #17
    I hate pants Gabrielle Hermosa's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    in my Dragula
    Quote Originally Posted by LisaMichaels View Post
    ..."I'm ashamed to call myself a crossdresser" because unlike myself I don't have the courage to accomplish what they have done. In tears and from my heart, LisaMichaels.
    Don't be so hard on yourself, Lisa.

    There was a time when I was completely in the closet with my cding... and also completely in self-denial about it.

    I grew, learned more about myself, accepted who I am, leaned how to love myself, and chose to continue evolving.

    I still don't have the courage of many of the other members here, but I'm finding more courage every day. I've come so far in just the last couple of years... I've got so far yet to go, yet I'm plugging away!

    You know who and what you are. You know there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

    Maybe in time, you'll find that you have more courage than you ever thought you could today. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd make it this far - not a few years ago, anyway.

    Life is change. Everyone grows and evolves. It happens at different times for different people.

    In time, people WILL say about you, "Yeah I know him, he is a great guy, he just has always been a crossdresser and that's cool". They'll say that because that's the truth.
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  18. #18
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Apr 2005
    Northern California
    There was a time a couple of years ago (I won't go into the details now) when I said to myself "I don't think I'm cut out to be a crossdresser, I suck so bad at it".

    Like you, it happened because I read some great accounts of fabulous things that people had done and written about here on the forum. I was comparing myself to my peers and I figured "I was coming up short". All I can say to you is that, all the other girls that have posted are absolutely right - don't worry and don't compare yourself to what others are doing and then judge yourself based on that. You are you, and you are doing just great! You like your crossdressing, right? ... then that's all that matters.

    You will evolve over time I expect. The more positive experiences you have, the more confidence you will obtain. Just give it some time.
    The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!

  19. #19
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Apr 2006
    Midwest U.S.
    I can empathize with you about guilt, and people pleasing, and society pleasing. At 55, i am going through a lifelong living hell, with my family from hell. I am the youngest, and they are still trying to guilt trip, and manipulate, and run my life, from 2000 miles away. Somrtimes it is wiser, to follow your gut instinct, and NOT go out in public! I have ony done it five times, and admit being too chicken most often! Hey, it might be WORSE being a CROSSCHECKER, in ice hockey, than a closet crossdresser! See Karren about that...go Blackhawks...yeah right.

  20. #20
    Looking for a good women! Christina Horton's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
    Burnaby B,C,Canada
    I am very very Proud to be a Crossdresser. I have come to the realization that I don't care what people think. I wrote 2 threads about it and I gotta say untill you figger out that for yourself you may never be truly happy. Talk to your wife and tell her all of your fears and just ask her to hold you. She will find a way to help you even if it's just to hold you. Kiss her for all of us. I love it when I hear that a wife or SO is excepting about it. Don't fear your CDing love it. After all we do something fun that the normal bland man will never enjoy. Huggs.
    Last edited by Christina Horton; 05-26-2009 at 07:28 PM.
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  21. #21
    Silver Member trannie T's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    Northeastern California
    It seems that you are being too hard on yourself, Lisa. It takes a lot of courage to go out the first few times. Many of us are very content staying in the closet, others are out daily, you will find your own comfort level. Just relax and do what is comfortable.
    It takes a real man to wear a dress.

  22. #22
    Luonnatar Linda Laman's Avatar
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    Aug 2007
    From NSW Central Coast, Australia but mostly live in Bangkok, Thailand
    From what I have read about two thirds of crossdressers are straight; so basically it has nothing to do with a person's sexuality.

    I sympathise with your frustration but the reality is that it is a hard cruel world out there and one has to tread carefully. I have been "out" but only when I feel it is reasonably safe to do so.

    Good luck with everything.


  23. #23
    Member Greymancd's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    Saskatchewan, Middle of the Canadian Prairies
    Don't be hard on yourself Lisa. You do have a supportive spouse which is great for you. Wherever you are in your journey is ok. We are crossdressers and whether we have been out or not does not change what we are. Do not be ashamed just be you!
    My Father is male, my Mother is female that makes me 50/50!

  24. #24
    Aussie girl Tasha McIntyre's Avatar
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    Sep 2008
    Brisbane, Australia
    Lisa, I suppose I was a bit ashamed of it all, and was deeply in the closet, until late last year when I joined here and read the threads at every opportunity. I learned more and more and finally accepted myself which enabled me to come out of the closet to the good wife. Since then I have discovered the magic of make up and wigs, and ventured out into the big world.

    Keep reading, and discover's a rewarding journey.

    Good luck.


  25. #25
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2006
    South east MA


    Lisa, just be yourself. Go at your own pace. I am only a part time closet cd, but happy with that!!

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