workplace ignorance rears ugly head again

[bimini1]

and again and again. It seems it never stops. I had two female co-workers go on a hate-filled tirade last night about a girl who used to work there who they thought 'was a man', a 'he/she', an "IT". It got rough. Then it finally went to 'people were actually taking bets as to what her gender was'.

Then everyone joined in with the laughs and jeers until I could take no more. So I finally said well if they wanted to know soooo bad why didn't they just ask her, or were they not big enough to do that and needed to continue to talk behind her back.

Well for a second everyone sat there in stoned shock. You could hear a pin drop. "Oh well we just didn't wanna hurt her feelings".

Gawd. I feel like crap this morning and don't wanna go back in to this brood of vipers today at all.

[Chrissie P]

Lots of ignorant people out there, huh ??

[bimini1]

It just never stops, maybe I am attracting this kind of thing. I guess I will use The Drunk rule. If you are expecting a drunk to act any other way than being drunk, you will be in for discouragement.

Same thing applies to ignorance, what did I really expect from this group?

[Deb The Brunette]

Hey ...welcome to the human race !!!




.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Bimini-

Good for you for speaking up, it takes a good bit of courage a lot of times especially in the workplace where you have to be around the same bunch day after day. FWIW, I think you did the right thing. One approach I have used when this has happened to me is to give a sort of dismissive wave of my hand and say, without any particular heat, "Ya know, petty stuff like that doesn't bother me at all, there's a whole lot worse things a person could be, like a child abuser or somebody who beats on their wife or a bigot." That usually gets the minute of silence you mentioned.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Christinedreamer]

At my old office we had a young guy who was quite obviously gay (my gaydar works well) and he and I had no problems talking and working together.

I was privvy to the same type of cowardly behind-the-back sniping about him and after a short while I said "well you know guys, it's kinda strange that whatever his sexuality, he is the sharpest computer tech in this company, BAR NONE! and tell me, has any one of you here ever bothered to talk to him outside of work? He is one nice guy. BTW his life is HIS life, not yours."

This, I am sure, called my life into question in their eyes but I didn't care. This man was smart, kind, friendly and dam* good with all things computer.

After I left the company I found out he did too and it was directly related to the pressure he received from these same jerks. Today he owns his own company and has successfully won a large amount of the customer base away from the first company.

Amazing what karma can do.

[Sally2005]

Those are tricky situations. I just say something like, 'keep me out of it, I'm not loosing my job over this kind of school yard nonsense'. Keep a record of who said what and when in case it does go wrong. If it happens a second time, inform your manager or HR because 'you are concerned about the lack of respect in the workplace for another employee'.

[TGMarla]

Never let the ignorance of others dictate your own attitudes and moods. Simply pity them in their ignorance, and be thankful that you are not that way.

[Angel.Marie76]

Those are tricky situations. I just say something like, 'keep me out of it, I'm not loosing my job over this kind of school yard nonsense'. Keep a record of who said what and when in case it does go wrong. If it happens a second time, inform your manager or HR because 'you are concerned about the lack of respect in the workplace for another employee'.

I second that opinion.. a great reason to bring up to HR a 'Hostile Workplace Environment' and the need for positive re-training as soon as possible. While that might piss off the odd b@st@rd who's h3ll bent on being a jerk to anyone who doesn't fit the bill, at least that person or people might actually start to announce themselves loud enough to be the first to see the cross-hairs of administration pointed squarely at them.

Best of luck in that situation hun, and I might suggest listening and looking for allies too.. it helps balance the load.

[sometimes_miss]

See, the horror of this is, that I have to see this type of thing in my place of work also; where we are expected to treat people with health and psychological problems. And most of the people with the nasty comments have college and post graduate degrees. And every time it happens, all I can think of is, if these, supposedly educated tolerant people act like this, how bad must it be out in the rest of the world.

[MissConstrued]

If it happens a second time, inform your manager or HR because 'you are concerned about the lack of respect in the workplace for another employee'.

Tattling? What is this, kindergarten?

The right response was exactly what the OP did. It's also the right response the next time, and the next time, and the next time... and pretty soon there won't be another next time.

Just because people might be ignoramuses, or snarky, or have a different opinion than you, that's no cause to jeopardize their jobs. But this goes on everywhere. Bill doesn't have the guts to tell Ted his own opinion, so he runs to HR. "Ted's being a meanie-poopy-head!"


In my line of work, though, we don't insult people behind their backs. We do it to their face. All day long. No one's offended because everyone takes it and dishes it right back out, and it helps pass the time. You only get in trouble with the boss if you screw something up, not for your words. The proper response to insult is, "F*** you!" followed by references to parentage, sexual orientation, or both. Everyone goes home happy, and with a paycheck.

[bimini1]

Yes it upset me pretty bad, not so much at first but then when I was driving home by the time I got home I was pretty steamed. For what they said and for my own lack of ability to counter what was said.

They were sitting right next to me and it seemed like they were baiting me somehow, it was just a weird exchange. It was almost like some spirit was trying to see how much I could take, because they were just bent on ridiculing this girl.
Most of the time the parties involved are quite nice people, so I can't really call them jerks. They just cannot handle TG at all. They make me feel ashamed to be a CD. I have thicker skin to a point more than before but after a while I crumble.
I don't feel like it's their fault I carry around this feeling of anger and self-loathing, it's my fault for letting them get to me like this.

What you guys have said make me feel a little better and less alone in the situation/world.

[Teri Jean]

Bimini, sweetheart you cannot fix stupid no matter how much intellegence you throw at it. Don't even try because all it will do is make you mad. Take a deap breath and accept a hug and then move on.

Huggs Keli

[SherriePall]

bimini1 -- While what you told your coworkers didn't register immediately, I would imagine that you did start one or two of them thinking that what they did was less than proper or fair.

[bimini1]

Bimini, sweetheart you cannot fix stupid no matter how much intellegence you throw at it. Don't even try because all it will do is make you mad. Take a deap breath and accept a hug and then move on.

Huggs Keli

You're absolutely right. Acceptance means alot of things. Not only an acceptance of one's self but the acceptance of the world as it is and everyone in it.
I needed to be reminded of that lest I become the very thing that came at me last night.

[Dana Lane]

Tattling? What is this, kindergarten?

The right response was exactly what the OP did. It's also the right response the next time, and the next time, and the next time... and pretty soon there won't be another next time.

Just because people might be ignoramuses, or snarky, or have a different opinion than you, that's no cause to jeopardize their jobs. But this goes on everywhere. Bill doesn't have the guts to tell Ted his own opinion, so he runs to HR. "Ted's being a meanie-poopy-head!"


In my line of work, though, we don't insult people behind their backs. We do it to their face. All day long. No one's offended because everyone takes it and dishes it right back out, and it helps pass the time. You only get in trouble with the boss if you screw something up, not for your words. The proper response to insult is, "F*** you!" followed by references to parentage, sexual orientation, or both. Everyone goes home happy, and with a paycheck.

I'm sorry but I can't agree with you belittling a legitimate HR concern with tattling. Don't forget it is much deep than that and it makes the environment safer and more tolerable for other people. I would report serious problems to our HR department as well.

[Miranda-E]

Tattling? What is this, kindergarten?

No its taking responsibility for ones surroundings.
Workplace environment is a serious concern

[Melissa A.]

Most people do not do what you did. I'm proud of you.

Workplaces differ. What's considered tattling amongst, say, a small group of construction workers may be a real cause for concern and intimidation in a different work environment. Most companies take any kind of harrassment very seriously these days. Is some of it maybe over the top? Does it maybe stifle normal back-and-forth? maybe, and maybe, but tough. I work in a very blue-collar, very male industry. I have heard some of these guys say some of the most vile, disgusting, and mean things about women(when there are no women around, of course) I am offended, of course, and I often do say something, but it's not directed towards anyone in particular. verbal abuse, however, because someone is gay, tg, or any other reason, is totally different. Even if the person in question isnt present, it helps create an environment where it's ok to treat said person differently, and as less than human. If you happen to work in an environment where everyone lets off steam, and anything goes as long as the work gets done, and no one cares, then fine. That isn't too common, however, and no one should ever dread coming to work, for any reason except for the fact that work sucks. I truly believe in all other means before you get bosses involved, but If people can't act like adults and treat others with respect in an environment where work is to be performed, it ain't tattling, and they deserve what they get.

Hugs,

Melissa

[Nessa88]

I miss the old days when it was legal to cut out the tongues of gossipers. You should have told them that.

[trannie T]

There is a cure for ignorance, it is education. Bimini did the right thing when she mildly confronted her coworkers. If we complain to Human Resources and they act they will schedule manditory training for everyone. It will be a boring class and do little good. A few words from a peer can do much to change opinions and to educate the ignorant.

[dawnmarrie1961]

A few months back, at my "old" job. I had the pleasure of meeting a young lady who was, like me, a post op, transexual person. She seemed almost relieved to see me working there. She was just about the same age as my kids. We tried to talk to each other when ever we got the chance. Which wasn't often . Because of opposing schedules. I showed her pics of my kids and grand children. Told her how much I missed seeing them. She told me about her father and how much she missed seeing him.We talked about the surgery. She wasn't sure about things yet. I told her that she has plenty of time and not to rush it. Every time I saw her she always had a smile for me.

I know how cruel people can be. I've had first hand experience.
I started overhearing some of the younger male employees making rude remarks about her. They always stopped talking when they saw me but I heard them just the same.

Then suddenly she just wasn't there anymore.

I never did find out what had happened to her. I hope she is well and safe.

I miss her smile.

[Billijo49504]

Isn't it fun to work in a snake pit.......BJ

[Nicki B]

There is a cure for ignorance, it is education. Bimini did the right thing when she mildly confronted her coworkers. If we complain to Human Resources and they act they will schedule manditory training for everyone. It will be a boring class and do little good. A few words from a peer can do much to change opinions and to educate the ignorant.

Sadly, this wasn't education - it was shaming into silence.. The ignorance is still there.

Education will only happen when the lesson is repeated, over and over..

[bimini1]

I felt like I said something but did not say enough. I have a problem of not being quick witted enough, after the fact I can come up with all sorts of stuff, well I should have said that or I should have said this.

There was a mixture of sadness/anger at the time and it certainly affected my mind like a rabbit in headlights I guess. I could not believe it was happening to me again. They weren't talking about me persay, but very well could have been. I could not believe this is my life and that these are my actual issues and these folks are saying these vile things. All of them, I felt so alone. One of them was sitting right next to me. It was like a reality check. Like going against this insurmountable force.

This is not the 1st time I've been through this at that job. In a way I want to say something to HR but for some reason well, I don't think they are actuallly harrassing me and I don't want to draw attention to myself. I am sure they are already wondering because of the bit I came with last evening. So I am going to have to excuse the expression "grow some balls".

[Cristi]

We have a salesperson for a vendor who has been in a few times in the past month. This last time after he left, the gossip was all about 'Was he or wasn't he (gay)'.

Everything was fair game. Yes, he was married at one point (and his ex is now in a same sex relationship). Yes, he wears an earing (one ear). This one made me laugh, since I was standing there during the entire conversation with TWO earrings in.

My only contribution, after things went on for a few minutes, was 'So why does this all really MATTER?' That stopped everybody and there was a lot of backtracking "Oh, it doesn't matter... we were just curious..." blah blah blah.

The people I work with are not BAD people. They have just always lived in a small world and never had an original thought. These kind of things are going to go on behind the scenes a LONG time after we think that LBGT issues are well behind us.