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Thread: Add another marriage down the tubes/update

  1. #76
    Silver Member Teri Jean's Avatar
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    Sherry, I will add to the others in saying hang tight and work together. You both love each other very much and yes we have a way of forgetting that but don't give up.

    My heart goes out to you both, wish you both the best.

    Keli

  2. #77
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    hoping for the best for both of you ..............
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  3. #78
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    Sherry...Huggs ..I told my wife once you could tell whom ever she wished whatever she wished...i took the power away from her! That i refused to be ashamed of how i feal any longer! Good luck!

  4. #79
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    Thanks for all of your well wishes....it help at this time....

    Tonight I am going out with one of my wife's friend and co-worker...a "two girls nite out" to a club thing...so see ...this whole thing is not your "normal" situation here...and my wife knows about it as well and is OK with it....

    Anyway, what this whole thing has boiled down to is its a decision that will be taking place for my wife...and not really for me....and that is this...she must decide what she wants....to be in love with me as I am...non fucntioning male, a cder/tgirl...but someone who she admits loves her far greater (and has proven that love over, & over & over again though 14 years+ of being married...) or does she want to be single foot free and able to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants whenever she wants...but as she is aware of she can't have ehr cake and eat it too...she can't be out there being a party girl going out with guys and having me at home waiting for her...Yes I am doing that at the moment and will continue to do so for a while more...how long???? well it's not a time thing as much as it is a where are the heart(s) at thing...there will be a time that I will reach where she is coming back to me or she is moving away from me and I will decide this....

    Is my heart (and hers) with each other as husband and wife...if so my heart (and love) will be with her....but if she wants to be free then my heart will be in Florida...and I'll be gone...

    She admits that she's enjoying being single...but she's also finding that it's not cracked up to be what one thinks it is when one is not out there...and she realizes that I may be gone from her one day and that scares her..and she admits that she can't imagine me not in her life...and she feels like her right arm would be gone...

    I've talked at length with one of my peopel at work who is a very close friend, also a pastor who does counseling to married couples...

    He knows my wife, has met her and spoken to her on a number of ocassions....

    He says that if any couple can pull this off...the letting go being free and then coming back w/o any reentment over the fact of what went on while in the "free state" it will be us....and he feels that in a short time after she's had her chance "sow some wild oats" she'll make her decison and it won't be for "singlehood"....and what will come out of her decision (it's really going to be her's more so than my decison here) are two people who are much stronger individually as well as our relationship becoming much stronger....but if she decides that singlehood is the way she wants to go then singlehood it will be...one can't be married and not the other here...then I'll decide where i go from there...and obviously as I stated before if my heart isn't with her then my heart will be in Florida....

    If this holds true, I see us renewing our love and commitment to each other and accepting both for what we are and who we are...simple as that...

    So as you can see with what I have written thruoughout this thread this is one of those really different situations between a couple...a husband and wife....and the reason that I am sharing this with you all is so that if you find yourself in a marriage and there are problems developing with you and your wife you might be able to use my difficults to draw some understand and wisdom in addressing your issues and that I am pleased to be able to do here...

    So it's just a matter of time before this all gets sorted out and a decision is made....nut it's going to be interesting at least from this point forard...for my wife although athe moment has her cake and eating it as well, that will not go on forever...for at some point and time she must decide...singlehood or me...and she realizes she can't have both....she jsut nowmust decide which is more important to her...and that's what she is doing at this point...

    Nothing more and nothing less....

    Again thanks for all the well wishes and support...

    Stehanie...
    Last edited by Sherry-Stephanie; 07-03-2009 at 07:51 AM.
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

  5. #80
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Best wishes to u, Sherry S!

    3 divorces? ( Or, 2 FOR SURE, and 1 maybe?) One, was TOO MANY for me!

    So, when u started the thread, u seemed to accept that it was time to split up and move on with your lives, individually.

    U sounded hopeful, positive, and anxious to move on.

    Now, your wife has decided to keep u hanging, and that's OK with u?

    It DOESN'T sound like a workable situation to me. But, HEY! ANY WAY two people can live together and make their relationship work, well GOOD FOR U!

    Personally, when the SEX STOPS, I think the marriage is over! U can stay, for WHATEVER reasons, but you'll just be roommates!
    And THAT wouldn't work for me!

    But, if it does for u, Sherry! Go for it, girl!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #81
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    LOL Sherry....the sex stopped for us 11 years ago when I became paralyzed....from the waist down and it killed the nerves in my extrmeities and yes it affected that extremity as well so the sex stoped then....but we still survived.

    I still feel the same way that I did when I first started this thread...the only thing that changed is we've talked a lot over the past few says or couple of weeks....and she's not sure what she wants at this point. So I'm willing to give her some space and time...and see where this goes...neither oen of us is in a position to simply up and go. My job is going to be ending in a couple of months as well so I'll be looking for something new. I might need to hang out here anyway....then again I might be heading out for some new place to continue my life with...

    So nothing has to be done at this moment...no rush....no must do it right now!!!!

    Now, your wife has decided to keep u hanging, and that's OK with u?
    Yup I'm OK with that....I'll give her time to see where she wants to go with our marriage...see if she really wants to be single or not...that's how much I love her....I think I can at least let her take a bit of time to decide. MY ego isn't that big that I need to put a dagger into our marriage immediately.
    Last edited by Sherry-Stephanie; 07-03-2009 at 11:23 AM.
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

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