Do you really"pass"?

[Kate Simmons]

From your own perspective, do YOU think you really "pass" when you go out there all dolled up and mingle? Do you really care? Some seem to have a needed sense of urgency to do this but does it really work or do you think others know who we really are but just don't say anything for the most part?

A good GG friend and I have an off and on ongoing discussion about this. She tells me that no matter how hard a CD tries to "pass" she can tell who and what they are. For one thing she says there is just something intrinsic missing that a woman has that CD's do not plus the added fact that she used to be married to a CD, so she is familiar with the attempts at presentation, etc. I told her I can tell because of who I am, in other words it takes one to know one.

What about those who are not so familiar with the "inner sanctum" of CDing though? Can they tell and are they really fooled, despite not saying anything? I was never really sure. This is why early on, I decided to drop any kind of "act" and just be myself out there since I was doing this mostly for myself and no one else anyway. People seemed to relate to that much better and I seemed to get more respect.

So, do we really "pass" out there and does it really matter that much? I suppose it would mostly depend on what we are trying to accomplish to begin with.

[Joanne f]

As for myself i know that i would never pass no matter what i done to my face the body language would instantly give me away.
And i think that this would be the case in most instance`s if someone wanted to look hard enough which maybe is the thing that could make all the difference .
Lets just say someone passed reasonably well , then most people who are carrying out their normal daily task`s would not bother to look and therefor not notice , in fact you could almost say this as well even if someone just wears a skirt out in male mode.
I geuss it is the less you stand out then the less you will be noticed and then you have all the other factors that come into play like location and so on.
Now does it really matter , well to some it will matter a great deal where as others will not be so much bothered about it .
And as for the general public i do not know but i have often wondered which they would prefer, to see a man in a skirt or a dress and know that is all it is ,but you stand out more so you will be noticed more , or to sometimes notice a man with full makeup and wig and wonder if they are tying to hide something , but they will be less noticeable, i wonder which they would respect the most , no doubt a bit of both depending where you are again .
You friends Arianna have obviously learnt to respect you for what you are which is a great achievement on your part .

[Rogina B]

Ithink that being around people with the social grace as to not make an issue out of what a person looks like is what gives a CD the boost from presenting well.And,it is one thing to get past busy people on the street or a mall,yet it is another thing to "have a couple of teenage girls up under your chin"in a checkout line! Given the time to really study many of us,our male features become more obvious to the critical eye.However,someone with manners does not make an issue,nor alert the world to our gender bending. I think that the Trans world has something to thank the Gay world for...because some gay people are so overly demonstative and dramatic in public,it has now become proper manners to "let them do as they wish".My observation is that more people have adopted that attitude and so we CD's feel that we are passing better, and that's great for all of us.We should be able to enjoy ourselves as others do.

[TSchapes]

I don't think any of us can pass 100% of the time. There has been too many times that I have spotted a well done cross-dresser but did not say anything. But most of the other people around me were oblivious.

I try and do the best I can to avoid conflict. If someone asks me though I don't hide that fact that I am a cross-dresser.

At 6'4" I've been told I pass at a distance...LOL

Love, Tracy

[TGMarla]

It all depends on a bunch of various factors. If you're overdressed, like I almost alway am, you'll draw undue attention to yourself. Such a shame, too! A guy can't even wear a pretty dress without causing a stir! Go figure.

There are several of us who pass well enough to pass as long as we don't elicit further investigation. If I just walk past someone, it's most likely no one is going to decide immediately that I'm a guy in a dress. But if they press the issue, and get a good look at my hands, for instance, I'm not going to pass muster. Damn hands!

There are a lot of dead givaways. The best I can do is try to minimize the obvious.

[Katie145]

When I went to a halloween party last year, I had several people that were "unsure" of my actual gender, and others who thought I was a GG...at least until they heard me talk. I know I CAN pass if I want to, but it would take a lot of effort for me to pass most/all of the time, something that I just don't have the energy to do 24/7. I'm pretty content just dressing up at home, with the -very- occasional outing...(maybe 1-2 times a year?)

[Nicki B]

From your own perspective, do YOU think you really "pass" when you go out there all dolled up and mingle? Do you really care?

No and no..

A good GG friend and I have an off and on ongoing discussion about this. She tells me that no matter how hard a CD tries to "pass" she can tell who and what they are. For one thing she says there is just something intrinsic missing that a woman has that CD's do not plus the added fact that she used to be married to a CD, so she is familiar with the attempts at presentation, etc. I told her I can tell because of who I am, in other words it takes one to know one.

I wouldn't ever expect anyone to assume I was born female - but I don't seem to have any problem getting people to react to my femininity? IMHO that comes from within you, not from what you wear on the outside..

[kellycan27]

Yes, I pass....Do I care? It makes my life much easier, so I would have to say yes I care...in that respect. It isn't something that I think about much, becasue pass or no pass.... I am out there 24/7,can't stick my head in the sand because I am having a bad hair day.
Kelly

[deja true]

Gawd, I used to stress about passing and not calling undue (and unwelcomed) attention to myself. So afraid of the negative reactions... And that kept me locked in a small, sweaty, hot, constricting closet for freekin' years!

Somehow, especially due to the wise advice from many here (you know who you are, lovers!) and the gloriously supportive activities of the Be-All and SCC conferences, I almost revel in not passing!

I was told by several companions on recent excursions that I prolly didn't need to have outted myself on purpose to various store managers or waitresses or taxi drivers, but there was a joy in doing that for me. To be in the company of just regular folks and to be up front and communicative in a pleasant and informative way strikes me as almost a requirement for some of us in order to make it easier for others like us!

Present as well as you can. Be confident and friendly and polite. Don't be shy or fearful. Encourage questions and be enthusiastic about answers. Show 'em that we're happy, shiny people, not skulkers or deceivers.

One convert at a time to a more open mind beats only singing to the choir, know what I mean?

[Annie D]

To the casual glance, even at 6'2", I pass. Friends have shared that they are often asked if I am male or female and just the fact that a stranger can't immediately tell, is about all I can hope for. Even though I am filled with self-doubt about my appearance, when I am brave enough to venture out publicly I have been accepted and as a result have felt fairly comfortable. I think that the fact that I am not as "hung up" about passing 100% of the time that I was at one time that being out dressed is okay.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

For me, it's simply mind over matter. I don't mind, so it doesn't matter. Would I like to "pass" every single time I Joni-up? You betcha. Do I care if I don't, no, not much. Most of the time people don't seem to notice which I consider just as good as passing. Sometimes I can hear their jaw drop like a manhole cover falling off a utility truck. I hope it hit their foot.

Oh, I don't mean to sound quite as unconcerned as all that. Like nearly all of us, it would be really nice to have people say, "Who is that goddess?" as I'm strolling through the mall, but it just ain't gonna happen for me, at least in this incarnation. Mainly, I do it to please myself, not for them, and besides I feel like I'm giving them something to talk about in their otherwise drab lives.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[TommiTN]

I don't think I "pass", even under casual scrutiny. I just try to achieve the best feminine presentation I can and am constantly working to improve. But pass in the sense of being undetectable? I think a very tiny percentage of us may be able but me? Not in this life!

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

From your own perspective, do YOU think you really "pass" when you go out there all dolled up and mingle? Do you really care?

No, I do not pass in person. Yes, I really do care.

It is not just an out-and-about thing. It's not just that I want to pass so that people will leave me alone (read: not harass me for being a crossdresser). My personal interest is in appearing completely female when I dress. It's and art form as well as an ultimate achievement to me.

Some are not interested in passing, nor do they seek to. No problem with that at all. I do, however. Whether or not I'll ever achieve that remains to be seen. I would very much like to achieve that goal though, regardless of who feels it unnecessary. It is necessary for me because that is how I feel about it. We've all got our own goals in life.

[Julogden]

Based on what I experienced in many years of being out and about in the TG community back in the 1980's and 1990's and having met a ton of TG folks from all over the spectrum, I'd say that if we're talking strictly about crossdressers, as in males who only resort to clothing, makeup, wigs, etc. and aren't using hormones, haven't had their beard removed, haven't had any surgery to alter their appearance, then I'd basically agree with your friend: very, very few can pass totally, but there are some, especially when young, lots of really young CD's are passable, in appearance anyway. Gets a lot harder as we age though.

I think most CD's who go out in public probably pass at least some of the time, but not always. I feel that what most of us who go out in public experience is tolerance. I've seen quite a few CD's in public in recent years that were obviously males dressed as women, and watching the reactions of people around them, it was obvious that everyone who was paying attention knew that they were males, but they were tolerated, no one challenged them, no one was rude. That, in my book, isn't passing, but as far as I'm concerned, it's better than passing, as they were being accepted for who they were.

When it comes to those of us who are on hormones, especially those who started on hormones at a young age, have had electrolysis or laser treatments to remove hair, maybe had some facial feminization surgery done, then I'd disagree with your friend, as I've met many who are totally passable. I've met quite a few TG women who I would never have guessed that the were anything other than female at birth.

That all said, I have been mistaken for a female a few times when dressed totally as a man, once when I was at a nearby lake doing some fishing, and I'm 6'5" tall in my bare feet, so go figure.

As always, that's just my based on a life that has had some very interesting moments associated with things transgendered.

Carol

[Cheryl T]

I don't think "passing" is the real issue. Most of us will not pass in public and personally it's not why I do what I do.
I dress to express my femininity and I try to present that to the world when I go out. For me it's not about the clothes or passing, it's about being me.
I've been in all kinds of situations and I've found it's not about the "passing", but about the display of confidence we have in ourselves and our feminine nature that presents us as female to the world and this is also what creates our acceptance in the public eye.
Some want only to go out, no matter what. I've seen that in some groups I've noticed at various shopping centers. One girl looks like part of the crowd and another is wearing a pink tutu and white tights shopping at Macy's.

If you want to go out and be accepted (forget about really passing unless you are really, really good) then dress appropriately for where you are going and the time of day, act feminine, but not flamboyant and be confident in yourself. It's not about putting on a show, it's about being part of the larger world.

Sorry for the verbose answer...my

[Jilmac]

I consider passing as blending in. I know I'm not the prettiest girl, my weather worn and ruddy features show even under my makeup, and a tatoo on my left forearm and my baritone voice are both dead giveaways. But I always try to dress in a manner in which I can blend in with the majority, and more often than not, I'm hardly noticed when I'm in public.

I decided shortly after coming out, that being myself and not trying to fool anybody was the way to go. I know I've been read, I don't know how often and I don't really care. I enjoy dressing and being Jill whenever the opportunity arises and I don't have a problen with being read. The majority of people I have dealt with have treated me like a lady wheather they read me or not. I think the most important thing in passing is how I present myself.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Good for you, Gabrielle. I applaud you. In some ways I think it's something we should all strive for (probly gonna get slammed for that) even though we may not think we can ever do it. It is what I try to do even though I know I'm not going to make it. Like you said, we should all have goals.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Miranda09]

Well, I don't know if I pass in public. I think I do, but that's just my perspective, and it is important to me that I know if I am convincing in public. Someday I may put it to a more rigerous test, maybe similar to me first time out at Be-All.

[Richelle]

I don't think any of us can pass 100% of the time. There has been too many times that I have spotted a well done cross-dresser but did not say anything. But most of the other people around me were oblivious.

I try and do the best I can to avoid conflict. If someone asks me though I don't hide that fact that I am a cross-dresser.

I agree with Tracy that we cannot do it all the time, but most people area oblivious to the others around them and at those times I pass with no problem.

And yes, I want to pass just to avoid confrontations

Richeal

[Sally24]

A good GG friend and I have an off and on ongoing discussion about this. She tells me that no matter how hard a CD tries to "pass" she can tell who and what they are.

Anyone so certain that they can be right all the time is almost certainly wrong. I have met 1 or 2 CD's in my times about that were dead on. They had the size, shape, voice and movement perfectly. And that's not even discussing transexuals with hormones and surguries!

For one thing she says there is just something intrinsic missing that a woman has that CD's.

It's called cultural conditioning for 20 years, and it can be learned.

I pass alot of the time and I do prefer that. It's not a make or break thing for me anymore though. I enjoy looking good and if people take me for female looking, that's usually enough.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with Tracy that we cannot do it all the time, but most people area oblivious to the others around them and at those times I pass with no problem.

And yes, I want to pass just to avoid confrontations

Richeal

I know Hon. Not even our FAB friends can do it all the time. Hell, they've even admitted that.

[deja true]

Originally Posted by Arianna Daniels
A good GG friend and I have an off and on ongoing discussion about this. She tells me that no matter how hard a CD tries to "pass" she can tell who and what they are.

Um...pheromones?

[Nicki B]

In some ways I think it's something we should all strive for (probly gonna get slammed for that) even though we may not think we can ever do it.

If, by passing, you mean the world doesn't realise you weren't born female - then how are we ever going to gain any acceptance??? People will just assume we don't exist, if they don't know we are there..

[Kate Simmons]

If, by passing, you mean the world doesn't realise you weren't born female - then how are we ever going to gain any acceptance??? People will just assume we don't exist, if they don't know we are there..

You and I are cut from the same cloth Nicki. I've been preaching this for years now. What a lot of it is I think is that many folks cannot differentiate in personal "standards of excellence" (in other words if I'm going to do it, I may as well give it my best efforts) we may have versus thinking they have to BECOME what they are trying to emulate, which of course, accomplishes nothing for the community if they succeed as they remain "invisible". We can accomplish the goal of recognition in a fun way by using finesse and a good imagination. Works for me.

[Shikyo]

I don't think I really pass totally all the time. Not like I care about it at all. Living as a girl 24 hours a day for seven days a week and so far no one has a made a big deal about it. No strange looks (besides when I'm out there with a short skirt in cold weather but that's already something else) when I walk around, no one comments me in anyway. Do they think I pass, sure for some of them, but all? I highly doubt that. I just can't imagine passing in front of everyone. There will always be that one who can see the truth.