Is it possible to be a transsexual (although i'm not diagnosed but after 24 years of wishing i must be pretty close) and never transition?
I know deep down i'm female but, i made the mistake of getting married and having kids thinking it would make a man out of me.
I am not going to hurt my kids. They are young right now and don't even need to know about me.
Thoughts, Opinions?
ty
Amy
Absolutely!
I've been married for 25 years, had kids, and lived as a male all my life when I KNOW I am a woman inside! Life situations can sometimes be a prison, but they don't change who we are.
Love,
SilkenPrincess
I am sure that is possible yes. I have done similar things to you - married, kids etc but I am still going to go through with it - my reasons are long, varied and complicated but in a way I feel that it because of my children that I am going to do it, I would hope they may learn that its best to be honest and truthful (albeit belatedly)and to have the courage to carry out your convictions. I am also very certain that if I let it eat at me for much longer I would not be around for them at all.
No doubt about it , I'd have been much happier as a girl but I will never transition!
Wait never say never.....oooophs I just said it again , twice!!!!
[SIZE=4] Jayne xx[/SIZE]
I thought as much. A long time ago i went into the AOL transgender chat rooms. It was a divided bunch unforturnantly. The TS would say "you're not TS unless your on hormones" etc. The you had the TV's who wore dresses etc but still love being men.
So there i was thinking "Hmmm what category am i in?"
That's why i have TG after my name instead of TS. Just so i don't offend anyone.
LouiseCassell
Yes it is eating the hell out of me. I've already attempted once to finish it.
Then i realized i was being selfish. My kids need me. I will not let them down.
Last edited by Deborah; 07-09-2005 at 06:25 PM.
Transsexual ?
Check my post in the thread "Extreme case of Cross Dressing or Gender Dysophoria" - same answer and advice would apply in your case - no need to repeat it here. Quite often a good therapist that specializes in gender issues can guide you through the process while minimizing the pain and trouble. Good luck kid and hang in there.
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin
Peace,
Alice
Amy,Originally Posted by AmyTG
Th simple and quick answer is yes. I married and had kids because I couldn't see a way tobe who I wanted to be, so resigned myself to 'living life as was expeected of me, as a man'.
Since then I have divorced and re-married. Divorced again, and finally I've got my dream of being able to transition. My kids are still young too at 9 & 10, but they have fully accepted the'new' me, thankfully, with few problems. I hope this gives you a little hope if you really do want to transition, but I can't tell you yes - do it, or no- don't do it.
I also note that you have omitted comments about hurting your SO. Do I read something into that?
Anne
She actually figured it out after i went overboard with what i called "kinky games" where i would dress up and be her lesbian lover. What i did was while we were out shopping i would see pretty outfits etc and ask her if it would look good on me. Then one night i was laying in bed with her in my nightie and panties and she said "You want to be a female don't you?"
Before i could think i blurted out yes (which is the truth) and she seemed kinda disappointed. I tried to stay in the closet after that but she still saw me every once in awhile. A few times i heard her comment "I'm not a lesbian i don't want to be with another women."
My being transgender/transsexual/transvestite (hell i don't know what i am) wasn't the only reason she left though. She was a bit of a drama queen and loved starting arguements about anything. So one day she meet someone else and left me. After living with him for 3 months she filed for divorce. I asked her not to long ago if "Amy" was the cause. She said "It was part of it" So there i am.
About hurting her. At the time i wasn't sure i was. I thought she liked it especially when i played her lesbian lover. I don't know i really don't. It was better to end it i guess. I know i'm a women and would really like to be with a man but not in my current body. I'll never get remarried again and i'm not "gay" (by my definition) so i guess i'll never have another lover.
It was never about the dressing. I dressed around her (check above post) because it felt more natural and felt she didn't mind. I guess you could say i have a natural feminimity <sp> and she would get upset because i was "acting" like a girl. Actually i don't act it comes natural. I do however have to "act" male in public to avoid ridicule.Check my post in the thread "Extreme case of Cross Dressing or Gender Dysophoria" - same answer and advice would apply in your case - no need to repeat it here. Quite often a good therapist that specializes in gender issues can guide you through the process while minimizing the pain and trouble. Good luck kid and hang in there.
If i don't watch what i do i get pegged. A few times i have heard "real name here---your such a women" (I actually get a kick out of that)
The number of TSs who never transition could be 50% or more. In cases of secondary transsexualism (where you finally come to realize or admit you are TS) it's very common. Most secondary cases have taken the daddy/husband (or to a lesser degree mommy/wife) track and have well established their male or female personna. This makes the decision to transition considerably more difficult because you have kids, a spouse, a job in which you're probably well established. You have a lot more to give up and there's people who want you to stay the same pressuring you not to transition, directly or indirectly.
Secondary transsexualism happens most often because the individual feels societal and/or family pressures to 'be a man' (or woman) and is able to deny the desire to be a their desired gender. But like anything that gets held back too long, eventually the dam breaks.
I'm wondering with the Internet acting as vehicle for education, television being more willing to cover subjects like TSism and most of the medical and psychological communities being aware this isn't a mental disorder, will we see more TSs transition before they establish themselves in the role of the sex they were born into? I would hope so. Maybe secondary transsexualism would then become a rarity.
Transsexual ?
Amy,
I understand how you feel on this - been there, done that, got the T shirt, and burned it. From the sound of it you are trying to decide on a way to proceed without hurting your kids, which is as it should be. If they are very young it is possible that they will accept the "real" you without reservation. I know its hard - but getting yourself into therapy now will likely save both them and you a world of hurt later. No one can tell you to transistion or not and there is no really "wrong" decision on this. Just keep in mind that the longer you wait to make your decision the harder it wil be on you both physically and emotionally. Check the link/sources in my other post for a good therapist who specializes in gender issues and feel free to PM if you want to talk.
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin
Peace,
Alice
Stlalice
I see what your saying and you are 100% correct. I know i'll see a therapist soon. Other issues cloud that right now though.
I already consider myself transsexual. Once i say that though in a chat room or forum everyone usually thinks i'm on hormones and have breast and/or srs already.
Amy,
The bottom line then is that your on your own - no SO.
Does that mean the only doubts you have are for the sake of your children (although I use it I jate the word 'kids' when refering to children - kids are baby goats, not children). Think about it long and hard. You have no issues with your age, no SO, any other ties/commitments? (That's a retorical question - I'm not expecting an answer)
What I was told by loads of people before I transitioned was if I was not prepared to loose my family (all of them), my job, my car, my home and ANYTHING ELSE I have, then I SHOULD NOT TRANSITION.
I was prepared to loose everything and it got to that point in life where it was time to live life for myself, not what was expected of me. Really I knew that before I went into transitioning. I found a counsellor, I announced my plans to ALL of my family (who all accepted my decision except one cousin who seemed to have started to come round, but then sadly and without warning passed away). My children and first wife knew of my plans some time before the rest of my family, and it's now over 12 months since my children saw me in drabs and as 'him', although it's only 6 months since I transitioned.
With respect to my children, I did take the selfish attitude of they will either accept ithe new me or they won't and again, I was lucky and 'got away with it'.
I told work - had regular meetings with my manager and personnel from that point until 3/4 months later when I announced it to the factory (some 850 people) and then transitioned and had a couple of meetings after that to make sure all was well from my point of view and from the companies point of view. During the meetings before my transition my counsellor came to the company for one meeting to give them the benifit of her experience (paid for by the company, so again, they supported me in that respect).
As for your comments about wanting to be with a man, but not in a gay relationship - I know exactly what you are saying there and I feel the same way - I did have the opertunity of a relationship with a man a few months before I transitioned, but didn't want to go there (no where near ready for it). From about 1/2 weeks after I transitioned I haven't looked at ANY woman in a sexual manner - I've still looked, but looking at what they are wearing and how. More recently, I have found myself starting to look at men - the first time was in a railway station while I was waiting for a train. I don't want a gay relationship, but feel I DO want a relationship once I've had the op. and recovered. I am slowly finding myself looking at men more. Marraige? I'm keeping an open mind on that. If the right guy comes along in years to come then I'll see (in the UK you get your birth certificate changed now post-op, so you can legally marry as a woman
PM me if you feel you want to or need to.
Anne
Yeah basically i have nothing but my kids. I'm a student again in college so i don't have to worry about a job or work. Problem is as a student i don't have insurance and am not making enough from my contributor to even start seeking councelling<sp>(one of those days again).
I'm sure it will all work out somehow.
Oh, for the UK's welfare state where you get everything given to you
It will work out eventually, bear with things. Could you get a part time job, waitress in coffee shop or something?
Anne
Actually no. I'm a disabled vet after 10 years in the army (another "it will make a man out of me" idea) going through Vocational Rehabilitation. The Veterans Administration are paying me to go to college for my Bachelors degree in Computer Science.Oh, for the UK's welfare state where you get everything given to you
It will work out eventually, bear with things. Could you get a part time job, waitress in coffee shop or something?
Anne
Another thing to explain is i have custody of my children. Not a good idea right now to dress in front of them for a waitress job. I am looking though for something suitable.
Therapy...
Amy,
I would very much recomend that you check with PFLAG and like organizations - there are therapists out there who will work on a sliding scale as far as payment is concerned. Another resource is the student health center at your college. The downside is that you will have to "come out" and be honest with them about why you need counselling, but that will likely be balanced by finding a program that you can afford. The environment at most public colleges is usually much more liberal than society in general and they have probably seen, dealt with, and helped transfolk before. Amy, the biggest obstacle you face right now is fear - fear of the unknown - fear of what people will think of you, say, and do. But, if I am reading your posts correctly, you have made the biggest and most important step - you have accepted yourself as what and who you really are. And that is the key if you choose to do so to sucessfully transistioning and finding some peace in your own skin. Hang in there girl and feel free to PM if you need to talk or vent.
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin
Peace,
Alice
Great advice and i appreciate it. I'll have to do a Google search on it in my area for PFLAG.Amy,
I would very much recomend that you check with PFLAG and like organizations - there are therapists out there who will work on a sliding scale as far as payment is concerned. Another resource is the student health center at your college. The downside is that you will have to "come out" and be honest with them about why you need counselling, but that will likely be balanced by finding a program that you can afford. The environment at most public colleges is usually much more liberal than society in general and they have probably seen, dealt with, and helped transfolk before. Amy, the biggest obstacle you face right now is fear - fear of the unknown - fear of what people will think of you, say, and do. But, if I am reading your posts correctly, you have made the biggest and most important step - you have accepted yourself as what and who you really are. And that is the key if you choose to do so to sucessfully transistioning and finding some peace in your own skin. Hang in there girl and feel free to PM if you need to talk or vent.
I don't mind coming out in college. Isn't that where everyone usually does it?
Yes i have accepted it and your right about the fear aspect.
Oh and i took the COGIATI test but i don't need a test to tell me that.
Your COGIATI result value is: 425 Which means that you fall within the following category:
COGIATI classification FIVE, TRANSSEXUAL
Posting Permissions
