Whenever I fantasize about going out dressed, pictures of an angry mob, with torches and pitchforks, suddenly pop up in my mind!
Whenever I fantasize about going out dressed, pictures of an angry mob, with torches and pitchforks, suddenly pop up in my mind!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I go out in Nashville shopping and at 6' and 200 lbs I stand out, but that doesn't really matter. I dress as most women would, hair is long, use lite makeup and just kind of be myself. I get looks and comments sometimes, but never sure if they are talking about the CD or the big woman.
Where about in Nashville????
BTW I was with Ginger the other evening when this was all happening....
Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"
Initial Feeling from going out in public - [SIZE="4"]SHEER TERROR![/SIZE]
Eventually the fear eased and I became much more comfortable with myself. The biggest long term benefit of going out was confidence. See I had been paralzed in my business with fear. I had the fear of failure. After I got out in public, I found my backbone again. I have no idea how I lost it, but I did. I got it back when I realized that I could do anything if I could walk out dressed in public. That was the turning point in my business. Plus it led to meeting a lot of accepting people.
Michelle
and continued to go out, getting all dolled up for the sake of getting all dolled up no longer held much attraction for me.
If I go to the bother of getting dressed up, I'm walking out the door !
As you make more trips out, they say your confidence increases. For me, I would not call it confidence. Instead, I feel a sense that I belong in public; looking like I want to look. I am lucky enough to live in a very accepting and tolerant city (Los Angeles), so I regulalrly receive validation that I do belong at all sorts of venues; gay, straight, tg, mixed, etc.
I have yet to go out in day time but that is coming as my sense of belonging is building and I have been stretching myself. Going into a 7-11 or the the movies or a coffee house in addition to the bar or nightclub. Going into bars where I am the only TG instead of my usual safe haunt where it is a TG bar.
On the flip side, as I experience this, I want to spend more time out in public as a woman. The small triumphs are exhilarating and I feel a general sense of well being and calm when I am out and feel like I belong. For a few days later, I am thinking about where I will go next. There is definitely something addictive about this condition. But, I'll take that.
Congratulations on taking the first step out of that closet. Now, please do what you can to keep that closet door open and maybe even take it off the hinges.
I don't think it's about passing - in the sense of being seen as born female - it's about being accepted for who you really are, the whole you?Originally Posted by sissystephanie
So - you mean it's your mind that's the problem, then? I don't think you're unusual, sadly..Whenever I fantasize about going out dressed, pictures of an angry mob, with torches and pitchforks, suddenly pop up in my mind!
Nicki
[SIZE="1"]Moi?[/SIZE]
All the time walking about in the house never stressed my poor toes as much as getting out and wandering in the public eye. The last thing I want is to grimace and groan like I'm not enjoying every moment of the time out because my feet are on fire.
I know, that's not what you were looking for, how about this; I found my expectations were all about the wrong stuff. I expected a much different response as I walked around in a public setting. I discovered that a very high percentage of the people out there not only don't care about what I'm wearing, but don't even notice. Once the fear was gone I could focus people who cared or shared my interest.
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
And in the "use it or lose it" category, it's just as easy to lose the confidence when you stop going out. A change in circumstances (albeit a good one) has made it such that I haven't gone out in a few years. Now that I'm getting back to the point where I'm starting to think about going out again, I feel like I'm starting over!
All the confidence I had gained, to the point that I didn't care or even think about how people looked at me, has almost completely deserted me! I can see that girl that was me, but have forgotten how I did it! So, when I do start up again, I feel like I'll be starting from scratch. I'd rather not go through the "first time out" jitters again, but I wouldn't trade the rest of the experience for anything, and I'm looking forward to it.
Here's hoping the "second first time" is easier than the first!
most of all I gained self-confidence, it was a wonderful feeling, I hated to go home again, and after that frist time out with people around, I lost interest in just dressing around the house or just driveing around,now wen out I stop at as many places as I can, to chat and shop. and also love being called ma'm.
I live in Nashville as well but haven't built up the nerve to go out enfemme yet. Where did you go?
Pink
Pink Satin Sissy
I also noticed this in my SO. When we met she mostly dressed at home or attended a TG support group in a city two hours away, every two months or so. Then after we went shopping for the first time, within one year she was going out (by herself or with me) just about everywhere dressed in the mainstream ... shopping, galleries, cafes, restaurants, grocery stores, etc. And of course she has always been well accepted in GLBT clubs and events.
It did reach a point where social interaction while dressed became the focus, and simply dressing at home or attending CD support groups were not enough. This is a natural evolution IMO, since everyone including femme selves are multi-faceted individuals who need social contact and validation.
So be prepared for wanting to do increasingly more while dressed. You said your wife rejected the CDing. If you are no longer married obviously this is not an issue, but if you are married still, you and your wife will need to address your changing needs. IMO once you obtain more self-confidence, it will be easier to believe in who you are and be more assertive in letting your SO know that dressing is a fundamental need and not a "weird" hobby. But, again if you are still married, don't forget to balance being in guy/femme mode with your wife, unless of course you eventually discover you wish to be femme full-time, in which case your dynamics will change again.
Reine
A trans acquaintance of mine has come up with what she calls her "Transgender Principles.
http://transblog.grieve-smith.com/?p=5
Of note to this discussion is #8: Experimentation Changes You.
And it does, it does.
Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.
If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.
Once you go out enfemme, it certainly raises the bar from then on. I had the opportunity to go out enfemme on a number of occassions about 17 years ago, but since then have not been able to do it again. And I do so miss it. The initial rush was tremendous, but after that, I just became very comfortable being out in public as Jaclyn. Maybe someday I'll get to do it again. Right now, all I can do is hope and dream.
Your life will never be the same again...going out was terrifying at first, but once I realized that most people took me for a woman and those that didn't were not unkind (there are exceptions, of course, which is why it's so important to avoid unsafe situations) it's opened a wonderful world of new friends and adventures, I love being out and about as a woman!
Right on ,, perfect summary of my situation. due do limitations at home, i am doing little to no dressing at home. I have gone thru the freakout scared stage, and now am in the wow this is fun, what can i a do next stage. I feel the need to get out once a week plus more, what scares me is the need to do more. I know that balance with the SO is needed. great thread , thank youSo be prepared for wanting to do increasingly more while dressed. You said your wife rejected the CDing. If you are no longer married obviously this is not an issue, but if you are married still, you and your wife will need to address your changing needs. IMO once you obtain more self-confidence, it will be easier to believe in who you are and be more assertive in letting your SO know that dressing is a fundamental need and not a "weird" hobby. But, again if you are still married, don't forget to balance being in guy/femme mode with your wife, unless of course you eventually discover you wish to be femme full-time, in which case your dynamics will change again.
Ciao! Roberta
I don't really go out that often. I'm a work-aholic. As far as "validation" goes I never asked anybody for it. I am who I am. Take it or leave it! It doesn't matter to me.
My interactions with the people that I work with is mostly positive. People don't give me a hard time because they know I'm not going to put up with it. I'm there to do my job. I expect them to do theirs.
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
I have to agree with this one. Except to try on new clothes, I very rarely dress up around the house anymore just for the sake of dressing up. If I'm going to get all dolled up, I want to be seen out in public.
I've been going out in public for the last two years and a lot has changed. I've become a lot less shy and a lot more sociable. I mostly hang out with other T-girls or in social group, tho I'm just as comfortable going out by myself.
I have no problem going out to mainstream restaurants or malls in the daytime, where as two years ago, I would have been terrified of being seen outside at all.
I think I did lose a little bit of the "fetish" aspect of dressing, but I gained a whole lot more.
Caroline Emily
Co-Moderator
SISTERS FAMILY
Gardner Chapter
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sisters_of_gardner/
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Family is the most important thing in the World.
Once I was out in public and comfortable with it, there was no going back. Gone were the days when I'd enjoy getting all girly and sitting around the house feeling wonderful. Those days are gone forever for me. If I'm not going out, what's the point? Oh sure, I wear female attire around the house and yard but no makeup, wig etc.
Forever more, the only way to enjoy my other side is to be out and about in the real world.
All that having been said, I am long past the pink fog stage in my life and have learned to live in my world whichever it is and be comfortable... Gee, it only took 60 + years.
Kerry
[SIZE="3"] Sally you couldn't have said it better. No matter how good a person looks not having confidence will make you stand out in a crowd. I blend well, have the confidence to go anywhere and everywhere day or night, I might get read by a few, but I don't care. I have tried acting feminine in drab (my own blonde highlighted hair), no makeup, can get missed and maamed by the guys with no trouble, that builds the confidence.
As to Veronica loved the principals and did they ever hit home, each day we live changes us, the smallest thing can make a big inpact on our lives.
One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. His response was a question: “Where do you want to go?’ ‘I don’t know,’ answered Alice. ‘Then,’ said the cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.' "
- Lewis Carroll
We are many times like "Alice in Wonderland"
[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Life Begins When You Stop Worrying What Other People Think[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Walk TALL SMILE and be CONFIDENT all will be OK[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]It's Brave to be Different, Be Brave Too, Accept Me for Who I am ![/SIZE]
Have you read "Alice in Genderland" by Richard/Alice Novic M.D.?
Reine
For me it was like the cherry on top of the sundae. It was the goal I wanted to reach through my progression which may be similar to the other girls. Dressing up at home just wasn't enough after a while. I would get the courage to go out of my apartment building to the street and then walk around the block. Then into a convenience store to make a purchase. Then finally out to a bar or club. They were always gay bars or clubs. Felt more accepted, nobody harrassing you. Still haven't done other things enfemme that I want to: grocery shopping, salon, etc.
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