Once you go out in public

[Sherry-Stephanie]

and I mean really go out...interact with people be it a bar or other social gathering...how does that change you as far as CDing goes....

I went out finally last weekend to a club dressed and socialized with a few ppeople including ahnging out with one girl (Cder) a TG and two gg's who were lesbian and accepted me as one of the girls...as amatter of fact they all did. Plus several of the friends of the CDer also accepted me right up front as a girl...even got told to use the ladies bathroom by several there including staff....went in feeling weird and came out feeling like a girl...and I'm sure that's only the begining...it's going to get kicked up from there...

So at this point the CDing has now kciked up significantly....not scared to go out and looking for the next time I go out....which should be in a week. or two....

How did you feel if any difference the first time you went out and socialized...driving around at nite in a car doesn't count....it has to be out and presenting as a female....was there a significant change from that point on or not????

[Kathi Lake]

With more experience and more exposure (not that kind, silly! ), I gained more confidence. With more confidence, I gained acceptance from others as they just know that it is right for me to be dressed this way.

Kathi

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Kathi I think what blew me away is I was introduced to two girls who were lesbians by the cder I was with and shortly into the conversation with one of them she said to me after she learned this was my first nite out that "Your going to love being a girl"...that comment kind of really caught me off guard...coming from her....then I thought I guess that's acceptence by her so to her I am a girl...so be it...I'm a girl...and after that there was this real boost of confidence...

How long or how many times until you really felt you fitted in????

[Kathi Lake]

Plenty, actually. Whether in drab or in full regalia, I am usually accepted for who I am. That acceptance is cherished by me, as it's not always what we get, is it?

Kathi

[Shikyo]

I gained self-confidence. A lot of things changed in my life through that. I've also been living a lot happier and cheerful since then. All I regret is that I never did it earlier.

[Deedee Dupree]

Huge difference Steph, When it goes well it's the kind of validation that encourages one to do more. As L. Brewster once said to me when I started out, 'Don't get into too much trouble".
Dig?

[Sherry-Stephanie]

That's the word.."validation"...fits like a glove....

we present and others validate us to whether we are passed/accepted...and I had four or five people who accepted me as a girl that nite...I had been rejected by the wife and accpeted by others so now I've passed on....into a new world I guess...Stpehnaie is alive now...and what was really funny is after these acceptances going into the ladies room felt reall normal/right...like I belonged there...just freakin mind blowing....what a rush that was....

[linnea]

With more experience and more exposure (not that kind, silly! ), I gained more confidence. With more confidence, I gained acceptance from others as they just know that it is right for me to be dressed this way.

Kathi

I think that this generally describes my progress. Once I started to interact with people beyond a simple smile and head nod of greeting and got into conversations, my CDing became more relaxed and confident.

[Persephone]

"Your going to love being a girl!"

That's it, that's the whole enchilada!

I still love my clothes, my shoes, and my shopping, but most of all I enjoy being a woman -- sharing moments with my girlfriends, the polite behavior of men, and being called "Ma'm" all day. For me, that's where it's at.

And it sounds like that's where you're going. Enjoy the bar scene, but as you become more comfortable with your new wings, when "flying" becomes automatic, start thinking about the museums too!

Welcome to your world, girl!

[Diane Smith]

Before I first went out in public, I used to dress frequently around the house and thought I was quite satisfied. Now, I never dress up at all without the intention of going out and being seen. It just doesn't seem worth the effort if I'm the only one who knows about it.

- Diane

[Sally2005]

For me it was like reaching a major life goal (or getting the monkey off my back). It took years to finally get enough courage to step out the door and go all out and blend in and be accepted as a female. After doing it once or twice I felt like I proved something to myself. Ever since I have felt relief. From the experiences going out I learned to accept myself and I'm not as shy anymore. I learnt a little bit about how you are acting can be used to improve the mood of others. I really recommend it to all CDers... I just wish I had done it when years earlier.

[Fab Karen]

There's nothing like the fresh air of freedom.

[Intertwined]

WOW...

In all the times ive gone out, I really don't interact with anyone, maybe answer a question, or reply to a comment, thats about it.

I don't drink and can't dance, so clubs realy hold no intrest for me...

[tricia_uktv]

It gets better as well. Once you do it again and again as I do, you get known for being your femme self. It becomes part of you, you dress and make-up to it (I have started wearing a flower in my hair because people think it looks cute). And all the time, when away from home people call me Trish or Tricia. Its wonderful, its a whole new identity and a whole new me.

[Pamela75s]

I agree with everyone, and as Sally said it is a major step in life for myself as well. I look forward to stepping out the next chance I get. The feeling of being treated and excepted as a lady, and being able to express your self in the manor that you may feel is right, is a sensation that I will never beable to explain.
Pamela

[vivianann]

There's nothing like the fresh air of freedom.

Karen You can say that again,

I have been out and about for the last three yrs now, and in the beginning, WOW!! what an adreniline rush, and for the first year had many adreniline rushes, however the businesses I frequented most became a comfort zone, and as I expanded my horizons and went more places and activities, the adreniline rushes faded away, and now iust being enfemme now is my comfort zone, even though I do miss the ad. rushes I now enjoy the freedom to go anywhere I want to enfemme. Even though I go to new places I have never been before enfemme, I dont even think about it because I am so comfortable in the feminine role, like others have posted. It is a sense of belonging to me, and I prefer to be enfemme, when I am not working I am dressed as a woman most of the time. I do all my errends enfemme, I travel enfemme, I visit friends and family enfemme, I vacation enfemme.
the more you go out enfemme the more comfortable it becomes, and the sense of well being, and belonging envelopes you, and self confidence is so strong that eventually you will not think twice about going anywhere and any place enfemme. the peaple who know you will eventually call you by your female name, and accept you for who you are, and go to dinner with you.
I have gone to dances, car auctions, estate sales and auctions, walmart, k-mart, convenient stores, womens clothing stores, auto salvage yards, auto parts stores, amusement parks, visit shut ins, nursing homes, BBQ's, business meetings, charities, restaurants, swimming, movie theaters, plays, boat rides, museums, tours, fashion shows, looked at houses, and visit friends and family.
The bottom line is, the more you go out enfemme the more natural it will become to you, because you have mastered your fears, and enjoying your freedom to be who you really are.


p.s. Its a whole new world out there.

[flic]

Thinking back on it, after the first time i properly went out, nothing really drastically changed!!! I went to a pride event, and although i was in my uni town, so a looong way from home,,i pretty much walked straight into a boy from my school!! That put paranoia on my back for the rest of the day as i wasn't sure if he'd realised it was me. I guess that put me off for a little while! So i guess the first time didnt change much in my life,,,but the after that i got in the habit of going to regular pubs and clubs for a while. That built my confidence until i just felt like anyone out and about,,,and blending in was just the best feeling!!!
flic xxx

[pattyv]

With more experience and more exposure (not that kind, silly! ), I gained more confidence. With more confidence, I gained acceptance from others as they just know that it is right for me to be dressed this way.

Kathi

Kathi: I'm reasonably new here. I find your responses measured and thoughtful. Just like a real lady. Not soliciting any response.

Laura.

[DonnaT]

Can't say there was a significant change. Just a bit happier.

[Kate Simmons]

My first time out was to a Renaissance meeting. It felt completely natural.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

It must be well over 20 years ago now but the first time I went socialising (Stoke-on-Trent without an interpreter!!!) was easy as I'd been going out in daylight quite a bit by then. The worse thing was I was driving and beer looked really yummy

[sterling12]

Well for one thing, you learn to be more tolerant. Because you are experiencing tolerance from others, you tend to expect the same from yourself.

I think people who go out, will find that they don't spend a lot of time worrying about whether they are "straight" or not. We see a lot of that kind of "declaring" from Newbies.

I think that Gurl's who go out, learn a lot about other people who don't do things that we would call "the Norm." If nothing else you get an education about different lifestyles.

And, I think that your "level of satisfaction" changes. Being out, for most of us, has the effect of calming us. I think it's because we are now letting our femme-selves have some freedom. I think a lot of The Anxiety, a lot of the moodiness, comes from trying to suppress The Gurl-Self. For most, it's an immediate cessation of that "Missing something" Feeling.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Nicki B]

That acceptance is cherished by me, as it's not always what we get, is it?

But it is by far for the most part?

That's the word.."validation"...fits like a glove....

Precisely. They accept you for the person you want to be - so you can come to accept yourself..


And a big to everything Joanie said.

[sissystephanie]

Going out dressed doesn't change, or affect, me at all! I'm a crossdresser, its what I do!
Since I don't go out trying to "pass," I am not looking for validation! I do interact with anybody who wants to talk to me. I am a poor dancer and drink very little, so I don't often go to clubs. Have never been to a club that is CD, TG, or TS oriented! But I do go out eat a lot, and also sometimes go to a local bar to have a drink. Most of the time I am wearing a skirt, etc. I am accepted for what I am, a crossdresser! No big deal!

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Since I don't go out trying to "pass," I am not looking for validation!

I think that's exactly where "the validation" comes in....since we're not passing (or able to pass) people still accept us for just how we look as a female...so it's not that we've been able to fool anyone to thinking we are a female rather the are (those whom we meet and come into contact with) accepting us a female regardless of how we look and that is what is so wonderful....