Want to or have to?

[Deborah Jane]

Of late my transgenderness has been in growth mode. Going from strength to strength.

My feelings are becoming confusing regarding my future direction.

How do others feel about this?
Jan

That pretty much sums up how i've been feeling lately too Jan

Every time i reach a point where i feel i can accept who i am, it seems to start edging further, it feels like the "femme" side is trying to take over.
I've tried ignoring my feelings and not dressing, hoping that i can hold myself to the point i'd already reached, but then when i give in and dress again i feel the need to go further than i did before.
Now thoughts of transistioning or partial transistioning are starting to creep in, causing even more confusion to me.

I'm wondering now, where does this all end?

[noeleena]

Hi... Jan . are you on our T R forum . The ? for me is . i dont have any male clothes . just womans . because i am a woman . & i dont like male clothes . i never did so was glad now i dont ever have to wear them . as a women i have a choice as to what i wear . as a male yea right . i really did not have a choice being brought up as a male you were told & they were bought for you . i said many years ago to my mum if she did not buy them for me i would not . they could fall off my back . & jos was the same she knew . i hated buying male clothes . so it stoped 11 years ago .
womans clothes . i would just order them up on ezyby in n z both for Jos & i . . they all knew who i was . even the shop people knew . so that worked for me . still do . funny. that ..... thats over 15 years . no hidding now so its neat ....
...noeleena...

[Shari]

There's no have to about it.

If we didn't like it (love it) we wouldn't do it.

[Renee Demarea]

What could be better than having the best of both worlds. Its not just for the weekend, be very sure before saying goodbye this time.

[Barbara B]

I want to and when I can't I feel I have to!!

[Sammy777]

I think my question applies to both crossdressing and or transitioning.

Do we have to behave this way or do we want to?

For me, while there is a him and a her to the outside world there is no me or him in my head, nothing different, no switching, just varying degrees of me poking more n more holes in him, if that makes sense.

I think we both feel a need, but the difference btw CD and TS is:
CD'ers feel the need to dress like women and TS feel the need to dress as and act and be guy, to play that part, until we can just no longer do it.

Once we accept/come to terms with it, we are no longer dressing, but just being our true selfs. And that is when it starts to feel like we really are CD'ing, but as a guy, not as a girl because the girl has always been there and that is who we really are.

I'm being a bit general and may be using more of how I am feeling rather then the group as a whole, but I think you get the point.

[Phyliss]

Time was, I wanted to dress up, I mean I really really WANTED to dress. Life got in my way and I couldn't. Eventually I reached the point of not being able to hold it in any longer and I began underdressing at first, we all know where that leads. Bit by bit more clothes and more dressing until I had to come out or blow up from the internal stress.
It's no longer a "want to" or even a "have to" It's because I like doing what I do. I guess you'd probably class me as "have to" since that's just about all I own anymore anyway. I do have some guy clothes left that I haven't gotten rid of only because I'm too lazy. Put on a male shirt the other day and felt kinda odd about the "backward buttons"

I'm begining to wonder if my CDing isn't getting out of control and something inside is happening to me. I really didn't expect this to happen.

[erickka]

For me, I want to because I like feeling complete.

[TGMarla]

I remember I posed this same question several months ago. And the usual answers appeared there, too. Need to? Well, I wouldn't die if I couldn't crossdress. But I'd be very unhappy. I have a very strong urge to do so at most times. It's not a crippling desire, but it is very persistent and nagging at times, almost to the point of distraction. So I'll say that certainly it is a want with me, and it borders on a need. But mental needs are only for the sake of a feeling of well-being. They are creature comforts. A baby doesn't need his mother to hold him. He'll survive. But the damage done him by the neglect may well stay with him the rest of his life. That's (allegedly) what happened to the Unibomber, Ted Kazinski. So by this logic, if people like us weren't able to dress, we'd all wind up sociopathic maniacs. Better to let us dress, want or need aside!

[Joni Marie Cruz]

As the well known existentialist philosopher, Popeye the Sailor, was wont to say, "I yam what I yam." No, dear, that doesn't mean I'm a tuber that's oftentimes baked and served with butter and brown sugar. I need to express my femme side and I want to, as well. It's just being me, is all.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Angie G]

Jan I may have to do this but at the sametime I want to.It who I an and who I wish to be.And it being OK with my wife it's all the better.
Angie

[Fondew2004]

Those are incredible questions!!

I know that when dressed - and there is no pressure coming at me from "outside" - I feel normal.

But I also feel normal when the situation calls for me to be dressed as a guy.

But a full physical transition?? Speaking only for me...I don't think I could handle that.

But this is just one girl's opinion!

["Mary"]

I just want to.
As Lorileah said

....The clothes themselves don't change my thinking or how I view myself. In my mind I am always the same person,.....

Sidebar - I've often thought Tasha and Miranda look a lot alike. Both posted one after the other above. They could be cousins.

[Ms Mira]

I can go without dressing for a long period of time, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about it. The fact of the matter is that I am happier when dressing is in my life than when it's not... But there's a line too, where dressing too much excludes other important things from happening in my life.

However, I've come to grips with the fact that, for me to get the most out of life, crossdressing must be involved. I've mentally dealt with that, and now I'm going to try to find a way to integrate dressing into my life in a way that will make me as happy as possible.

I consider dressing a mid-hierarchical need. I won't die if I don't, but in a way, that's like saying I won't die if I don't have love in my life. It's key to my happiness, and despite all my qualms and who, whats, where's when's and why's about it, that is the most important fact about my dressing.

[StaceyJane]

I want to express my as a woman and to be honest I have to to stay sane.

I want to transition and become a woman but at this point I don't have to so I'm staying male. (for now)

[xAnne_Mariex]

Some days I want to dress other days I feel I have to, it's quite up and down at the moment and if I don't dress I miss it. A LOT.

I've been putting a lot of thought into going full time lately, I wouldn't want to transition or anything, but if I could, I would be Anne every day because I prefer how I look, the clothes I wear, the make up and every other little fem thing that goes with it to my normal everyday guy stuff.

[Ingrid1999]

Marla, what you wrote struck a chord. Neglect, really sets in with me when I dont dress or otherwise surpress myself inorder to fit in. Slowly I neglect nearly everything from my appearance to my interpersonal relationships. Once this spiral gets going it can be hard for me to break it and whenever I see a woman wearing somthing I like I get envyous and depressed. The only thing gets me right again is to clear away all the accumulated body hair mosturize and put on something pretty and reconnect with myself.

The pressures of working in a very traditional environment forces me to be that guy to the point I sometimes forget myself. So in a word -- yes -- I need to dress. Eventhough I can hold my breath for a long time I will suffocate if I dont get some air.

[Jan W]

Thank you Girls for some wonderful thought provoking replies.

It proves to me that I am not alone in my thoughts and desires and that there are many others just like me out there.

And to those with conflicting views I appreciate your input too.


Jan

[Sarah Doepner]

. . . That's (allegedly) what happened to the Unibomber, Ted Kazinski. So by this logic, if people like us weren't able to dress, we'd all wind up sociopathic maniacs. Better to let us dress, want or need aside!

Marla - You've hit on it. As responsible members of society we have an obligation to do this to avoid mass distruction, death and lots more ugly clothes! Even if it's a want in the beginning, we may soob be committed as a new agency within Homeland Security. Repeat after me; "I will uphold the Constitution and protect the right to dress as I desire so long as I don't break a nail, ruin my hose or have to wear workboots again."

[Rachel05]

I am sure now that I want to and in fact need to rather than have to and as I sit here now in my lovely feminine clothes reading the posts on this site, I feel completely at peace with myself, no guilt, no worries and it feels really, really nice and relaxing

[CindyLouWho]

My feminine side is me...

[SIZE="4"]I used to need to dress, but now every once in a while I like to hang my guy clothes on my body it doesn't change me[/SIZE]

[Sarah-RT]

Thats a tricky one.

I want to dress.
I dont need to, unless Im unable to.

I have a sports bag full of clothes and make up etc, i havent dressed in a couple of weeks but if that bag was gone Id want to.

[Jenniferpl]

I dress because that noise in my head will not go away. Jennifer is here to stay. Being a girl is too much fun to stop. Putting on a bra and panties clears my mind and lets me accomplish things. Otherwise that is all I seem to think about.

[Honeygirl]

Hi Jan
I am still on a journey with my CD'ing, but I think I can say of myself that I don't absolutely need to dress but now I have discovered myself as a gurl I would absolutely hate to never dress again. This also includes shaving legs, painting nails, wearing lingerie, I just can't think how I would feel if I had to live as a man 24/7 again. I dont want to transistion but love both sides of who I am and if I am honest I love being 'Honey' more than Mr 'Me' right now
because its such a treat to dress. being male is just so boring is so many ways.

Hugs
Honey

[Chrissie P]

I dress because I want to, but there is also a need there. I "need" to express the part of me that is womanly but I don't necessarily have to dress to express that. I can browse a woman's clothing catalog, listen to music that women like, shop for my next trip, etc. I reserve the dressing time for times when I can be on my own and undisturbed.