its becoming too much

[hellsangel]

At the moment im dressing pretty much 90% of the time, only time i dont wear something 'girly' is when im around my family, friends or SO.

Its driving me round the bend having to dress drab, so much so iv almost outed myself several times to my SO and friends, which beleive me right now is not a good idea.

im 90% sure i want to dress full time but the 10% is stopping big time. Im starting to get a nice figure, got longish natural hair which i can easily put in a pony tail, started using make up, but because of my friends, fam etc dont know about me i cant get rid of my body hair, which is causing me to stress majorly. i have jet black hair, and obviously if i got rid people would know straight away especially my SO as she loves my body hair.

Ohhhhh what to do?

Sorry for the rant girls but needed to get it off my chest.

[Fondew2004]

Here's a suggestion...and believe me when I say this....no one can stand in your shoes. It's your decision in the final analysis.

Do you have a friend, SO, or other that you are really really close to?? The "best bud"...possibly the SO??

If so....maybe approach them first....ask their opinion. If they're positive (almost guarantee they will be) then they can help you with coming out to others. This works particularly well if your "other" is a GG.

No one can put a guy in his place faster or more firmly than a GG (ok...other than us CDs that is!!)

Keep smiling Hon...it will work out!

[Ms Mira]

Why is it that you either have to dress full-time or not at all? Things would be easier to manage with a healthy medium.

It doesn't sound like stopping is an option if you're already dressing 90% of the time. And if you're dressing 90% of the time, then there's little to no chance of not being discovered eventually. Doesn't mean you have to come out to everybody, but maybe some of the more important people like your SO.

[Melissa Rose]

As mentioned, only you will know what is the best thing to do. Perhaps there are a few questions to which the answers may provide some clarity. Which is worse, being in drab 10% of the time, or having your SO, friends and family know and see you dressed? Which one gives you the most torment? Would the shorter-term pain of outing yourself be better or worse than the longer-term pain of not dressing 100% of the time?

While others can provide some insight, only you can find the answer that works for you. I wish you luck in your quest, sweetie.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Like most things in life that last 10% is 90% of the effort.

[hellsangel]

thanks for the advice. guess its one of those 'things' that time wil eventually heal

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...Sorry for the rant girls but needed to get it off my chest.

When I needed to get it off my chest, I SHAVED it off!

If you need to shave, then shave.

If you need to live your life in order to please everyone else at the expense of your own happiness, then continue living a life of constant frustration.

The choice is yours.

Not an easy choice, I know. It wasn't easy for me at first.

Are you afraid of the comments people might make to see your body clean-shaven?

What if you shaved your body tonight? What would people say tomorrow? You'd get some chuckles, no doubt. How much would that bother you? Would you be sweating?

Do you have enough confidence in yourself to tell them "Hey - I got tired of feeling like an itchy caveman. Why don't you try shaving - you're not some kind of wuss now, are you?"

You don't have to say that, but any old semi-smart ass, slightly humorous statement will do. If you get laughed at, laugh right back! Have a witty response ready.

Maybe you're just not ready. It took me some time myself to get comfortable being completely shaven around people. Only in my case, no one has noticed yet... or at least no one has commented about it. I was VERY hairy, though not black hair. I actually got picked on about my hairy arms and hands by the guys at work (playfully, not mean). When I shaved them - no one noticed a thing.

This is YOUR life to live, so LIVE IT!

I began shaving my legs before coming out to my wife. I wrote about how I pulled that off without raising any questions and remained in the closet: how I did it. You may try using a similar tactic. It's a time investment, but it worked for me.

Social taboo aspect ain't going away any time soon. If you need to remain in the closet (as I must to some extent), come up with ways to fend off comments and ALWAYS laugh with them should they laugh at you. If nothing bothers you (or if you make it appear that way), the laughter will not last long.

What?

What's that I hear?

Is that the sound of clippers?

[hellsangel]

Thanks for the advice Gabrielle

[dawnmarrie1961]

I wouldn't worry about the body hair,hellsangel, I'm sure even ZENA ,the warrior princess, had her share of hairy legs and armpit days. But she is still one hot looking babe with a sword!!!:devil

You said that you dress 90% of the time. I understand why. It is the last 10% that is the hardest of all!!

It is like having to put on a costume for everybody else just to interact with them for fear of being labeled an outcast if they saw who you really are!

The thing about costumes is that they are "fake".It isn't you!

I have a feeling that you are sick and tired of being a fake person and want to be "real" and honest with everyone.

That's causing you a lot of inner turmoil.

Time to step back and do some real thinking about what you really want.

A life of deception to yourself and others?
Or a life of honesty to yourself and others?

Without masks or costumes. Nothing to hide behind anymore!

Just who YOU really are. Take it or leave it!!

That's a choice that only YOU can make.
Choose wisely.
Be prepared to accept the outcome.