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Thread: Want to or have to?

  1. #1
    Fabulous and feminine Jan W's Avatar
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    Want to or have to?

    Dear Girls and Boys,

    Of late my transgenderness has been in growth mode. Going from strength to strength.

    My feelings are becoming confusing regarding my future direction.

    I think my question applies to both crossdressing and or transitioning.

    Most of us acknowledge our behaviour is not 'curable'.

    Do we have to behave this way or do we want to?

    I like my feminine self and do not want to give her up. (even if I could)

    How do others feel about this?


    Jan

  2. #2
    Silver Member trannie T's Avatar
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    I don't think I have much choice so don't worry about it. I dress because I have to and I am happiest when I am dressed.
    It takes a real man to wear a dress.

  3. #3
    Erica Ann
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    I'm just finding myself and I definitely want this!

  4. #4
    Member Pattie O's Avatar
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    I feel the same,I enjoy dressing when I can and feel unable to give up my femme self.It now feels like it there is no choice because i am just coming to accept that this is who I am and if I can get to that acceptance level I dont want to back pedal and become suppressed again.I've given up the idea of purging (at least) and that gives me better choices I think

    Pattie

  5. #5
    Senior Member StacyCD's Avatar
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    I have to breath to live but I don't have to dress to do so. Although I feel a certain need to express myself through my dressing, for me personally, since I am a heterosexual crossdresser with no intention of ever transitioning, I would still be able to live without crossdressing. I might be more difficult to live with but somehow I'd probably survive. I also hope that I never have to make a choice to give it up.

  6. #6
    Gold Member Miranda09's Avatar
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    I have discovered a very important part of my personality and there is NO WAY i'm giving her up. My male and female personas will just have to learn to get along with each other!!!!
    I do this because I want to, not because I have to. It can be a confusing issue and everyone must handle it in their own way. As for transitioning, not really interested in that as I like my male self way too much for that.

  7. #7
    Aussie girl Tasha McIntyre's Avatar
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    Hi Jan,

    I firmly believe that you can't help the way you feel, but you can control your voluntary actions (to a certain extent). I cannot stop the urge to CD any more than I can stop feeling hungry if I miss a meal, but I can stop the physical act of dressing....albeit to the extreme detriment of my mental health

    Just my

    Tash

  8. #8
    Silver Member Teri Jean's Avatar
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    Jan,
    It is really timely as I have been really struggling with what I want to do from here on and where and how far I want to take my femme side. I want to believe there is a crest to where I will finally realize this is it but not at this point. Transition or partially transition.
    I have to set up an appointment to see a therapst and get help with where I am going.

    Teri

  9. #9
    Member Samantha Girl's Avatar
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    I agree with 99% of what Miranda said I'd only disagree with the need thing. I don't know that I'll always do this, but at this time in my life, I NEED to do this!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] x o x o x o Samantha Girl!!! * remember girls, sexiness is a state of mind!!!

  10. #10
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    I wear what I want to. The clothes themselves don't change my thinking or how I view myself. In my mind I am always the same person, and amazingly it is not the person who looks back at me in the mirror. I hate that
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  11. #11
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    I don't really know

    I know I want to dress, but do I really need to? Probably not, but I can tell everyone this; When I don't get the chance to dress for longer periods of time I get cranky, short tempered and obsessive about things that normally wouldn't bother me. Why is that?

    I could live the rest of my life without ever dressing again, but I would be willing to guess that the quality of life would be lower and the stress involved would be higher, and the time available would be less because of that stress.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
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  12. #12
    TJ Tresa TJ Tresa's Avatar
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    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by Miranda09 View Post
    I have discovered a very important part of my personality and there is NO WAY i'm giving her up. My male and female personas will just have to learn to get along with each other!!!!
    I do this because I want to, not because I have to. It can be a confusing issue and everyone must handle it in their own way. As for transitioning, not really interested in that as I like my male self way too much for that.
    I agree, I do not want to transition nor give up my male working parts. I kinda like mr happy, little willie, or whatever you want to call it. However I wouldn't mind having a size 38c breasts.

  13. #13
    Karly in East County kayesimone's Avatar
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    i like what Tasha said...I am much happier when i take the time and action to be me...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  14. #14
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    How about a 'good news, bad news' presentation on this?

    From where I am:

    Bad News: I crossdress because I can't stop.

    Good News: I now have a balance in my life I never knew before.

    The fact is, even the people who don't know what my private 'hobby' is can see that I'm doing better (as a person) than they've ever seen me do before. I've had it described as "a beautiful blend, a balance of male and female energies...". This was in front of about 40 to 50 people, most of whom were strangers. It was rather a mixed moment, but well worth it.

  15. #15
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    I have to add to my response.

    This is not something I would willingly give up. If for some I reason I absolutely had to - okay - then once the balance of things were changed I'd be back, and a lot happier for it. I would not want to lose either personna, because I love having the choice.

  16. #16
    Silver Member
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    For me it is a matter of need and not want. I have this need to express my feminine side and this is a feeling that is always with me. I cannot stop dressing any more than I could not stop breathing and continue to be alive. Being a cd is not something that I chose to be but rather it chose me even before I was born. I would not want to stop being a cd even if I could. It is just the way that I am and there is no way that it is ever going to change.

  17. #17
    Coffee Drinker Aeva's Avatar
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    I can say with absolute certainty that I have no choice in the matter. But it's easier to do something that you have to do if you think you also want it. I guess thats where acceptance comes from; you come to realize fighting it will grind you down, but with an open mind, the alternative isn't all bad.

    But it's rightly all the same, have vs want. Sort of a glass half empty or half full But I can say if you feel trapped, you're your own warden.

  18. #18
    New Member PrincessTia's Avatar
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    I don't have to do this. I have kept it closeted, even from myself, for long periods, especially when my wife went through her freak out phase. I just put it away and tried not to think about it.

    I don't need this in order to live a decent life. But, I do need this if I am to be who I am. I'm blessed in that I have an ability to compartmentalize facets of myself. It can make things easier if needs be. But, it does, and will come out if kept bottled up for too long.

    Tia

  19. #19
    Member ginafaye's Avatar
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    i love to dress im glad i have a suportive wife ,but if it had to stop,i could it would be like losing a leg or any thing that was really important,sooner or later i would adjust to the loss..........

  20. #20
    Silver Member Lisa Golightly's Avatar
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    My feminine side is me... I'm just a Lisa.
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  21. #21
    Member Samantha Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa Golightly View Post
    My feminine side is me... I'm just a Lisa.

    Nice!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] x o x o x o Samantha Girl!!! * remember girls, sexiness is a state of mind!!!

  22. #22
    Nylon Addict Marcy_in_hose's Avatar
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    I dress because it makes me feel good when I do. I wear make-up because I feel pretty/sexy. I take care of my legs and feet because I love feeling pampered.

    All of those things don't define me, but they do give me a better harmony with women and with the world. My GG friends all think I am so in touch with things that a normal guy wouldn't even contemplate! I like that about me. If I did stop dressing and wearing make-up, I would still be the same person because I was already in touch with my femme self way before I even realized I was a C/D.

    So if you want to stop for whatever reason, that's fine. Just remember you can hide everything from everybody, but you can NEVER hide who you are from yourself...

  23. #23
    Samantha K Samantha Kelsey's Avatar
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    I dress because I want to but then again.........
    Samantha K
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  24. #24
    I hate pants Gabrielle Hermosa's Avatar
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    When people can be "cured" of being artistic or left-handed, THEN they might also be "cured" of being cd/tg.

    As for me, I love being this way. I don't particularly enjoy how society and people in general treat people like us, but I love who I am and I love having the gift of femininity and being able to transform into Gabrielle.

    This is simply who I am.

    In terms of have to or want to, as far as I know, most people have a very real need to be themselves. For everyone who is not cd/tg, being themselves isn't usually much of a problem. In other words, society allows most people to be themselves without giving them a hard time about it.

    For people like us, being ourselves is very tricky because of the social taboo involved. Many of us try to keep it bottled up and try to rid ourselves of ourselves (of our feminine side) in an attempt to be what society has taught us is "normal". Growing up being taught that we are not "normal" ends up causing a lot of confusion in many of us. I spent most of my life confused by it as well.

    I personally believe that MOST of the confusion many of us experience is caused by society's negative view of who we are. We all want to fit in, and being ourselves is in conflict with being able to fit in with the "norm", hence inner-conflict between wanting to be like everyone else AND wanting to be ourselves.

    Remove the social stigma from being cd/tg, and this whole reoccurring theme of questioning "choice or need" would probably never be asked again. No one ever poses the question "Do you think we choose to be left-handed, or is it just something we need?" Why would anyone question something that is considered to be "normal" like that?

    Again, we all have a real need to be ourselves (cd or non). Many of us choose to do just that. Many will also choose to try and conform to society's cruel and idiotic "gender rules", and experience the confusion and turmoil associated in trying to live life as a lie and not being the person we were born to be.
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  25. #25
    Senior Member dawnmarrie1961's Avatar
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    The enviable question of choice ,again, rears it's ugly head.
    Is this ,in fact, conscious choice or not?
    A complicated question. With even more complicated answers.

    Some like to think that the desire is hard wired. A genetic predisposition . But a predisposition doesn't make a behavior enviable and uncontrollable . It is merely another variable that when added to other existing variables of the human condition creates the desired ,or undesired, behavior.

    Case in point. An individual is born with the genetic marker that predispose to a certain type of cancer. Does this mean that cancer is enviable? No. The genetic marker is a high variable but when acted upon by other variables (such as lifestyle ,environment and countless others) can be kept in a continued "off" state for the entire life expectancy. And even if an "on" state happens, which sometimes does, by changing certain variables it can be turned "off" again.

    Variables are numerous and interact with each other in different manners.A high variable when acted upon by an equal number of lower variables tend to cancel each other out.
    The mathematics are all around us. Complex equations which , when calculated, are the sum of who we are.

    Everybody's mathematics are ,similar , yet produce totally different sums.

    Conscious choice is considered to be an extremely high variable. But it is often trumped by unconscious desire thus producing, when acted upon by other variables,a vast array of behaviors.

    So to answer the question at hand: Is the desire to CD a choice or not? Given the complex mathematics involved, I would have to answer the question with a resounding : "I have absolutely no @&#*ing idea!!!!!"

    This whole thing is giving me a head ache!

    I'm going to have to ask my, 24 yr old ,daughter to do the math for me. She's the one with the PHD in mathematics. She's a professor of mathematics at a college, where she teaches.

    I think she will find this to be a very interesting project to work on. She might even be able to publish a few papers on it!
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 07-14-2009 at 05:41 AM. Reason: merged - please use the edit button
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