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Thread: For Those of you who have gone through a divorce because of dressing

  1. #1
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    For Those of you who have gone through a divorce because of dressing

    Can you share your experiences with me....

    Mine might be a bit more complicated than most but I need some guidence....and quickly....

    message me and I'll give you my e-mail and telephone number there...

    Thanks
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

  2. #2
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    She never "dimned" me out. She probally won't!

    If she does? it will probsbly be over alimonty, etc,

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    She already did that three times so far....and I'm giving her everything...
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

  4. #4
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    If you haven't already, get yourself a good lawyer!
    Although my CDing wasn't the only reason that we got divorced it did play a role. I assume that my ex-wife told her attorney but I never told mine and he never asked about the reasons; only that we had "irreconcilable differences". She said that she would not tell others but she did tell our daughters and husbands when telling them we were divorcing. Much to her dismay, they were more upset about the divorce and surrounding circumstances than they were about my being a CD.
    Good luck!
    Hugs, Carole

  5. #5
    Silver Member Jodi's Avatar
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    Sherry, I covered a lot in my post on your other thread. As was said above, get a good lawyer--NOW. Don't wait. Be honest with your lawyer about your being a cd. I was with mine. He thanked me and said it would not be a factor. You don't want your lawyer to be blindsided. He/she is working for you and must be informed.

    The big problem is not the divorce, but is the property settlement. As I said in my other post, you can lose your shirt. I have friends that ended up one step above the gutter. The ex-wife got almost everything.

    I can safely tell you that the two years of going through my divorce was some of the most stressful time I have had in my life. I had TMJ syndrome, I had high BP for the only time in my life. I wasn't sleeping. In simple terms, I was a mess.

    I lost a lot of money and property. I am still paying and will pay for the rest of her life--$40,000/year. That is up and above the high six figures in property and money that she got in the settlement. I was lucky. I survived and can still get by rather well.

    For over 25 years, I worked three jobs to give us a comfortable living. She worked part time when she felt like it. We both had equal time on raising our child, so she was not a total stay at home mom.

    At no time was my cd'ing brought up. It was all about the money.

    With all this, the law is with the wife, and she came out smelling like a rose.

    Be prepared for a knock down drag out fight once the lawyers get involved. Be prepared for more stress than you have ever had in your life. Be prepared to have a comedown in your lifestyle. Be prepared to pay your lawyer enough so he/she can buy a new C class Benz and pay cash for it.

    I am not being bitter, but stating my opinions from my experience. You asked, I have replied.

    Good luck.

    Jodi

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    We have little for now....

    The house which she can have....

    We have no savings literally broke and I'm losing my job at the end of the month....we are in bankruptcy and have been for 4+ years....

    The bottom line here is I'm thinking that I am at the end of the rope and see no hope for the future....I'm 61 and have two life threatning incurable illnesses....

    My previous divorce was the big one with the money...several houses large stock porfolio etc.....


    The only thing I have to lose now is the will to live and I think that's gone as well....that's what I was looking for....how do you keep on going when there is no desire to continue on....

    I am broke and broken....and am tired now and I don't want to go on....

    What else can I say.....
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

  7. #7
    I yam what I yam,
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    Exclamation Divorce...often is

    Rape for one or the other. Mine happened nearly 30 years ago. No Fault filing. Non-reconcilable differences. Here's how it went. I sat down w/her attorney. We listed all owned community property and assigned a value. I took what I wanted. She took what she wanted and lacking the funds to pay me for my share of the equity in the house, I accepted a lien with a note. She defaulted on the note. I still hold the lien on 8.5% APR. When I take the final trip, my 4 kids get that. I don't need the money and am not inclined to put her on the street by foreclosing on the house. My children all know all the details of this. No mention of CD came up, but she has 3 sisters. I was an only child and those 3 were very dear to me replacing sisters I never had...she told them I'd turned queer while justifying her self to me by saying "all you want me for is sex"... slight inconsistency there... She tried to object to the settlement arrangement I worked out with her attorney. He squelched her by telling her I was being more than fair under the law in Texas at the time. It was all done in the law office. I was out of state when the court date came up. I didn't have to appear. All these years later, I have a wonderful relationship with all 4 kids and 12 grand kids. She has almost totally alienated all of them with her narcissistic behavior. Time marches on. All divorces don't turn out badly. Mine was a wonderful gift from the X to me... she set me free.

  8. #8
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    Hi Sherry, I to am one that fought back an WON. She tried to bring up the dressing but my lawyer told her not to go there. She got caught by the " You gave me a STD. " OPP'S she for got that I got tested every 6 month, had kidney cancer in 84. So I went an got a blood test again, AW GEE I was negative . Get a good lawyer women if you can tell her everything. I am now living in Flordia with a women that love's me dressed we are the same size in cloth's an shoes. Life will get better. JO

  9. #9
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    I jsut don't see it happening....

    I don't have enough money to get to work for the enxt two days let along for the next two weeks until I get paid....

    It's that bad....
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

  10. #10
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Sherry, I too am going through a divorce, but not about CDing. Most people want to blame someone else for their mistakes, so my advise is not to buy into the notion its all your fault, because you CD. I contend CDing is not enough reason for a divorce, so don't blame yourself. I'm sure many other reasons were in place in your marriage to cause a break up, so don't burden yourself with being the sole cause of the split.
    Send me a pm and I'll mail you some money to help with gas. You need help now and seek out a court appointed attorney if you can't hire one.

  11. #11
    Senior Member dawnmarrie1961's Avatar
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    I'm still in the process of getting a divorce. It wasn't so much the cross dressing that killed our marriage it was the enviable progression of transition that did it. She thought she could handle it, even the change in our sex life, but the more my body changed the farther she drifted away.The "fantasy" of it she found to be enjoyable but the reality of it all was to much for her to handle.

    When two people become so similar even love can't hold them together. I still love her but I realize that we can't be together anymore. It was the result of the choices that I made. I have to live with them. Even without her.
    CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.

  12. #12
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Sherry, I got a PM from someone who cares. Please don't do anything drastic. It may seem hopeless right now, but it will get better. You are loved by many people and you will not find yourself destitute or alone. Please have faith, and talk to someone before doing anything.

    First read this:

    http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/


    And then call:

    http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/tenn...-hotlines.html

    http://suicidehotlines.com/

    http://www.suicide.org/support-group...rt-groups.html

    Please.

    Reine

  13. #13
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    sherry please don't do anything rash . please trust me i have been where you are. if you have no money no gas for work take a few sick days or stress days. send me a pm call me but don't do anything to hurt yourself. we love you sis we need you..
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  14. #14
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    Ups & Downs

    Sherry
    I am so sorry to hear about this I have been reading
    your posts all along it seemed like you where flying so high
    and now you sound like you are about to crash and burn.
    I sure hope you can pull out of this downward spiral
    befofe it's too late.
    Our thoughts are with you.
    .................................................. ...thanks..................ORCHID

  15. #15
    Senior Member dawnmarrie1961's Avatar
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    Sherry , don't let the perceived darkness overwhelm you! You are better than that! You are a strong and beautiful person!

    All the possessions are just "stuff". The world is filled with it. In the whole grand scheme of things "stuff " is worthless. Let her have the "stuff" if she wants it. You don't need it.

    So what if you are 60 yrs old! Don't use that as an excuse for giving up! People are living well past the century mark anymore.What ever you health problems are I don't know. But I do know that the mind is the most powerful medicine. Use it and the body will respond in kind.

    In computer terms. Boot strap yourself!
    Reboot and reload! Discard your old operating system for a new and better one. You may consider yourself an old IBM 386 but think about this: most of our most modern and fastest computer systems contain X86 based processors!

    Nothing is ever as grim as it seems.
    CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.

  16. #16
    Senior Member JaytoJillian's Avatar
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    Sherry, hang in there. It may be hard to see right now, but your life is a gift, no matter how hard times get. Don't let anyone take that gifr away from you. My wife has given me hell on a recurring cycle for years (long before I came out to her). Now, it's just a different kind of hell. I applaud you for having the balls to go through with a divorce.

    Cheers,


    Jill

  17. #17
    Junior Member DianneW's Avatar
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    Dear Sherry, never been divorced but have been widowed once.Talk about a loss, you could have sailed a battleship thru my heart & never touched the sides.
    Things happen for a reason, what that reason is right now may be unclear but to think that there is no point in going on with life is the wrong way to think. After my wife died, I to felt the same way, got my guns out kept one on my headboard & the other in the kitchen & stared at them constantly, it would have been so easy but life goes on & I went on with it & am glad I did. I'm remarried & happy. The difference between divorce & death is when your spouse dies, there are so many things you wished you could have said & done, divorce however always leaves the line of communication open in the hope of re-becomming friends.
    Just remember this, the Hebrew people developed a saying after years of persecution," THEY CAN TAKE MY POSSESSIONS BUT THE CAN'T TAKE MY MIND". At 61 I'm sure there are a lot of miles left in you, your new life is just beginning, so let this pass & go out & have some fun.
    just north of crook county,in the land of Lincoln(if he could see it now)

  18. #18
    Silver Member AKAMichelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sherry-Stephanie View Post
    We have little for now....

    The house which she can have....

    We have no savings literally broke and I'm losing my job at the end of the month....we are in bankruptcy and have been for 4+ years....

    The bottom line here is I'm thinking that I am at the end of the rope and see no hope for the future....I'm 61 and have two life threatning incurable illnesses....

    My previous divorce was the big one with the money...several houses large stock porfolio etc.....


    The only thing I have to lose now is the will to live and I think that's gone as well....that's what I was looking for....how do you keep on going when there is no desire to continue on....

    I am broke and broken....and am tired now and I don't want to go on....

    What else can I say.....
    3 years ago this month I had partners caught stealing millions of dollars from their clients. I was a casualty of that theft in that I lost the income which I was making. A week later another deal that I was working on fell apart. In a span of 2 weeks I lost everything that I had. I comtemplated suicide more than once during the last 3 years. I went through every dime that I had and possibly ever will have. But I didn't quit.

    Your situation can change on a dime. It won't be easy, but only you can help yourself. You have to decide what type of person you are. Are you going to let someone else decide your fate or are you going to do something about your situation? Take the first step to get some help. Don't worry about the marriage. Fix yourself first, then you can work on the other parts of your life.
    Michelle

  19. #19
    Senior Member JulieP's Avatar
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    right now i'm in the separated stage. i was thrown out with my clothes and a paycheck, she kept everything else. then i found out that she wasn't makeing my truck payment (she handled the bills) and my truck got repoed 3 weeks later. so i had to sell some of my tools just so that i could get a place to live. my boss sold me a car, a real piece of crap, and because i wasn't as reliable as i was i got laid off. so now i try to borrow my parents car as often as i can to try to find a job and then hopefully make my rent which is due very soon and then maybe save up enough to find a beater car that runs. while she drives her truck (she's looking to buy a new car soon) and lives in the house with her lcd tv and brand new surround sound brand new dinning room set and living room furniture. but hey at least i got to keep my computer and she let me use the air mattress until i can afford a bed (she's actually been asking for the air bed back.), so yea i'm looking for a divorce lawyer so that maybe i can try to get some kind of dignity back. she thinks that i don't pay attention when it comes to finances but i did. i'm on the title and one of the 2 loans. i will offer her 2 options, she can pay me off for $20,000 or sell the house and i get half and i will want some of the interior things divided as well. i will also ask for allimony (i am elligible by virginia law). i don't think she realizes how much of a b**ch this girl can be when i get cornered.
    My best friend gave me the best advice
    He said each day's a gift and not a given right
    Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
    And try to take the path less traveled by
    That first step you take is the longest stride

  20. #20
    Girl Inside Jeanna's Avatar
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    Been there done that

    Sherry,
    I fell for you,I really do.Trust me when I say it will all work out. It always does.I have lost everything twicw do to mariages falling apart. I picked myself up and moved on. You'll start to breath again when you have your own place and your own life.
    Life is greener for you and a good future awaits. Be selfish,take care of yourself and it will fall into place.
    Good luck and take care

  21. #21
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    I've read each and every post and every word contained therein....

    Thank you all....from the bottom of my heart...I wsh I could bring you all together and we could share a big hug and a drink....

    It's really really difficult at the moment....not for one reason or another...but for several and collectively that's what is making the burden so hard to deal with....

    Honestly, it's moment by moment rather than hour by hour or day by day...I'm just trying to hold on right now and survive....and if I can do that then I want to try and get to Florida....and once I get there I can go down to the Gulf...stand at the shore and reflect back in time to what was and to look forward to what will be....and then move on....

    I know I'll need to surround myself with new friends and all and get ready for new experiences....I also know that through this process there will be times that I will miss the wife and times that I'll grieve as well...anger I'm sure willl come in as well....


    Yesterday she still mentioned mentioned in a passing way about being communicative with me...and yes she and I will have to be somewhat "communicative"....because I will have medicine up her that I get sent down to me there until I can get a job and hopefully have my meds....

    But she said what if something happens and I need to get in touch with you and I said you just use my e-mail address I have now ...I'll leave that active and check it once a week or so....actually I'll probably leave it active check and not respond unless it suits my purpose...not hers...

    I'm supposing as well that the day will come that I might receive a call from her and she'll ask if we can try and work it out again....and start anew...and as much as i would like to go back and have things fixed....I'm not that stupid in realizing that in this case it's so freaking broken that there is no earthly way to fix this whole thing....and make it like it was.....so as sad as that makes me it also makes me realize that I must seek new experiences and new people and new joys and that there is a purpose above me as to why this is all happening like it is now....I highly suspect that it's not coincidently taking place..there is a reaso that He wants to start me all over again in a new place alone....

    So He I hope will give me the strength to get through all of this grief sorrow and pain....

    Freedom can be a wonderful thing....and I hope Florida itself will give me the breath of fresh air that I seek.....
    Last edited by Tamara Croft; 07-22-2009 at 10:32 PM. Reason: no need for that!
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

  22. #22
    Silver Member JoAnne Wheeler's Avatar
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    SHERRY - How are things TODAY ? We all love and care about you. Have faith that things WILL get better ! From what you have said, you can't see that now, but have FAITH, it will get better.

    Your sisters are all here to help you - to share in your hurts - to lend a shoulder to cry on - many have offered financial help - and many more will if necessary.

    Just remember, "Big Girls don't cry, Sherry Babey, they don't Cry" - but if you really need too, then call on all of us - we'll be there

    JoAnne Wheeler
    "I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

  23. #23
    Girl underconstruction Paulette's Avatar
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    Sounds like you have the ability to pull up your big girl panties and move forward. The past is just that past and nothing you do can change it so move forward the world is full of new adventures and opportunities.

  24. #24
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    breathless

    I was so glad to read your last post and see that you have a plan. Doesn't matter what the plan is as much as just having one. As much as I believe in the idea "wherever you go, there you are", there are some extraordinary times in our life when a physical move can take us somewhere new inside.

    I have been where you are and the only advice I can give is like Tom Hanks in 'Castaway', "I just had to tell myself, to just keep breathing". What I think was meant is that when things are at their worst, survival is minute to minute. How am I going to make it through the next minute- just... keep.... breathing. When things were at their worst for me, out of somewhere came the words "you can do this" (inspired huh?). Every moment that the despair would feel overwhelming, I would just say this to myself over and over till it would push the negative thoughts out. In the beginning, this mantra (if you want to call it something) was almost constant and for me meant something like "you can do this, you can get through the next 60 seconds, just keep breathing, slow your heart rate, you don't need to hold so tight to these thoughts, let them go for 5 seconds, your ok, nothing is happening at THIS moment". In time I needed to do it less and less and these days, just for fun, I can replace it with something like, "something good is going to happen to me".

    I get that crap is coming at you faster than you can deal with it. This may continue for a little while. The only way I could find to function in that environment was to be ruthless. By this I mean that I had to throw out everything that was not absolutely essential for my survival. That meant a lot of stuff went in the dumpster ie. pack lite. A lot of "friends" went in there too because they couldn't help me, and I had absolutely no energy for them. These physical things will help, a lot, but ultimately it's the things we carry around in our head that are the heaviest. We can talk about this more if you like, but things like regret, fear, loathing, on and on are things you can learn to throw in the dumpster too. They are your own inventions and tell you precisely nothing about who you really are- who you were designed to be.

    If you decide to continue this journey of you, just remember that it has nothing to do with your wife your job your stuff your health status or that ninth inning strikeout when you were 12. There is a you under that ten tons of shit. Go find her. That's the journey, that's the reason to get up in the morning. There is something extraordinary in you I can tell. When you you get to that beach and look out on that water, look for me because I might just be sailing by. Just..... keep.... breathing..... who knows what the tide will bring.

    Kimberly

  25. #25
    Faith's Girl Kimberly Marie Kelly's Avatar
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    Smile Been thru a divorce...

    Went thru a divorce that started about 10+ years ago, it was very contentious, I agreed to 50/50 split, she wanted it all, house, Alimony, Child support, pension and IRA accounts. You need a lawyer fast and don't be surprised if your ex keeps bringing surprise's thru out the separation and divorce process.

    I was crying almost every two weeks for years because she and her lawyer kept bringing new demands and accusations against me. But with your lawyer and friends supporting you you will get thru it. Don't be proud or ashamed of asking for help from friends, public assistance, food banks, and churches. They are there for exactly these times. Also remember by federal law hospitals must treat you for any health problem regardless of your ability to pay.

    Wish you strength in this life struggle but you will perservere. many of us have gone thru this journey and come out the other side. I'm almost 53 now and won't go thru a marriage or divorce again, once is enough. I have two beautiful and supportive kids, if you have kids or loved ones, stay alive and show your ex what your made of..
    Kimberly
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    With Love,
    Kimberly


    "Count it pure joy when the world comes crashin
    hold your head up and keep on dancin" MercyMe

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