Is my situation unique?

[Michelle123]

I have been living with an accepting women for 10 yrs. now, and although I am able to dress when i please, I find that I really dont do it as much as I would like to. The reason for this is because she relates my dressing with wanting to be intimate all the time, and that is just not the case with me. Sure I do feel great excitement when i am dressed at home, but a lot of the time I just want to be dressed, and go about my normal day, (relaxing, reading, watching tv, doing household chores, etc.). I have tried to explain to her that my need to dress goes beyond the sexual gratification, and that I just feel more like myself in womens things. This aspect of my dressing she is having a problem with. She has asked me if I think I should have been born female, and I have told her truthfully that I do feel that way. (I feel I am probably classified more as TG than CD). Although I am straight, it confuses her to no end. I have guided her to sites that try to explain this to SO's better than I seem to be able to do.
This is another reason I am so happy that I can finally be myself when I visit my mother. (see my earlier post, "coming out to mother"), The sexual aspect is not there to get in the way. I can just be myself around my mother, and I feel so percetly comfortable with her.
I just wonder if others here experience anything similar to this with their SO's? I look forward to your replies....MIchelle

[Kimmy55]

My wife used to take the dressing as a prelude to sex also.Which was fine because I do get aroused by dressing.She didnt understand that there are times you dress,just to dress.She asked me if I was female and I told her yes.She asked me if I had ever been with men and she got the same answer.Being honest pretty much cost me and her 30 yrs of marriage.Not all CD'ers have tolerant SO's

[dawnmarrie1961]

MIchelle, it sounds like she wants the "fantasy" and you want the "reality". That's another slippery slope because, some people may disagree, you can't have it both ways! Reality always trumps the fantasy.

She may love the fantasy now but as soon as she realizes the reality the fantasy is going to disappear and she's going to have to make a choice. Either except the reality of who you are. Or move on.

And you need to decide too.

Are you OK with being just a fantasy or do you want to be real.

If your choice is reality then you better have a heart to heart with her now before things get out of hand and somebody gets hurt.

Either way the choice is ultimately yours.

[Michelle123]

Dawn, perhaps you are right, that is, if I want things to change. But as I said, we have been together for 10 yrs. now, and I suppose I have become rather complacent in this situation, (just getting used to the way she thinks, and making my adjustments according to that).
When I lived alone, I became so used to being dressed most all the time, without ever giving it much thought. It just became routine, Now, as I have said, I feel that my comfort zone isnt there anymore.
But yes. you are right. Time for a talk isnt it?

[mklinden2010]

What are you going to say?

"Not now... I have a head ache."?

My SO made an interesting comment the other day...

Something along the lines of, "Well, I thought what you wanted to do was a bit unusual, but since it seemed important to you, I went along with it."

It was a "no big deal" comment about a "no big deal" thing, but I thought it summed up pretty nicely why we get along so well: We're not trying to micro-manage each other, and, we listen to each other. With ten years into your relationship, and counting, perhaps you can re-direct rather than direct?

Sure, bring it up. But, say, "Ummm, I'm kinda in the middle of something else right now. I've just got some things on my mind... How about this evening?" And see how it goes...

My guess is that she'll pick up on your interest in being left alone for a bit - and she'll check back with you later.

Nice deal you have there, by the way.

Everyone should be taking notes!

[Michelle123]

Thanks Mary. Yes I do suppose I am in a much better position than many cd's out there, so Not sure I should complain...lol..
But I am still not in the "perfect world". And I doubt I ever will be. But I am content. Just a few little tweaks here and there would make things even better though....

[tricia_uktv]

My guess is that you want to get out more, and not from your relationship. So be careful