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Thread: How to be the CD that women are attracted to.

  1. #1
    Senior Member Bev06 GG's Avatar
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    How to be the CD that women are attracted to.

    Hi ladies,
    There has always been a common thread running through a good majority of the posts on here and its that of the desire of most CDs to be Accepted and respected for who they are. Be it in society in general or with family, friends, spouses or intended spouse.

    One of the things that I have continually encouraged you all to do is to be positive about who you are and hold your head up with pride, rather than down with a miriad of excuses of why you like to CD.

    I got to thinking about why some CDs are more attractive than others and why some get acceptance and some dont seem to quite hit the mark, and I came to the conclusion that its all to do with STRENGTH of CHARACTER, SELF RESPECT, SELF IMAGE and CONFIDENCE

    When you think about it the type of people that we are naturally attracted to are people who have self belief and dont seem to be too concerned about other peoples opinions because they respect themselves and dont have a problem with what they like to do. We are attracted to natural leaders which in a good majority of cases from a womans view point is a man who makes them feel safe and eliminates uncertainty from their lives. We all want a spouse that we can respect and look to for support, encouragement direction and guidance.

    So where does that leave the man who is more in touch with his feminine side and needs to express it through his dressing but wants a GG partner. Well I'd have to admit that its more difficult for a CD to appeal to a woman who wants her spouse to be masculine through and through. So hey avoid them, if you want a certian type of a woman for a partner dont lower your standards, thats not respecting yourself. Go after the type of woman you want instead of settling for what you can easily get. Take heart, not all women see femininity in their partner as a Weakness. That is probably the key word here. How many of you display signs of Weakness and frailty and make excuses for what you do, how many of you think of it as some kind of affliction that needs to be pitied and understood by everyone, how many of you are ashamed of what you do and how many of you think society owes you respect and acceptance. You maybe dont realise your doing it but this kind of attitude affects your body language and doesn't fill others with confidence when their around you because they pick up on your negative vibes.

    There is one CD in particular on here who stands out for me. He does believe in himself, He does have fun with it, he can laugh at himself, he doesn't make excuses, he doesn't take himself too seriously but he respects who he is and he certainly doesn't worry too much about other peoples opinion. Sometimes he tends to come over as a tad arrogant but in a funny kind of a way that is part of the attraction of his character. His wife isn't wholeheartedly with him on it, but hey theyre still together and in love and he doesn't appear to let it come between them, infact quite the contrary they make time for each other to do family things aside of his CDing. He continually tells us funny stories and he makes us all laugh with his one liners.
    Now for me, and I'm sure other females would agree, he is an attractive, intrigueing and interesting individual. If i were to bump into him in a club whilst he was dressed I'd immediately be interested in this guy. His confidence and self belief would immediately get my attention and I'd be impressed with his Strength of character . Ok so he's extrovert, what about those of you who aren't. Well self belief doesn't have to be loud and in your face, it can be much more subtle. Introvert people succeed in other areas of their life provided they have belief in themselves,they just go about it in a different way and maybe have to be a tad more creative.
    So hey how about giving it a try. Stop making lame excuses and viewing your CDing as some kind of mental disability. It isn't your just wired slightly different which actually makes you quite unique.
    Take care
    Bev

  2. #2
    Old Man in a Suit skirtsuit's Avatar
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    Stop making lame excuses and viewing your CDing as some kind of mental disability
    I've only finally come to that conclusion this past week. Instead of hiding alone in the house, I've started to meet other CDs because I realized that Cding is something that makes me special, not a freak.

    I don't want to repeat the description, but the day I had yesterday giving out womens clothes from home was a great lesson is what you're talking about. When asked about where all the nice clothing came from, I looked the person in eye and told them I'm a clothing-obsessed CD, trying to thin the closets alittle. I agree, I think people respond positively to confidence.

    All the best,

    Skirt Suit

    PS - Bev, Thank you!
    Last edited by skirtsuit; 07-27-2009 at 05:05 PM. Reason: added PS, Bev must be cool

  3. #3
    Gender Variant Badger PaulaJaneThomas's Avatar
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    I'm the only cross-dressing Badger in the village. Does that make me special?
    Best Wishes

    Paula

    Warning: This product may contain Badger
    Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed Badger.

    "Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?"
    - Tony Hancock

  4. #4
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    Hi Bev,

    Great post. I think that key to attacting people (all people) is confidence.

    I'm sure all of us have seen some guy that has a beautiful wife. You wonder how he got her. I wouldn't rule out money. That could be the reason. But I would tend to believe that the reason is self confidence.

    I'm personally attracted to people that carry themselves well. You don't have to be the prettiest girl on here. You just have to believe in yourself.

    I have a really good friend that is a CD and she is one of the most incredible people you would ever meet, she would be a catch for anyone but she is totally lacking self confidence. She has a really hard time attracting people because she always keeps her head down, sits in the corner and doesn't make an effort to approach other people. She is basically waiting for someone to knock her over the head and drag her to their cave.

    I also have a really good friend (that isn't nearly as physicaly attractive as my other friend) that has to beat people off with a stick. She is upbeat, talkative, out going and exudes confidence. She'll be the first one to go out to the dance floor, starts conversations with anyone about anything and when she walks in the room she "owns it".

    I always say, "if you don't have it, fake it". Well that sounds kinda silly but if you don't have confidence then pretend you do. Once you find out that it works then you'll have it and will not have to fake it.

    I guess you have to develop and little bit of the "who cares what anyone thinks" attitude. I used to really want everyone to like me (I still do). But I've come to realize that not everyone will like you, no matter what you do. Some my really dislike you. But really what difference does it make? You'll find plenty of friends and attact that special someone.

    So girls, go out there and "own it". You'll find that people will be attracted to you if you exude a high level of confidence in yourself.

    Kisses,

    Allie

    P.S. Oh yeah, you need to learn to love yourself before others will love you.
    Last edited by AllieSummers; 07-27-2009 at 05:19 PM.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Bev06 GG's Avatar
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    LOl yes very special and quite unique, a cause for celebration I'd say.
    Bev

  6. #6
    Kirra Scythe crusadergirl's Avatar
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    Very good i like how u think and your right. Its simple yet many don't get it.
    Good bye i'm at wacko taco .com now

  7. #7
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bev06 GG View Post
    LOl yes very special and quite unique, a cause for celebration I'd say.
    Bev

    Great post! I'd write more but have a 5 week old critter sleeping in one arm. Sorta limits the typing speed! lol

  8. #8
    Senior Member charlie's Avatar
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    Hello Bev!
    I always enjoy it when you give us advice from a woman's point of view. I value and respect what you say. We (crossdressers) tend to be a bit arrogant and think we know everything about being ladies, when really we only have a partial idea. Your perspective helps keep us grounded. Thanks!
    Charlie

  9. #9
    Gender Variant Badger PaulaJaneThomas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bev06 GG View Post
    LOl yes very special and quite unique, a cause for celebration I'd say.
    Bev
    I'll get right onto it
    Best Wishes

    Paula

    Warning: This product may contain Badger
    Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed Badger.

    "Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?"
    - Tony Hancock

  10. #10
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    You're dead on, as usual, Bev.

    And that attraction factor, of self confidence and (a touch of) self pride works in all ways, too. Hetero-normal relationships, too.

    Clark Kent is the same handsome dude in a suit or in red and blue tights, but the reporter is a wimped out loser, ain't he?

    Walk tall, girls!


  11. #11
    Love being me stefanie's Avatar
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    Great post Bev. Thank you for sharing.

    It helps to have someone tell it like it is so we can make sure we are thinking straight and/or at least realize other perspectives to be open and honest with ourselves. I think we are all searching for what makes us who we are. The more we hear how less unique and more similar we are as humans seems like a great first step to acceptance and building our confidence as we continue to take those first steps out the door.

    great thoughts!!

  12. #12
    Retired Lass Margot's Avatar
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    Thanks Bev. I really appreciate your insight. It gives us all food for thought.
    Margot

  13. #13
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    Bev, a most insightful post! Your views are always appreciated. And I think you are 100% right. I look at my TG life as an extension of my so-called "normal" life. I've met 100's of sisters and the number one thing that holds them back is a lack of confidence and a belief in themselves when they are presenting en femme. In one of the organizations I am affiliated with, I am a Big Sister. I get to spend time with girls and help them build their confidence. The transformations are spectacular. I've seen girls go from being afraid to leave their room (read, closet) to enjoy shopping, dancing, and interacting with the public in general, both male and female. I believe most of us, when trying to relate to another, want to relate to a real person, not some "character" being presented. The me I present when dressed, is the same me I am, only prettier .
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
    Lipstick=confidence

    [SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]

  14. #14
    Senior Member paulaN's Avatar
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    Hi Bev. Thanks. I was kinda bummed out today (for other reasons than cding). What you wrote really picked me up. I think you are so right. And it does not necessarily have to do with cding ether. It does have everything to do with living life as best we can and to be as happy as we can. And if cding makes you happy "Well" isn't that just the greatest thing. Certainly not a curse but a gift. Great post Bev. I hope it get lots of us thinking and doing. And now I am happy thanks to you. good job already Bev.
    keep on gurlin everyone. paula may

  15. #15
    Silver Member Jonianne's Avatar
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    Bev, you always present such wonderful insight. Thank you for taking time out to give real life advice.

    For me, it was absolutely necessary to go through years of individual and group therapy to get to the point of being secure in myself, but I worked hard and stuck to it and came out in much better emotional and mental shape.
    Joni

    "Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan

  16. #16
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Bev, you hit the nail on the head with this post. I am old now, but the advise you give today rang true with me when I was in the 8th grade. From that date until now I have lived by that advise and I can tell anyone it works. You stated it much better than I ever could. Hugs and kisses,
    Amy Lynn

  17. #17
    Senior Member dawnmarrie1961's Avatar
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    Bev,
    All I can say about your post is "Wow" with a capital "w"!! I don't want to add anything to your words nor do I want to take anything away.
    It stands by itself as the whole hearted truth that it is.
    You hit the nail on the proverbial head!
    Rang the bell!
    Turned the lights on!
    Eureka!!

    A standing ovation for Beverly is in order! I tip my cup of coffee to you.
    Finally! Somebody who "gets it"!
    Keep up the good work.

    Be safe . Be smart.
    Dawn
    CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.

  18. #18
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    No question in my mind that your on to something with that. I can honestly say that my wife was the proverbial hottie - she was very cute and more than a little sexy when she felt playful.

    See what I mean?

    While her looks of course impressed me, it was her confidence that impressed me the most. To someone as shy and bashful as I was at the time, she glowed like a thousand watt light bulb to me. Such confidence, so cocky, and so self assured. I can't think of anything as alluring as that.

  19. #19
    Well Heeled rebecca_morris_75's Avatar
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    A+ post, Bev. Very well said.

  20. #20
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    Bev,

    Thank you for the post. I always struggle to project the person that I feel inside and yet I watch others do it so well. I truly think I am a step from opening up and I always look at people like you are describing and wish I could. Your post is like a breath of fresh air---no matter who we are we can be attractive and proud of ourselves.

  21. #21
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Holly View Post
    I've met 100's of sisters and the number one thing that holds them back is a lack of confidence and a belief in themselves when they are presenting en femme.
    Absolutely. A confident, friendly CD is beautiful and captivating.

    Now all you have to do is figure out how to cultivate self-confidence without arrogance.
    Last edited by Andy66; 07-27-2009 at 10:11 PM.

  22. #22
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Bev,

    Out of the mouth of babes indeed! Of course, in your case, I mean "babe" as in "Wow, what a babe!"

    As others have said, you hit the nail right on the head. I see many posts along the lines of, "I have part of my look down, but still don't feel it. What can I do to feel/look/be more womanly. The answer is attitude. Who do you want to be around - the shy, unassuming, apologetic wallflower, or the woman that lights up the room as soon as she enters? That woman often isn't the prettiest, but there is a certain something about her that almost compels you to have fun. Be that woman! There are a few women on this site that "fit the bill" of the person Bev is talking about. They have confidence, they have class, and they have attitude (one in particular, oh curmudgeonly one!). How did they get there? Ask them. They'll probably tell you that they were once like you - shy, afraid, depressed, even repulsed. They managed to work through it, accept who they are, and become the person they are now.

    How do you get there? Simple. Realize that you are perfect and right and normal. Don't worry about what society says. Heck, society thinks that most of the "actresses" out there have actual talent, when all they really have going for them is what they can stuff inside their WonderBra, so what does society really know anyway? Realize that you are a wonderfully-made person with an incredibly interesting hobby - and a wardrobe to match! Love yourself, hold your head up high, get out there and have fun! The world needs more beauty in it.

    Kathi

  23. #23
    Silver Member
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    Bev your post made my day now if I can only get your hot look, it would be perfect---How about this? lol
    Attached Images Attached Images
    [SIZE="4"][/SIZE]

  24. #24
    Life is just beginning... Eve_WA's Avatar
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    100% Correct!!!

    I have seen first hand this in action. When I first started coming out, I was the shy, fearful, wallflower. I cant say I got a lot of negative attention, but I didnt get a lot of positive either.

    In the last year, I have learned to accept myself, who I am, and what I am... and I love it! (vs fear, and shame). And I can tell you... things have changed 180degrees! I now get LOADS of positive attention.. Im told how beautiful I am, how great I look, and am surrounded by others who want to get to know ME!!! Which, this too has helped build the confidence. I can tell you... IT WORKS!

    Accept yourself, Love yourself, BE YOURSELF... best advice I can give!

    Way to go Bev!! High 5s!

    Eve

  25. #25
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    Well said Bev, I feel validated now and by a GG, it doesn't get any better than that! However, it's seems to be a paradox to me (forgive the context change but I think the point is still relevant) You say, "... from a womans view point is a man who makes them feel safe and eliminates uncertainty from their lives." If that is indeed a woman's point of view that is, feeling unsafe and uncertain, then doesn't that infer the timidness many of us seem to display on this board is therefore a part of the feminine personna we strive to acheive? The second question is do other board members feel just as intimidated while in male mode, say at work with a female boss?

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