Hi Girls,
Well the circle is complete. I came out to the last person on my short list.
Oh God, this was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. My wife was hard to come out to, my oldest daughter a little easier but this one took the cake. I was worried on two fronts. First, would she look at me differently because of this. Second, would it harm her in any way. Being 14 is tough enough. You haven't really figured all of this sex stuff out yet. You are a woman and you're not at the same time. I was concerned whether or not it could cause her some psychological issues or change the way she looked at herself.
I was scared to death. I told Heather (my 22 year old daughter) that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I definitely was having some typle of anxiety attack.
I had told Natalie (my 14 year old daughter) that I needed to talk to her. She thought it was about her new boyfriend. He is 16 and drives. She thought it was the "sex, drinking and drugs talk". We had that talk when she was a lot younger but now she is the age where it really means something.
I picked her up from her friend's house. As we drove home I got more and more nervous. I wanted to wait until her mother got home so we could both be there to support her. As we got into the driveway she got a call from a friend. They were having a birthday dinner for her best friend and invited her to go. I told her we already had plans. She got a little mad at me. I thought this wasn't getting off on the right foot...maybe I should not do it...but I had to. This scenario had happened the last 3 times I wanted to tell her. Tonight was the night. No turning back.
We went inside. I went into my bedroom where I had my computer set up on the bed with a letter I was written to her. I wanted to lay it out the way she could understand and for me it is easier to read something so I make sure I cover it the best way and make all the points that need to be made. I know that doesn't sound very personal but when you balling your eyes out it is very personal. Her mother was on her way home with dinner so I didn't want to do it right then.
Natalie came in, plopped on the bed and said, "ok let's get this over with".
I just went for it. I read her a letter that I wrote for her. If you want to read the details you can go to my blog and read the post for Tuesday, July 28th 2009.
Here is the link:
http://profiles.yahoo.com/alliesummerscd
We both cried through the entire letter. I broke down two or three times. She sobbed. In the end, I asked her if she hated me. She moved across the bed and grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug ever and said, "Nothing has changed. I'll always love you."
It felt so good to hear that. We talked in more detail. I answered her questions. Then I showed her pictures of me dressed. Later we went through some of my clothes and she just giggled the whole time. It was good to see her laugh. She wasn't laughing at me, she just thought it was cute and funny.
What a relief. I've now told everyone that I plan to tell about this. The circle has been completed.
Kisses,
Allie
and we thought we'd been so careful.
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