Advice....on several things

[soimhappy]

Hello all As some of you may know I'm a lezbeen trying to get into drag. I'm pretty feminine. So, here I am in a puddle of very butch lesbians, some that I think may be FTMs. I am trying to carry on conversations, but me being femme...I feel like I'm just a bubbly nincompoop. What do I do? I am trying to be one of the boys...but I am so HARDWIRED to be all "teehee, haha, you're so cute." Ugh. Especially when I get nervous. I go right into trying to play dumb blond and laugh obsessively. Ewe. And if I were to start "trying on butch" even when I wasn't doing drag, would that be offensive? Cause that's not really who I am (or is it?). This whole drag thing is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I'm thinking I'm in over my head here......

[Ze]

Awww, you'll be just fine.

You're free to wear whatever the hell you feel like trying out. Nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. So don't worry about "offending" anybody. If they've got a problem, then they have nothing better to do. (And they're probably hypocrites!)

Also don't worry about how you act, especially when you're nervous. If that's you, then that's you. I myself sometimes feel inadequate around other guys; they always seem much more masculine than me. But you know what? I've learned to be proud of being an effeminate guy. My latest ex, when he started resenting me, began to harshly critique me all the time. He'd say something like, "Guys don't say X!" And I'd look at him, point to myself and say, "Well this guy does!"

So yeah, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean. Everything will be just fine. And if in the end you don't feel ready to do a drag show, then you don't have to do it. There will always be later chances.

But just like some of us have said here already, you pass really well as a guy. It's very nerve-wracking the first time. (I'm talking from the experience of going out my first time as a guy to a drag ball, at least.) I was nervous as hell; probably you're in the same boat right now. But I went against all of my anxiety and went through with it. Best freaking time of my life. I'm so happy I didn't back out. And it also helped me further come out to myself. So yeah, it's normal to feel that uptight about it. It's new and foreign to you.

Hehe...lezbeen...

[soimhappy]

Aww, Ze, you rock. I know I have to be me, which is part of this 'quest', but as you describe above, I just don't want to feel, or truly be, inadequate. And the nerves alone are going to kill me, so I am just counting on some support from those who take the stage. I have to just be who I am, though...no sense faking it. If they don't like a mixed up femme, then oh flipping well. Love the calm blue ocean...will be using that.

I really want to go through with this, I think it will be life altering. Every little piece of myself found helps! I'm always so afraid of what everyone will think (I'm not even out at work!), but this will kick the bejesus out of some of that psychological nonsense, and maybe, just maybe, I'll loosen up!

Thank you, as usual, Ze

[NiCo]

First of all, saying “So, here I am in a puddle of very butch lesbians, some that I think may be FTMs” was pretty harsh even if it was said in a light hearted way, that’s like saying that most transguys look like lesbians = women.

Anyway, enough of that. You’re doing drag right? Well, does the person you portray have to be a “straight boy”? Erm…no? Well why not go for the “gay boi” approach?

Because most gays I have met, regardless how butch they look ALWAYS have had slight feminine bits about them, whether it be crossing their legs [which, as my therapist said was a feminine trait] or arm/ hand movements [also what my therapist told me] and other things I can’t think of right now.

Why not bring something new to the portrayal, even if it’s just a little dab! Because going out in drag, thinking “omg omg omg I need to act all manly” is just going to make you act more feminine through nerves, because I noticed when I used to get nervous I slipped back into that “£$%^&* patch, but I have now mastered NOT to become nervous, or to reduce the amount OR not show it at all…and it takes a lot of MIND OVER MATTER [which I learnt in martial arts and have used it to my advantage other than when I was doing the controlled fighting].

Just go out thinking that your not going to act masculine “because you can’t” [even if you CAN] and you will find yourself more relaxed. You’re bound to feel the way you do with the rest being more butch than you are, that’s why I’m suggesting the stereotypical gay male…because the clichéd gay male acts quite feminine, but still has masculinity.

Anyway good luck, don’t know if there is anything more I can suggest, it sort of comes quite natural to me, but then again, I’m not a lesbian, I’m a guy and it’s my “territory”, init. Lol.

[soimhappy]

I knew it would only be a matter of time before I offended someone in here (because I am an ignorant boob), but please let me explain. I only think some of them are FTM because I overheard one say they were going to "start taking T and go full blown FTM". Nothing to do with the way anyone looks. To the contrary, the only way I would describe the difference between a butch lesbian and a FTM is that one is truly a female and the other is saying he is not female and desires to go through transition (which would be cheating for a drag show, I know, but I am just trying to show what I am up against and why I feel inadequate). I am so very sorry that I offended.

[Ze]

First of all, saying “So, here I am in a puddle of very butch lesbians, some that I think may be FTMs” was pretty harsh even if it was said in a light hearted way, that’s like saying that most transguys look like lesbians = women.

I don't think that was the way she meant it. It's more of an unfortunate general concept that some butch lesbians get confused for FtMs and vice versa. It's the whole gender blurring that causes the problem; it's hard to tell where the line is. Lots of mistakes or assumptions have to be made because of it.

So I'm failing to see the connection of "some of the supposed butch lesbians I know may be FtM" automatically equaling "most transguys look like lesbians/women."

I know I come off more looking like a butch lesbian rather than the FtM I really am. Yeah, it bothers me, but I'm not deliberately insulted when somebody innocently mistakes me for one. Why? Because it's factual that that's the way I currently appear. It sucks, but it's the way it is.

[NiCo]

Haha right...you really have got major competition then cause he's going to have facial hair and...drag artists have to make do with what you can come up with. By the way, I wasn’t offended cause I’m not FtM nor trans, medically yes, mentally no. If I had been offended I wouldn’t have replied.

But I hope what I said about the way you present yourself is of any use. And I actually really respect you for what you do cause it must be hard to portray the opposite gender, I know I couldn’t act like a girl [although looking like a girl would be pretty hard too, might need to shave the sandpaper off my face lol]

Good luck

Edit: that's because we see things much differently Ze.

[soimhappy]

Okay, now that I've apologized and read past the first line (with horror on my face that I was so dumb), I get what you are saying. If I just don't look up the mountain of masculinity, I might not come horribly falling down. Because you're very right, as soon as my nerves hit, I am giggling and acting like friggen Scarlet O'Hara. Thanks so much for the advice.

[Ze]

Edit: that's because we see things much differently Ze.

I know that, but I wanted to put in my side of things since your initial statement was dangerously generalized.

[NiCo]

That was me saying things from my point of view, which you have now done.

[Ze]

That was me saying things from my point of view, which you have now done.

And yes, that's realizable now that you've stated so.

[soimhappy]

Thank you both so much for your replies. I really appreciate the insight. I'm sure I'll be back for more. I'm so happy to have somewhere to turn for this stuff.

[Ze]

In a similar vein, do you have things like your outfit(s) and stuff picked out yet? Are there categories to this show and such?

It might make you feel more at ease if you have everything planned out.

[soimhappy]

Nope, nada....I have absolutely nothing planned. Right now I own a pair of jeans and two dress shirts. I feel like I'm still in neutral though, just waiting for approval to take off. I haven't submitted my app for the pageant, because the current reigning has advised me to do a show first. Thought you needed a chicken before the egg, but I guess it's the other way around. At any rate, if I don't get more info from her, I'm just going to hit up the bar owners...see if they can help.

Sooo, think you can help me pick out digs? If I did do this pageant I would need a formal suit for sure. I'm not positive on what else, because I haven't landed on the entertainment piece. I thought I wanted to do an SNL skit, but I think I need something sexier, not so comedic, that's going to show off my masculinity. Last King won with "Shot Through the Heart" and used fake blood at some point to show emphasis. Any ideas???

[Andy66]

*sigh*
I know what you mean. People often tell me how feminine I look... especially when I'm trying to be butch. What's up with that?

I think the more time you spend with certain people, the more of their mannerisms you can pick up.

Maybe that's my problem -- I hang around with a lot of gay men. Haha!

...I feel like I'm just a bubbly nincompoop.

Sometimes I act that way on purpose to annoy grouchy people.
Mua-ha-ha-ha!

[Elric]

Greetings, soimhappy.

You certainly are in the right place and I am uncertain what more I can add except a little rambling as follows (and anyone please chime in to correct me as my own viewpoint tends to be skewed at times):

I think there is an inherent difference between doing drag and becoming what you are within. Doing drag calls more on acting skills -- psyching yourself up, getting into a role and running with it. Some of the best Drag Kings I've seen over the years were definitely naturally masculine as well, but I do not believe it's a requirement... if you can get into your chosen role.

If you feel you have some masculine gender aspects within you to explore, this entire process may help you get in touch with them. Or you may discover that you are just very femme.

In the end, nothing matters to you except you, and you should be who you are. But for a drag show, that sounds like fun. If you are looking for ideas, how about...

A theatrical production to Sympathy for the Devil by the Stones? The ladies love creatures of the night, and the ensemble would be simple enough to put together. The song is timeless (or am I showing my age?), and sexy as hell (no pun intended). And hey, it's Jagger!

Whatever you choose, get into your kit as soon as you can, and begin playing with it... feel it, become it. Expose yourself to videos to assist you as well.

I hope this has helped in some way. Good luck! And have fun -- that is the most important thing.

[Ze]

Sooo, think you can help me pick out digs?

Shoot us over some pictures and I'm sure any of us would be more than happy.

[soimhappy]

I just posted some new pics of my first show So relieved I went through with it....but I might have another problem, I'm hooked!

[Ze]

Gateway drug!