Things that bother me about crossdressing

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]It’s very hot here in Kansas at the moment, and thunderstorms are on the way. I thought up this thread on a trip to the local Wal-Mart last night. This is not a rant, it’s just a bunch of random things involving crossdressing that bother me or make me uncomfortable (some of you may agree):

1. Petticoat punishment. I hate the idea of making boys wear girl’s clothes for the purposes of punishment, in fact I hate the words “punishment” and “crossdressing” in the same sentence! Dressing up a boy just to make him cry and adjust his behavior towards girls is cruel, IMHO. Even worse is this – if the boy likes being dressed up (or enjoys being punished this way), the real punishment begins…

2. Being labeled a “pervert.” I can think of worse labels, but this is the product of weak minds. In my profession, fine art, perversion is a badge of honor – I guess that makes me a double pervert. I wear my perversions with pride (pun intended)…

3. Men in drag. I mean men who should know better, like J. Edgar Hoover and Rudy Giuliani. Exceptions are Divine, Monty Python (all of them), and Vince Clarke of Erasure.

4. Men who dress up as women, yet retain their maleness. This is not the same as “drag.” I call it having a chip on your shoulder-pad. Can we please leave the males at the door? Thanks…

5. Not being younger. I could have dressed up and passed much easier when I was young, and I could have been absolutely spectacular, like those amazing UK trannies. Nowadays I can only hope to pass as a frumpy librarian…

6. Confusion over definitions. What’s in a word? When I began, I feared the word “transvestite,” preferring “cross-dresser.” But, when I first put on a wig and experimented with lipstick and make-up, I knew I was a transvestite, simple as that. When I came out, I emphatically said “I’m a transvestite,” and I’m very comfy with the word. Definitions are still being debated, even here in our little confined space. I blame regional homophobia for this cloudiness – people should know better.

7. Boys. I see boys walking around in these really wide-legged long shorts, and I get my hopes up – could he actually be wearing a skirt? No, it’s only a pair of shorts, but he’s so close! Also, why is it when a boy wears girl’s clothes (for a laugh), 99 times out of 100 he grabs his chest, sticks out his rear end, and clomps around, well, just like a boy? See “Men in drag” above…

8. Cures. I recently read a book about our precious parallel universe, and I came across a chapter titled “What to do about crossdressing.” I started to read it, but when I came to the part about wearing diving suits and putting plastic bags over my head, I slowed down a bit. However, when I came upon the word “Prozac,” I put the book away…
What to do about crossdressing? I don’t know – how about ENJOY IT?!!!!!! Just a thought…

Non-rant over. I feel better now – I’m indoors where it’s cool and feminine…

So, what bothers you about crossdressing?

Sincerely, Freddy[/SIZE]

[Fab Karen]

Glad to see it isn't one of those self-loathing rants.
Watch out for those twisters, I hear they can carry you over the rainbow.

[RachelZ]

I miss being able to grow facial hair. I will not dress if I'm not clean shaven. I've been having an on and off goatee race with my best friend for two years now. I just get so jealous when I'm around him. But I do look prettier without it...

[sissystephanie]

The only thing that bothers me about crossdressing now is not having my dear late wife around to fix my wig and do my makeup! But I just go without, and enjoy myself anyway!

[linnea]

I just love crossdressing and being transgendered. There are some annoying things about it, more about people's attitudes and misconceptions about it. But for the most part it is a wonderful way of life.

[Ras]

I hate the stereo typical label we get that we are perverted , gay or messed up.

[Tora]

I love the freedom of expression, of exploration, of perfecting our hobby. I sometimes feel distress that at 60 years, I will not become as good as many others here. Like I never will become competitive at Golf. This is because Golf comes way after Dressing in the time available, and Dressing is quite a way down the list. As great as it is, as much as I love shopping for the clothes, the lingerie. My bride deserves more time. My grandsons deserve more time, as do my grown children. My wifes family is large, loving, active and always has something fun planned. The seasons in Michigan offer many pleasent oppertunities, for family. Oh, I almost forgot... work, Even if it does not pay as well as it has over the years, I still have a challanging job.


This group offers alot, more that I could ever THANK, everyone enough. Sorry, I love our hobby, but I have not been able to spend as much time in the pursuit, as I would like. Thanks to you I can admire the adventure of others.

[LilSissyStevie]

Maybe you could learn to be more tolerant or at least just worry about yourself.

[Cheshire Gummi]

I would like to file away the idea of absolute feminization under that which annoys me.

The people who talk about emasculating the world and turning all men into "sissies," and then rationalize it as something more than a fetishistic fantasy.

It would solve nothing and improve nothing to have that happen. I've noticed that some propose it as some kind of solution rather than an individual's desire.

Same goes with anyone who thinks that way, really. Adult and teen babies who think the world would be better if it was just "babies and mommies." Bondage lovers who insist that submission and domination would make for a healthier society.

I'm tired of other peoples fantasies being presented as the great answer that will save us all rather than the ludicrous, biased daydreams they are. It's counter-productive and it spits in the eyes of individuality, empathy, and understand; something that most of those sorts of people gripe about because others wouldn't grant it to them.

My thought, anyway. I know it's not worth a hillock of mashed potatoes and giblet gravy, but hey... it's here anyway.

[Ralph]

OK, I'll bite... what's your beef with guys who like to be guys in dresses? Some of us are proud to be all man, only we wish there weren't such narrow cultural limitations on what is acceptable for us to wear.

[Penelope Marie]

what i hate about cross dressing is the labels and misunderstandings and those people who want to label me with out educating themselves about being T/G or CD or any thing else. those people who automatically assume i am gay because i prefer womans clothing to males. really if the truth be known i prefer being in a womans body to a mans. Mens bodies are so ugly to me. all that nasty hair on their bodies, just grosses me out. i hate the religious people who aren't even real Christians who thump their bibles and tell me i am hell bound because i don't like or feel comfortable in the shell i am in as if i chose to be T/G, i don't feel any of us chose to be T/G . i don't hate being who i am as a T/G i hate who i am as a male.

[sandra-leigh]

4. Men who dress up as women, yet retain their maleness. This is not the same as “drag.” I call it having a chip on your shoulder-pad. Can we please leave the males at the door? Thanks…

Not meaning to "argue", Frédérique, but this forum includes people (such as myself) who are "neither fish nor fowl" -- that is, whose gender is not strictly male, and whose gender is not strictly female. To a first approximation, I am an androgyne, pretty close to the middle if you view gender as a line between male and female. When I "dress up as a woman", I am outwardly expressing my internal femaleness -- but I remain the same person, and that person also has internal maleness. Female clothes but still with "male" habits and behaviours is normal for me, not an act and not "because I'm not trying hard enough" to be "completely female". Being "completely female" is not the goal of some of us: some of us are just being ourselves.

[kellycan27]

Just sitting here wondering.... What qualifies someone as "a man who should know better"?

[Sophie Lynne]

What bothers me is the stigma and knowing that if caught, my career is over and possibly my family life.

And yet here i am...

[MissConstrued]

4. Men who dress up as women, yet retain their maleness. This is not the same as “drag.” I call it having a chip on your shoulder-pad. Can we please leave the males at the door? Thanks…

How do you propose I do that? Shall I just pop them off, ftpp-ftpp, and toss them in a bowl when I come in... and retrieve them later?

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but dictionary.com defines male as

a person bearing an X and Y chromosome pair in the cell nuclei and normally having a penis, scrotum, and testicles, and developing hair on the face at adolescence; a boy or man.

And this little blurb under "man:"

Man, male, gentleman are nouns referring to adult human beings who are biologically male; that is, physiologically equipped to initiate conception but not to bear children.

I did not notice anything about clothing, nor was there any reference to what one feels oneself to be.

Female clothes but still with "male" habits and behaviours is normal for me,

So just to clarify, store clerks should address one's clothing, and not one's habits and behaviors? And was it your clothes, rather than your habits and behaviors, that were offended by the honorific "Sir?"

I admit considerable personal confusion on this one.

[NathalieX66]

What bothers me is the stigma and knowing that if caught, my career is over and possibly my family life.

And yet here i am...

Unfortunately I'm in the same boat. I know me & you know you, yet I do not have a clue how to explain this to the rest of the world. I will honestly say, that daily I witness the behavior of common everyday people observe an elderly crossdresser in a small northen NJ town walking the sidewalk (I won't say where), and I have to put myself in that person's shoes for a moment , which I have seen a number of near accidents involving motor vehicle vs. pedestrian because of this peculiar situation, for whatever the reasons may be.
I'm from a pretty liberal minded east coast city where people accept gay & lesbian couples like anyone else......but CROSSDRESSERS? That is pretty frightening to the average folk.

[Princess Chantal]

- Crossdressing peers that are obsessed with "passing" *note that crossdressing peers refers to crossdressers and not those that are actually transitioning or plan to be.
- People assuming that I have the mindset of a feminine person when I am dressed. "Hey look, nice bright white snow! Wonder if I could still write my name while in these heels!"
- Being constantly hit on by crossdressers that in the open they keep on referring to theirselves as heterosexual.
- Being groped by mtf transsexuals that refer to theirselves as "lesbians"
- People correcting theirselves when referring to a group of us. for example; "you guys..... errrrrr girls have fun now!" I am totally cool with "you guys" or "you girls"..... but the correcting, is so annoying.

[Sammy777]

OK, I'll bite... what's your beef with guys who like to be guys in dresses? Some of us are proud to be all man.

Very well put Ralph.
I really have to give it up for you and the few others in here who are with ease and happy to be a "man in a dress".
I think it takes a lot of guts to do that.

Not meaning to "argue", Frédérique, but this forum includes people (such as myself) who are "neither fish nor fowl" -- that is, whose gender is not strictly male, and whose gender is not strictly female.
To a first approximation, I am an androgyne, pretty close to the middle if you view gender as a line between male and female. When I "dress up as a woman", I am outwardly expressing my internal femaleness -- but I remain the same person, and that person also has internal maleness. Female clothes but still with "male" habits and behaviours is normal for me, not an act and not "because I'm not trying hard enough" to be "completely female". Being "completely female" is not the goal of some of us: some of us are just being ourselves.

Soooooooooo Just how exactly is a stranger supposed to know what your personal mixture of guy/girl is on any given day? Especially when your clothes might say one thing but your behavior might be saying something completely different?

Seems to me, you can send some pretty mixed signals on some days but expect everybody around you to just know what it is your feeling that day.

How do you propose I do that? Shall I just pop them off, ftpp-ftpp, and toss them in a bowl when I come in... and retrieve them later?

Sorry MC, but I think that only happens after your married and I believe its the wifes job, not yours*

[*Just kidding Ladies ]

So just to clarify, store clerks should address one's clothing, and not one's habits and behaviors? And was it your clothes, rather than your habits and behaviors, that were offended by the honorific "Sir?"

I admit considerable personal confusion on this one.

Agreed, it seems like some out there need to send a clearer picture or be prepared to not gripe when misjudged.

Just sitting here wondering.... What qualifies someone as "a man who should know better"?

Since when does any man know better?

[MissConstrued]

Sorry MC, but I think that only happens after your married and I believe its the wifes job, not yours*

Hey, that's my joke.

Fortunately, I have my own purse to keep them in, so at least I'll have them nearby.

[Wen4cd]

1. It bothers me when people use 'need' and 'addiction' synonymously.

2. It saddens me to imagine some TS folk who are actually deluded CD'ers in for a lot of misery instead of resolution.

3. While I think much of 'society's condemnation of the activity' actually lies in the subject's imagination, it still pains me greatly to hear stories of completly over-reacting parents.

4. I don't like when I'm dressed up, and that voice in my head commands me to shed the blood of the innocent, and make an alter to the devil out of human toes. Shut up, little voice.

5. Forgtetting to put roll-on antiperspirant on my face before applying makeup, and having 2 hours worth of work sweat off in another two hours.

[Sammy777]

1. It bothers me when people use 'need' and 'addiction' synonymously.

And it bothers me when Government and Intelligence are used in the same sentence. And....

2. It saddens me to imagine how many TS folk are actually deluded CD'ers in for a lot of misery instead of resolution, and I'd venture a guess of about 90%.

It saddens me to think that someone in the community has such a misinformed and close minded view of what it is actually like to be Transexual.

I guess most of us must just really be horny guys in dresses who like girls so much that we figure hey, why don't I just save time and forget about finding someone when I can just turn myself into my own dreamgirl.

[SIZE="3"]IS that it?[/SIZE]
Because anybody that believes that dumbass bull-shit are the people that sadden me.

3. While I think much of 'society's condemnation of the activity' actually lies in the subject's imagination, it still pains me greatly to hear stories of completly over-reacting parents.

Wow, now isn't that the Cd'er[pot] calling the TS[kettle] black, or just an oversexed Cd'er in disguise.

4. I don't like when I'm dressed up, and that voice in my head commands me to shed the blood of the innocent, and make an alter to the devil out of human toes. Shut up, little voice.

You know, the little voice in my head told me to be nice.
But I told that little voice to shut the Frack up this time.

5. Forgtetting to put roll-on antiperspirant on my face before applying makeup, and having 2 hours worth of work sweat off in another two hours.

That is what happens when you bring the term coverup to a whole new level now isn't it.

[Princess Chantal]

Wow, I didn't think this thread was meant to give swipes with protracted claws at people with contrasting mindsets.

[Wen4cd]

No I probably deserved that. I knew I harbored at least one unpopular opinion, and that was what I probably needed. I am sorry.

[Princess Chantal]

yeah people that express their honest, but unpopular opinions should be confronted and told that it's bull-blahblahblah.......... hey look at all the bodies behind that there shed, looks like some type of firing squad was here

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]Thank you all for your thoughts (and arguments) so far! Here are a few quick replies…[/SIZE]

My thought, anyway. I know it's not worth a hillock of mashed potatoes and giblet gravy, but hey... it's here anyway.

[SIZE="2"]You know, that would be a hard hillock to overcome, even with a really big spoon. Sorry -- I have no idea what that means…[/SIZE]

Not meaning to "argue", Frédérique, but this forum includes people (such as myself) who are "neither fish nor fowl" -- that is, whose gender is not strictly male, and whose gender is not strictly female.

[SIZE="2"]Yes, I know that. I’m referring specifically to transvestites and/or crossdressers, whatever definition you go by. Men who simply dress as women, I mean. I thought that was obvious. We’re all lumped together on this site for better or worse…[/SIZE]

How do you propose I do that? Shall I just pop them off, ftpp-ftpp, and toss them in a bowl when I come in... and retrieve them later?

[SIZE="2"]Why not? I don’t mean stop being a man, I mean leave your “maleness” behind, at least for a short time. You know, like arguing for the sake of being argumentative, or acting out your own insecurities by lashing out at the nearest target, or even just being insensitive about people’s feelings. What’s that? Women do that, too? Obviously, but I can be selective, can’t I? I didn’t mean to be misconstrued (quite literally)… [/SIZE]

I'm from a pretty liberal minded east coast city where people accept gay & lesbian couples like anyone else......but CROSSDRESSERS? That is pretty frightening to the average folk.

[SIZE="2"]True, Nathalie. I miss Massachusetts, where gays were visible at all times and you would at least see a tranny now and then. Out here in rural Kansas, gays and lesbians are underground, and I’m underneath them…[/SIZE]

It saddens me to imagine how many TS folk are actually deluded CD'ers in for a lot of misery instead of resolution, and I'd venture a guess of about 90%

[SIZE="2"]This will just have to do, then…[/SIZE]