Being Invisible

[msginaadoll]

Im not sure if that is really the correct term for it. It is just something I have noticed the more I am out and about. People just dont seem to care or dont even stare. I dont notice any long looks or extra eye contact, snickers etc. It is almost a surreal experience. Was thinking about that the last time I went shopping at the mall. I just was wearing a pair of jeans, one of my favorite tops and some low heels. Decided to push myself walking from Macys all the way throught the mall to JC Penneys. Reminded myself to walk tall with shoulders back, and not so fast. It gave me a lot of time to people watch, and as I did realized people werent watching me. Im not kidding myself that Im passible, but wondering if I just fell into the category of "Womanlike" so nobody really cared. The same thing when I forced myself to walk into stores, SA's would approach me to see if I needed help. Was maamed several times. Went to check a balance at JC Penneys and the clerk didnt bat an eye. It is a weird experience for the psyche-part of me wants to say hey look at me, and the other larger part wants to blend in. Also a part of me worries how I will handle it when someone makes a negative comment. What will I do then, will I curl up in a ball or will I just keep pushing on. Maybe next time I will find myself a bench in the mall or a spot at the foodcourt, bring a book and see how people react when im still and not moving. Have any of you ladies done things like that as a social experiment. I work in the psych field so people always intrigue me- the way they interact, act, react, etc. I also think I read others especially strangers fairly well.

[kasha]

These days I feel most businesses just want to make money. And turning away decent people because of their dress doesn't make much sense. So continue to be bold and have a great time in the world.

[NathalieX66]

Im not sure if that is really the correct term for it. It is just something I have noticed the more I am out and about. People just dont seem to care or dont even stare. I dont notice any long looks or extra eye contact, snickers etc. It is almost a surreal experience. Was thinking about that the last time I went shopping at the mall. I just was wearing a pair of jeans, one of my favorite tops and some low heels. Decided to push myself walking from Macys all the way throught the mall to JC Penneys. Reminded myself to walk tall with shoulders back, and not so fast. It gave me a lot of time to people watch, and as I did realized people werent watching me. Im not kidding myself that Im passible, but wondering if I just fell into the category of "Womanlike" so nobody really cared. The same thing when I forced myself to walk into stores, SA's would approach me to see if I needed help. Was maamed several times. Went to check a balance at JC Penneys and the clerk didnt bat an eye. It is a weird experience for the psyche-part of me wants to say hey look at me, and the other larger part wants to blend in. Also a part of me worries how I will handle it when someone makes a negative comment. What will I do then, will I curl up in a ball or will I just keep pushing on. Maybe next time I will find myself a bench in the mall or a spot at the foodcourt, bring a book and see how people react when im still and not moving. Have any of you ladies done things like that as a social experiment. I work in the psych field so people always intrigue me- the way they interact, act, react, etc. I also think I read others especially strangers fairly well.

I'm gonna ask an honest question.....can you be able to make eye contact with others?
I only ask this, because I have, on occasions, seen CD'ers in public that wont make eye contact with people, and have done things like hide behind their hair or wig....you know, sometimes looking downward. I've seen this in bookstores, on the subway, etc. This seems to occur when a CD'er is alone. I have a feeling that, if you look at people and make eye contact like you normally would, they're usually the ones that turn away, or pretend you're not there, or try to make the connection as anonymous as possible. If they do treat you like a normal person, you have no idea what is truly running through their mind because they don't want to offend you. I get the feeling that the general public is more scared of you than you are of them. They don't know how to respond. They try to hold their composure but they don't know what to make of a guy in en femme mode. The store clerk at JC Penney will talk behind your back, with her co-workers once youre gone & out of sight...not that it matters. As far as she's concerned, it made her day and gave her something to talk about.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

people are to wraped up in thier own world to notice the guy with a bomb straped to his ass.....

i was at radio shack in a skirt, t shirt and tennies and in need of a shave,,,,no biggie

[vikki2020]

Funny feeling,isn't it? Walking around and getting no reaction at all, you almost want to start waving your hands, and say "hey, crossdresser over here! But really, it's so nice to just to be able to relax, and enjoy the ride once in a while. I have stopped to sit and watch people, and that's fun too. Also gives your feet a break! Some days it works for ya' , some days it don't.

[Sally2005]

Its a funny feeling after being too scared to go out all your life to going out and nobody cares! I think there is some aspect of passing involved. If you dress to blend and act similar to a woman most people will not notice anything out of the ordinary...so you pass from that perspective. If up close someone has the chance to scrutinize you - you may not pass and that is when they may choke and not know what to do so smile to them or crack a friendly joke to help them see you are only human. People use scripts to interact with people based on gender and lots of other characteristics - it can be interesting when they can't place you, but at the same time once they decide you fit a certain mold (female) you will tend to pass with them (until you use your deep male voice ).

[Christina Horton]

Hay if you don't want to blend in then ( gasp ) wear a nice long dress, high heals , pretty top , Etc. In Canada we pass a person we will say Hi, in the states you do that and you get a stare. Don't wave your arms and shout cd here , just out dress the GGs and you ( like me ) will stand out grand. I love being a CrossDresser , don't you?

[AllieSF]

I haven't done the experiment part, but I do try to watch what is happening around me, when I am not buried in conversation. I sometimes notice little things when people see and probably read me and then have that little side conversation with a few more glances my way. It really very seldom bothers me, except on one of those rare self-concious days. That is why I normally always go out with someone. I call it, "covering each other's back". It is not really that, to see what others see, but rather to have a partner to share and keep me occupied so that I do not have time to dwell on any insecurities. Gina, you could see that when we went to the Detroit Institute of Arts. I get into a very comfortable mood and really enjoy the moment to it's fullest.

[msginaadoll]

You ladies have made some good points. I may not make as good eye contact as I would like Natalie, but I do yes. And I do agree people tend to be wrapped up in themselves. However they do notice things out of the ordinary, or dont fit into their world view. I have noticed that when I get up close and interact with certain people, there may be an uneasiness, especialy with young men. I will have to watch closer for those second glances as you say, Allie. Also while I love going out with others, doesnt that make you doubly or triply noticeable. One CD may pass but the odds of two or three or a flock of CDS... But of course we all need somebody to lean on. And hey maybe in a group we are more intimidating- "The Pink Posse"

[Tasha McIntyre]

I've been out at very busy malls a few times and always make eye contact with passers by.......just to see what (if any) reaction there is. Overwhelmingly, the reactions are very neutral, people are generally too wrapped up in their own lives to give a toss. Every now and then someone will look at bit bewildered and stare, but I just give a smile and walk on by......works a treat.

I enjoyed reading Natalies comment (#3). That kinda makes sense about what people might be thinking when they see one of us.

Tash

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I've been to the mall many times. I guess I'm alot like the general population and I don't notice what others are doing around me (staring at me or what). Iv'e been there a couple times with my wife & she notices some people looking at me, but she is more concerned about someone trying to hurt me.

So do they notice? Yes. Do I care? No.

[MichelleP]

It is surprising how much people don't notice (and sometimes how much they do). I have done a couple of experiments though when I was feeling ornery or particuarly confident...

A couple years ago I purposefully sat down next to a fountain at an indoor-outdoor mall. Not more than twenty feet away: a gaggle of teenage girls and boys just hanging out. I faced them on a bench and began checking e-mail on my phone. I could see from the corner of my eye the teen girls radar had picked me up and they were scanning me really good. I felt for sure I'd get some kind of comment but they were apparently too engaged with the boys to notice anything.

Just smile and be confident. To be honest, (I know its been said here before) I think acting timid or as if your are trying to hide something is the biggest giveaway there is. I think people key on that.

Michelle

[Phyliss]

Totally not related to CDing but,... my wife uses one of those electric scooter things, and occasionally, when shopping, she has to get off of it to get into some clothes racks which are too close together, those times I sit on it to take a break and mind it.
That's when I "people watch" and 99 times out of 100 I'm completely invisible. Nobody wants to confront something or somebody that isn't in their nice neat thought process. By pretending to not see it they don't have to deal with it. I've had people walk right into the scooter while I'm sitting on it. They absolutely didn't see it.
The same thing goes for CDing, as long as I'm not wearing a cocktail dress at noon in the mall, I can get by.

Blending is a good thing. People will see only what they expect to see, and even then they might not see it very well.
The exception is, young children, they have a thousand eyes and nothing gets past them, but in their innocent world you're accepted.

[Ruth]

I think Michelle has the key. People can have an almost animal sense of when someone is uneasy and they home in on it. (I think teenagers probably have this sense most acutely because they are fairly insecure themselves, and are always on the lookout for someone vulnerable.)
So if you look and act confident, as if you have every right to be doing what you are doing, you don't draw attention.You are, in some respects, invisible.
I certainly feel that in my time of going out as Ruth, it's probably my confidence that has improved, more so than my dress sense and makeup skills, so I feel much less noticeable than I used to.

[victoriamwilliams1]

people are to wraped up in thier own world to notice the guy with a bomb straped to his ass.....

i was at radio shack in a skirt, t shirt and tennies and in need of a shave,,,,no biggie

I think this is more true unless you are tall like myself and go to the mall wearing a long ball gown people will not pay any attention to you. I know with me I get looks because of my height and I have only had one idiot sing "walk this way" in the mall and I think she would have been embarrassed if I was a very tall GG! However I ignore those type of people and for the most part for you you are blending in. To be honest I have seen many GG's who look like about 90% of the girls here.

[carhill2mn]

I have shopped at many stores, gone to lunch/dinner; gone to concerts, visited with other people. I also meet my friend for coffee at a nearby mall where we sit and chat for about 2 hours nearly every week. I have never had a negative comment and my friend (who is a CD but does not go out en femme) has often watched to see if anyone reacts to me. He says that no one has.
Almost everyone is too preoccupied with their own agenda, problems etc. to pay much attention to others. Unless you do something to attract attention, you probably will not receive any special attention. If you act like a confident lady you will proably be treated as one (which is a lovely feeling).

[Frédérique]

It is a weird experience for the psyche-part of me wants to say hey look at me, and the other larger part wants to blend in. Also a part of me worries how I will handle it when someone makes a negative comment. What will I do then, will I curl up in a ball or will I just keep pushing on. Maybe next time I will find myself a bench in the mall or a spot at the foodcourt, bring a book and see how people react when im still and not moving. Have any of you ladies done things like that as a social experiment. I work in the psych field so people always intrigue me- the way they interact, act, react, etc. I also think I read others especially strangers fairly well.

[SIZE="2"]This reminds me – isn’t this a lot like being a performance artist? I mean, they get ignored, too. I think the public at large just doesn’t want to deal with anything outside the status quo – they just don’t allow time for it in their busy lives. They certainly don’t have time for an artist panning for reactions, unless the unwilling participant is receptive to what is going on. When I was in art school they did things like this – plunk some artwork right in the midst of a crowd and see who runs into it. Most people simply step around the intrusion and keep going. This is also a form of Conceptual Art (notice the capitalization), where the reaction to the art (or lack of art) is the art. Have your eyes glazed over yet?[/SIZE]

Funny feeling,isn't it? Walking around and getting no reaction at all, you almost want to start waving your hands, and say "hey, crossdresser over here!

[SIZE="2"]Hi, Vikki! Yes, I agree, because I think it’s a very interesting, different thing to do! Don’t people realize just how neat this is? They don’t? OK – I’ll go back in the closet…[/SIZE]

[Nicole Brown]

As already stated, when I first started going out dressed as Nicole, I was very nervous and avoided eye contact at all costs. Being a large, tall girl, I was very self conscious and was afraid of bring attention to myself. Well, I have been venturing out fully dressed for almost 2 years now, and in all of this time I have only encountered unpleasant experiences twice. Once in the tool department of Sears and once in the woman's ware department of Walmart.

I realized that the people who made me feel uncomfortable were among the minority of small minded people who have nothing better to do than pick on others.

As time has past, I no longer try to be invisible. I go anywhere I want, within reason, and walk tall and proud to show off who I am. I have not yet reached the point where I dress down when I go out, and I am always in a dress or skirt and blouse and at least 3" heels. This combination makes me a rather tall 6' 1" lady.

In the past 3 - 4 months, I have begun talking more and more with people and have made an effort to look people in the eyes and to have a smile on my face. Not everyone will return the smile, I sometimes get interesting looks in return, but no frowns or nasty looks.

I guess what has been said earlier in this thread about people just being in their own little worlds, or wrapped up in their thoughts, is really true. I am just really grateful to the public who look at me and smile. I am especially grateful to the guys who look me over and then smile.

Nicole

[docrobbysherry]

As a closet dresser for 10 years, I've NEVER had to consider what the PUBLIC thinks of my looks.

Blending? Dressing like everyday GGs? Dressing my age?
I've NEVER had to considered those things! Because I NEVER go out dressed!

That whole, " What should I wear so I can pass? What will people say? Will I get hassled?", doesn't EVER come up in the minds of closet CDs!

We NEVER have to worry about passing, or compromising our looks! If we're happy with it, that's the END OF IT!

[sheidelmeidel]

Gina - you are paying a lot of attention to yourself, but nobody else is really paying that much attention to you - you're just another "face in the crowd". Unless you look or do something utterly outlandish and offensive, most people don't notice very much and if they do, they don't particularly care.

[sandra-leigh]

I've watched people's eyes as I sit on the bus.... the majority of them look right past me (even when I'm gender-bending). When I say "look right past me", I mean that there isn't even a pause for their eyes to focus on me and the brain to make a conscious decision about me: I'm just part of background, like {nearly} everyone else. I'm not a classical threat (e.g., moving suddenly, carrying a weapon, not fierce looking), so for most people, the visual pre-cortex just doesn't bother to create a thought about me, just like the visual pre-cortex of a frog doesn't bother to create a thought about anything that isn't flying like an insect.

Relatively few people bother to look at me. And an extremely small number bother to nudge or discuss me with someone else (at least then). Not unless I'm doing something relatively foolish like trying to walk quietly in high heels "in guy mode", on concrete, right in front of a group idle of teenagers. Clack, clack... twitter, giggle, snort...

[tricia_uktv]

If you wish to get noticed you can do. It depends what you wear. Sometimes I do what to get noticed but if I don't have a quiet time as long as I am careful where I go. I think we should get noticed. It makes life more fun for everyone, including us!

[Sam-antha]

It really is true, people in general are invisible, except when they are in the way. People passing are especially invisible, people in shops more so, unless it is an interaction with an assistant. For some reason, assistants do not react normally, I cannot imagine that they have had their curiosity beaten out of them or that the are balse or well trained about cds.

If you wish to get noticed you can do. It depends what you wear.

I am not too sure about Tricia's remark, thus a tall cd - like me- in a mini is not noticed, but the mini is. That is if the eyes that inspect the skirt are anything to go by.
Eye contact is essential, if one is aware of being looked at that is.

~Samm

[JaytoJillian]

people are to wraped up in thier own world to notice the guy with a bomb straped to his ass.....

i was at radio shack in a skirt, t shirt and tennies and in need of a shave,,,,no biggie

I LOVE your sense of humor!

[Bev06 GG]

Im not sure if that is really the correct term for it. It is just something I have noticed the more I am out and about. People just dont seem to care or dont even stare. I dont notice any long looks or extra eye contact, snickers etc. It is almost a surreal experience. l.

Who said that.