Male Compensation or Male Rejection?

[Shy Charlotte]

[SIZE=2]Hi gals, me with another "deep" question/observation...

I've noticed alot of the gals on here, in guy mode, engage in some pretty "masculine" activities. We've got guys in the military, think I saw a policeman somewhere, mechanics, truckdrivers, ambulance drivers *ahem*, then we have the afore mentioned engaging in more "manly" hobbies like automotive enthusiasts, shooting, even a robot nerd somewhere (can't think of anyone off the top of my head ) Not speaking for everyone, since CD's come in all shapes and sizes, but those of us that do engage in these "guy" pursuits...

Do you think that we do this:
A. Because we're compensating for the feminine side?
B. We're crossdressers because we happen to live in situations where there's an oppressive male dominant society (as per Julie's earlier post), which channels us into these manly pursuits.
C. It's all a coinkidink

I'm kind of leaning towards A. myself, since my family is generally more cerebral than physical, and being card carrying Democrats, hate my firearm hobby with a passion, and looked at my career choice with raised eyebrows "Why can't you be a doctor, or at least a nurse. Driving an ambulance is dangerous". And on top of that growing up I was the least aggressive of my clique, and didn't engage in any sports, so had to make up for it with other manly pursuits to keep from being painted with the "gay" brush (when I got my first girlfriend I think my parents breathed a sigh of relief). For some reason still register pretty high on the gaydar with the homosexual community though, and my Hot or Not rating is almost tied between my fem and male pic, so wonder if I really am an Androgyne (scored 30 on the Cogli test).

Of course, everyone's different, and maybe someone can come up with a angle that I haven't noticed.

Just curious[/SIZE]

[ChristineRenee]

I think the pressures of being a male...which have always been there but seem to be more heightened in this day and age...have brought about the need to embrace the kinder, gentler side of ourselves. I also think some of this is maybe a response to the fact that women have so many more advantages and freedom of options with respect to how they can present themselves to the outside world fashion wise, whereas men have always been locked into a rigid mold of conformity. Ultimately, I think all of us...and society in general....are going to be the eventual winners down the road when the freedom to dress and present yourself to the world as the person you truly believe yourself to be finally becomes the accepted norm everywhere.


Peace...Love...& Harmony,

Christine

[Jennifer_Ph]

Mike doesn't build and race off road trucks to compensate for Jennifer. I do it because I love it, it is my hobby, my passion. Jennifer is a way to express another side of me. I guess I could sum it up this way - I do everything to extremes. Watching a race is not enough, I want to be in it. Wearing high heels is not enough, I want to be a woman. I am passionate about everything that I do, so I do it all 100%. That means Jennifer, and that also means Mike. If that makes any sense.

[vicky]

hi girls,
that's a interesting quesiton.. personally i am into whitewater kayaking and climbing. been doing both for 15years or so. i never consciously engaged in these activities because i was compensating for my femininity. however, when i was at school and university i DID play alot of rugby and was in the Army Cadet Force, and was consciously engaging in these activities (and the machoness that goes with them) trying to 'push away' or hide my femininty both from myself _and_ others!!

now i feel more relaxed about it... perhaps i am just into adventure? GGirls get into kayaking and climbing. although both are male dominated sports women excell at both. but your question is extremely valid.
love
vicky
x

[Jenny]

Hi Charlotte,

I am not sure that my guy activities or interests are a way to compensate for my "non-guy" interests. I love sports -- baseball, football, basketball, hiking and mountain-climbing, golf -- and I love puttering around with tools -- drills, saws, hammers, etc. -- both of which are pretty masculine activities. I think my interest in these kinds of activities may come out of my childhood and (not to get too psycho here) were a way to gain my father's attention. He gave me my first baseball glove and bat when I was six. He also worked in a factory so I learned about tools pretty early on.

Maybe if anything my interests in dressing was a reaction against the "manly" stuff and was a way to identify with my mother and older sisters. (I am the oldest son after three older sisters). My employment -- in an office working with elderly and disabled people -- probably qualifies as a more feminine-kind of job.

I do at times wish I could combine my two worlds more than I do. I have talked about wanting to play golf dressed in a skirt or skort, for example.

So I am not sure if my "manly" stuff compensates for my feminine side or if my feminine side is a reaction against the manly stuff. Or maybe there is no connection at all and I am just one mixed up chicklet.

[misshell]

In my case it is one entire personality at a time. I started crossdressing as a toddler, and mom told me that as an infant, rubbed the satin edges of my blankie. growing up, i loved sports and only thought of dressing in quite moments of solitude. that is the time that i feel misshell takes over my personality. to this day, i enjoy cycles, cars, NFL, NHL, satin and frilly undies. We are a community creative enough to balance two completely different personalities, and sometimes completely different lives.

[Tristen Cox]

hello Charlotte,

Another driver here. Well I don't feel that I am compensating in any way when I seek out "masculine" activities. Nor do I feel that I'm rejecting any part of myself. I do compensate in reverse for the times I can't let out my passive side (namely when in drab) by enjoying the female side even more. That's really it. I'm a guy and it's not about keeping an image for me. I play hard, work hard, and enjoy it. I am a mechanic on the side and love getting dirty. In this way nobody suspects anything but I don't use manliness to cover my feminine self. The other side remains there until I want, or have time to be her. I'm a crossdresser because there is a whole other person in me that needs attention, otherwise unheathy behavior results. I like both myselves 100% the way they are, for now anyway.

...just a girl on the inside

Tristen

[Danielle1960]

I sort of feel like I'm compensating in reverse. I've been discussing that thought with my Dr. and I haven't decided yet. I'm very masculine in mannerisms and dress normally. I pride myself on fixing anything that is broke and usually do. I'm expected by friends and family to be a plumber, electrician, electronics tech, auto mechanic, gardener, and the list does go on. I only actively persue one main hobby, that being radio comunication stuff. So I feel like even though it is taking work to convert my looks to more femme. (which is happening ) I feel like I'm escaping the worlds pressures. The women I've observed in the past whether they are nice or not, Good looking or not have elevated them selves to being superior. Now we guys probably had it comming. When I watch old movies (which I like to do) the guys are on top of the world and the woman is protrayed as weak and needed the heros help. Today I get so agrivated at all the advertising and shows that make men to be bumbling idiots. May be that is part of my reason. Not only can I do everything a man is to do, but I can femme out and do that well too.

Wow This is getting a bit heavy.

Anyway I feel like I reward myself by being femme. I can doll up, and just have fun!! Can't wait to get a make over and go out. That day will be coming soon.

Danielle

[Julie]

I have two theories that I like.

1. Our spirits are female
2. Our brains are wired female

Not sure which one I prefer but nevertheless it all boils down to the female part of us is who we are. When we are raised as males we are simply allowed to pursue activities that born females are steered away from. So our choices are greater in the male oriented activities. I think if you asked girls if they would have liked to get into "guy" activities when they were young many would say 'Yes'.

The other factor is we do have a lot of testosterone coursing through our bodies. It would be like putting women on steroids all their life. Let's see what hobbies and careers they would chose if that were the case.

[Kerri]

I'm probably a "Lingerie Dead-Ender", ... by which I mean that I'll most likely never go beyond wearing lingerie due to my very athletic & masculine, (ski racer/running back), type of build. In fact, I'm currently thinking of purging and walking away from all things CDing, also due to the above.
I kinda accidentally started lingerie dressing last year, (see my post under the "Why did you start" thread), ... and after reading many posts over the last month or so, ... can't really imagine having to get into all the make-up, hair-removal, hormonal stuff, shopping, and dressing choices, etc.
Mainly because when my wife and I aren't hanging around the house, we're always either making love, or golfing, hiking, biking, fishing, or going out to restaurants & movies.
I guess I'm deciding that we just spend too much time together for me to every have much opportunity to really get into CDing, not to mention my very athletic build problem. If I could look as fine as some of you that I've seen in your posted pic's, (you actually looking like very sexy women), ... I might feel very differently, and would probably be as excited about CDing as many of you are.

Except for trying on my mother's lingerie when I was approx. 11-13 yrs. old, I never even thought about dressing in lingerie againg until I was 41 yrs. old!, ...(see my recent posting under the "Why did you start" thread, titled "Confessions of an Accidental Crossdresser").

So, to get back to the topic of this thread, I believe that those of us who do "manly activities", do them simply because we were fortunate enough to have been taught them, we learned them, and most of all, ... we simply enjoy them, ... nothing more and nothing less! I grew up bird-hunting, archery hunting, fly-fishing, skeet shooting, golfing, etc., simply because my father enjoyed these sports and pursuits, and after exposing me to them when I was child, I began to naturally love doing them just as my father did, and my grandfather before him.
I was not alone though, my father made sure that my sister was able to always be there as well if she desired to be, (which she did), and he taught her absolutely everything about the above mentioned sports & activities that he did with me. She grew-up loving the hunting & fishing life just as much as I did!, ... and she seemed to always be able to out-fish me! :mad: She could also score just as high, (or higher), in skeet shooting competitions as I ever did, and she was a incredible grouse, chukar, partriage, duck, goose, and quail wing-shot. She even had her own bird-dog when she was 10-20 yrs. old. She also golfed, hiked, swam on swim teams, ... AND ... has always been drop-dead gorgeous! She was her high school homecoming queen, and moved to Hawaii after high school and modeled cloths & swimwear for several years before starting college. Of course for the last twenty some-odd years, she's been married with three kids, and of course that's been her main focus and life.
So, ... to conclude, ... I think we do so-called "manly activities" for the mere fact that; ... at some point in our lives we were fortunate enough to have been exposed to, or taught them. And, ... I don't think pursuing any "manly activities" has anything to do with any of the pseudo-psycho-personality-survey stuff put forth in the quote above.

P.S. -- I taught my first wife, (when we were dating), and later, my only daughter all of the sports & activites mentioned above, just as my father did for me. My 1st wife also purchased her very own english setter grouse dog from a bloodline out of Michigan state, and became an incredible wing-shot as well, ... not to mention the fact that she could unfortunately, also ALWAYS OUT FISH ME !!! :mad:
My daughter is 18 yrs. old and is very feminine, ... and, now after I've taught her for the last 13 yrs., ... she is even more talented at bird & archery hunting, fly fishing, hiking, camping, and golf, then either my sister or x-wife ever was.

Just wanted to share my experience's. Love to all.

[diane]

Everyone's answers are so deep and long ... but for me it's simple. I'm flat out turned on by sexy women's clothing ... whether it's on a hot lady or I'm wearing it ... it's that simple. No compensation ... just an incredible attraction to all things silky, satiny and smooth ... oh yeah ... and high heels. Increbly sexy. Maybe a simple substitution ... women can sometimes be time consuming and frustrating where the clothing is always my friend ... and after I'm done dressing I can roll over and go to sleep without any repercussions ... LOL

[Julie]

I'm probably a "Lingerie Dead-Ender", ... by which I mean that I'll most likely never go beyond wearing lingerie due to my very athletic & masculine, (ski racer/running back), type of build. In fact, I'm currently thinking of purging and walking away from all things CDing, also due to the above.

Kerri,

I frequent another forum and have befriended some of the members there. One is a two time world powerlifting champ. She loves being fully dressed and has the most grounded attitude towards dressing. She works out regularly and still competes in powerlifting events around the nation. That hasn't stopped her from dressing and from what I understand is planning on attending Southern Comfort this fall.

As far as purging, may I suggest storage over disposal? The reason I make that suggestion is due to all the stories I have heard over the years telling tales of regret for throwing out things they can never replace. It seems this is something that is with you for life, no matter how much you might want it out.

We're here for you no matter what.

[kristi cd]

I don't think I'm trying to compensate in any way really, I just enjoy "guy" things more than dressing and other "feminine" things. If you gave me the choice of playing sports, watching them on TV, building something (esp w/power tools ), etc I would more than likely choose the latter over the former. Maybe this will change as I dress more, but I'm a guy first and foremost who just likes to dress. It probably seems like an over simplification, but it's nothing more than that really for me.

[Wen4cd]

All the 'guy' things I might do are things I would think women would also enjoy if they tried, shooting too. Plus I sew a lot, which is kinda girlie in itself, but something not many guys would do as a hobby.

I guess that really didn't answer anything, did it?

Wen

[Kerri]

Everyone's answers are so deep and long ... but for me it's simple. I'm flat out turned on by sexy women's clothing ... whether it's on a hot lady or I'm wearing it ... it's that simple. No compensation ... just an incredible attraction to all things silky, satiny and smooth ... oh yeah ... and high heels. Increbly sexy. Maybe a simple substitution ... women can sometimes be time consuming and frustrating where the clothing is always my friend ... and after I'm done dressing I can roll over and go to sleep without any repercussions ... LOL

I am also in 100% agreement with Diane's posted reason for NO COMPENSATION. Well put Diane.

Julie, ... Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice. I'll consider your recommended course of action. We're all very fortunate to have you out there Julie. You seem to me to be incredibly sagely in your moderation and advice, and experiences. I hear ya.

[Shy Charlotte]

[SIZE=2]Hmm,

Just must be me with the compensation then. Seems like alot of the guys I know (especially most of my buddies) don't know how to change a tire, never have seen a firearm in real life (other than mine), rarely watch anything on TV except for basketball (and then, only Lakers basketball), and whose primary activities include going to bars, watching movies, playing basketball, and going to the gym (weight maintenance, not building muscle). There was a time when men were manly and women were womanly, but out here in LA the lines are somewhat blurred (although not blurred enough for me to go out in heels and not get dirty looks). I guess where I'm from, alot of the activities I pursue I had to teach myself from scratch, whereas in other parts of the country if you didn't learn it from your pappy and don't know how to do it, then you're just plain weird.

Still curious about the correlation though that Julie mentioned in an earlier post, where it was stated that countries that have a more oppressive male society have higher incidences of crossdressing. Could it work on a microcosmic scale, with various communities or households having a higher percentage of closeted CDs based on how traditional they are? Could be difficult due to migration (alot of people who feel oppressed in their smaller communities move to more urban places). Sorry, just wondering if there is a unifying factor other than genetics. [/SIZE]

[Miss Vicki]

Hi Charlotte. I am in agreement with Diane. I dress because I enjoy the look and feel of womens clothing. It takes me away from myself into another world. I enjoy my masculine self and also my feminine self. Where did it come from? Hard to tell, however, I am enjoying it still after so many years.
Miss Vicki.

[Amelie]

In responding to Shy Charlotte, you might be right that there is a link to Crossdressing and oppressive societies. That's probably why so many girls come from the Midwest US. Although I can't explain why so many come from England.