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Thread: I have always been shy...

  1. #1
    Member Ashley_in_Texas's Avatar
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    Red face I have always been shy...

    but I want to work on it. I have thought about maybe my wife and I meeting up with others (as a man at first) in the Austin TX area, and try to get a little more comfortable with the whole thing. I have been dressing, in some manor or other, in secret for at least 16 years. I told my wife last year, and she is ok with it.
    We went to 6th st in Austin last Halloween, and I had mixed emotions. I went as a naughty schoolgirl, and she went as a sexy nun with a ruler, in case I got out of line. I got a few looks, good or bad I'm not sure. We sat and talked for a while at an outdoor bar, talked with some of the girls around us, and left after about an hour. I was sooooo nervous, and it was Haloween, for Pete's sake. So, I am not sure if I can go out dressed again or not.
    I am not very passable. 6ft - 180lbs, big hands, hairy arms (which I will not shave), facial hair stubble that I CAN'T SEEM TO COVER, no mater how close I shave against the grain.
    I guess I am in a bad position for someone that doesn't like being laughed at.
    Any advice is welcome. Just don't laugh at me. LOL

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley_in_Texas View Post
    I guess I am in a bad position for someone that doesn't like being laughed at.

    That's your biggest hurdle right there. You'll never get anywhere as long as you fear ridicule.

    But when you no longer fear it, it just doesn't happen.


    I've said it before; I'll say it again. Cross-dressing, beyond the confines of one's closet, is not for the timid.

  3. #3
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    You may want to go someplace for a professional transformation. They will work your appearance over and demonstrate what can be done to overcome the traits that you are most concerned with. After that maybe a local support group where you will be in the company of people with an understanding of what you are facing. That should help with two of the most obvious issues. After that it's practice and becoming comfortable with your own skin. You don't need to eat the whole elephant in one bite, take your time and don't stress. This can be a lot of fun.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  4. #4
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley_in_Texas View Post
    I am not very passable. 6ft - 180lbs, big hands, hairy arms (which I will not shave), facial hair stubble that I CAN'T SEEM TO COVER, no mater how close I shave against the grain.
    I'm 6 ft, and less than a year ago I was up to 215 pounds (I'm down about 18 from that now.) I have big hands. My arm hair is probably a bit thinner than typical, but my wife doesn't like me to shave it... and she notices quickly if I take off a 1" patch near the cuff even though there are lots of other things that take her a fair time to notice. I do have the advantage relative to you of having found the for me one of the Cover Girl foundations covers my stubble fairly well without it being obvious that I have makeup on.

    The short lesson here is that you'd be surprised how few people pay attention to a 6' cross-dresser who looks "decent" even if that cross-dresser is relatively easily "read". I get recognized pretty easily (by people I've met before) more outings than not, even when I'm wearing something completely different (including completely different glasses and completely different wig): the response, more often than not, is for the person to take the time to come over and say hello and tell me that I look nice; the very few insults or negative remarks are inevitably from total strangers. Most people don't look twice at me -- not in the sense of deliberately looking away, but in the sense that I just blend into the scenery, just another person not worth paying attention to.

  5. #5
    Member Kristen-Gaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissConstrued View Post
    That's your biggest hurdle right there. You'll never get anywhere as long as you fear ridicule.

    But when you no longer fear it, it just doesn't happen.


    I've said it before; I'll say it again. Cross-dressing, beyond the confines of one's closet, is not for the timid.
    Yes that's true but I would hope people are laughing with me rather than laughing at me.
    K.

  6. #6
    Down into the Easy Chair SweetCaroline's Avatar
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    Believe it or not, I've been very shy all my life too, and I'm not talking about just being a little timid, I'm talking about hiding in corners praying no one talks to me shy. To this day I still have a very difficult time looking people in the eye when talking to them.

    And yet, I somehow managed to overcome that shyness enough to go out dressed. It really helped me overcome some of that shyness. I don't know how I did it, but I did.

    You're wife's okay with it, so that helps. I hope you do decide to try again and ignore the laughter. Smile, and it will help.

    Good luck.
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  7. #7
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    I have two bits of advice for you. First, make a date to get a makeover with Jon Davis at Transformations. http://www.cttgs.org/jondavis.html
    Jon is also TG and known as Beth. I'm telling you, she is incredible. I don't mean to slam anyone, but I've seen some makeover places where they pretty much "erase" you, and paint someone else on your face. If you look at their clients, they all look like someone attempted to paint the same face on each of them. Beth does not do that. Beth looks at you and brings out the best of YOU. I swear I can't speak highly enough for her and her work. Make sure you set it up with her to have her spend a little time telling you what she is doing and why. No, she is not a personal friend of mine, and no I dont get any kind of reward for sending customers her way. Her work really did impress me THAT much.
    Next thing I'd tell you is to take your happy ass on down to 'Bout Time any Friday or Saturday night. They are extremely TG friendly and there are often 10 to 20 of us there on Fri and Sat nights. There will be a wide variety of TG's there - some drop dead gorgeous, and some . . . not . . . No matter where you fit in the spectrum you will be comfortable there. You probably wont be the prettiest girl there, and you probably wont be the least attractive either. Go on, you'll be just fine there. :-)

  8. #8
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    I agree with Missconstrued. you have to get past the fear. Others tend to accept you easier after you accept yourself out in public

  9. #9
    Member Ashley_in_Texas's Avatar
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    Thank you all for your help... I guess it is something I need to work on if I want to "come out of the house" now that I have had the nerve to "come out of the closet".(to my wife, at least)

  10. #10
    Raksha's My Dreamboat Tracy_Victoria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissConstrued View Post
    That's your biggest hurdle right there. You'll never get anywhere as long as you fear ridicule.

    But when you no longer fear it, it just doesn't happen.


    I've said it before; I'll say it again. Cross-dressing, beyond the confines of one's closet, is not for the timid.
    Very much Agree!

    also you must decided which type of Crossdresser you are? Ie there are many different types!

    ie those that part dress, those that dress fully, yet never step out the door! Then there are those that fully dress, and can pass, and those that dress, do go out in public, yet do not pass, but don't care. there are also so many different flavours in between too! (you could spend days listing them!)

    the first thing you need to do, is decided where you want your dressing to go, what you want to do, and how you want to do it.

    However, if you have not learn it already, no matter what you do in life, someone will ridicule you for doing it, being it making a wrong decession, (or a right one) for playing golf, or building models for a hobby, no matter what you do, someone somewhere will feel what you do, is worth ridicule.

    The most important thing here is doing what you feel you want to do, (and as you have a supporting SO) What she feels comfortable with you doing also!

    I'm not a lover of Transformation services, never used one in my life, probably never will, I've been dressing since I was 8 and what I do, and how I do it, I've learnt from book, video's and watching carefully what others do, and most of all practice! (ie have a look at my photo album, each look is a test to look better!). But I will agree a Transformation service will show you what is possable to be done, and that maybe a good start for you.

    Good luck
    Last edited by Tracy_Victoria; 08-24-2009 at 02:46 AM.
    Cya

    Tracy

    [SIZE="2"]The nail that stands out the most, is the one that is hammered down the hardest![/SIZE]

  11. #11
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    I should have mentioned that Jon Davis at Transformations does NOT specialize in TG's. Jon owns a salon where he makes his living making women beautiful. He is also a licensed image consultant, very much like the folks on "What not to wear". In other words, he offers much more than a simple make over, he can advise you on what looks good for you and how to bring out the best of your features and assets. My two hours with him was probably the best money I ever spent. Just take a look at my pics from before that make over and then compare to the hundreds I've taken after it - there is a whole world of difference.

  12. #12
    New Member Mmmatt's Avatar
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    That's your biggest hurdle right there. You'll never get anywhere as long as you fear ridicule.
    When you're days from dying, it's not going to be what you did and got ridiculed for that you're going to be thinking about. If ridicule is your only obstacle, you're a lucky duck.

    Also, I'm 6' 2" and 210 and I think I look kinda cute. Only problem is that it makes it harder to find clothes.

  13. #13
    Florida Crossdresser Mandyflcd's Avatar
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    I've never been ridiculed or laughed at that I know of. If anyone has ever laughed at me while I was dressed I did not know about it. I've gotten more curious stares than anything else.

  14. #14
    Florida Crossdresser Mandyflcd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mmmatt View Post
    Also, I'm 6' 2" and 210 and I think I look kinda cute. Only problem is that it makes it harder to find clothes.
    You can say that again girl. 6'2", 215, and size 13 shoes here! Its a bit tough!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley_in_Texas View Post
    but I want to work on it.
    I don't. I have no desire for anyone else to see me or to out myself. I love doing what I do, pretending to be a girl, in my own private Idaho.

  16. #16
    The Belle from Hell! Wrenchette's Avatar
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    I'd love to get together with some other Austin CDs...But don't do the bar scene...

    Unfortunately, I have no advice.
    Redheaded woman in a dirty Corvette.

  17. #17
    Member Ashley_in_Texas's Avatar
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    I don't do the bar scene either, even as a guy.

  18. #18
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Never did the bar scene much as a guy, have never tried it as girl. At 6'6", huge hands, size 16 ladies shoes, 254 lbs, i am watched, scrutinized, and read easy, but from a distance can pass, unless i have to speak. I was laughed at and OMG at least once, shouted expletives from a car. Guys in a cafe came out of the cafe, to watch, as i strutted down the walk, on the opposite side of the street. But, it was ok with me. It was my first time in public, in daylight, walking in a town. I just blocked out the fear. Wisdom is needed though.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

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