Tristen started a thread on the MTF fourm that showed drab/femme pics. So I thought I'd join in the fun and do a before and after pic of me. After I was done I looked at the pics and realized how much I liked Jim. He's been a great dad, a great brother, a great friend and a great leader. I'm not blowing smoke, these are comments I have heard over and over from those who know me. And he's an integral part of who I am.
When I saw that pic of me in a happier time of my life I thought, "Why would you want to change this?" I've been told so many times I make such a great guy, why would I want to be a woman? And yet, I still want that. But I realized I also want to be that guy too.
What is so hard is the internal struggle. I see all I have done as a guy and it's impressive. Could I have done that as a woman? I hear my daughter talk and I know she needs her dad. I completely understand that. My dad was a great man and even though he's been gone for almost a decade, I still miss him. Why would I be willing to take that away from her? And I take that and apply it to situation after situation and I come up with the same thing - I can't let Jim die.
I wonder if this dilemma happens to other TSs? It makes me wonder if I'm TS or maybe just TG.