Could you help me understand you guy's better.

[Christina Horton]

Hay I am a MtF and I would like to know ore about why you guys do this like most people want to know I cd to. I have read some here but have found now correct me If I have got this wrong, that most FtM want to transition yes/no.
You see this is where I am confused. Most MtF don't want to have SRS, like me I don't want to I just love everything about being a woman. So could you help me understand , and maybe you will understand better why for yourselves to. Thanks fellas.

This is the first time I have put my Male self in this site I hope you guys like it, cuz I have had 8 laser treatments to get rid of my bread. So what ya think. The beard I had up to last year had it since i was 18 so, there you go.
I don't want SRS but don't want to have to shave and wear all that makeup that's way I am doing it.

How far would you go (if you don't want SRS) and where do you draw the line?

Thank again.

[SirTrey]

Hi Christina....Thanks for asking....Yes, you are right that most FtM's transition to some point (though, not all)....As to why comes down to the difference between being transgender/transsexual and being a crossdresser....I can only speak for Myself here, I am a transsexual....That means that I do not dress like a man, I AM a man....They are finding a biological basis for transsexualism more and more...It basically boils down to the brain developing one way and the body developing another....Since you can't fix the brain (and I wouldn't want to, if they could), we transition to fix the body...I have been on testosterone for 18 months, that has masculinized Me a lot....I now have facial hair, body hair, deep voice, much more muscle tone....am having chest surgery next month to masculinize My chest....So, it's not about the clothes or dressing as a man....It's about living as one...becoming the person I am and have always been on the inside. Hope that helps.

[NiCo]

Exactly what Trey has said.

I've been on testosterone and anti estrogen for 12 weeks tomorrow and already got a hell of a lot more muscle [in fact my whole weight has went up about 21Ilbs so far, and I look thinner? Lol] got the facial hair coming in but I’ve been shaving it off cause it's not as thick as I would like it atm.

Yeah anyway, basically what Trey said. There is a major difference between TS, TV, CD [and usually TS' refer to TV's as TG's but I use TG more cause there is nothing wrong my sex (in fact I’ve been told I’m good at sex. Pmsl!) but there IS something wrong with my gender, body wise, so that's why I use TG more].

I'm going all the way for surgery...but I am going to space out the last operation because I’m really unhappy about the results produced by surgeons. I'll have the chest and the hysto, but for the last bit, cause I’m paying for it myself rather than the NHS, I expect it to be closer to perfect than the current results. Also because of the sheer amount of scarring, all someone has to do is Google it and that's me landed in the sh*t as I want to pass and NO-ONE to know about my past. I don't even want to know, so I don't see why anyone else should.

After all, I want to look like a man, because I feel I am one, I don’t see why I should accept a half done job, for it to look crap…I want what males are born with, not something that looks like it’s been stuck on with celotape, all the wrong shape and in general just looks fake, leaving a hell of a lot of scarring etc…and might not even work at all!

[If anyone is offended by my statements, tough, this is my opinion]

However, for now I feel sorted, got my hormone, getting surgery soon (fingers crossed) and I’ll no longer feel as if I’m existing, I’ll be living!

=]

[DanielMacBride]

Hi Christina and welcome to the boys' side of the board! Thanks for doing us the courtesy of asking and wanting to understand - around here sometimes that is a bit of a rarity, so it's nice to see, and you're welcome to drop in and visit us anytime

In answer to your questions, like Trey and NiCo have said, the difference between MtFs and FtMs is that FtMs usually present as male because we ARE male, not because we want to just crossdress (although there are a *few* FtM crossdressers, they are much less prevalent than transsexuals/transgendered FtMs). Most of us don't do it part-time - it's who we are at our core, rather than something we do for whatever reasons MtF crossdressers dress So for most of us, wearing female clothing is crossdressing and makes us uncomfortable. And because most of us are transsexual/transgendered rather than crossdressers, just wearing male clothing doesn't cut it - as Trey mentioned, the nuts and bolts of who we are is that our brains are wired male while our bodies are created female, and the only way to have any sort of resolution is to have surgery to make our bodies more closely resemble a biological male.

As for surgery, I have just been approved for mine - I plan to have a hysterectomy/oophorectomy and get my chest reconstructed at this stage. I am kinda "meh" about the options we currently have for genital surgery, because they are extremely expensive and the results are not exactly great. As NiCo said, there is extensive scarring, the surgeries also have to be done in multiple procedures (not just one like for the MtFs) and the results are substandard - essentially you can either choose to have a micropenis that retains sensation and you can use it to pee out of, but it is way too small for penetrative sex; or you can have a larger organ that looks like a crude sausage and leaves you with massive scarring, can be used to urinate but is still no good for sex unless you have implants (which are dangerous and can often break the skin and injure both parties, as well as putting a damper on spontaneity).

I agree with NiCo, too - all anyone has to do is Google the scarring to find out what it is and it would instantly mark me as a target for anyone who is transphobic, which is not a risk I want to be taking when I have children to consider.

So considering that for me, either one of those options would necessitate a trip overseas and cost me somewhere in the region of six figures for a pretty lousy result, I am not too keen on getting the lower surgery done at this stage - however I am watching to see if there are any new developments or anything in that field and keeping my options open for future surgery if something comes along that I decide is worth the huge cost and the pain/risks. For now though, what I have may not be ideal, but it is fully functional and sensate, so I am of the view that I guess I am just going to have to learn to make do with it for the time being.

The testosterone has helped me feel much more comfortable with who I am (I have been on T for almost 18 months now) and I love the way it is making me look and feel much more like the man that I am, but it isn't the be all and end all - the surgery will be the icing on the cake so to speak

[Christina Horton]

Ok first off wow. I figured that most (before I read some threads here) that FtM would be almost just like us , Feel more male but still want to be a women. It all so seems that there are not a lot of you here, I see the same names a lot, like most aren't here or there are very few FtM around.
Daniel McBride, Congrats on you approval on you surgery,I hope it's all goes well. I never knew it was not as good as a MtF srs. I fingered you would get a organ donated from someone who was A having srs to or B form a person whom died like a heart transplant. I guess I was naive or something. I find it hard to believe that they have not got something better then what you have said they have. Maybe someday I hope it will be better. I could not image what you guys or the other side of the coin have to go through been born in the wrong body. My CDing is the "Cure" for me. I would get srs if they could figger out a way to make it so I could have a baby of my own jeans.

I hope I have not offend any one by my comments or my ignorants on this, I really do want to learn. Thanks for tolerating me.

[MiraM]

I agree. The bottom surgery for FtM's leave A LOT to be desired. I don't know if it's because it is technically more difficult to create a realistic looking male organ, or the doctors just don't really give a damn. Eventually, my hubby will have top surgery done, but bottom surgery is probably out of the question due to the cost and the poor results (mainly the poor results).

[Ze]

I hope I have not offend any one by my comments or my ignorants on this, I really do want to learn. Thanks for tolerating me.

Not a problem, Christina. It's nice to have you here.

(I would add more to the conversation, but the other boys seem to have said it all.)

I agree. The bottom surgery for FtM's leave A LOT to be desired. I don't know if it's because it is technically more difficult to create a realistic looking male organ, or the doctors just don't really give a damn. Eventually, my hubby will have top surgery done, but bottom surgery is probably out of the question due to the cost and the poor results (mainly the poor results).

Although FtM bottom surgery probably would be harder, I do also think it's because most doctors are still male. What male doctor wants to waste his time on perfecting the penis instead of perfecting the vulva? Not only does he not care, but it might make HIM look bad!

Am I reading right, Alicia, that you have an FtM hubby? For some reason that rings a bell to me if that's right, but way to go you anyway!

[Felix]

Hi and welcome to our humble abode

I have to say I agree with what has been said by the other men in here with regard to the difference between transsexualism and crossdressing. I am transsexual and I am trying through hormones and surgery to bring my body in line with my brain so I can live as the man I have always been but who has been trapped in this wrong body.

As for surgery like I have said before until I met recently a certain young gentle man who had had all surgeries including bottom surgery I was extremely sceptic le as to the whole thing now that I have seen for myself the amount of scaring and what Dr Ralph can do I'm pretty impressed and who knows a couple of years down the line when its my turn things might have improved further as things are advancing all the time in this area. Anyway's it's a personal choice so I will wait and see what the next couple of years brings.

Thanx for being so interested and wanting to understand. I put quite a detailed piece on here a week or so ago but it was moved unfortunately and it would have been great as you have asked exactly the questions I was answering in the above paragraph. Hope this has helped a little xx Felix

[MiraM]

Am I reading right, Alicia, that you have an FtM hubby? For some reason that rings a bell to me if that's right, but way to go you anyway!

You read it right Ze. My hubby is FtM. Since he has had no surgeries as yet, the law still considers him to be female (although we know better) so we were able to be legaly married in Virginia of all places. We separated in November due to a lot of manipulation from his parents who we were living with at the time (we both hope they die a slow and painful death) but we are getting back together. As soon as our financial situations settle a bit and we can afford a new place, we will be back living happily as Husband and Husband (even though he does call me his wife most of the time).

[Christina Horton]

You read it right Ze. My hubby is FtM. Since he has had no surgeries as yet, the law still considers him to be female (although we know better) so we were able to be legally married in Virginia of all places. We separated in November due to a lot of manipulation from his parents who we were living with at the time (we both hope they die a slow and painful death) but we are getting back together. As soon as our financial situations settle a bit and we can afford a new place, we will be back living happily as Husband and Husband (even though he does call me his wife most of the time).

WOW good for you. Now please tell me does he consider himself herto or gay. I believe He fell in love with you and still after all this he still love you fully. This is the kind of thing I don't understand. So if you don't mind I would like to know and If you think it's none of my biss then please tell me that to. Thanks for the continuing education folks.

[MiraM]

WOW good for you. Now please tell me does he consider himself herto or gay. I believe He fell in love with you and still after all this he still love you fully. This is the kind of thing I don't understand. So if you don't mind I would like to know and If you think it's none of my biss then please tell me that to. Thanks for the continuing education folks.

He is Gay. We're basically just your average American Gay couple, just one of us likes to wear a dress from time to time.

[Ze]

He is Gay. We're basically just your average American Gay couple, just one of us likes to wear a dress from time to time.

This makes me smile.

[SirTrey]

I'm glad this thread is helping you to understand, Christina...as you can see, gender and sexuality are two separate things for us, just as they are for MtF's....Alicia's partner is gay, I am straight, and some of the other guys in here are more fluid in their sexuality in that they identify as bisexual or pansexual...So we have a whole mix of sexualities, just as any other group does...We are like any other group of guys, we have some things in common, and others, we may differ....but I will say, again, thanks for asking. We are glad you did.

[Felix]

Lol Trey don't forget the QUEERS of the community like me !!!! xx Felix

[Jessinthesprings]

Hi Christina....Thanks for asking....Yes, you are right that most FtM's transition to some point (though, not all)....As to why comes down to the difference between being transgender/transsexual and being a crossdresser....I can only speak for Myself here, I am a transsexual....That means that I do not dress like a man, I AM a man....They are finding a biological basis for transsexualism more and more...It basically boils down to the brain developing one way and the body developing another....Since you can't fix the brain (and I wouldn't want to, if they could), we transition to fix the body...I have been on testosterone for 18 months, that has masculinized Me a lot....I now have facial hair, body hair, deep voice, much more muscle tone....am having chest surgery next month to masculinize My chest....So, it's not about the clothes or dressing as a man....It's about living as one...becoming the person I am and have always been on the inside. Hope that helps.

Yup, and in my humble opinion it works the same for the mtf... just with slightly different phrasing.

[DanielMacBride]

Lol Trey don't forget the QUEERS of the community like me !!!! xx Felix

LOL yes you are quite queer aren't you! j/k!

*ducks and runs*

[metalguy639]

lol yes you are quite queer aren't you! j/k!

*ducks and runs* :d :d :d

lol

[Christina Horton]

Hay guys just checking in to see how you all are . Have a Mary Christmas And have a happy holidays.

[carolinoakland]

The picture of you male looks so... unhappy. And the one of you now is happy. In the male one, you can almost see the resignation in your demeanor. I say this because as I've gone through my transition, a lot of people have forced me to step back. I thought that I presented as a happy, funny, likeable guy. And yet I keep on hearing how stressed, tight, and just plain angry I used to be... and incredibly intense. And now? Now I get people telling me how stunning and evident my joy with life is now... undeniable at last. Carol

[Ze]

Thanks for the holiday wishes, Christina. Glad to see you're still around.

[mistunderstood]

You to.

[kurokaze]

It all so seems that there are not a lot of you here, I see the same names a lot, like most aren't here or there are very few FtM around

Smaller community? hey, size doesn't matter.

[Elle44]

How did I get here! surfing! I read all the posts and I know how you feel FtM. I am MtF and consider myself transgender. No surgery, no hormones. When I started this venture was way back around the late 40's when I was pre school, I am 65 years old (granny tranny), but have been dressing since around 13. At that age I fully dressed with moms wardrobe, a dress, a slip, bra, panties, garter belt and nylons ( no panty hose back then, still love my garter belts and nylons), high heel shoes, and all the make up, perfume.

I looked in a full length mirror from my feet to my face and looked in my eyes and then I knew why I felt different from other boys, why I would rather do girly things and play with the girls. Threw temper tantrums as a child, always felt something was wrong inside somehow I was different. I knew that day I should have been a girl. When I dress I love myself and feel very relaxed since then at 14 right up to today. Couldn't tell nobody back then, dad would have taken me out litterly and made another who looked just like me. He wanted me to wear spikes and shoulder pads and run around on a football field. I preferred spikes of another type high heel shoes and shoulder pads in my blouses. so I did it in the closet, mom and dad split when I was 14. Mom caught with wearing her panties and bought them for me thinking that I would outgrow it, sorry mom, that never happened, even she teased me as well as other boys especially in high school gym class when changing in the locker room.

Wanted a sex change op when I was 21 only place was in Denmark at that time. Lived a life of living hell always the war within until I was around 35 when I decided to commit suicide and called a therapist. Became an alcoholic, drinking took away some of the guilt and shame and turmoil when I took my first drink at 14, got sober at 33 (still sober today and still attend AA meetings today). she talked about acceptance which I knew about from the program of AA. Yes I made myself up as a female and ventured out more frequently in my youth when I was young and beautiful but still do on occasion today, especially when I have a date. So I not only learned to not only accept myself but to love myself and LOL love the "woman within" more than any male that's there.

I always dated women, had 2 in my life that encouraged me to dress and would buy me presents of the femme variety throughout our relationships. Married to a lady who did not accept it in my late 20's, had 3 children, dressed only when she wasn't around. divorced when I was 34.

I have come to realize I was afraid I was gay, homosexual, or whatever society names me. I found a beautiful lady in a club in NYC only come to find out she was pre op transsexual. LOL no problem I went straight for her "cookies", best loving I ever had and relationship in my life at 42 years old. I discovered I love men too! Bi sexual tranny is what I consider myself and have dated straight men but prefer gurls just like me, TG/TS/CD/TV.

So I have no problem understanding this forum FtM. When the inside don't match the outside, do it, don't go through the hell I put myself through for 1/2 my life. I have made friends with many lesbian girls too. We are what we are! Enjoy your lives to the fullest, don't let innuendo disturb you. Be what you feel and who you are. This journey through life should not be of guilt, shame, remorse or resentment. NO....... BE WHO YOU ARE. BE HAPPY!

[allstaraddiction]

Christina,
I think this is where we need to decipher the difference between CD's and FTMs, because there are so many "options" of what people could want or be. When I think of FTM, I think of someone who was born in a female body, and lives their life as a male. When I think of someone who just dresses like a male because they like it, or for entertainment, I think dragking.

Just like MTFs, not all FTMs want surgery, or even hormones. Personally, I have been on hormones for a year and will have chest surgery this year. Bottom surgery is being saved for and will happen. I feel like I was born a male, in a different body, and will do all I can to correct it. Not everyone feels this way, but that is the reason I am transitioning.

I think its hard to make assumptions because of all the options and the differences in people. :-) Great question though.

And the laser worked wonders darlin' ;-) you look great!

[Elric]

Greetings, Christina.

I realize this may be necroposting, but I haven't been around in a number of months, and one thing I enjoy about this place is that the information is always valid and with merit, no matter when the posts occurred.

My own situation is a little different from most FtM. I always say that I am just "me" and am content with who I am and know what I am, even though what I am may seem... odd.

I was born female but knew almost immediately (as did my parents actually and my Grandmother remained in denial forever) that I wasn't quite right or whole. I felt in all ways that I should be a boy and behaved as such for the most part... except...

I was brought up in a sexually open househould with parents who really didn't care what I did provided no one was hurt etc. etc. I remember being about 6 years old and actually sexually stimulated while wearing girl clothes. Of course, being female, most people didn't bat an eyelash (my parents had to know, but I'm not going to ask now). But I felt like a right pervert in a mini skirt, tight knit, patent leather shoes and stockings. 6 years old!

At any rate, time marched on and I never gave much thought to appropriate terminology. I knew I was masculine wired and identify as male. I knew I was bisexual with a preference for women by the time I was 8 (maybe 10). My hobbies were and are "boy things" (from movies to cars to pornography etc.). Women remain a mystery to me. I feel somewhat kinky and sensual in women's clothes but feel more comfortable and relaxed in men's attire.

For the past 15 years it's been a little difficult passing as a guy because I grew my hair long. Although, lately, I've been leaning towards just buying a men's wig so I can pass again. I have other wigs, but they're not all that realistic.

Because I'm content with myself, I do not plan on hormones or surgery. There are many times I wish I could flip a switch and PRESTO changeo! My hat's off to the amazing men here who go through the whole change -- it's not an easy process and really, they leave me in awe.

And that's my story.

Cheers.