Divorce, kids and crossdressing

[Mrs. X (gg)]

Hello:

I decided to post seeking other ppl experiences regarding divorce proceedings, kids and crossdressing.

A couple of weeks ago in a court session in Tennessee which BF was represented by his lawyer but he wasn't actually present, his soon to be ex told the female judge all about his crossdressing, the lawyer objected and asked her for proof of her claim and although she clearly admitted she didn't have any evidence at all, the judge ruled his visitation rights were cut off to 0days, in other words he's not allowed to see his kids and this broke his heart. In order to be considered to re-establish them he has to go infront of the judge in a future court date to explain his "unfit" behavior.

Thinking we don't have the best lawyer for his case, in two separate approaches seeking a second opinion, as soon as the crossdressing issue comes up the lawyers tend to be unfriendly toward the whole thing and are not interested. Apparently we are working with a very conservative County, I haven't found yet a transgender friendly attorney.

BF was already dealing with parental alienation and now she has the law in her side. He adores those kids, he's a great dad, I don't see how this is in the best interest of the children.

I will appreciate any thoughts...

[tricia_uktv]

Ouch, ouch, ouch. But I think (s)he has to go court. My kids are more imprtant to me than my cd-ing and I would do everything in power to retain access to them.

I also am absolutely sure he's a brilliant Dad.

I so much wish her luck! But she so much needs to retain the access to her children. I know she will make them grow.

[Joan Merrie]

That's just sad. But unfortunately welcome to the south, I take it it wasn't in a big city like Nashville or Knoxville.

[Tamara Croft]

Just google transgender friendly lawyers in your state, I'm sure a few will pop up. What the ex wife did was disgraceful, playing that kind of game, what a cow

[shesadvl]

reminds me of when I first came on to this forum to see another GG use that line of play in divorce proceedings...

also knowing...that my partner's ex wife did something similar but must of fell on deaf ears as no one has asked him, or even me....but if we were both asked.... the honest answers would be given.....

but like Tamara said mrs X gg, there has to be some lawyers that can see pastthe crossdressing and to what this woman has done... to score points....

wish you both luck in finding a "JUST" end for everyone that can be a horrible LEGAL battle and costly in all ways....

thats a side of "some" women oi hate...

[karennjcd]

My ex had found out when I told her and CD in front of her a few times. Naturally when the visitation and custody topics came up in court, she and her lawyer tried to play that card.... despite the obvious proof my side had that she was and still is an unfit mother.

As far as my ex knew, I never CD'ed outside the bedroom. And are one's bedroom activities admissable in court when a case involving visitation and custody is being heard? No way.

The courts in my state, and I've found out in many states surrounding mine, will side in favor of the mother regardless of the proof against the mom .... ( yeah she carried the child, but still.... ) In a sense it's a detriment to own a penis.

To this day I've never CD'ed in front of my kid, and still won't. In the end my ex had one of many psychotic breakdowns and I've had custody ever since.


Karen

[Laurie A]

It sounds like he may need a better lawyer, maybe one who is familiar with that particular judge. I wish him the best of luck, this is a horrible situation.

Worse yet is having to deal with parental alienation, this can cause more long term heartache and stress if it is allowed to continue. I would suggest finding a lawyer who is familiar with this issue as well. My experience is that most judges don't want to directly deal with it and will turn it over to a social worker to make a recommendation as to the suitabilty of each party regarding visitation and custody. If the social worker comes to the table with an preconceptions regarding crossdressing then it will be all the more difficult to resolve this equitably.

It may be along shot, but if both parties could seek some mutual counseling with the goal to make the divorce as easy as possible on the kids, everyone would be better off in the long run.

[Mrs. X (gg)]

Thank you for your support and advice.

BF tried to seek counseling or mediation to make things easier and faster and she denied, she just wants to "rip the hell out of him" her own words. So far, she is winning

The case is not being held in a big city so to have a transgender friendly lawyer who specializes in dad's divorce is to travel 2.5 hours from perhaps Nashville and will costs us travel costs of $2,000 (hourly rate of $250.00) in addition to the retainer fee of $2,500 and BF's travel and lodging expenses since we don't live in TN. Yeah...I've been making my homework

Ironic in this case is that BF is the plaintiff and the grounds is adultery form her part, she had a baby from another man. The only thing the judge said about that was the she acknowledge the baby wasn't his...everything else has turned against BF. She was awarded with $100 a wk for alimony plus increase in the child support which is already over $1000 for their two kids. BF also has to fill a questionair with 50 q's between his cding and his relationship with me.

Obviously he has a useless lawyer...my fear is that we might get stuck with him if I don't get a hold of someone better who wants our case soon.

[Plasibeau]

I find it completely disgusting that this can be so petty! Those children are lucky enough as it is to have a father who is fighting to be in their lives and all she can do is be vengefull because she got caught having an affair. Women like this make me sick to my stomach and I wish deep, dark, ill will upon any who would do this to a dedicated father.

You let that strong, upstanding, proud father know that he has an army of people chearing on his behalf.

[Melanie R]

He needs an attorney who is educated on what it means to be a crossdresser and is not afraid to take on a conservative judge. In 1979 my deceased ex-wife attempted to get a divorce from her "sick depraved crossdressing husband" and asked the judge to deny me child visitation. The hearing took place in a Southeast Texas country courtroom. My attorney who had won two cases before the US Supreme Court was very accepting of my crossdressing and told the judge that he would trust me to care for his own young children. The hearing lasted less than an hour and in the end the divorce was granted and I was awarded equal custody of the children. Of course 1979 was before the push of right wingers who condemn anyone who does not fit their two boxes. I lived in central Tennessee for 3 years in my position as CEO of a large mental health care organization. I know how the ultra right judges in Tennessee write their own laws for everyone to follow.

[sheidelmeidel]

I agree with latindancer. I often don't like the ACLU but I think this can definitely be called "discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation" or something like that - the right lawyer will know what it is. Men get screwed over enough in divorce courts when they dress as men. They should not get screwed over more when they dress as women!