Apartment Complexes and Neighbors

[Maddie22]

So after many many years of living with roommates, I have finally got an apartment to myself!!

It is great, now I can dress whenever I want, and I can leave things out.

However, as many times as I have gone out by myself, I am now even more chicken to step outside the apartment, fearful of neighbors around the complex seeing me go out to my car.

I'm all dressed up, wanting to go out, and I am just nervous as heck trying to get the nerve to walk out to my car.

I can't see my car from my door, but it is almost a straight shot.

Anyone else live in an apartment complex and have to deal with neighbors?

Any tips?

[Miranda09]

I don't live in an apartment but do live in a complex townhomes and condos, and yes, dealing with neighbors can be a tough issue, which is why I've never gone out enfemme directly from my house. I have stepped outside the front door while dressed, thinking it was OK, till I saw someone move their blinds, looking in my direction. Needless to say, I quickly ducked back inside, not really sure of what they saw or what they think they saw. It's just part of life!!

[AllieSF]

One way to get out is to do all the prep work at home, dress, put baggy opposite sex clothes over all of it, leave with a baseball cap and sunglasses on and drive to a nearby quiet location to finish up. Depending on the time of day, It only takes me 10 - 15 minutes to finish up "on the road". I live in a condo complex and know all the neighbors, plus my son lives with me and comes home to early for my needs. Try it, it may work for you.

[ChelseaC]

Depending on the size of your community you may be able to watch others' habits and know when a good time is to leave.
I used to get my running gear on and leave early in the morning when I knew no others would be immediately around, and when leaving the building running it gives a lesser chance of them getting a good look.
Its also easy to just keep jogging around the neighborhood when you return until you see that there is no one outside or at the windows, and find a moment to sneak back inside.

[Wrenchette]

I didn't get to go out dressed up at all for a long time except late at night or Halloween because of living in apartments. Only the first one we lived at together did I feel somewhat comfortable because our neighbors were pretty cool. On the plus side, the car was 10 feet from the door.

The next 2, we hated most of the neighbors and they hated us. We had good reason to hate them though...Not only would they park in my wife's disabled parking places, they keyed our cars out of malice and jealousy. But it was more for the safety of others that I didn't go out much dressed...As anyone that confronted me would probably get a high heel up the arse.

I would go with AllieSF's plan. But if your car is parked close, I wouldn't get too worried, keep your head down and walk quickly.

[WifeofWrenchette]

I didn't get to go out dressed up at all for a long time except late at night or Halloween because of living in apartments. Only the first one we lived at together did I feel somewhat comfortable because our neighbors were pretty cool. On the plus side, the car was 10 feet from the door.

The next 2, we hated most of the neighbors and they hated us. We had good reason to hate them though...Not only would they park in my wife's disabled parking places, they keyed our cars out of malice and jealousy. But it was more for the safety of others that I didn't go out much dressed...As anyone that confronted me would probably get a high heel up the arse.

I would go with AllieSF's plan. But if your car is parked close, I wouldn't get too worried, keep your head down and walk quickly.

It's really nice that we FINALLY have a house with a garage door opener isn't it sweetie?

[Hope]

Sneaking around just gives the impression that you are doing something wrong. It might not be true, but it certainly gives that impression.

If you don't have to stay in the closet because of your employment situation, or some other reason other than just being afraid of what the neighbors might think... Be bold, be daring, be honest. If your neighbors don't like it, that is ok. It's good for people to encounter things they don't like, or are unfamiliar with from time to time.

Whatever you - please don't sneak around. It makes all of us look bad.

[patti.jean]

I know the prospect of leaving your apartment can be very scary. I was at the same place at one time. However over time I have been able to leave the apartment only worrying about my makeup, hair, and if I have everything in my handbag rather then the neighbors. We have also had many parties in my apartment with other CDs and have never had any problems with the neighbors.

The reality is that your apartment neighbors hardly pay any attention to what you are doing. If they do see you dressed they will at first think you are a lady and not give if anymore thought. The few that do give if more thought will have something to talk about or enjoy seeing you out. The one thing I have found living in both houses and apartments is an apartment is a lot more private then a house. I wish you the best and hope you come to enjoy your new found freedom.

Patti

[Crissy Kay]

While I don"t go out of the apt. dressed up, you never know when there is going to be a knock on the door. Delivery people, etc. So most of my dressing is on the weekends. Thats the only real complaint I have, otherwise I have it good!!!

[mskanuchi]

I live where everyone has privace fences. In this state, as with most, the laws states that you have the right to a certain amount of expected privacy, and if someone goes out of their way to look through the fence at you, they are in the wrong. A peeping tom so to speak. I wear panties on my back poarch, sometimes walk around the back yard in them. There's no children that can look through the fence here, so I don't worry about it. Besides, our neighbors know the wife and I are both bi and don't seem to have a problem with it.

[Miss Anthropic]

One way to get out is to do all the prep work at home, dress, put baggy opposite sex clothes over all of it, leave with a baseball cap and sunglasses on and drive to a nearby quiet location to finish up. Depending on the time of day, It only takes me 10 - 15 minutes to finish up "on the road". I live in a condo complex and know all the neighbors, plus my son lives with me and comes home to early for my needs. Try it, it may work for you.

I've done this several times, baggy sweats in fall/winter make it super easy. Then I'd usually just find an empty deck of a parking garage and finish everything up.

I feel for ya Becca, it's tough, but having no roomates is really nice. I'm stuck with one for now, can't wait til he's gone.

[sherri]

I think you have to go with the assumption that at any given moment someone might see you -- someone could be looking out their window, getting out of their car in the parking lot, etc. If you do it often enough, sooner or later someone will notice you. They might clock you, they might not; they might care, they might not. Only you can be the judge of whether the risk is worth the reward, or of how "out" you're willing to be.

You sound like you want to keep your secret for now, so there are things you can do to minimize the risk, even if you can't totally eliminate it. Waiting 'til nighttime helps if the outside lighting isn't too bright. But probably the safest solution is what AllieSF suggested -- do as much prep as you can at home and finish up in your car or at your destination. Since you live alone, you can probably do everything -- clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc -- at home and throw on a warm-up suit to get to the car, so all you have to do in the car is take off the guy clothes and put on your hair and shoes. Even if you prefer to do more of your prep and dressing in the car, after a few times you'll develop a system that works well for you. It's not as ideal as doing it all at home, but I disagree that it has to be "seedy" or risky. After all, necessity is the mother of invention. Just keep these tips in mind:

• Pick a safe place to do your dressing or finishing. Over the years I've used a large retail parking lot, a club parking lot, a public park parking lot and a rest area (car park) without any problems.
• Avoid having to get completely undressed in order to change. At the very least you should already have on your gurl underthings, but more is better.
• If you have to change from guy clothes to gurl clothes, minimize the time that you're undressed. If you have everything laid out and ready before you disrobe, you should be able to make the change in a couple of minutes.
• While you foof, stay aware of your surroundings but don't skulk around like a cat burglar. Remember, as long as you stay decent you're not doing anything illegal and no one is likely to even notice you unless you're acting guilty.
• When you're done getting ready, take a minute to do some housekeeping. Clean up the mess in your car and store everything neatly in your trunk. A neat car interior arouses less suspicion if you were to be stopped, and besides, you're probably going to need to reverse the whole process before you return home, so stay organized.

In the course of your outings you may well discover other options --

• Several friends I have made who are aware that I have to travel from a nearby town have offered to let me get ready at their homes, which is a good option if you don't mind them seeing you in guy mode.
• If you like to go clubbing, some clubs have dressing rooms that aren't usually available to the public, but if you get to be friends with the owner he/she might let you use them.
• If your city has a TG service of some kind (where they do makeovers, coaching, etc), they might have lockers and dressing rooms you can use for a price.

[Kalley]

That's the main reason I didn't move back into a apt complex and decided to get more of a private duplex. With only one neighbor on the other side and my own driveway sorta. Much better to be able to leave and comeback still dressed. Its a little more price wise in my area,but worth it. Never feel like I have 20 people watching me out the window.

[Carole Cross]

I used to be scared to step outside my door, worried about the heighbours in my block but, after the first niehbour saw me and said nothing, I don't worry anymore. Now nearly all of my neighbours have seen me dressed and one even held the door for me. I still get an adrenalin rush when one of them comes out while I am walking down the stairs but it doesen't bother me any more.

[RylieCD]

I too used to live in a condo, my car was right outside my door, the only problem was so were the neighbors and the carport was brightly lit. Needles to say that there was no going out at the condo. now at the house it is a longer stay probably lifetime, and at this time i really do not want the neighbors to know.

[windycissy]

When I lived in a high rise in Chicago, I used to walk up or down one flight of stairs before getting on the elevator and vice-versa...sounds kind of lame, but it did give me a bit of distance from the folks on my floor who knew a guy lived in that apt! Getting used to riding in a crowded elevator was great for building up self-confidence.

[Fab Karen]

They're strangers. Just get out, most people don't pay much attention to comings & goings.

[tricia_uktv]

I think you either just go for it - and hang the consequences. You may be surprised at the reception you get. Or go away from your home for a few times - to a friendly place where you can practice and build up your confidence. You can change in a hotel.

[charlie]

Hello Beca!
I go with Katie B. Just dress your best and march out the door to your car. I tried the sneaking, taking quick looks out the door before leaving and even finishing in the car. I live in a large apartment complex. Now I just do my best and march out. I smile and nod at anyone I see. So far I have had good luck and not had any problems. I think we look far different then our males selves out and about. The change protects our idenity.

[michelle_tx]

I've lived in apartments pretty much my entire life. I pretty much am in girl mode most of the time except when I'm coming to and from work. I've never had any problems so far. Granted, I think my neighbors probably think I'm a girl since I have long hair. I go to the pool in our complex almost every weekend with no issues. Yeah, there are probably some people who see and read me and might not approve. But so what. As long as you are not breaking any rules and you're neighbors aren't someone you actually consider dangerous, them seeing you isn't a big deal. Granted, I do try to pass as best I can when I go out. I suppose if I walked around with a full beard in a dress or something they'd probably balk or freak more. But if you try your best to pass, I think you'll find most people won't say anything, or care. However, of course there's always the possibility there's some asshole out there who won't be able to take it. Most likely you have nothing to worry about, but of course I'm giving you this advice without knowing your neighbors. If you have the misfortune of living next to one of these affore mentioned assholes, rare as they are, they might cause problems. But again, most likely you have nothing to worry about.

[LanaFairmaiden]

I'm in the San Francisco Bay Area, so perhaps my experience is more optimal than some locales, but I can't tell you how happy and free I felt when I came out. I walk right out the door and go shopping. And not just for woman stuff. Groceries, the hardware store, for coffee or for dinner. Or my corner pub where they knew the male me. My neighbors just have to deal.

It changes your life in other ways, too. Sneaking around means you're not living a full life as a woman. You're missing out on the finer points and subtleties, challenges and joys. Coming out means you can start integrating certain things into your life that you were afraid to before. Removing the hair from my arms was one of the first lines I crossed. Piercing my ears is coming right up on the calendar. Growing out my already long (for a man) hair in a softer style is underway.

I've lost weight, exercise more and eat healthier. I have new joy in life. I even dress better as a man. I don't know if I'll ever go 24/7. But to an extent, I already have.

Again, your mileage may vary. I'm divorced and live alone. I have a safe job and supportive employer. I also know I want to go farther than many would be comfortable with as CD's. Not full transition, perhaps but walking up to that line. Retraining my voice, permanent facial hair removal.

Others may not have the social, family or employment flexibilty. Others may be satisfied with occasional social outings and feel no need to spend significant amounts of time living as a woman. You will have to weigh all the factors and responsibilities in your life before making your decisions.

[Christina Horton]

I know the prospect of leaving your apartment can be very scary. I was at the same place at one time. However over time I have been able to leave the apartment only worrying about my makeup, hair, and if I have everything in my handbag rather then the neighbors. We have also had many parties in my apartment with other CDs and have never had any problems with the neighbors.

The reality is that your apartment neighbors hardly pay any attention to what you are doing. If they do see you dressed they will at first think you are a lady and not give if anymore thought. The few that do give if more thought will have something to talk about or enjoy seeing you out. The one thing I have found living in both houses and apartments is an apartment is a lot more private then a house. I wish you the best and hope you come to enjoy your new found freedom.

Patti

Hay becca , What she said was good but like what has been said only you know your neighbors and can pick out the ass holes. But YNK the ones you think will give you trouble could turn out to be a good friends. It most likely not happen but there is a chance. When I can out to my family I knew my mom would be ok with is as my sis would , and knew my dad , bother in law and the friend of my dad who was having a hard time and living with us , they would hate it . Well they were fine with it and my mom is the only one who hated it. People can surprise you so much.

I live in the same apt since 1996 and never went out in fem-mode until Aug 9 last year . No one in my apt knew I CDed , was I nervous , Well to be honest yes a little. The first few times , but then I thought I don't care if they do you see, It's my life not there's. If they don't like TFB. I have had most of them see me including little kids and no one has had a prob. When they see me in drab some have said that I look FAB the other time they saw me.

If you don't (sneak) around and walk out head held high ( the 3 H's ) and not only look like you have confidence , but really have it people will treat you as the women you feel inside and your adventures will be more fun. LOL when I leave my apt I "hope" I bump into people in my apt. If is still fun to talk to the people that know you dress and have them ask questions . I love to educate the public. WE all love to talk about CDing for some reason .
It's our favorite subject. Well mine at least.

So if you don't mind or care if you are outed at your apt then go for it. It will make dressing so much easier hun. Good luck I am off to Florida.

[Ronni Seymour]

Sneaking around just gives the impression that you are doing something wrong. It might not be true, but it certainly gives that impression.

If you don't have to stay in the closet because of your employment situation, or some other reason other than just being afraid of what the neighbors might think... Be bold, be daring, be honest. If your neighbors don't like it, that is ok. It's good for people to encounter things they don't like, or are unfamiliar with from time to time.

Whatever you - please don't sneak around. It makes all of us look bad.

[KarenSusan]

I would get completely ready at home and then just remove my wig and heels. I would wear a male trench coat over my dress and use rubber bands to hold up pants legs which I had cut long enough to reach up under the dress. This way I wouldn't wrinkle my dress. When I was a little ways away I only had to pull off the fake pants legs, put on my heels and wig and I was good to go.

[JaytoJillian]

LoL, your story totally reminds me of my current situation. I am working out of state for the next year, and the commute is too far to make daily, but not worth moving completely for a year. So, I opted to "rough it" in a relatively cheap apt during the work week and come home on weekends. My SO is well aware that I am using the time away as an opportunity to dress during the week. It's been good so far, and I really don't have the urge to get femmed out once the weekend comes and I am back home.

As for getting out of the apt dressed, I have done it a couple of times, and it was nerve-wracking. My parking spot is right out front of my unit with the apt number on the space--probably a safety/privacy nightmare waiting to happen. At any rate there is a fairly young couple who live in a second-floor unit with a balcony that overlooks the parking area and specifically, right into the windshield of my car when it's parked. I am pretty sure these two don't work and are not actively-seeking employment. However, they seem to note with great interest, my comings and goings. Often they ask where I'm going. Stranger comments were, "Hey there, I've just about got your licence plate memorized! I know most of them in the parking lot." THAT creeped me out enough, but a couple of weeks ago, the young lady yelled to me, "Hey, you haven't seen me in three days(honestly I had not been looking for her)! I've been in the hospital!" she then held up her bandaged wrists as badges of honor.

I say all that to say that these folks make it tough for me to leave the place dressed. I have elaborate plans tailor made for slipping out, though. First, I simply walk out to the car in drab and observe the balcony to see if they are out there. If so, and I'm hell-bent on going out, I do all the makeup except lipstick, choose an outfit that will fit under sweats, grab a bag for heels, hair, additional makeup, put on a ball cap and head to the car, and if I am REALLY on it, the opaque sunshield will be already up and blocking anyone's view into the cabin of the car. For the couple of times that I've just walked out dressed and returned as such, I've simply left the car in a visitor's spot out of my neighbor's view. I am pretty sure that the couldn't recognize me at night without connecting me to the car. I hope that if they ever see Jill hop out of my car at night, rumors that I'm dating either a very tall crossdresser or a supermodel will spread like wildfire through the entire complex, LoL