Can you quit?

[PretzelGirl]

In order to not hijack an existing thread, I wanted to move it to a new one. I saw these two comments in a previous thread:

I don't think one can quit. Anyone know someone who did quit and never came back to crossdressing?

Suppressing your corssdressing urges will cause you more emotional problems and it may manifest in other more devastating ways.

I have seen this get mentioned in many threads, but it never has been a complete discussion of its own (unless I missed it). A few thoughts I have on the matter.

First, I think there are people who can quit. Why do I think this? Because it is vain to think that because some of us can't quit that there isn't a person around that can.

To Jamie's point. Will suppressing crossdressing cause emotional problems? Well it is obvious from reading this board that this is true for some. But again, does the fact that something affects so many mean that it affects all? Why can't someone dress because it is an interesting challenge and then all of a sudden decide golf pleases them more?

I would like to add that we do see a lot of people who say they are stopping and then they are back here saying they made a mistake. It is easier to remember them than to remember the ones that say they are stopping and we never hear from them again. And someone can certainly quit by not even announcing it. For those that post here and quit, I would think this would be the more common approach.

Finally, I would like to point to the threads where everyone is asked what their longest time is without dressing. There are some with 2 or more decades of it being completely dormant. Something woke it back up in them, but why is it not imagineable that there are some that it never gets woke back up in and they are living healthy lives?

This is one of those subjects that I feel we don't always do the fair thing of assuming that there are all types out there. Cautioning someone about purging when they want to quit is a very prudent thing. But when the person gets overwhelmed with comments that they will be back and bad mental health will be a contributer, are we doing them justice?

[Karren H]

1). People who want to quit shouldn't come to a crossdressing forum for support and B).. You imply we don't live healthy lives? Lol.

[Barbara Dugan]

yes I can...but I dont want to

[Cynthia_0101]

I know I cannot quit, I have gone months almost even years without but at some point Cynthia has to come out.

Just how it is for me

[karennjcd]

I'd like to bring up the notion that perhaps CD'ers quit because they have to. Not necessarily by choice, but factors could be discovery and thus rejection by a spouse or other relative, or more likely financial issues. Money is not finite, and I think we all know it's possible we can get carried away and not think about the realities of paying the bills.



Karen

[PretzelGirl]

1). People who want to quit shouldn't come to a crossdressing forum for support and B).. You imply we don't live healthy lives? Lol.

Some people might come to get talked out of it I guess. But the ones I referred to are the ones that are posting here and then decide to quit.

Yikes! I hope I am not implying that we don't live healthy lives. I don't see it in my message, but I could certainly reword something if I am missing it.

As a general note to everyone. When I asked the question, "Can You Quit?", I meant it in a more general sense as "Can Crossdresser's Quit?". Probably should have been more clearer on that.

[dragdoll]

i think i can but i have no reason to. i'm pretty androgynous looking in the first place so cding is not a big stretch for me since its usually casual attire. i believe someone can quit if they really want to, but probably need alot of other hobbies to fill up their idle time.

also, i think if someone quits and then reminisces alot about their cding days then they probably will end up doing it again, just like anything else they enjoyed, then quit, then had a renewed interest in again.

[Jamie001]

It has been proven by psychologists that it is very difficult if not impossible to quit. I was just providing an honest assessment of the situation. The person that is contemplating quitting should be advised of all the known facts. When a CD attempts to quit, usually a subconscious mental struggle erupts and this can result in panic attacks, anxiety, strained relationships, and an overall feeling of something being extremely wrong. CDing is not illegal and therefore there is no reason that we should jeopardize our mental health by quitting. In my opinion, cigarette smoking, obesity, and alcoholism are severe problems that need to be dealt with. Cding is not a problem.

Jamie

In order to not hijack an existing thread, I wanted to move it to a new one. I saw these two comments in a previous thread:





I have seen this get mentioned in many threads, but it never has been a complete discussion of its own (unless I missed it). A few thoughts I have on the matter.

First, I think there are people who can quit. Why do I think this? Because it is vain to think that because some of us can't quit that there isn't a person around that can.

To Jamie's point. Will suppressing crossdressing cause emotional problems? Well it is obvious from reading this board that this is true for some. But again, does the fact that something affects so many mean that it affects all? Why can't someone dress because it is an interesting challenge and then all of a sudden decide golf pleases them more?

I would like to add that we do see a lot of people who say they are stopping and then they are back here saying they made a mistake. It is easier to remember them than to remember the ones that say they are stopping and we never hear from them again. And someone can certainly quit by not even announcing it. For those that post here and quit, I would think this would be the more common approach.

Finally, I would like to point to the threads where everyone is asked what their longest time is without dressing. There are some with 2 or more decades of it being completely dormant. Something woke it back up in them, but why is it not imagineable that there are some that it never gets woke back up in and they are living healthy lives?

This is one of those subjects that I feel we don't always do the fair thing of assuming that there are all types out there. Cautioning someone about purging when they want to quit is a very prudent thing. But when the person gets overwhelmed with comments that they will be back and bad mental health will be a contributer, are we doing them justice?

[AllieSF]

I haven't tried yet, so I cannot really say from my own personal experience. You make some good points, and are the comments of our members here really representative of the CD world at large?

[Karren H]

Cding is not a problem.

Jamie

Obviously you haven't talked to my wife!!

[marny]

never want to quit.

[BunnieCashmere]

No offense to any older CD girls out there, but I imagine once I get older and more wrinkled, I'll probably quit. I'm terrified of dressing like an older lady. Again, no offense to anyone out there who's older, it's just a personal preference of mine.

[Paula W]

I can quit if I wanted to but its too much fun to want to really.

[FluffyPersian]

I think Sue has a good point: We only see the crossdressers who quit and come back, and not those who disappear.

And to Karen's point, why SHOULD'T crossdressers who want to quit come here for support? Why shouldn't we support that as a legitimate (though difficult) option, if they want to try it?

[FluffyPersian]

It has been proven by psychologists that it is very difficult if not impossible to quit.

I'd love to hear the studies you're referring to. To my knowledge, there have been very few longitudinal studies done on cross dressing, and those that have been done have used small samples.

I'm not saying that it's desirable to stop or that people should try doing it. I'm just saying that it hasn't been "proven" impossible yet.

[Cheshire Gummi]

1). People who want to quit shouldn't come to a crossdressing forum for support and B).. You imply we don't live healthy lives? Lol.

Your logic just falls right apart when you realize 1 plus B equals garden weasel.

Anyway, stupid puns aside, I completely agree with you, Karren. Announcing you're quitting cross-dressing while being an active member here is like saying you're going to quit jogging on a board for fun-runners.

If you want to quit, you have no place on this forum, do you? We're here to learn how to understand ourselves and have a safety net for when we finally take the leap so we don't hit rock bottom. Listening to people insisting they "don't want to be a CD anymore" or that they're "over it" doesn't help anyone.

Believe it or not, it's kind of insulting. It implies that it's not who we really are, it's just a casual choice, like eating bacon or smoking cigarettes. This is a perfectly healthy LIFESTYLE, not a bad habit you can just kick to the curb.

If you think you can just up and quit, then you embarrass us all. I don't care what your excuse is.

[Miranda09]

My philosophy about dressing is simple....! control my desires. If I quit, I quit...if not, I don't let it overwhelm me or dominate my life. I think there's room inside for both personas to exist side-by-side...sometimes with compromise, sometimes with not!!

[Ralph]

Cautioning someone about purging when they want to quit is a very prudent thing. But when the person gets overwhelmed with comments that they will be back and bad mental health will be a contributer, are we doing them justice?

I think I love you (cough) in a platonic way. Common sense is not dead! Well said, and I hope your wise words turn around some negative attitudes.

[DaisyG]

Bunnie, Don't be too sure. As we mature (that's what I feel, mature. I don't feel OLDER), we will always relate to our age group, and for the most part our tastes will probably grow and change along with everything else. But we don't have to give up elegance and good taste.

I'm just weeks short of age 70, and I just bought a wine-red column skirt which I am now wearing. I LOVE it! And that skirt would look just as great on a girl in her 30's as it does on me. In fact, if my 18 year old granddaughter was onto my CD-ing, she'd likely be jealous about that skirt.

If you're one who feels she must dress now, likely you'll find it even more to your liking in the coming years.

May we all live long and prosper!

Daisy

[Midnight Skye]

I can't quit... not even close... I've tried and it caused me more pain and complications than I ever care to explain. I have read that some can quit by replacing the need to dress with another activity which fills the same niche... but I don't know anyone who'd done so. And I'm not even sure if thats true... or if its something a couple of psychologists are trying to tell crossdressers in some wild hope of "fixing" them.

All the same I respect anyone who wants to quit, and it may be a sound choice for a person based on their current life. My life would be much easier if I could quit... but my desire is completely the opposite, I need more... probably the whole switcheroo thing -giggles - In my personally experience, a person needs to really look deep at what drives them to dress. If they can meet that deep need somehow else (safely) then go for it. If they can't meet that deep need... the dressing will most likely comeback and possibly with bad timing.

Just my 2cents... and thats probably all its actually worth

[KELLYANN]

i don't think i could quit. the point being brought up so often' i would have to say NO. i really don't think that i can. Kelly can be very demanding' new shoes'clothes'makeup etc. and Kellyann usually gets what she wants. can't help it. i love it. can't see myself purging ever

[Ballerina]

Personally, I haven't even started enough to quit. But, when I do, I know I never will. I will fight to keep what I have.

I do think that there are those that are able to quit. Ya, it's a rough road, but I believe that those people are able to. In an odd way, I hope that there are those out there that have quit before and are willing to help those that want to quit.

[trannie T]

I could quit dressing. I doubt that I shall ever lose the desire to dress. If I were to quit I would not be a very happy camper.

[Jennifer_Cross]

I joined this forum late last year.... After finding out my GG likes cross dressing.

We had a lot of fun but in the new year I fell ill and have not dressed for 9 months. she never even broached the subject... I got a little irritable lol.. What a killer??

Last night I said I was going to rid my clothes and accesories as it had been too long and would take too long to re-build the trust (in cross dressing)

Tis was a discussion about a lot of things (sexual) not an argument, but she said she would be very upset if I did stop!

I don't want to and love the fact she LOVES it. Finally in life I have everything I want.

Are you sure you REALLY want to quit for your OWN reasons or just frustrated like I have been?

Jen

[Jenniferpl]

The older I become, the greater the desire to dress. The ability to stop is not within me. Been there, tried that. I have given up trying to stop. Sometimes it is a pain in the butt and I wish that need would go away. Than there are times when it is a blast picking what underwear to wear with what. What shade lipstick to use. Which pair of heels to wear. I have discovered that I enjoy those type of decisions. Stopping, would take that away.

Those that have been able to stop, I tip my hat to them.